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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index


[QUOTE=Quencher]I'm glad I made you laugh. I like it when I make other people laugh, even though I didn't do that on purpose. You're a funny person yourself. I'm still laughing at [b](fat) wing[/b]. Haha. It's one thing to just say it. It's another to put parenthesis around the word. :D

How old are your kids?

And I have NO clue who Arnold Bennett is!! :o I just found his quote relevant. I guess he's just someone worthy of being quoted. :D Or probably a scholar. (What's the difference?)

Also, what would you recommend as a daily calorie intake? 1500? Heck, who am I kidding? I can't live on 1500 calories a day, I'll "starve." Anyway, what would you recommend? What's 500 calories below "normal?" Thanks ahead of time.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your dinner. Remember, [i]fish are friends, not food[/i]. That is... if you're having fish. In which case, you won't have it if you keep that in mind. ;)[/QUOTE]

Hi again -

I should say right up front that I dare not tell you what you should be eating and how many calories. I'm just a mom, not a Dr. :) I would THINK 1500 calories might be about right for a teen, especially if you're active, heck, maybe even a bit more. I wish I could remember what I read somewhere about how to calculate this according to your weight...but I don't, sorry!! If you lost weight before, tho, just do what you did then. Just nothing drastic, because you don't want to get sick. Maybe the best thing to do is just eat less of everything you would normally eat. I've heard that if you are "full" when you leave the table, you have eaten too much. And no snacks. Or soda pop, unless it's diet. Sometimes simple changes like that are all you need to do...and no desserts, of course. GASP!!! :D

My youngens are a son, 29, and a daughter, 26...and I don't look old enough to have kids that old. I usually lie about their ages. :D

We had chicken last night, actually. My hub ate the dumplings, I didn't. Just chicken, cottage cheese and slad for me. :rolleyes: Diets are not fun, and I soooo fear I will not be able to stand it much longer!!!!

Hugs
Char :wave:
Thanks Char, you are a very lovely person. And as to your age, well there are all ages on these boards. I feel old sometimes because I am married and am virtually at the highest point of my career. But I'm only 23 so hopefully still got some years left in me yet. I have noticed that age is immaterial on here, there are some exceptionally smart teens on here and then some dumb peeps like me. Lol.
You did not offend in the slightest with your comment about wanting to be more like me, but in reality I don't hate food. I probably wouldn't believe an anorexic who said they did. I am just too scared of being fat to eat much. Eating disorders make people obssessed with food, whether it be eating loads or eating none. Its very hard to hate it when its such an important part of your life. Or thats my personal take on the issue anyway. ;) I do hate the obsession though.
There is a lot of similarities between the way we obsess over food. I too run to food when stressed and I will use it to hurt myself more. I can take a chocolate muffin and stare at it for like an hour or so while I fight the internal battle over what to do with it. Inevitably it will end up in the bin, but for a while I will almost have eaten it. Almost but not quite, for I know that if a morsel of it passed my lips I would have to purge and then exercise heavily to atone for my sin.
I could say that I wish I could eat more normally, but the truth is that underneath it I want to be like this. I don't like the side effects, I am signed off work and my heart is not doing so good, but I do like to know I made a whole day on zero cals or very few. But the logical part of myself knows that I will have to give it up or die. That battle is right around the corner for me. I hope I can make the right decision and meet it head on....
But anyway, I am rambling on and you are probably very bored now. Sorry :o
So tell me, how are you doing today? I know you are trying to take it a minute at a time and try and succeed for that minute before attempting the next. I hope you are doing ok.
Hugs from H xoxo :wave:
[QUOTE=Charlyssa]This is for both Janice and Dilemma -

I just want you both to know you have brought me joy, and have brightened my life. I just finished reading both your posts and I'm still smiling. I feel as tho I have added 2 more daughters. :) it's nearly 10 pm girls (where I live, anyway, which is NV) so I'm pooped...but, I promise I'll be back "on board" tomorrow to answer your posts. :yawn: Ooops, sorry for that. Old age!! Talk to you tomorrow!!

Hugs!!
Char :wave:[/QUOTE]Charlyssa, I have no words to describe you. Your words are beyond me. You are just fill of compliments. Like I said before, you are by far the kindest person I have ever met. Absolutely amazing. Thank you for that.
[quote]I should say right up front that I dare not tell you what you should be eating and how many calories. I'm just a mom, not a Dr. I would THINK 1500 calories might be about right for a teen, especially if you're active, heck, maybe even a bit more. I wish I could remember what I read somewhere about how to calculate this according to your weight...but I don't, sorry!! If you lost weight before, tho, just do what you did then. Just nothing drastic, because you don't want to get sick. Maybe the best thing to do is just eat less of everything you would normally eat. I've heard that if you are "full" when you leave the table, you have eaten too much. And no snacks. Or soda pop, unless it's diet. Sometimes simple changes like that are all you need to do...and no desserts, of course. GASP!!!

My youngens are a son, 29, and a daughter, 26...and I don't look old enough to have kids that old. I usually lie about their ages.
[/quote]1500? I go far beyond that!! :eek: Worst of all, I'm not active at all. I participate in absolutely no sports, and when I do, it's only for a few minutes at a time. I honestly cannot recall my eating habits during the summer that had caused me to lose weight. I just exercised an awful lot. And I was never bored or anything, so I really had no reason to eat more than I needed to. I don't know, I just felt like I was just on a row and high-spirited at the time. How I wish I can find that again. Soda I have no problem with, but it's the snacks that get to me. I can't get my hands off sweets-- candy, cookies, and the sort. It's yummy, haha.
[quote]We had chicken last night, actually. My hub ate the dumplings, I didn't. Just chicken, cottage cheese and slad for me. Diets are not fun, and I soooo fear I will not be able to stand it much longer!!!![/quote]Chickens are our friends, too. :) But don't fear that you might not be able to stand it much longer! I know you will. We ALL know you will. You're on the right track and you're heading in the right direction, which means, you will, absolutely positively succeed sometime in the future. I guess these things just takes TIME. If only we can fast-forward without aging, huh?
[quote]
argh!! i'm so mad at myself today! the day was going great, the weather was amaaaaaaazing, and then at dinner i fell into my old habits again... i do try to put only healthy things on my plate, and i do try to stop at one helping, but then the little voice in my head has to go and ruin everything!!! it just won't keep quiet, and i feel like i should be chained or handcuffed to my chair so that i won't get up and get something else. actually, they might need to bolt the chair to the ground so as to prevent my dragging it up to the food . then after dinner, i had the urge to eat more. it's always after i overeat a little that i want to eat more. it's like i can't even think about food without wanting some, you know? and that's a really bad thing, cuz most of the time, i AM thinking about food. so i went to go get cookies and chocolate and now my teeth hurt and my stomach is yelling at me. *sigh*. i know i need to try harder. and i know i should stay positive, but sometimes i just don't want to. no, i take that back. i DO want to, but how do i make my actions and thoughts agree with what's in my heart? how can i do what's best for myself and my body? . it's so silly. here i am giving advice on how to avoid bingeing, but when it comes to myself, i just go for it. i'm walking up to get more food in the dining hall, or i'm walking to the store to buy food, and on my way, i'm thinking, you know you don't need this. you're not even hungry. you don't even LIKE the food. WHY ARE YOU GOING UP AND GETTING MORE?? WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT IN YOUR MOUTH? but i ignore all of that, and it's like i'm almost eating to shut the thoughts up. but i just want to know what's wrong with me, and what is making me WANT to eat in the first place. it's soooo hard. especially here at school, where i feel no one really understands. and i keep up a pretty good pretense, always smiling, and being helpful. but inside, i'm all questions. and i feel so guilty. why am i not happy? content? i have so much. a good family, parents who love me, an amazing older sister, friends both here and at home who care about me, i'm in college--learning and being exposed to so much and have so many opportunities. so why do i constantly feel like i need to fill myself up? why am i never satisfied with myself? do i even KNOW what i want? . don't worry, i start therapy next week--my first appointment is wednesday. and i'm a bit scared. but at the same time, can't wait to get started. it's like a part of me doesn't want to let go of the bad habits, you know? but then every other part is dying to break free!! it's hard for me to just go on a diet. i mean, i do want to lose this excess weight. but last year i had trouble even then. i lost a lot of weight but still wasn't "satisfied", i look at pictures now and think, wow i looked great. yet at the time, i still thought i was "fat". actually, not fat but also not thin enough. it was getting to be a different form of bad habit. but now i wish i had it back. no, i don't--i just want to be normal again, whatever that means. because no matter how big or small we get, nothing will make us happy until we love ourselves inside and out. i know that now. do you think working on the "self-love" and getting that will get rid of the eating problem automatically? perhaps it's wishful thinking. but i just want to stop having these negative thoughts. [/quote]Emma- my goodness. You must be my long lost twin somewhere-- only you're five years older. ;) But anyway, I can relate to everything you said. Everything. Your monologe has sadden me and touched me greatly. Don't be mad at yourself. It's okay. Just get up, and try again. It's no use to get angry at yourself 'cause that'll only make you feel worse and that can't be healthy now, can it? [quote]thanks for your advice. and don't starve yourself!! . anyhow, if only i could limit myself to one plate. and read above about the eating slowly thing. maybe if i tell myself i'm just doing it for fun. hmm... why don't we do that? you, me, and char. let's tell ourselves that just for this next week, we're going to try and eat as slowly as possible just for the heck of it. and at the end of each meal or snack, if we've really eaten as slowly as possible--i'm talking 22 chews per bite and a 5 second pause between to sip water--we'll give ourselves something (a dollar, a sticker, a hug). then at the end of the week, we can treat ourselves to something bigger--like a massage or a hot tub. (haha... i only wish i could get either of those). but you know what i mean, right? if we think of it as a game, it might not be as torturous. [/quote]Wow, some game, haha. I'll be surprised if I didn't quit after the first round. It's like the opposite Hungry Hungry Hippos.
[QUOTE=Aurora]Thanks Char, you are a very lovely person. And as to your age, well there are all ages on these boards. I feel old sometimes because I am married and am virtually at the highest point of my career. But I'm only 23 so hopefully still got some years left in me yet. I have noticed that age is immaterial on here, there are some exceptionally smart teens on here and then some dumb peeps like me. Lol.
You did not offend in the slightest with your comment about wanting to be more like me, but in reality I don't hate food. I probably wouldn't believe an anorexic who said they did. I am just too scared of being fat to eat much. Eating disorders make people obssessed with food, whether it be eating loads or eating none. Its very hard to hate it when its such an important part of your life. Or thats my personal take on the issue anyway. ;) I do hate the obsession though.
There is a lot of similarities between the way we obsess over food. I too run to food when stressed and I will use it to hurt myself more. I can take a chocolate muffin and stare at it for like an hour or so while I fight the internal battle over what to do with it. Inevitably it will end up in the bin, but for a while I will almost have eaten it. Almost but not quite, for I know that if a morsel of it passed my lips I would have to purge and then exercise heavily to atone for my sin.
I could say that I wish I could eat more normally, but the truth is that underneath it I want to be like this. I don't like the side effects, I am signed off work and my heart is not doing so good, but I do like to know I made a whole day on zero cals or very few. But the logical part of myself knows that I will have to give it up or die. That battle is right around the corner for me. I hope I can make the right decision and meet it head on....
But anyway, I am rambling on and you are probably very bored now. Sorry :o
So tell me, how are you doing today? I know you are trying to take it a minute at a time and try and succeed for that minute before attempting the next. I hope you are doing ok.
Hugs from H xoxo :wave:[/QUOTE]

Hi Aurora -

Good to see you back! And I seeI have been slacking off as I have others to answer, too. Every one of you is important to me - I'm starting to feel like a mother hen to all my "chicks"! lol

You are right - we are all obssessed with food, just in different ways. And yes, we all require food to eat...that's why I've often felt I wish I had some other addiction, that would be a lot easier to keep out of the house! I notice one difference, tho - you have the ability to throw that muffin away. THAT is the kind of self-control I am sooooo trying to find! But which, thus far, seems to be illuding me. Sighhhh Anyway, I hope you will keep dropping in because we care. Maybe we just all need to keep picking each other's brains, so that perhaps we can, collectively, start coming up with answers...or that is my fondest wish, anyway. We most DEFINITELY don't want....something to happen to you!! Please, please, come here and talk out whatever is going on with you. We want you to WANT to be well, and at least, to eat enough to maintain your weight. Are you at least doing that?? I hope so!! Please come talk to me/us ANYtime, OK. We soooo care!!

Hugs
Char (Pam) :wave:
The original post was too long, so I hadda split it into two's.

[b]Saturday[/b]
 1:30- Chicken burrito, Goldfish crackers, orange juice- I had just woken up, and this is my “breakfast.” I wasn’t planning on eating anything until 9:00pm or so because of the buffet yesterday and the mini binge episode on Thursday, but my grandma came over and offered them to me, and she sat there just WAITING for me to eat them. And so, I did.
 1:45- A LOT of strawberry creamed cookies- Well, now that I had my mouth going, I couldn’t stop because I wasn’t “full enough.” And I craved for something sweet. Hence, the cookies again.
 7:15- 2 apples- I was thinking how I haven’t had anything to eat in almost six hours, so I walked around the apt for some food. Found apples, so apples it was.
 9:00- 2 slices of bread, milk, ice cream cone- I wasn’t really thinking of anything. It’s just about time for dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. I was just bored, I guess.
 9:05- a ROW of Saltine Crackers- I was only planning on having one serving, but sorta went overboard. I was thinking of how sweet that cone was and I had to “wash down” the sweetness.
 9:15- 2 cheese sandwiches- I blame the eating spree
 9:20- more ice cream- to “wash down” the dryness from the bread/cheeses
 9:25- Pork sandwich- I was already full, but not “full enough.” I was thinking about how much I had already ate, and shouldn’t eat anymore. But I did anyway.
 9:30- Some more Saltine crackers, this time only half a row- Ugh, I just don’t know.

As you can see, I'm quite a pig. :(
I also have a strange obsession for cookies and ham/cheese sandwiches, haha.

I feel absolutely awful. I feel like I’m trying to find an excuse for eating everything. None of them are legitimate, either. Who am I kidding? I don’t really “need” it. And not once was I hungry! I eat just…cause. I think I know what my problem is. I’m never “satisfied” until I am absolutely stuffed!! I think I’ve become so accustomed to being sick to the stomach, that it has become something that’s oddly, uhh “essential,” you know? Essential for me to concentrate or to do anything as a matter of fact. It’s like the only way in which I can feel “comfortable” and “fulfilled,” when in fact, I feel absolutely disgusting—not to mention how horrific the consequences are. I just wanna know how to eat normally again. I wish someone would lock me in a room and tell me exactly what and what not to eat and when to do it. And if I need exercise, what to do, how long to do it for, and yaddie yaddie yah. Someone to hold my hand and guide me through the whole process, step by step, and force everything onto me. I can’t force myself, but I’m sure someone else would be able to in the physical life.
If only there was a way to “team up, lol.” That’ll be nice. I mean, I’m pretty certain we both know WHAT to do, but knowing what to do is not as effective as knowing the whole enchilada, you know?

What I find effective, though—and perhaps you can try this with your husband?? Watch him eat… and whatever he eats, you eat ONLY that. I’m assuming he eats sensibly? ‘Cause during lunch sometimes, I’ll just sit in a corner and watch everyone eat… and try to figure out how they “do it.” (Sounds pathetic, don’t it?) Like…I see what they eat, how much they eat, and how fast, and I’ll try to mimic them. I’m usually pretty successful, but I guess what separates me from everyone else is what I do OFF school hours, you know? While they’re all out playing ball, I’m all alone at home with no one to guide me through a meal. -sigh- But you’re always with your husband, aren’t you? Or do you both go to work? Or does he go to work and you stay home? I forget, lol—or maybe you’ve never said? But even if you’re not always together, that’s what phones are for. :D I’m sure you can trust yourself, and your huby can trust you to eat what he’s eating even when he’s not monitoring. Get it?

I think you should try this, too Pam. This, meaning posting what you eat each day and stuff. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out something new about yourself. Or, maybe when you put it down into words, you’ll be able to “see yourself.” I know you probably have it all “figured out” already, given you have said so many times before. But I think that if we had a bunch of people doing this, then we can maybe swap, you know? Plus, I’m really curious now, and I think it only fair if you had equal participation in this. -grins- :D

Okay, now I’m REALLY rambling. I'm typing this follow-up at like 3:00am and I have no idea where my brain has gone. I haven’t been getting ANY sleep lately, so naturally I’m a mess in my thoughts. So whatever I wrote prior may not make any sense and hence I know tomorrow morning, when I reread everything, I’m gonna feel like a complete imbecile. I know, no one cares about my grammar, but still. :o

Hope y’all are having a nice Memorial Day weekend!
 1:30- Chicken burrito, Goldfish crackers, orange juice- I had just woken up, and this is my “breakfast.” I wasn’t planning on eating anything until 9:00pm or so because of the buffet yesterday and the mini binge episode on Thursday, but my grandma came over and offered them to me, and she sat there just WAITING for me to eat them. And so, I did.
 1:45- A LOT of strawberry creamed cookies- Well, now that I had my mouth going, I couldn’t stop because I wasn’t “full enough.” And I craved for something sweet. Hence, the cookies again.
 7:15- 2 apples- I was thinking how I haven’t had anything to eat in almost six hours, so I walked around the apt for some food. Found apples, so apples it was.
 9:00- 2 slices of bread, milk, ice cream cone- I wasn’t really thinking of anything. It’s just about time for dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. I was just bored, I guess.
 9:05- a ROW of Saltine Crackers- I was only planning on having one serving, but sorta went overboard. I was thinking of how sweet that cone was and I had to “wash down” the sweetness.
 9:15- 2 cheese sandwiches- I blame the eating spree
 9:20- more ice cream- to “wash down” the dryness from the bread/cheeses
 9:25- Pork sandwich- I was already full, but not “full enough.” I was thinking about how much I had already ate, and shouldn’t eat anymore. But I did anyway.
 9:30- Some more Saltine crackers, this time only half a row- Ugh, I just don’t know.

As you can see, I'm quite a pig. :(
I also have a strange obsession for cookies and ham/cheese sandwiches, haha.

I feel absolutely awful. I feel like I’m trying to find an excuse for eating everything. None of them are legitimate, either. Who am I kidding? I don’t really “need” it. And not once was I hungry! I eat just…cause. I think I know what my problem is. I’m never “satisfied” until I am absolutely stuffed!! I think I’ve become so accustomed to being sick to the stomach, that it has become something that’s oddly, uhh “essential,” you know? Essential for me to concentrate or to do anything as a matter of fact. It’s like the only way in which I can feel “comfortable” and “fulfilled,” when in fact, I feel absolutely disgusting—not to mention how horrific the consequences are. I just wanna know how to eat normally again. I wish someone would lock me in a room and tell me exactly what and what not to eat and when to do it. And if I need exercise, what to do, how long to do it for, and yaddie yaddie yah. Someone to hold my hand and guide me through the whole process, step by step, and force everything onto me. I can’t force myself, but I’m sure someone else would be able to in the physical life.
If only there was a way to “team up, lol.” That’ll be nice. I mean, I’m pretty certain we both know WHAT to do, but knowing what to do is not as effective as knowing the whole enchilada, you know?

What I find effective, though—and perhaps you can try this with your husband?? Watch him eat… and whatever he eats, you eat ONLY that. I’m assuming he eats sensibly? ‘Cause during lunch sometimes, I’ll just sit in a corner and watch everyone eat… and try to figure out how they “do it.” (Sounds pathetic, don’t it?) Like…I see what they eat, how much they eat, and how fast, and I’ll try to mimic them. I’m usually pretty successful, but I guess what separates me from everyone else is what I do OFF school hours, you know? While they’re all out playing ball, I’m all alone at home with no one to guide me through a meal. -sigh- But you’re always with your husband, aren’t you? Or do you both go to work? Or does he go to work and you stay home? I forget, lol—or maybe you’ve never said? But even if you’re not always together, that’s what phones are for. :D I’m sure you can trust yourself, and your huby can trust you to eat what he’s eating even when he’s not monitoring. Get it?

I think you should try this, too Pam. This, meaning posting what you eat each day and stuff. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out something new about yourself. Or, maybe when you put it down into words, you’ll be able to “see yourself.” I know you probably have it all “figured out” already, given you have said so many times before. But I think that if we had a bunch of people doing this, then we can maybe swap, you know? Plus, I’m really curious now, and I think it only fair if you had equal participation in this. -grins- :D

Okay, now I’m REALLY rambling. I'm typing this follow-up at like 3:00am and I have no idea where my brain has gone. I haven’t been getting ANY sleep lately, so naturally I’m a mess in my thoughts. So whatever I wrote prior may not make any sense and hence I know tomorrow morning, when I reread everything, I’m gonna feel like a complete imbecile. I know, no one cares about my grammar, but still. :o

Hope y’all are having a nice Memorial Day weekend![/QUOTE]


Hiya Quench -

Busy day! And here it 11:30. Had and still have some computer problems and problems with the printer, too. Is there a full moon or something??? Jeesh Somehow images have gone nuts. The backround on the start page was blue sky and white clouds, and now it's grey. Picture on the net look weird, and all the backrounds like here on the board are tiny little dots. Ver distracting! This happened once before & hub fixed it, but now he forgot how. :confused: Well, anyway.....

Well, actually I guess I gave you my thoughts about your eating in my last post. I do notice you eat fairly sensiblt during the day, but nightstime abd week-ends apparently are your downfall. It's a combination of stress and boredom, and quite a bit of habit thrown in, too.To tell you the truth, one of the things I was trying to find out was if all this stuff with your dad influences your eating, and I really didn't get a sense of that, as it seemed mostly he wasn't home all these evenings that you are eating so much. Or, is it the stress of knowing he'll be home soon?? Or do you see no connection at all? There is no doubt you're a binger, at night, that is. So, that's what you need to work on. I know how it is - most kids are hungry when they come home from school. One good thing I noticed is that sometimes you do eat healthy foods when you binge, so if only you could try to do that more often? Have a healthy filling snack when you come home, the just TRY not to eat anything until dinner. Another thing I've noticed is that it seems you are on your own too much when eating, so you have a tendency to just grab whatever's handy, and it's often not healthy food. Do you ever eat breakfast-type food for breakfast? Yes, you do eat a lot of ham and that would make you very thirsty, too...and sometimes thirst gets mistaken for hunger, did you know that? Next time you're hungry, try drinking a big glass of icewater and you may find it substantially inhibits cravings.

I do understand what you mean about how you wish someone could show you how and when to eat. I think the same way! It seems your parents aren't around most of the time that you're eating. If you had more structured mealtimes, I'm betting that would end some of this bingeing. Just try the things I said for a while and see if the make any difference. And before you go for more food, have a very good talk with yourself to find out if it's really hunger you feel, or is it something, like just boredom and maybe even lonliness. Food is often a replacement for things we're lacking in other areas of our lives, so this may also be something for you to think about.

So you wanna know about me, aaay??? Sure, that's fine, but I can do that real quickly, right now, as there's little deviation, I'm not a snacker, and every night I have my bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce. I am a chocoholic!!! When I get up I have a glass of 1% milk, every day, around 8:30am. "lunch" is half a grapefruit, a small orange, a ver small bowl of cereal (Either Raisin Bran or Cheerios) and I use aspartame on it. I drink decaf coffee all day until about 3:00) Anyway, I also have a half a bagel with diet margarine. This is what I eat EVERY DAY, because I have to, due to inability to digest fats during the day, and that, due to gall bladder removal 30 years ago. By night time I'm hungrier, the worst time to eat, I know. Every dinner includes vegetables, meat, and a starch (either rice, potatoes or some type of pasta, and one night a week is meatless. My hub and I eat similarly, except he also has a glass of Ensure with every meal, so I guess you know I won;t eat like him in that regard. He eats more during the day than I do, a LOT more!! Our dinners are probably equal calories and he eats later than I do, of course. When he's eating his reheated dinner, that's when I have my icecream. My biggest problem is that most of my calories are consumed at night, the WORST time to eat. I'm certain it just all turns to fat. I have cut down a bit on the ice cream, and I'm doing it VERY gradually, so as I won't notice. :D

Re my daughter (and BTW, she's barely 5'1") I can't help but feel very bad. While I was very careful to have food just be food, she still had a fat mother and 2 fat great-grandmothers, oh, and one fat grandmother (her dad's mother) So, she inherited the tendency and I do feel bad about that...and her height, too actually. It had always bothered her that I more or less tower over her (I used to be 5'9" but I've shrunk due to spine problems) Her father was only 5'8", and his 2 sisters and his mother were also her height. Guilt, guilt guilt!!! I'm a typical mother, what can I say!!

So, Ms. Quencherito, if you want you can try some of my suggestions. It seems you do like fruits and veggies, so when you want to binge, try to grab foods that are good for you. I do understand about those almond cookies, tho - I LOVE them!! :nono:

I'll talk to you again soon, OK??

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char/pam :wave:
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Re the comp problem—I have a feeling as to what it could be. But I’m not quite certain yet from your description. Are ALL the colors distorted? Or just some of them? Do the colors seem darker to you? And less colorful, so to speak?

Yeah, I’m quite bored and lonely most of the time. And like I said before, I don’t think that my dad is linked to my eating since I SEE no connection. But Aury/Louisa suggest that it is. Plus, he does all that stuff [i]usually[/i] at night when I'm asleep, or am getting ready for bed. So, that doesn't really gimme any time to eat afterwards. I just fall back asleep, haha. I don’t know. It’s all so complicated.

And you’re sorta right about my liking fruits/veggies. During lunch, I FORCE myself to eat it. And other times, yeah, I guess I just like ‘em. It’s hard to ONLY eat fruits/veggies, though… I like variety, I suppose. I usually don’t eat breakfast because I know I will eat a lot at night—but I recently just started. And no, I don’t really eat breakfast-type food for breakfast. It’s just me and a ham sandwich.

I’ve tried drinking a cup of water before eating-thing, but I don’t know. I’m still not “full” afterwards. And sometimes, too much water makes my tummy bloat and it feels really, really uncomfortable. Oh yeah, and I’m not actually on my own during the night. My brother’s always home with me. But he doesn’t quite understand what I’m doing. Plus, I’m always in the bedroom, and he’s always in the living room, so he doesn’t realize. And I KNOW that I’m not hungry when I eat. So, when I DO eat, I don’t even have to look into that.

Hmm, I honestly don’t see anything wrong with your diet—maybe except for the coffee and the ice-cream, but otherwise, I would say it were… uhh, pretty good? Compared to mine anyway. Do you have any bingeing episodes? If so, how often? Just curious. I would like to give you some advice of some sort, but I have no idea what to say. :D

Wep, I hate to tell yah but you have no control over how tall she is or how much she weighs. If it were inherited, that is. And if it was, then it just was. I don’t think you can do anything about that. So, please stop feeling guilty??

I see you're online right now, but wep, I'm off to bed. It's 4am already and I'm dead-beat tired. :yawn:[/QUOTE]


Hi Ms. Quench -

Awww, sweet of you to even comment about my 'puter problem. It's just sooooo frustrating when something happens and you don't know what caused it, much less how to fix it!! One thing I didn't mention is that the night before last we had about a 10min power outage here, and I've no idea why. I think it did something the 'puter didn't like - touchy things, 'puters, ya know? Yes, it's really messed with the colors, but I'm also responsible for some of that trying to fix it...by making some things worse. I tried to fix the backround color, end ended up changing other colors, instead. Somehow, I also messed with the fonts so letters are bigger, for icons and stuff - like "Start" is twice the size it was. :rolleyes: In fact, I'm realizing that all the bottom icons are twice as big! I've really messed things up good!! I'm such a dolt. But, as for the color distortion...it makes backrounds of stuff, instead of being a solid color, like usual (even the backround color of these Boards, which are, I forget now, brownish????) Instead, the backround is like little squares of tiny dots which are red and grey. It also affects every picture you see, like on the net...they're not clear at all. So, it's like the dpi?? dpsi??? has been messed with, or something. I don't even know what I'm talking about....I'm sick of seeing dots. I have spots before my eyes!!!!! :D Anyway, I have clouds on my "Start" page, on a blue sky. Now, I have the clouds, but the sky is grey and weird-looking. To tell you the truth, I can't be sure it's a 'puter problem, or a monitor problem. I think I told you I've only been using a computer for about 1.5 years now, and most of what I know, is self-taught. I learned a LOT the hard way. :)

Well, of course I can't say positively, either way, whether the sexual abuse is responsible for your bingeing. It's just interesting that you eat normally during the day, but it starts when you get home. Course, I'm a night eater, too, but for different reasons. Oh, and I suggested eating more fruits and veggies when you're home, but not that you have to limit yourself to only those things. Just try making the snacks more of those things. And, I know it's difficult that your mom doesn't bring home dinner til late, but this is definitely part of the problem. Whatever she brings home, are there leftovers? If so, what you could do is reheat it and have it the next night for dinner, at no later than 7:30. And have your dessert right after dinner. Then, if you're hungry later, only fruits to nibble on. If you explain to your mom that you're gaining weight and need to diet, maybe she will buy you things that are better for you. BTW, my mom always used to say that you "rarely saw a fat Chinese person, because they eat so many vegetables and fish." Does your mom fix these dishes often? Because typically they're better for you, and you could probably fill up on them and not gain weight. Now see, I LOVE Chinese food, but I've heard that what is served in restaurants is not all that authentic. For example, I LOVE sweet and sour pork or chicken, but being deep fried adds calories, of course. But I love any of the chow mein or chop suey dishes and they're filled with vegetables. But I also love egg rolls and pot stickers, all fried!! And for the carbs, I love fried rice ans Chinese noodles (wet :D ) So, one CAN quickly gain weight on these things, but I've long suspected that much of it isn't very authentic, but you would know better than I. Anyway, if you just try to eat more fruits and vegetables, it will definitely help you calorically.

No, I guess I'm really not a binger, except for the nightly bowl of ice cream. I have more than a "serving", for sure!! More like 3-4 scoops. THAT is my biggest problem. I MUST have it....but I MUST learn how NOT to!!!!!!!!

Guess you're almost done with school now, huh? What will you do for the summer?

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Char/pam :wave:
Pam:

I think I have a solution to your computer problem-- for both the color distortion and size distortion. But one last question, are you using Windows XP? And do you have a mouse with a scroll?
A power outage usually doesn't do anything unfriendly to your computer. I lived through the blackout of 2003. :D But anyway, the only real way it can affect the computer is if it were ON during the outage. That would yield unrecoverable files, and an improper shutdown. Nothing too major, though. It's equilvalent to just pushing the "restart" button. (Not via START, I mean). And as for computers. I learned the hard way, too. Everything I know--or I think I know-- is self-taught. So, it's normal to not know what to do when there's a problem. You're pretty good with the descriptions; there's no doubt there. :)

I think I know why I eat normally during the day. It's because school is keeping me occupied, and I'm not really supposed to eat during class. I have a lunch period at 12:10. And RE breakfast, I can't really sit down to eat a typical one. I wake up too late for that. So, I find that making a ham sandwich the night before, leaving it in the fridge, and just grabbing it for the go is the easiest solution for me. I eat on the train ride. ;)

There are usually no leftovers from what mom brings home. We all have a habit of eating everything on the plate so as to not to waste food. And whatever we don't eat, we throw out because it wouldn't be good the next day or because there's too little left over to be worth keeping. We don't have a microwave/oven so there's no efficient way of reheating, except for recooking it. And who has time for that? :) And the thing is, every night when my mom gets home, she asks me, "What do you wanna eat?" And I tell her, "I already ate" and then she goes, "AGAIN?" and then she asks what I ate, and I don't really give a direct answer, so she probably thinks I'm lying or something. And so she gives me food anyway. And whatever she gives, I eat, argh. She's always telling me to eat MORE because it'll help me grow taller. Sometimes, she'll tell me that I'm too skinny. (Yeah, right.) And yet, at the same time, she tells me to not eat too much because it'll make me fatter. And yet, at the same time, she's always trying to stuff things down my throat! I don't know. She's contradicting herself!! And unlike you, she uses food as a reward. She tells me, for ex, "If you be good to your godg-ma, then I'll take you out for dinner at your favorite restaurant." And me, being me, I take it. (I dislike my godgma very much, btw. I didn't want her in the family in the first place. She just recently joined it. And now every weekend, I need to sleep on the same bed as she, and it's just argh.) I don't think either of my parents know that my weight gain is bothering me, or that it's due to all this bingeing. They have NO idea. But I know for sure that they know I AM gaining weight. My dad's all-too-frequent-not-so-nice comments and my mom's reaction when I got onto a scale. Well, that tells it all. "So heavy??" she asks.

And yeah, the Chinese food they serve at restaurants and whatnot are not authentic at all. :) They use excess oil/flavoring to make the foods look and taste better. And almost everything is somehow fried! They always find a way to throw it in a large pan and then "mix 'em" because that is the easiest way for the food to be cooked the quickest/most efficient. I know because my best friend's parents have a restuarant and I use to hang out around the kitchen. :D My mom doesn't buy take-out all too often. What I meant by "bringing home food" was she brings home stuff raw, and then cooks it, lol. So hence, she's bringing food home. She makes fish like... every day, and veggies too. But I don't really enjoy eating cooked vegetables. (Maybe except spinach). I actually like them raw. Celery, carrots, pickles, tomatoes, apples, oranges, pears, water melons, melon dews, cantaloups, bananas, peaches, plums, kiwis, apricots, strawberries, grapes, starfruits-- I like 'em ALL. But the thing is, we usally have one fruit at a time. Like, one week, we'll have a bag of apples, and the next we'll have a dozen bananas, but we never really have a true variety. No rainbow, here. (Remember that??) ;) And as for fish. I don't really like fish-- except for one kind that I don't know the name of. Tuna's good, though, but my family isn't a fan of those.

As for school, I still have another month to go. And I SO dread it. I have SOOOOOOO many exams coming up, argh!!! Finals in ALL subjects on TOP of all the state-wide exams, which btw, I STILL haven't started studying for. I am STILL on page 5, haha. I spent the whole year slacking off--not because I'm lazy, tho-- but because I just didn't and still don't, have the energy/motivation to get myself to keep trying or even started like I used to. This, by far, has been the WORST school year ever in my life. And I have the grades to prove it.

As for the summer, I would REALLY like another job, but I'm too afraid to go and find another one. And I don't want to work in a whole new environment with new people, and have to go through the process of making aquaintance with co-workers and all that. And I SO fear rejection, and an interview too!! (First job didn't require an interview). I just wish I could work where I worked at before!! Everyone there made me feel special-- like I was needed/wanted and I belonged there. And I had SO much authority. In a one month's time, I was in control of the main register, and could basically do whatever I wanted. I was even able to order a 43 year old around, and the boss would be on MY side. I miss it SO much. Plus, I lost 10 pounds working there. How much more can I ask for? ;) And I would also like to add that I didn't have this problem with food during this time!! Argh.
Aside from working, tho, I REALLY want to take skating lessons, but that's out of the question. It's too much money for my parents, and even THEY say I'm too old. It's also useless. And they don't want me coming home with broken leg. Me, I'm willing to take that chance, but apparently they don't, so there's nothing more I can do about that. :(
What are YOUR plans for the summer? Are you doing anything special with your family?

As for your icecream, well, I would SAY 3-4 scoops isn't too bad. Compare to my version of icecream, anyway, HAHA. But 1/2 cup is usually one serving. And one serving of chocolate icecream I would say shouldn't exceed 160 calories!! I think I said this before, but how about chopping a banana in there?? That way, it LOOKS more. Bury them at the bottom. You can substitute one banana for one scoop. Make a banana-split. Add some strawberries, as well. Fool yourself, you know? :D
Hiya Ms. Quenchskater!!

I hope you can find a job because I think it would be good for you in many ways, like the last one was. There's no doubt you have low self-esteem, and that job, plus the environment, in general, made you feel good about yourself, for a change! You have cash register experience so you should be able to find a job somewhere around your neighborhood. Many times they put signs in windows, so, this summer, go on walks in your neighborhood...or, do you have little local papers? If so, look in those. A little effort is all it will take, and no negative thoughts!!! Be determined! Seek and ye shall find!! And all that... :D I know it's not easy to go in and apply, but what is the worst that can happen? You'll be nervous and a bit afraid, and maybe you won't get the job....but if you keep trying, every time gets a bit easier. And when you finally do find a job, you can save for ice skates and learn yourself. It's really not hard, just make sure your laced up tight for ankle support, then, just practice standing for balance. The "walk" in them. The short glides. Like anything, it just takes practice!! No one is ever too old to learn. Could you be a professional?? probably not, but the main thing is, it's something you want to do, so do it!! Watch other skaters and imitate them. You probably would meet people there who can teach you some things. No one taught me, I taught myself, and I actually got to where I could do some pretty impressive things.....like not falling every other minute. :D No, actually I could skate pretty fast, skate backward, do slow spins, and it was just all practice......and falls. LOL And getting back up and trying again. I LOVED to skate and that was my motivation. And I was a chub then, too, BTW, but I still did it. So you DEFINITELY can!!!

Re 'puter, I have Win98, and the mouse??? is just a mouse I think - nothing fancy. But as far as scrolling, I use the mouse for that, or, the arrow keys. Or is that what you meant?? but here's the other think I'm also noticing now - things are sluggish and jerky, like the cursor is all weird now, flashing?? And using the space bar is jerky. Everything seems strange and messed up. Yes, I leave the computer on because I hate booting. I just turn the monitor off. But YIKES!!! I haven't checked any of my files, pictures, etc, so I don't know if I'm missing anything. Now I'm not sure if I want to look. :D So you think you might know what the problem is??? Wow, if you could tell me, I'd sooooo appreciate it!!! I have been fiddling but nothing is working, and I'm only making some things worse. Like the fonts are now different, too. It's like an alien 'puter - someone took it in the middle of the night and replaced it with this...this.....WHATEVER it is. LOL

Eating raw fruits and veggies is actually the best way. So many of your eating habits are pretty good. Your mom seems to know there's a bit of a problem, so can you tell her the rest? or, at least a few more things? She knows you've gained, so that's the main thing. Can you ask her to bring home more fruits, at least 3 different kinds? I'm assuming she's buying what's on sale and then getting a lot of it. I have a tendency to do that, too....but then I get sick of it. :D Better to have a variety, which, I think, would help you a lot, I think, and hopefully your mom will do this for you. No microwave? Hmmm, that does make things a bit more difficult. Well, what time do you normally have dinner, and then what time do you go to bed? If there is at least a 3 hour difference, it should be OK. So, just have a snack when you come home from school, then some fruit &/or veggies in the evening, and then try really hard to have nothing more until your mom fixes dinner. All you have to do is TRY this - try this for just ONE night, for example, and then tell me how it went, if it was manageable. I keep reading that you should never let yourself get too hungry, as that's when we get into trouble and have a tendency to pick the wrong foods. Like cookies. LOL

You're right - I'd forgotten what you said about a banana, and I'm going to buy some and do that. Actually, I love ice cream with bananas and chocolate syrup, but I haven't done that in a long time. It would mean less ice cream, so I will do that! Definitely!!!

Yep, that's what I thought about "Chinese" food...but I have seen Chinese in these restaurants eating, and what they eat doesn't look like stuff on the menu. There was this Chinese restaurant near where we used to live in Illinois, and their food was sooooo good (where we live now, Chinese food isn't as good, and we've tried a few) But Chinese who would eat there mostly ate fish and vegetables. I remember this one time, they were brought a big dish of broccoli and that's all I think it was??!! And there were other veggies, too...and some sort of white fish. And they were slim. LOL We used to go to "Chinatown" in Chicago sometimes. I paid attention - I NEVER saw an overweight Chinese person!! So I know they eat waaaay more healthy than we Westerners, for sure.

I think you're done growing, sweetie. Eating more food won't make you grow taller, and if you're done growing, the only way you'll grow is in width, unfortunately. And using food for rewards...YIKES!!! That's how I was raised and look what happened to me. Tell your mom you'd rather have other things...like glasses!!! LOL And I'm sorry, but I REALLY do think all of your academic struggles are largely because you are having such a hard time seeing books, papers, etc. It seems you can talk to your mom easier...can you try again when your dad isn't home?? I REALLY don't think either of them understand how bad your vision is. The ONLY way they will know is if you tell them. And you really do need to, and I know you know that.

OK!! All for now!! Hope you have a great day!!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char/pam :wave:





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