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Pam:
Aw gee, you see, I [I]would[/I] read, only... every time I pick up a book I get discouraged from its length…regardless of the subject. My eyes, they just get tired so quickly. Quickly, meaning after a couple of paragraphs, let alone one page. And then I get all dizzy and stuff. And I don’t know… I just get bored when I read, and when I get bored, I just want to sleep or… eat. It’s unlikely that I’ll be able to sit still with my face in a book without off and on snacking, you know? ;) And every time I read, I don’t think about the book ITSELF, but rather “ugh, how many more pages are left?” So basically, every 5 pages or so, I would hold the page with my fingers and try to estimate how much MORE I’ve gotta read or how much more time it’s gonna take me to finish. As if that weren’t wasting enough time already, on top of everything else, I’m a VERY slow reader. Heck, I’ve seen fifth graders whom can read faster than I! It’s almost impossible for me to just “skim” through anything, which is the most frustrating!! Skim--This word is almost nonexistent to me. I HAVE to read at the same pace in which someone were to speak it, ‘cause I need to “hear” the words before I can understand them, you know? And sometimes, I’ll be reading a sentence 5-6 times and STILL don’t get it. Or read one paragraph, drop the book, get back to it later and then completely forget what I have read beforehand and hence would have to start all over. But anyhow, to demonstrate exactly HOW slow of a reader I am—while stranded in GA on my way home from FL last week, I was reading The Great Gatsby (which btw I have already given upon, LOL), and it literally took me 8 hours to read 106 pages!!! Yup yup yup. :o A normal person would’ve been done with the book already--- Twice!!!! And me? I was barely 1/4th of the way through!!! Argggh. :mad:

You know, from reading all that you have posted, I’m starting to believe that you are one heck of a mother and companion!! The way you speak of your kids, your husband, and how others resemble your ‘adopted children’ and whatnot is just over-inspiring. It just makes me so happy and wonders... yet again, are you for REAL? ;)

I wish I could ignore other people’s comments, too. But I find that extremely difficult because it’s all I really get to hear. It’s like what I “live by” or something. I get comments like that all the time—from my parents, my friends, heck even from my teachers—which is why I despise them so (except for maybe two or three), but anyhow, speaking of teachers. You know, just last term, my teacher assigned a “do now” assignment, where all the problems were located on the board. Anyway, I couldn’t see the board, and I didn’t even bother trying ‘cause it hurts my eyes too much. Sooo, I decided to wait until my classmate was done so that then, I can get the questions from her and then catch-up. Wellll, it turns out, the FIRST time I don’t do a do-now right away, was the time she picked on me—well, I don’t blame her… I was just sitting there, but still! Anyway, she asked me whether if I was done or not. Me, being the honest person I am (;)) told her that I didn’t even start yet! (How stupid, I could have just lied). So then, she strolls to the front of the classroom, and announces to the WHOLE class… in her all-year-around-good-for-nothing-PMS-ing-attitude… that she was gonna give me a zero for class participation. And all I could do was cry and cry and cry. I was SO upset ‘cause she didn’t even let me explain… and then towards the end of class, I decided that I was NOT gonna hate her and rationally/calmly explain to her that I couldn’t see the board. And you know what? When I told her, she just snobbishly points to the board and says, “You can’t see THAT?? Well, that’s not MY problem, is it??” And that just made me cry more. I thought she might’ve understood considering she wore glasses herself, but I guess NOT. –scoffs- The one time I try to tell someone, and I get myself into a complete mess. Anyway, from then on, I hated her and refused to do any of her work, LOL. (But I still passed b/c it was only for a few weeks before I got a new teacher). Okay, that was a hideously long and pointless story—but I just HAD to rant, LOL.

Regarding sleeping more—well, I don’t necessarily go to bed LATE, it’s just I fall asleep late! I can spend hours and HOURS just thinking about nothing and tossing around, or crying, or listening to my parents, or listening to every little sound and being startled by it. I’m like Demi… I can’t fall asleep at night, and I can’t keep myself awake in the morning. I’m more of a night owl, I guess. Problem? Yes. Haha.

Re what Demi said about eating healthier—I think she’s absolutely right. :D It is possible to reduce your intake of ice cream to every other day—or every two days? That doesn’t sound too impossible. Yeah, I know it’s a habit and all… but the best way, imo, to break a habit would be to take it sloooow. And hence, and little less each week, until you can finally break free! (Sounds great, don’t it?) But anyhow, Why don’t you try to mix in healthy foods with the things you’ll normally eat that isn’t healthy. When you eat ice-cream for example, cut a few slices of bananas/strawberries or other fruits into it… It’s still ice-cream, however, at the same time, you’re getting more of the healthy stuff. And plus, the fruits would help full you up a little more.

I think what you would consider a “diet” isn’t what your sister-in-law would consider a diet because she is so USED to the eating habit that she doesn’t consider it a “diet.” Get it?

Demi:
I know exactly what position you are in now… regarding school and whatnot. (Maybe not exactly, but something like it). The term ends April 29th, and like ALL my teachers, they decide to LOAD us with work the last two weeks, haha. I have oh SO many things to do… and although some are group projects and whatnot, I’M always the one doing all the work so, either way, it’s more work.

For some reason, I can’t learn a little of everything—I want to know ALL I possibly can about everything. And I HAVE to go in chronological order—It’s not like me to skip from one page to another or anything. But thanks for the advice. My AP World exam in on May 5th. :eek: I’m SOOOO scared. I don’t think I’ve ever been so worried about an exam before. :(

P.S. I didn’t edit this post. Hence it’s extremely LONG, sorry about that, haha. That’s what happens when I don’t edit. :D :D
Pam:
Please don’t refer to yourself as a dunce, it just makes me SO guilty to have made you feel that way. And once again, I feel as if I have let you down again... :( I mean, you’re literally throwing stupendous ideas in my face and all I’m doing is rejecting them…one by one, one after another.
It just hurt me when you said, “It was just a thought, anyway.” Maybe I misunderstood, but you seemed almost upset by it—the fact that I didn’t even make ONE comment to support your “thought.” And I feel SO bad about that, but believe me, I don’t mean to do it on purpose…

I don’t think I can tell anyone else about my vision—not to a [I]teacher[/I] anyway!! I just can’t STAND the thought that another teacher might react the same way. And what can they really do, anyway?? They’ll just probably tell me to tell my parents and then I’ll be back to sqaure one again, you know? Plus, the only reason why I told this particular teacher in the first place was because I didn’t want a zero for class participation. :o Not 'cause I was ready to or planned it ahead of time. And maybe I forgot to mention it before, but I HAVE told her more than once, I told her twice that I was telling the truth. But she still didn't believe me, so what can I do? Plus, I don't like talking back to my teachers too much.

I didn't mention this before either, but in the beginning of sixth grade, my teacher... he called on me to read something on the board, but I couldn't see it and I couldn't tell him, either. He just kept the whole class waiting and refused to pick on anyone else. He kept saying, "I'm waiting.." And so, after like another couple of minutes or so, I finally stepped up from my seat and just walked up in front of everyone to read that one stupid sentence he wanted me to read. And then he gave a BIG announcement in front of the whole class and said, "you know you need glasses, right?" and yaddie yaddie yah. And I was sooo ashamed and embarassed. But I still had some pride back then, haha, so I was able to hold in my tears. And THEN, OF course-- it's so predictable-- like everyone else who knew, he never mentioned it again. And back to sqaure one, again.. If I remember correctly, that was the first time I really acknowledged my vision problem.

I can understand how my teachers haven’t caught on has baffled you stupid, LOL. It’s just—I’ve got practice. I’m just THAT good at hiding some things, you know? Afterall, it’s been five years already… And don’t forget, I’ve also hidden my period from my parents for 2.5 years so if I can do THAT, what can’t I do? ;) (Not like this is something to be proud of or anything, LOL). But uh.. haha.. that was just the reason to make myself feel a LITTLE better. The real reason is… You see, I’ve developed a procedure to see a little better. What I do is, I blink—a lot. And I put my palm to my face and “pull” on my eyes with my pinky, (therefore, I can somewhar hide the eye pulling with my palm). By doing this, it gives me the same effect as if I were to squint, only it doesn’t hurt as much… and by doing that, on an occasion, I can catch certain phrases and words on the board. BUT the problem is, it only works the first few times I do it, and then later on, my eyes just sorta “tire out” and then I can do it no longer. So far, no one, or at least I THINK no one, knows what I’m doing, haha. I’ve only started doing this a few months ago.

But anyway, I can still see the computer screen and do my homework and stuff. I’m not [I]completely[/I] blind. :D But uh… if I move 2 feet away from the computer screen or something, I wouldn’t be able to see it. But that’s not a problem because I use a laptop and I’m always sitting close anyway. ;)

And I apologize for asking you whether if you were “real” or not. It was all in fun, anyway—I didn’t expect an answer. And I feel like I have offended you or something. But, no— I don’t really have other people telling me the things you do… so I find it rather nice and that was just my way of telling you…and although you say that you’re “far from rare” this is all pretty new to me.

Demi:
I’m SO happy that you’re finding therapy affective and that it is making you want to go back. You know, it’s funny—well not really— but today I weighed myself, as well… and unfortunately, I’ve been heavier than I have been in my life, too!!! :( And you know what’s also funny? Like you, today, I binged again—after not bingeing for almost four days!! I just couldn’t help it. And I lost TOTAL control. Everything available at home, I just wanted to consume—and that’s exactly what I did. And now I feel SO condemned about it. I just have no words to express it. It’s almost as if I’ve been working so hard for the past four days for NOTHING.

And you know what I'm gonna do right after I post this? YUP-- that's right! Go and eat some MORE 'cause I'm just SOOOO upset. Heck, even as I'm typing this, I'm STILL planning on eating more. Now, you see, this is a REALLY big problem, is it not?? It's not like I'm drunk where I can't sort out my thoughts and I don't know what I'm talking about... I KNOW. But I just have to eat, despite what I know!!!!!! Arghhhhhh. :mad: WHY?!?! I just wanna be dead.

I honestly do not know WHY those girls you mentioned would even WANT this. I don’t think they know the extent of it. They just know they’re gonna “be skinny” and that’s all. I don’t think they know how it REALLY effects you or anything because they haven’t experienced it. And even if they knew, they don’t care or think “oh, that will NEVER happen to me.” When in reality, it WILL. But I think it would be a good idea for you to just go there trash them ‘cause they are SO doing the wrong thing in being pro-ED and ENCOURAGING one another?!? Did I read right? So, pleeeeease, somebody, anybody, go and remind these girls that the “D” in “ED” stands for “Disorder.” And why would someone PURPOSELY want a disorder for??? I just don’t get it!! :confused: And that disturbs me too, by the way and gets me mad.

I’ll TRY to learn a little bit of each, but I DOUBT I’ll be successful because it’s just so peculiar for me. I’ve never really studied that way before. And I think I might be better off just knowing “everything” because it’s my usual study habit and I shouldn’t change it on such an important test and all. I’m not trying to turn your method down entirely, I just don’t think it would work on this test… and with the small amount of time I have!! I’ve still got over 500 pages to read, by jove!! UGHH. :mad: I KNEW I should’ve started studying earlier, but NooOOoOOoo..

And Oh yeah, and is physics easy? That is, if you’ve taken it before?
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Please don’t refer to yourself as a dunce, it just makes me SO guilty to have made you feel that way. And once again, I feel as if I have let you down again... :( I mean, you’re literally throwing stupendous ideas in my face and all I’m doing is rejecting them…one by one, one after another.
It just hurt me when you said, “It was just a thought, anyway.” Maybe I misunderstood, but you seemed almost upset by it—the fact that I didn’t even make ONE comment to support your “thought.” And I feel SO bad about that, but believe me, I don’t mean to do it on purpose…

I don’t think I can tell anyone else about my vision—not to a [I]teacher[/I] anyway!! I just can’t STAND the thought that another teacher might react the same way. And what can they really do, anyway?? They’ll just probably tell me to tell my parents and then I’ll be back to sqaure one again, you know? Plus, the only reason why I told this particular teacher in the first place was because I didn’t want a zero for class participation. :o Not 'cause I was ready to or planned it ahead of time. And maybe I forgot to mention it before, but I HAVE told her more than once, I told her twice that I was telling the truth. But she still didn't believe me, so what can I do? Plus, I don't like talking back to my teachers too much.

I didn't mention this before either, but in the beginning of sixth grade, my teacher... he called on me to read something on the board, but I couldn't see it and I couldn't tell him, either. He just kept the whole class waiting and refused to pick on anyone else. He kept saying, "I'm waiting.." And so, after like another couple of minutes or so, I finally stepped up from my seat and just walked up in front of everyone to read that one stupid sentence he wanted me to read. And then he gave a BIG announcement in front of the whole class and said, "you know you need glasses, right?" and yaddie yaddie yah. And I was sooo ashamed and embarassed. But I still had some pride back then, haha, so I was able to hold in my tears. And THEN, OF course-- it's so predictable-- like everyone else who knew, he never mentioned it again. And back to sqaure one, again.. If I remember correctly, that was the first time I really acknowledged my vision problem.

I can understand how my teachers haven’t caught on has baffled you stupid, LOL. It’s just—I’ve got practice. I’m just THAT good at hiding some things, you know? Afterall, it’s been five years already… And don’t forget, I’ve also hidden my period from my parents for 2.5 years so if I can do THAT, what can’t I do? ;) (Not like this is something to be proud of or anything, LOL). But uh.. haha.. that was just the reason to make myself feel a LITTLE better. The real reason is… You see, I’ve developed a procedure to see a little better. What I do is, I blink—a lot. And I put my palm to my face and “pull” on my eyes with my pinky, (therefore, I can somewhar hide the eye pulling with my palm). By doing this, it gives me the same effect as if I were to squint, only it doesn’t hurt as much… and by doing that, on an occasion, I can catch certain phrases and words on the board. BUT the problem is, it only works the first few times I do it, and then later on, my eyes just sorta “tire out” and then I can do it no longer. So far, no one, or at least I THINK no one, knows what I’m doing, haha. I’ve only started doing this a few months ago.

But anyway, I can still see the computer screen and do my homework and stuff. I’m not [I]completely[/I] blind. :D But uh… if I move 2 feet away from the computer screen or something, I wouldn’t be able to see it. But that’s not a problem because I use a laptop and I’m always sitting close anyway. ;)

And I apologize for asking you whether if you were “real” or not. It was all in fun, anyway—I didn’t expect an answer. And I feel like I have offended you or something. But, no— I don’t really have other people telling me the things you do… so I find it rather nice and that was just my way of telling you…and although you say that you’re “far from rare” this is all pretty new to me.


Hiya Quencherchin!!

Today you are Chinese!! Sorry I don't know anything in Chinese tho...well, except chop suey, dim sum, chow mein...stuff like that. :D

Sweet girl, you have absolutely no reason to feel bad because you haven't done anything wrong. I think I'm just trying to mother you too much, and I'm not your mom, and I have no business even talking to you like I'm your mom. If you're hearing anything you're hearing some of my frustration coming out, but it is not your fault. There are things that I can't do anything about, things that you should have, have done for you, etc., and I feel so impotent. But n, don't feel bad because that's the last thing I want!! I know you don't want to hurt my feelings any more than I want to hurt yours. Everything I say it is only to help, especially re your vision. It does worry me and I can't help it. I just care about ya, Quenchi!!!

I most certainly don't advocate talking back to your teachers. :nono: But I do hope that, sooner or later, you will find someone to very bravely talk to. I still think the principal or a counselor is best, because I KNOW they would HAVE to help you. There is no doubt in my mind about that. Maybe they can test your eyesight right at school, and then let your parents know how bad your sight is. Because something tells me they have no idea how serious it is, and if they did, they would have done something about it by now, you know?? Because, you shouldn't have to be going thru all these contortions with your hands and eyes just to see. And I don't think you have ANY reason to be hiding this. I keep hoping of those teachers will notice and something will be done. I just can't WAIT to hear when the day coms that you get glasses!!! I will be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo overjoyed!!!!!

No, no sweetie, you have not offended me and I don';t think you ever could!!I guess I do think you feel that I'm not real...and to clarify, you know I'm REAL, or I couldn't be banging out these posts, right?? :) What I have sort felt you meant by asking that is if I really do think, say and do all the things I say,, think and do!! And the answer is YES, a resounding YES!!!! I'm being VERY REAL with you, very open and honest in all I say to you. I have too much of a conscience to be anything less. So, what you "see" is what you get, Miss Q.!!!

I hope you have a terrific weekend. I should be checking for messages both days if you want to write. Take care, OK???

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
Char/pam :wave:





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