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[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Please don’t refer to yourself as a dunce, it just makes me SO guilty to have made you feel that way. And once again, I feel as if I have let you down again... :( I mean, you’re literally throwing stupendous ideas in my face and all I’m doing is rejecting them…one by one, one after another.
It just hurt me when you said, “It was just a thought, anyway.” Maybe I misunderstood, but you seemed almost upset by it—the fact that I didn’t even make ONE comment to support your “thought.” And I feel SO bad about that, but believe me, I don’t mean to do it on purpose…

I don’t think I can tell anyone else about my vision—not to a [I]teacher[/I] anyway!! I just can’t STAND the thought that another teacher might react the same way. And what can they really do, anyway?? They’ll just probably tell me to tell my parents and then I’ll be back to sqaure one again, you know? Plus, the only reason why I told this particular teacher in the first place was because I didn’t want a zero for class participation. :o Not 'cause I was ready to or planned it ahead of time. And maybe I forgot to mention it before, but I HAVE told her more than once, I told her twice that I was telling the truth. But she still didn't believe me, so what can I do? Plus, I don't like talking back to my teachers too much.

I didn't mention this before either, but in the beginning of sixth grade, my teacher... he called on me to read something on the board, but I couldn't see it and I couldn't tell him, either. He just kept the whole class waiting and refused to pick on anyone else. He kept saying, "I'm waiting.." And so, after like another couple of minutes or so, I finally stepped up from my seat and just walked up in front of everyone to read that one stupid sentence he wanted me to read. And then he gave a BIG announcement in front of the whole class and said, "you know you need glasses, right?" and yaddie yaddie yah. And I was sooo ashamed and embarassed. But I still had some pride back then, haha, so I was able to hold in my tears. And THEN, OF course-- it's so predictable-- like everyone else who knew, he never mentioned it again. And back to sqaure one, again.. If I remember correctly, that was the first time I really acknowledged my vision problem.

I can understand how my teachers haven’t caught on has baffled you stupid, LOL. It’s just—I’ve got practice. I’m just THAT good at hiding some things, you know? Afterall, it’s been five years already… And don’t forget, I’ve also hidden my period from my parents for 2.5 years so if I can do THAT, what can’t I do? ;) (Not like this is something to be proud of or anything, LOL). But uh.. haha.. that was just the reason to make myself feel a LITTLE better. The real reason is… You see, I’ve developed a procedure to see a little better. What I do is, I blink—a lot. And I put my palm to my face and “pull” on my eyes with my pinky, (therefore, I can somewhar hide the eye pulling with my palm). By doing this, it gives me the same effect as if I were to squint, only it doesn’t hurt as much… and by doing that, on an occasion, I can catch certain phrases and words on the board. BUT the problem is, it only works the first few times I do it, and then later on, my eyes just sorta “tire out” and then I can do it no longer. So far, no one, or at least I THINK no one, knows what I’m doing, haha. I’ve only started doing this a few months ago.

But anyway, I can still see the computer screen and do my homework and stuff. I’m not [I]completely[/I] blind. :D But uh… if I move 2 feet away from the computer screen or something, I wouldn’t be able to see it. But that’s not a problem because I use a laptop and I’m always sitting close anyway. ;)

And I apologize for asking you whether if you were “real” or not. It was all in fun, anyway—I didn’t expect an answer. And I feel like I have offended you or something. But, no— I don’t really have other people telling me the things you do… so I find it rather nice and that was just my way of telling you…and although you say that you’re “far from rare” this is all pretty new to me.


Hiya Quencherchin!!

Today you are Chinese!! Sorry I don't know anything in Chinese tho...well, except chop suey, dim sum, chow mein...stuff like that. :D

Sweet girl, you have absolutely no reason to feel bad because you haven't done anything wrong. I think I'm just trying to mother you too much, and I'm not your mom, and I have no business even talking to you like I'm your mom. If you're hearing anything you're hearing some of my frustration coming out, but it is not your fault. There are things that I can't do anything about, things that you should have, have done for you, etc., and I feel so impotent. But n, don't feel bad because that's the last thing I want!! I know you don't want to hurt my feelings any more than I want to hurt yours. Everything I say it is only to help, especially re your vision. It does worry me and I can't help it. I just care about ya, Quenchi!!!

I most certainly don't advocate talking back to your teachers. :nono: But I do hope that, sooner or later, you will find someone to very bravely talk to. I still think the principal or a counselor is best, because I KNOW they would HAVE to help you. There is no doubt in my mind about that. Maybe they can test your eyesight right at school, and then let your parents know how bad your sight is. Because something tells me they have no idea how serious it is, and if they did, they would have done something about it by now, you know?? Because, you shouldn't have to be going thru all these contortions with your hands and eyes just to see. And I don't think you have ANY reason to be hiding this. I keep hoping of those teachers will notice and something will be done. I just can't WAIT to hear when the day coms that you get glasses!!! I will be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo overjoyed!!!!!

No, no sweetie, you have not offended me and I don';t think you ever could!!I guess I do think you feel that I'm not real...and to clarify, you know I'm REAL, or I couldn't be banging out these posts, right?? :) What I have sort felt you meant by asking that is if I really do think, say and do all the things I say,, think and do!! And the answer is YES, a resounding YES!!!! I'm being VERY REAL with you, very open and honest in all I say to you. I have too much of a conscience to be anything less. So, what you "see" is what you get, Miss Q.!!!

I hope you have a terrific weekend. I should be checking for messages both days if you want to write. Take care, OK???

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
Char/pam :wave:





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