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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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[QUOTE=Charlyssa]This is for both Janice and Dilemma -

I just want you both to know you have brought me joy, and have brightened my life. I just finished reading both your posts and I'm still smiling. I feel as tho I have added 2 more daughters. :) it's nearly 10 pm girls (where I live, anyway, which is NV) so I'm pooped...but, I promise I'll be back "on board" tomorrow to answer your posts. :yawn: Ooops, sorry for that. Old age!! Talk to you tomorrow!!

Hugs!!
Char :wave:[/QUOTE]Charlyssa, I have no words to describe you. Your words are beyond me. You are just fill of compliments. Like I said before, you are by far the kindest person I have ever met. Absolutely amazing. Thank you for that.
[quote]I should say right up front that I dare not tell you what you should be eating and how many calories. I'm just a mom, not a Dr. I would THINK 1500 calories might be about right for a teen, especially if you're active, heck, maybe even a bit more. I wish I could remember what I read somewhere about how to calculate this according to your weight...but I don't, sorry!! If you lost weight before, tho, just do what you did then. Just nothing drastic, because you don't want to get sick. Maybe the best thing to do is just eat less of everything you would normally eat. I've heard that if you are "full" when you leave the table, you have eaten too much. And no snacks. Or soda pop, unless it's diet. Sometimes simple changes like that are all you need to do...and no desserts, of course. GASP!!!

My youngens are a son, 29, and a daughter, 26...and I don't look old enough to have kids that old. I usually lie about their ages.
[/quote]1500? I go far beyond that!! :eek: Worst of all, I'm not active at all. I participate in absolutely no sports, and when I do, it's only for a few minutes at a time. I honestly cannot recall my eating habits during the summer that had caused me to lose weight. I just exercised an awful lot. And I was never bored or anything, so I really had no reason to eat more than I needed to. I don't know, I just felt like I was just on a row and high-spirited at the time. How I wish I can find that again. Soda I have no problem with, but it's the snacks that get to me. I can't get my hands off sweets-- candy, cookies, and the sort. It's yummy, haha.
[quote]We had chicken last night, actually. My hub ate the dumplings, I didn't. Just chicken, cottage cheese and slad for me. Diets are not fun, and I soooo fear I will not be able to stand it much longer!!!![/quote]Chickens are our friends, too. :) But don't fear that you might not be able to stand it much longer! I know you will. We ALL know you will. You're on the right track and you're heading in the right direction, which means, you will, absolutely positively succeed sometime in the future. I guess these things just takes TIME. If only we can fast-forward without aging, huh?
[quote]
argh!! i'm so mad at myself today! the day was going great, the weather was amaaaaaaazing, and then at dinner i fell into my old habits again... i do try to put only healthy things on my plate, and i do try to stop at one helping, but then the little voice in my head has to go and ruin everything!!! it just won't keep quiet, and i feel like i should be chained or handcuffed to my chair so that i won't get up and get something else. actually, they might need to bolt the chair to the ground so as to prevent my dragging it up to the food . then after dinner, i had the urge to eat more. it's always after i overeat a little that i want to eat more. it's like i can't even think about food without wanting some, you know? and that's a really bad thing, cuz most of the time, i AM thinking about food. so i went to go get cookies and chocolate and now my teeth hurt and my stomach is yelling at me. *sigh*. i know i need to try harder. and i know i should stay positive, but sometimes i just don't want to. no, i take that back. i DO want to, but how do i make my actions and thoughts agree with what's in my heart? how can i do what's best for myself and my body? . it's so silly. here i am giving advice on how to avoid bingeing, but when it comes to myself, i just go for it. i'm walking up to get more food in the dining hall, or i'm walking to the store to buy food, and on my way, i'm thinking, you know you don't need this. you're not even hungry. you don't even LIKE the food. WHY ARE YOU GOING UP AND GETTING MORE?? WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT IN YOUR MOUTH? but i ignore all of that, and it's like i'm almost eating to shut the thoughts up. but i just want to know what's wrong with me, and what is making me WANT to eat in the first place. it's soooo hard. especially here at school, where i feel no one really understands. and i keep up a pretty good pretense, always smiling, and being helpful. but inside, i'm all questions. and i feel so guilty. why am i not happy? content? i have so much. a good family, parents who love me, an amazing older sister, friends both here and at home who care about me, i'm in college--learning and being exposed to so much and have so many opportunities. so why do i constantly feel like i need to fill myself up? why am i never satisfied with myself? do i even KNOW what i want? . don't worry, i start therapy next week--my first appointment is wednesday. and i'm a bit scared. but at the same time, can't wait to get started. it's like a part of me doesn't want to let go of the bad habits, you know? but then every other part is dying to break free!! it's hard for me to just go on a diet. i mean, i do want to lose this excess weight. but last year i had trouble even then. i lost a lot of weight but still wasn't "satisfied", i look at pictures now and think, wow i looked great. yet at the time, i still thought i was "fat". actually, not fat but also not thin enough. it was getting to be a different form of bad habit. but now i wish i had it back. no, i don't--i just want to be normal again, whatever that means. because no matter how big or small we get, nothing will make us happy until we love ourselves inside and out. i know that now. do you think working on the "self-love" and getting that will get rid of the eating problem automatically? perhaps it's wishful thinking. but i just want to stop having these negative thoughts. [/quote]Emma- my goodness. You must be my long lost twin somewhere-- only you're five years older. ;) But anyway, I can relate to everything you said. Everything. Your monologe has sadden me and touched me greatly. Don't be mad at yourself. It's okay. Just get up, and try again. It's no use to get angry at yourself 'cause that'll only make you feel worse and that can't be healthy now, can it? [quote]thanks for your advice. and don't starve yourself!! . anyhow, if only i could limit myself to one plate. and read above about the eating slowly thing. maybe if i tell myself i'm just doing it for fun. hmm... why don't we do that? you, me, and char. let's tell ourselves that just for this next week, we're going to try and eat as slowly as possible just for the heck of it. and at the end of each meal or snack, if we've really eaten as slowly as possible--i'm talking 22 chews per bite and a 5 second pause between to sip water--we'll give ourselves something (a dollar, a sticker, a hug). then at the end of the week, we can treat ourselves to something bigger--like a massage or a hot tub. (haha... i only wish i could get either of those). but you know what i mean, right? if we think of it as a game, it might not be as torturous. [/quote]Wow, some game, haha. I'll be surprised if I didn't quit after the first round. It's like the opposite Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Sorry to have given you all such a fright..
You see, I got on a scale a few weeks back and found out that I had gained 15 pounds since I started bingeing (Another five since I last weighed myself). And I was just so upset because I thought that I have lost something, but I didn’t. So I decided that that was the last straw. And that if no one could really help me, then I was gonna discipline myself. So I’ve been hurting myself... Every time I wanted to eat, I would inflict pain. Basically, I wanted to put myself into the most pain but least harmfully and undetectably, you know? Moreover, I wanted to isolate myself from everyone else and put myself in the hot seat to incriminate myself silly. Hence I concluded that I didn’t deserve to be happy, and that I deserved the pain for being ever so feeble and moronic. And I convinced myself that I didn’t even deserve to speak with any of you until I have changed my ways. So every time I wanted to come to the boards, I’d refrained from it. I’d pace back and forth and intentionally drive myself to anguish. I wanted so much to come here and post my heart out, but I didn’t allow myself to. I wanted to see myself suffer. I thought this might’ve worked—That maybe if I took away something I really looked forward to every day, then I might’ve been able to get my act back together to get what I wanted. Sorta like “if [I]p[/I], then [I]q[/I],” you know? But that didn’t work because I knew that I could’ve gotten [I]q[/I] regardless of what I was doing. And surprisingly, after a few weeks, I actually became accustomed to not coming here; therefore it wasn’t a punishment anymore, so I decided to come back. Food is just too powerful… But I didn’t stop to think that you guys might’ve been worried or anything and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t really think you would be.

But in spite of this, instead of reducing my calorie intake, my attempts to improve has actually INCREASED it, and I’m bingeing more frequent than ever. And I wouldn’t stop until I was entirely stuffed, had an aching stomach, was nauseous, couldn’t move, and until there was absolutely no way I could’ve eaten anything else. And then, as I began to feel better and my stomach relieved a bit, which was almost immediately after, I’ll start again, which is utterly disgusting. I’ve never seen myself eat so much before. And it’s almost as if I’ve forgotten how it is to feel “hungry.” Oh yeah, and Pam, it IS possible to gain a pound in one meal. 3500 calories equals one pound. 3500? That’s like nothing to me—sadly. I can literally feel my pants getting tighter and tighter day by day… and every time I swallow something I can feel it piling up in my stomach. And I feel like the whole world is watching and observing. At school, many people comment about my “flubber” and just two days ago, my dad felt around my waist and he told me that he was certain I was gonna be a fat [email protected] when I grow older. And he mentioned at I had a fat a$$-- again. Arggghh!!! And when he left the room, I felt my waist as well, the way he was feeling it so that I’ll have a better sense of how much fat he had felt. And it’s true…I have huge tires running around my waist and I hate it!! Then I looked in the mirror—yep, that’s one chunk of fat hanging from my behind, all right! :mad: And that just got me so upset, and the more upset I got, the more I ate, and the more I ate, the more upset I got. Yet, the less I ate, the more urges I got TO eat, and the more urges to got TO eat, the more I ate, and well, you get the point. I mean, I’m not even overweight…I’m just mounted in FAT!!! And I just eat way too much! Pretty soon, though, I WILL be overweight b/c the number on the scale is just flying colors. And not only that, but I’m extremely short too, which makes me look even fatter.

And you know what’s even worse? I’m such a dope. I’m now lying to myself. When I’m counting calories, and the numbers seem too high, I’ll round down. I’d tell myself, “Nah, this CAN’T be 800 calories. Let’s say it’s 500.” When in fact it IS 800!! And if I ate 13 slices of bread… I’ll put down 10 slices. “It’s only three less. Probably won’t make a difference anyway.” Wrong, again, Dumbo!! And there were times when I felt so guilty for doing so that I’ll exercise until I dropped. But obviously those 10 minutes of exercising is doing no good given I’m eating a trillion times more!!! If not that, then I would just stay up all night, pinch the fat on my stomach and cry myself to sleep.

And school has just been SO hectic lately. I have SO many upcoming tests, but I just can’t seem to concentrate. I know I NEED to pass, and I know I SO desperately NEED to study, but I can’t. I’ve been on page 1 for the past 5 days. (Pathetic, huh?) I don’t wanna fail anymore exams— I really, really, really don’t. But every time I pick up a book or something, I get so discouraged by one, it’s thickness, and two, the lack of time. I always think, “I’m gonna fail anyway, so why bother studying?”
“There’s not enough time left to study. What can I remember in two hours anyway?”
“This book is too thick, I’ll never finish it…” etc. Perhaps the reason why is because I know it’s true, but I don’t want to think like that, honest. But I can’t help it. And so, ultimately, I DON’T study. Instead, I go and grab a snack or something and that’s when all the trouble starts! And then when the day of the test comes, I either fail or do very poorly on it. :( I’ve had some people tell me to cheat. And I’m wondering to myself, “How the heck can I cheat when I can’t even see my neighbor’s paper?” I can’t cheat even if I WANTED to, haha. :rolleyes:

And thank you all for the birthday wishes. Although it wasn’t a happy one—I didn’t even get a party and hardly anyone remembered it. The new year just started out horribly.

And I don’t understand the “board intervention” thing. What does it mean for the board to intervene? And why is it surprising that the boards did not? Did I do something wrong? And Pam, why did you hope for that? Did you want me gone..? Sorry for throwing out questions, but I’m lost. :confused:

Demi: I’m so glad to hear that school is over for you. I can’t even imagine the relief you must be feeling right now. It’s finally over!!! So, what are your plans for the summer?

Aury: I was reading your posts, and you really frightened me when you said that you didn’t wanna go back. But I’m so glad to hear that you’ve decided to return. And William sounds like a swell guy and I’m so glad that you’ve met him.
And I’m fairly concerned about your kidneys. I hope they will be restored to its full capacity soon, even though you said that it isn’t likely— but I still hope for it! Your trip to the hospital must’ve been a fright. I’m so glad you’re back, though. Just take care of yourself, okay? And just keep eating, just keep eating, eating, eating! (Like Dorey, only she swims). And I’m sorry to hear about your unsympathetic friends. I wouldn’t call them selfish, though. In fact, I think they are saying the things they say and doing the things they do BECAUSE they care about you. I think they’re only trying to help, but are approaching things the wrong way. I strongly believe that they are criticizing you in attempt to trigger a change for the better—not to make you feel worse. After all, they ARE your friends. And I don’t believe they would want to hurt you intentionally.

Pam: Maybe I’m a bit too late to cheer you on, but I’m SO glad everything’s okay with your hubby!!! I bet he was just SO delighted— exhausted, yes—but nonetheless delighted to see you again and vice versa, of course! It’s so sweet that you two didn’t wanna be separated. He sounds like such a supportive and caring person given he was concerned about your privacy and whatnot. You’re just SO lucky to have someone who loves you so much and are bonded to in such a strong marriage!! And I’m sorry to hear you’re still sick. Hope you feel better soon!!
And you say that all your sister in law talks about is herself? Well, what about herself does she talk about? Maybe it’s something important she wants to tell you about? A problem, perhaps? Maybe a secret she wants to tell you, but keeps putting it off, and hence she just goes on and on about herself, instead? Sometimes when people have troubles, they tend to forget about others. Either that or they just want to talk about themselves. Maybe I’m thinking too much, but it’s just a thought.

So, you’ve been doubting my telling the truth? I don’t believe it. I’m not lying about any of this, honest. Just because you can’t “conceive of such parents” doesn’t mean they don’t exist or I’m making things up…There’s just so much more I haven’t told you, and maybe if I did, it would clarify things a little bit more? I don’t know. Plus, it wouldn’t make sense for me to lie about something so stupid, and what reason would I have for it? If I intended to lie, I would’ve come up with something a bit more engaging than this, don’t you think? Why would I run around telling everyone I can’t see when I have the option of telling everyone I were a, say… pro-skater, instead?? Heck, I would’ve told y’all I was married with ten kids, have traveled to the moon six times, had telepathic powers, and is currently on the run for homicide! (Scared yet? :p) Moreover, I would have continued to lead y’all to believe I was Janice. ;)
The original post was too long, so I hadda split it into two's.

[b]Saturday[/b]
 1:30- Chicken burrito, Goldfish crackers, orange juice- I had just woken up, and this is my “breakfast.” I wasn’t planning on eating anything until 9:00pm or so because of the buffet yesterday and the mini binge episode on Thursday, but my grandma came over and offered them to me, and she sat there just WAITING for me to eat them. And so, I did.
 1:45- A LOT of strawberry creamed cookies- Well, now that I had my mouth going, I couldn’t stop because I wasn’t “full enough.” And I craved for something sweet. Hence, the cookies again.
 7:15- 2 apples- I was thinking how I haven’t had anything to eat in almost six hours, so I walked around the apt for some food. Found apples, so apples it was.
 9:00- 2 slices of bread, milk, ice cream cone- I wasn’t really thinking of anything. It’s just about time for dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. I was just bored, I guess.
 9:05- a ROW of Saltine Crackers- I was only planning on having one serving, but sorta went overboard. I was thinking of how sweet that cone was and I had to “wash down” the sweetness.
 9:15- 2 cheese sandwiches- I blame the eating spree
 9:20- more ice cream- to “wash down” the dryness from the bread/cheeses
 9:25- Pork sandwich- I was already full, but not “full enough.” I was thinking about how much I had already ate, and shouldn’t eat anymore. But I did anyway.
 9:30- Some more Saltine crackers, this time only half a row- Ugh, I just don’t know.

As you can see, I'm quite a pig. :(
I also have a strange obsession for cookies and ham/cheese sandwiches, haha.

I feel absolutely awful. I feel like I’m trying to find an excuse for eating everything. None of them are legitimate, either. Who am I kidding? I don’t really “need” it. And not once was I hungry! I eat just…cause. I think I know what my problem is. I’m never “satisfied” until I am absolutely stuffed!! I think I’ve become so accustomed to being sick to the stomach, that it has become something that’s oddly, uhh “essential,” you know? Essential for me to concentrate or to do anything as a matter of fact. It’s like the only way in which I can feel “comfortable” and “fulfilled,” when in fact, I feel absolutely disgusting—not to mention how horrific the consequences are. I just wanna know how to eat normally again. I wish someone would lock me in a room and tell me exactly what and what not to eat and when to do it. And if I need exercise, what to do, how long to do it for, and yaddie yaddie yah. Someone to hold my hand and guide me through the whole process, step by step, and force everything onto me. I can’t force myself, but I’m sure someone else would be able to in the physical life.
If only there was a way to “team up, lol.” That’ll be nice. I mean, I’m pretty certain we both know WHAT to do, but knowing what to do is not as effective as knowing the whole enchilada, you know?

What I find effective, though—and perhaps you can try this with your husband?? Watch him eat… and whatever he eats, you eat ONLY that. I’m assuming he eats sensibly? ‘Cause during lunch sometimes, I’ll just sit in a corner and watch everyone eat… and try to figure out how they “do it.” (Sounds pathetic, don’t it?) Like…I see what they eat, how much they eat, and how fast, and I’ll try to mimic them. I’m usually pretty successful, but I guess what separates me from everyone else is what I do OFF school hours, you know? While they’re all out playing ball, I’m all alone at home with no one to guide me through a meal. -sigh- But you’re always with your husband, aren’t you? Or do you both go to work? Or does he go to work and you stay home? I forget, lol—or maybe you’ve never said? But even if you’re not always together, that’s what phones are for. :D I’m sure you can trust yourself, and your huby can trust you to eat what he’s eating even when he’s not monitoring. Get it?

I think you should try this, too Pam. This, meaning posting what you eat each day and stuff. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out something new about yourself. Or, maybe when you put it down into words, you’ll be able to “see yourself.” I know you probably have it all “figured out” already, given you have said so many times before. But I think that if we had a bunch of people doing this, then we can maybe swap, you know? Plus, I’m really curious now, and I think it only fair if you had equal participation in this. -grins- :D

Okay, now I’m REALLY rambling. I'm typing this follow-up at like 3:00am and I have no idea where my brain has gone. I haven’t been getting ANY sleep lately, so naturally I’m a mess in my thoughts. So whatever I wrote prior may not make any sense and hence I know tomorrow morning, when I reread everything, I’m gonna feel like a complete imbecile. I know, no one cares about my grammar, but still. :o

Hope y’all are having a nice Memorial Day weekend!
 1:30- Chicken burrito, Goldfish crackers, orange juice- I had just woken up, and this is my “breakfast.” I wasn’t planning on eating anything until 9:00pm or so because of the buffet yesterday and the mini binge episode on Thursday, but my grandma came over and offered them to me, and she sat there just WAITING for me to eat them. And so, I did.
 1:45- A LOT of strawberry creamed cookies- Well, now that I had my mouth going, I couldn’t stop because I wasn’t “full enough.” And I craved for something sweet. Hence, the cookies again.
 7:15- 2 apples- I was thinking how I haven’t had anything to eat in almost six hours, so I walked around the apt for some food. Found apples, so apples it was.
 9:00- 2 slices of bread, milk, ice cream cone- I wasn’t really thinking of anything. It’s just about time for dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. I was just bored, I guess.
 9:05- a ROW of Saltine Crackers- I was only planning on having one serving, but sorta went overboard. I was thinking of how sweet that cone was and I had to “wash down” the sweetness.
 9:15- 2 cheese sandwiches- I blame the eating spree
 9:20- more ice cream- to “wash down” the dryness from the bread/cheeses
 9:25- Pork sandwich- I was already full, but not “full enough.” I was thinking about how much I had already ate, and shouldn’t eat anymore. But I did anyway.
 9:30- Some more Saltine crackers, this time only half a row- Ugh, I just don’t know.

As you can see, I'm quite a pig. :(
I also have a strange obsession for cookies and ham/cheese sandwiches, haha.

I feel absolutely awful. I feel like I’m trying to find an excuse for eating everything. None of them are legitimate, either. Who am I kidding? I don’t really “need” it. And not once was I hungry! I eat just…cause. I think I know what my problem is. I’m never “satisfied” until I am absolutely stuffed!! I think I’ve become so accustomed to being sick to the stomach, that it has become something that’s oddly, uhh “essential,” you know? Essential for me to concentrate or to do anything as a matter of fact. It’s like the only way in which I can feel “comfortable” and “fulfilled,” when in fact, I feel absolutely disgusting—not to mention how horrific the consequences are. I just wanna know how to eat normally again. I wish someone would lock me in a room and tell me exactly what and what not to eat and when to do it. And if I need exercise, what to do, how long to do it for, and yaddie yaddie yah. Someone to hold my hand and guide me through the whole process, step by step, and force everything onto me. I can’t force myself, but I’m sure someone else would be able to in the physical life.
If only there was a way to “team up, lol.” That’ll be nice. I mean, I’m pretty certain we both know WHAT to do, but knowing what to do is not as effective as knowing the whole enchilada, you know?

What I find effective, though—and perhaps you can try this with your husband?? Watch him eat… and whatever he eats, you eat ONLY that. I’m assuming he eats sensibly? ‘Cause during lunch sometimes, I’ll just sit in a corner and watch everyone eat… and try to figure out how they “do it.” (Sounds pathetic, don’t it?) Like…I see what they eat, how much they eat, and how fast, and I’ll try to mimic them. I’m usually pretty successful, but I guess what separates me from everyone else is what I do OFF school hours, you know? While they’re all out playing ball, I’m all alone at home with no one to guide me through a meal. -sigh- But you’re always with your husband, aren’t you? Or do you both go to work? Or does he go to work and you stay home? I forget, lol—or maybe you’ve never said? But even if you’re not always together, that’s what phones are for. :D I’m sure you can trust yourself, and your huby can trust you to eat what he’s eating even when he’s not monitoring. Get it?

I think you should try this, too Pam. This, meaning posting what you eat each day and stuff. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out something new about yourself. Or, maybe when you put it down into words, you’ll be able to “see yourself.” I know you probably have it all “figured out” already, given you have said so many times before. But I think that if we had a bunch of people doing this, then we can maybe swap, you know? Plus, I’m really curious now, and I think it only fair if you had equal participation in this. -grins- :D

Okay, now I’m REALLY rambling. I'm typing this follow-up at like 3:00am and I have no idea where my brain has gone. I haven’t been getting ANY sleep lately, so naturally I’m a mess in my thoughts. So whatever I wrote prior may not make any sense and hence I know tomorrow morning, when I reread everything, I’m gonna feel like a complete imbecile. I know, no one cares about my grammar, but still. :o

Hope y’all are having a nice Memorial Day weekend![/QUOTE]


Hiya Quench -

Busy day! And here it 11:30. Had and still have some computer problems and problems with the printer, too. Is there a full moon or something??? Jeesh Somehow images have gone nuts. The backround on the start page was blue sky and white clouds, and now it's grey. Picture on the net look weird, and all the backrounds like here on the board are tiny little dots. Ver distracting! This happened once before & hub fixed it, but now he forgot how. :confused: Well, anyway.....

Well, actually I guess I gave you my thoughts about your eating in my last post. I do notice you eat fairly sensiblt during the day, but nightstime abd week-ends apparently are your downfall. It's a combination of stress and boredom, and quite a bit of habit thrown in, too.To tell you the truth, one of the things I was trying to find out was if all this stuff with your dad influences your eating, and I really didn't get a sense of that, as it seemed mostly he wasn't home all these evenings that you are eating so much. Or, is it the stress of knowing he'll be home soon?? Or do you see no connection at all? There is no doubt you're a binger, at night, that is. So, that's what you need to work on. I know how it is - most kids are hungry when they come home from school. One good thing I noticed is that sometimes you do eat healthy foods when you binge, so if only you could try to do that more often? Have a healthy filling snack when you come home, the just TRY not to eat anything until dinner. Another thing I've noticed is that it seems you are on your own too much when eating, so you have a tendency to just grab whatever's handy, and it's often not healthy food. Do you ever eat breakfast-type food for breakfast? Yes, you do eat a lot of ham and that would make you very thirsty, too...and sometimes thirst gets mistaken for hunger, did you know that? Next time you're hungry, try drinking a big glass of icewater and you may find it substantially inhibits cravings.

I do understand what you mean about how you wish someone could show you how and when to eat. I think the same way! It seems your parents aren't around most of the time that you're eating. If you had more structured mealtimes, I'm betting that would end some of this bingeing. Just try the things I said for a while and see if the make any difference. And before you go for more food, have a very good talk with yourself to find out if it's really hunger you feel, or is it something, like just boredom and maybe even lonliness. Food is often a replacement for things we're lacking in other areas of our lives, so this may also be something for you to think about.

So you wanna know about me, aaay??? Sure, that's fine, but I can do that real quickly, right now, as there's little deviation, I'm not a snacker, and every night I have my bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce. I am a chocoholic!!! When I get up I have a glass of 1% milk, every day, around 8:30am. "lunch" is half a grapefruit, a small orange, a ver small bowl of cereal (Either Raisin Bran or Cheerios) and I use aspartame on it. I drink decaf coffee all day until about 3:00) Anyway, I also have a half a bagel with diet margarine. This is what I eat EVERY DAY, because I have to, due to inability to digest fats during the day, and that, due to gall bladder removal 30 years ago. By night time I'm hungrier, the worst time to eat, I know. Every dinner includes vegetables, meat, and a starch (either rice, potatoes or some type of pasta, and one night a week is meatless. My hub and I eat similarly, except he also has a glass of Ensure with every meal, so I guess you know I won;t eat like him in that regard. He eats more during the day than I do, a LOT more!! Our dinners are probably equal calories and he eats later than I do, of course. When he's eating his reheated dinner, that's when I have my icecream. My biggest problem is that most of my calories are consumed at night, the WORST time to eat. I'm certain it just all turns to fat. I have cut down a bit on the ice cream, and I'm doing it VERY gradually, so as I won't notice. :D

Re my daughter (and BTW, she's barely 5'1") I can't help but feel very bad. While I was very careful to have food just be food, she still had a fat mother and 2 fat great-grandmothers, oh, and one fat grandmother (her dad's mother) So, she inherited the tendency and I do feel bad about that...and her height, too actually. It had always bothered her that I more or less tower over her (I used to be 5'9" but I've shrunk due to spine problems) Her father was only 5'8", and his 2 sisters and his mother were also her height. Guilt, guilt guilt!!! I'm a typical mother, what can I say!!

So, Ms. Quencherito, if you want you can try some of my suggestions. It seems you do like fruits and veggies, so when you want to binge, try to grab foods that are good for you. I do understand about those almond cookies, tho - I LOVE them!! :nono:

I'll talk to you again soon, OK??

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char/pam :wave:





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