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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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[QUOTE=dilemma]hi pam!
are you hungry when you're snacking? because if you aren't eating enough during the day, you might be letting yourself get too hungry and when night comes and the tv's on, you have less control. if that's the case make sure you eat enough so that you're not left hungry AND with cravings at night.

but if you're not hungry and just having cravings, i suggest just turning off the tv, reading a book, and going to bed early!! or pop in a movie--something without food commercials to trigger cravings. you can also tape the shows and watch later so you can fastforward through the commercials! or pick up knitting:) that way you can't use your hands to eat, and you can make cut things for people and yourself!



oh, char! i'm so worried about you... how can i help you understand??? the mini-exercises will help you drop the weight. and just do as many as you can... don't hurt yourself or overexert or anything... that's why i suggested starting off small. ANYTHING is better than nothing! please please please reconsider? and they can be as a break. like when you're reading our posts! you don't have to type or use your hands then! let's start right now. okay, sit up as straight as you can in your computer chair. that's it. now let your left hand hang down by your left side... you can control this screen with your right hand. now just slowly lift your arm out to the side as high as you can without pain (don't go past shoulder level). hold for 2 counts: 1... 2... now lower SLOWLY: 3... 2... 1... there! that wasn't so bad now was it? okay, if you're still okay, we'll repeat that one more time. lift... hold... and lower... once more for good luck? lift... hold... lower... yay! now switch arms. check your posture--is your back as straight as is comfortable? we want to avoid injury! okay. right arm down at your right side. now lift (slowly!) as high as you can without straining (but not past shoulder level). hold: 1... 2... and lower: 3... 2... 1... :) yay! two more, ready? lift... hold... lower... (slowly!) and lift... hold... lower... !!! you did it! :bouncing: see?? it's not so hard, is it? and you can repeat as many times as you feel comfortable. just as long as you don't get sharp pains! the more you do them, the stronger your arms will get--more flexibility, more strength= less pain, more energy. AND you're using energy, which means, less from your daily total. yes? every little bit counts!! and if you're feeling reeeeeeeeaally motivated, you can do the same with your legs, except lifting them forward from the knee, instead of off to the side. and with your arms, do the same thing, but holding your upper arm against your side, lift the forearm, bending at the elbow. i KNOW it's hard, but you CAN do them! I believe in you!

and as for the smoking, gradual is best too! maybe one less a day? instead of a whole pack, smoke one less. that's do-able, right?

okay, back to work now!

take cares!

~em :wave:[/QUOTE]

Hi Em!!

Gosh, you're just so astute. Ummm, no, not really hungry when snacking...well, wait, there are 2 different things going on at night - for dinner, I'm RAVENOUS, and dinner is like 9-10pm. Oh, I know. But I need to explain more. See, I have a bit of a medical problem, have had it for about 14 years now, where I gradually began noticing I couldn't tolerate fat of any kind during the day. Had my gallbladder removed when I was 23, was Ok for many years, but then this problem started creeping up. I've been tested and tested and no one can find anything wrong. So, during the day, basically no appetite, so when I get up I have a glass of 1% milk - about 2pm I'm a bit hungrier, so I have cereal and fruit, and have almost every single day of my life for the past 14 years. Good cereal, tho, like Raisin Bran, Post Grape nuts, or some sort of hot cereal, and when I'm on a diet or not, I use Equal instead of sugar. Anyway, by night I'm famished, my metab has kicked in, and I can tolerate most anything...unfortunately.....Then, because i'm a night owl, late night watching TV is when I want my ice cream.. my "dessert". My day isn't "complete" without it. I've gotten thru another day, I did housework that made me hurt like h--l, I've fixed a nutritious dinner...which I ate too much of because I was soooo hungry. And we ALL know that night time eating is THE worst. And by night I'm soooo tired, not up to doing anything but pass out in my recliner, and these meds make me very tired, too. I do record most all programs to watch later so I can zip thru commercials, but knit?? Ewwwwww!! I'm not THAT old. LOL The only thing I could do is read or do art, but I'm too tired for anything by the end of the day. I know, I should go to bed, but I absolutely can't spend 8 hours in bed -causes too much pain. I used to sleep part of the night in the recliner, wake up around 4am, then go to bed. My back and neck are the reason I can't sleep in bed too long or I wake up in a LOT of pain and often with a headache. But since I've been on these meds, yikes, they knock me out and I sleep right thru til morning most of the time now. If I slept that soundly in bed????? I would be in agony the next day. So, I do have some problems which contribute to, well, at least they sure don't help my situation!!

I'm STILL smiling at your your 1...2...3.. exercises..."that's it..." etc. you are just so cute, and because of that, I just did them. I'm happy to report my left arm just fell off, so that MUST have been a good 15 lbs of weight loss right there! LOL!!!! Sorry, just kidding witcha. I get a kick out of you, sooo much. Hope your mom knows how very lucky she is to have you for a daughter...and that goes for all my girls!!!!! Anyway, I will do these, because you are so right, and I very much agree. Ouch, I have a cramp now in my only remaining arm....PSYCHE!!!!!!! LOL

So, I'm off now! Hope to hear from you soon!

Hugs!!
Char/pam
[QUOTE=Charlyssa]Hi Em!!

Gosh, you're just so astute. Ummm, no, not really hungry when snacking...well, wait, there are 2 different things going on at night - for dinner, I'm RAVENOUS, and dinner is like 9-10pm. Oh, I know. But I need to explain more. See, I have a bit of a medical problem, have had it for about 14 years now, where I gradually began noticing I couldn't tolerate fat of any kind during the day. Had my gallbladder removed when I was 23, was Ok for many years, but then this problem started creeping up. I've been tested and tested and no one can find anything wrong. So, during the day, basically no appetite, so when I get up I have a glass of 1% milk - about 2pm I'm a bit hungrier, so I have cereal and fruit, and have almost every single day of my life for the past 14 years. Good cereal, tho, like Raisin Bran, Post Grape nuts, or some sort of hot cereal, and when I'm on a diet or not, I use Equal instead of sugar. Anyway, by night I'm famished, my metab has kicked in, and I can tolerate most anything...unfortunately.....Then, because i'm a night owl, late night watching TV is when I want my ice cream.. my "dessert". My day isn't "complete" without it. I've gotten thru another day, I did housework that made me hurt like h--l, I've fixed a nutritious dinner...which I ate too much of because I was soooo hungry. And we ALL know that night time eating is THE worst. And by night I'm soooo tired, not up to doing anything but pass out in my recliner, and these meds make me very tired, too. I do record most all programs to watch later so I can zip thru commercials, but knit?? Ewwwwww!! I'm not THAT old. LOL The only thing I could do is read or do art, but I'm too tired for anything by the end of the day. I know, I should go to bed, but I absolutely can't spend 8 hours in bed -causes too much pain. I used to sleep part of the night in the recliner, wake up around 4am, then go to bed. My back and neck are the reason I can't sleep in bed too long or I wake up in a LOT of pain and often with a headache. But since I've been on these meds, yikes, they knock me out and I sleep right thru til morning most of the time now. If I slept that soundly in bed????? I would be in agony the next day. So, I do have some problems which contribute to, well, at least they sure don't help my situation!!
Char/pam[/QUOTE]I can relate to that. Heck, I can relate to almost anything. Anyway, my appetite kicks in at night, as well. This morning, I didn't eat any breakfast, and I found the 'courage' to skip lunch, as well. Then, when I got home, I was starving. You figured my body would use my fat instead, but hunger, is painful, lol. Maybe it's because I haven't been hungry in SO long. But like I said before, hunger is unbearable to me. So, naturally, it was snacking time again! Argh. I kept pacing back and forth, picking up that delicious baked chicken pot pie, and kept picking it up, then placing it down, and so on so forth. Finally, I was able to let the thing go, hence I turned to something else instead!! I ate a bowl of cereal (NOT the healthy kind :D) with a glass of milk, roughly 400 calories worth of grapes, 300 calories worth of bananas, 200 calories worth of oranges, etc. I figured if I stuffed myself with the "good stuff" and I'll have no room for more food. But haha, why am I still craving?? It doesn't make any biological sense! :dizzy:

Anyway, I'm a night person myself, on non-schoolnights, I usually say up till 4am, even as late/early as 6am! I just stay online and chat with my internet pal(s). Haha. Pathetic, I need a life. I should be spending my time exercising and on the go, but nooOoOOo. :mad:

You smoke? Ohh that can't be good.
You're a caring person, right? You know, in some cases, second-hand smoke can be more hazardous than first-hand smoke? So, in other words, you're hurting yourself AND the other people around you! You're not a person who wants to hurt others, are you?

You're a smart person, I'm sure you're well aware of how many chemicals they put into tobacco right? I'm sure you've been told, as well. TAR, which by the way is what they use on the streets --as a reminder-- Imagine all that sticky black icky stuff clinging, like fat, for LIFE (literally) onto your stomach, your esophagus, your EVERYTHING. And all that carbon monoxide! Humans weren't made to breathe in smoke. That's is certainly not something we want in our bodies!
I hope you are more addicted to the habit of smoking, than you are to the nicotine.. But you said you've been smoking since you were 16, so I'm assuming the habit has kicked in by now! No Pam, you're wrong. You don't have TWO addictions. You have three! ED, the addiction to the HABIT of smoking, AND the addiction to the drug.
Now, back to the HARM cigarettes can do to you. Let's start with the throat, you can get cancer in your larynx and esophagus. Now, if you lose your larynx, you know what the doctors are gonna do to you? They, my dear friend, are gonna have to drill a stoma into your throat to breathe. Ugh. I don't think you want a hole in your throat, do you? And imagine roaches crawling in while you SLEEP, or drowning while taking a SHOWER? Can you imagine that for a second?
Now, what if they removed your esophagus? My oh my, you're gonna have to eat via a TUBE for the rest of your life. Imagine everyone on Thanskgiving dinner, enjoying luxurious low-fat turkey, and you, you're pouring icky chemical solutions into yourself, via a tube! Not being able to taste that delicious LOW-FAT turkey. Man, that's just terrible, horrible, unspeakable! And how about having to speak through a voice-box? Ehh. It's not the greatest thing ever, I can tell you. It's somewhat frightening, I might add. (I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone here, but I'm just so caught up in this. I HAVE to tell you this, if you don't already know. And if you do, I HAVE to remind you. Reson being 'cause you mean SO much to me. Everyone looks up to you! You can't let everyone you love and who loves you down! Your kids, THEIR kids, and THEIR kids, and even THEIR kids... the whole joint, your friends).
Now, as for your poor heart, your best buddy here is gonna have to be working 10x as hard just to keep you alive! I mean, a normal heart is the size of a fist, right? If you continue to smoke long enough, it can be TWICE as big! Scary. :eek: Your heart deserves better. Your body, your health, YOU.. you deserve more than that!

Furthermore, smoking can lead to heart attacks, strokes, lung diseases, and dea....

You can get cirrhosis of the liver, vertebral cancer (think of your poor back! What if you become paralyzed???), cancer of the mouth, emphysema, cancer of the kidneys, cancer of the bladder, osteoporosis, and cancer of anything else, I can go on and on and on like the Energizer Bunny! First it's irritation, then bleeding, then cancer. It's a cycle, dont you see? It's gonna hurt, mentally AND physically. You've gotta stop before it hurts you more! Have you ever considered it? If not, PLEASE do! Maybe you can start with a nicotine patch, or chewing gum if you will, or even cold turkey. But PLEASE do not continue to huff and puff into any more cigarettes! Take it slow. Try to decrease your amount of intake a little at a time. When you open a box, flush a few down the toilet, if you will. Can you do that? Please don't light it!

And last but not least, don't you want to spend that 3000 dollars a year on something ELSE other than tobacco??? Think of how many wonderful things you can purchase with that!

I'm am sooooooo sorry I had to say all that. But I HAD to. I'm sure you're already aware of this, but once again, I had to remind you. My grandmother who lives in HK died from smoking. I've only seen her for 2 months in my life and I'm already sadden by her dealth. Imagine how someone would feel if they knew you your WHOLE life, or even a couple of years??? -gasp- Your children, your husband, your pet if any? Don't forget, they have feelings too! Wow, I can get a litttttttle carried away on this subject, but I can't stress it enough. Smoking is bad. Cigarettes are NOT our friends. They are our enemies' friend's, which in turn, are our ENEMIES. They serve NO medical purpose. In fact, they only make things worse.
Like, getting rid of ANY addiction, I know it's gonna be SO hard for you. But remember, you're horsing around with your LIFE everytime you light that bud!!! So, please, please try your best. I would even go as far to say that you should forget about your weight now, and focus more on your smoking. Smoking can kill you 5x faster! Wow. Did you know that smoking is the leading cause of PREVENTABLE death in the US? It causes more death than homocides, car accidents, and muder-- COMBINDED. :eek: This habit is just murderous. This risk is just too high to take. And especially by someone like you, heck for ANYONE, really. But especially for yourself. You're more. You can do it, and you deserve it. You have fine deeds written ALL over your face. You're likely to be awarded. You can do it.

Again, I apologize for all that up there, I only hope you are not mad at me. And if you are, then that's okay because I am willing to risk that 'cause your health is SO much more important. You have helped me so much. And you've all 'enlightened' me one way or another. You rock; everyone does. And I want everyone to be happy and healthy.
I don't know a lot about things. I can't possibly understand everything. I'm dumb, remember? But smoking, this, this... I know about, so please trust me on this. If not, trust Emma, at least! If you're still not satified, go to any medical site and they will tell you the same. :)
Sorry to have given you all such a fright..
You see, I got on a scale a few weeks back and found out that I had gained 15 pounds since I started bingeing (Another five since I last weighed myself). And I was just so upset because I thought that I have lost something, but I didn’t. So I decided that that was the last straw. And that if no one could really help me, then I was gonna discipline myself. So I’ve been hurting myself... Every time I wanted to eat, I would inflict pain. Basically, I wanted to put myself into the most pain but least harmfully and undetectably, you know? Moreover, I wanted to isolate myself from everyone else and put myself in the hot seat to incriminate myself silly. Hence I concluded that I didn’t deserve to be happy, and that I deserved the pain for being ever so feeble and moronic. And I convinced myself that I didn’t even deserve to speak with any of you until I have changed my ways. So every time I wanted to come to the boards, I’d refrained from it. I’d pace back and forth and intentionally drive myself to anguish. I wanted so much to come here and post my heart out, but I didn’t allow myself to. I wanted to see myself suffer. I thought this might’ve worked—That maybe if I took away something I really looked forward to every day, then I might’ve been able to get my act back together to get what I wanted. Sorta like “if [I]p[/I], then [I]q[/I],” you know? But that didn’t work because I knew that I could’ve gotten [I]q[/I] regardless of what I was doing. And surprisingly, after a few weeks, I actually became accustomed to not coming here; therefore it wasn’t a punishment anymore, so I decided to come back. Food is just too powerful… But I didn’t stop to think that you guys might’ve been worried or anything and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t really think you would be.

But in spite of this, instead of reducing my calorie intake, my attempts to improve has actually INCREASED it, and I’m bingeing more frequent than ever. And I wouldn’t stop until I was entirely stuffed, had an aching stomach, was nauseous, couldn’t move, and until there was absolutely no way I could’ve eaten anything else. And then, as I began to feel better and my stomach relieved a bit, which was almost immediately after, I’ll start again, which is utterly disgusting. I’ve never seen myself eat so much before. And it’s almost as if I’ve forgotten how it is to feel “hungry.” Oh yeah, and Pam, it IS possible to gain a pound in one meal. 3500 calories equals one pound. 3500? That’s like nothing to me—sadly. I can literally feel my pants getting tighter and tighter day by day… and every time I swallow something I can feel it piling up in my stomach. And I feel like the whole world is watching and observing. At school, many people comment about my “flubber” and just two days ago, my dad felt around my waist and he told me that he was certain I was gonna be a fat [email protected] when I grow older. And he mentioned at I had a fat a$$-- again. Arggghh!!! And when he left the room, I felt my waist as well, the way he was feeling it so that I’ll have a better sense of how much fat he had felt. And it’s true…I have huge tires running around my waist and I hate it!! Then I looked in the mirror—yep, that’s one chunk of fat hanging from my behind, all right! :mad: And that just got me so upset, and the more upset I got, the more I ate, and the more I ate, the more upset I got. Yet, the less I ate, the more urges I got TO eat, and the more urges to got TO eat, the more I ate, and well, you get the point. I mean, I’m not even overweight…I’m just mounted in FAT!!! And I just eat way too much! Pretty soon, though, I WILL be overweight b/c the number on the scale is just flying colors. And not only that, but I’m extremely short too, which makes me look even fatter.

And you know what’s even worse? I’m such a dope. I’m now lying to myself. When I’m counting calories, and the numbers seem too high, I’ll round down. I’d tell myself, “Nah, this CAN’T be 800 calories. Let’s say it’s 500.” When in fact it IS 800!! And if I ate 13 slices of bread… I’ll put down 10 slices. “It’s only three less. Probably won’t make a difference anyway.” Wrong, again, Dumbo!! And there were times when I felt so guilty for doing so that I’ll exercise until I dropped. But obviously those 10 minutes of exercising is doing no good given I’m eating a trillion times more!!! If not that, then I would just stay up all night, pinch the fat on my stomach and cry myself to sleep.

And school has just been SO hectic lately. I have SO many upcoming tests, but I just can’t seem to concentrate. I know I NEED to pass, and I know I SO desperately NEED to study, but I can’t. I’ve been on page 1 for the past 5 days. (Pathetic, huh?) I don’t wanna fail anymore exams— I really, really, really don’t. But every time I pick up a book or something, I get so discouraged by one, it’s thickness, and two, the lack of time. I always think, “I’m gonna fail anyway, so why bother studying?”
“There’s not enough time left to study. What can I remember in two hours anyway?”
“This book is too thick, I’ll never finish it…” etc. Perhaps the reason why is because I know it’s true, but I don’t want to think like that, honest. But I can’t help it. And so, ultimately, I DON’T study. Instead, I go and grab a snack or something and that’s when all the trouble starts! And then when the day of the test comes, I either fail or do very poorly on it. :( I’ve had some people tell me to cheat. And I’m wondering to myself, “How the heck can I cheat when I can’t even see my neighbor’s paper?” I can’t cheat even if I WANTED to, haha. :rolleyes:

And thank you all for the birthday wishes. Although it wasn’t a happy one—I didn’t even get a party and hardly anyone remembered it. The new year just started out horribly.

And I don’t understand the “board intervention” thing. What does it mean for the board to intervene? And why is it surprising that the boards did not? Did I do something wrong? And Pam, why did you hope for that? Did you want me gone..? Sorry for throwing out questions, but I’m lost. :confused:

Demi: I’m so glad to hear that school is over for you. I can’t even imagine the relief you must be feeling right now. It’s finally over!!! So, what are your plans for the summer?

Aury: I was reading your posts, and you really frightened me when you said that you didn’t wanna go back. But I’m so glad to hear that you’ve decided to return. And William sounds like a swell guy and I’m so glad that you’ve met him.
And I’m fairly concerned about your kidneys. I hope they will be restored to its full capacity soon, even though you said that it isn’t likely— but I still hope for it! Your trip to the hospital must’ve been a fright. I’m so glad you’re back, though. Just take care of yourself, okay? And just keep eating, just keep eating, eating, eating! (Like Dorey, only she swims). And I’m sorry to hear about your unsympathetic friends. I wouldn’t call them selfish, though. In fact, I think they are saying the things they say and doing the things they do BECAUSE they care about you. I think they’re only trying to help, but are approaching things the wrong way. I strongly believe that they are criticizing you in attempt to trigger a change for the better—not to make you feel worse. After all, they ARE your friends. And I don’t believe they would want to hurt you intentionally.

Pam: Maybe I’m a bit too late to cheer you on, but I’m SO glad everything’s okay with your hubby!!! I bet he was just SO delighted— exhausted, yes—but nonetheless delighted to see you again and vice versa, of course! It’s so sweet that you two didn’t wanna be separated. He sounds like such a supportive and caring person given he was concerned about your privacy and whatnot. You’re just SO lucky to have someone who loves you so much and are bonded to in such a strong marriage!! And I’m sorry to hear you’re still sick. Hope you feel better soon!!
And you say that all your sister in law talks about is herself? Well, what about herself does she talk about? Maybe it’s something important she wants to tell you about? A problem, perhaps? Maybe a secret she wants to tell you, but keeps putting it off, and hence she just goes on and on about herself, instead? Sometimes when people have troubles, they tend to forget about others. Either that or they just want to talk about themselves. Maybe I’m thinking too much, but it’s just a thought.

So, you’ve been doubting my telling the truth? I don’t believe it. I’m not lying about any of this, honest. Just because you can’t “conceive of such parents” doesn’t mean they don’t exist or I’m making things up…There’s just so much more I haven’t told you, and maybe if I did, it would clarify things a little bit more? I don’t know. Plus, it wouldn’t make sense for me to lie about something so stupid, and what reason would I have for it? If I intended to lie, I would’ve come up with something a bit more engaging than this, don’t you think? Why would I run around telling everyone I can’t see when I have the option of telling everyone I were a, say… pro-skater, instead?? Heck, I would’ve told y’all I was married with ten kids, have traveled to the moon six times, had telepathic powers, and is currently on the run for homicide! (Scared yet? :p) Moreover, I would have continued to lead y’all to believe I was Janice. ;)





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