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[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Im back!- Ok so I understand how you need ice cream- but why not just work it into the day? For ex:
Breakfast- 2 fruit (200) + 1 slice dry toast (110..assuming its hearty multigrain- might be lower) = 310 Calories

Lunch= ............ (up to 300-400 Calories)

Dinner= fill up on VEGGIES (ill say 100Cals, but it depends which veggies and whats on them) and 2-3 oz of meat(if you can't have meat, have a small baked potato/cup of rice/beans- all are about 200 cals)/ or try frozen, entrees that are portion sized
= 300-400 Calories

So total for breakfast, lunch and dinner would be 1100 Calories (assuming the higher end options for L and D). Then, at 7 30-8, when you have an ice cream craving, have a scoop of two- it depends on the brand and flavour, but i'll guess per half cup is 150 Calories(this is usually the kind thats only found in stores..not haagen dasz or a rich flavour...check the label)- So have a cup (try to measure it out if you can...or just estimate 2 small scoops)= 300 Cals

Total Calories for the day= [B]1400[/B] Calories (HEY look at that...you could still have 500-600 Calories more to get you to 2000 if you wanted to..but at this number you'll be sure to lose weight...or you could have a snack at 1 am if you wanted ..its not really a great habit, but if you snack on healthy things then it'll be ok..also, if you get hungry, you could have celery, fill up on water, have jello light cups, or other low calorie foods/drinks)

I know it seems on the "light" side, but you'll be able to have your ice cream and eat it too! (without the guilt!) Hope it helps (somewhat)![/QUOTE]



Hi GG!

You put so much time and thought into your suggestions and I just can't believe how sweet you are! (You still haven't told me anything much about YOU tho!!) Are you average weight now? No more ed? If you're fine now, I am so happy for you!!!!

Your suggestions are basically what I do when I'm on a diet, with some adjustments due to my unfortunate daytime regimen. See, I couldn't care less about eating during the day - no appetite at all. I just eat something to keep my metabolism up a bit and so it doesn't get further wrecked. All I really want when I get up at 9 is a glass of milk (1%) and then I drink coffee w/artificial sweetener. "Lunch" is really my breakfast, at 2pm when I have half a grapefruit, 1 small orange, small serving of Raisin Bran cereal and 1 piece dry wheat toast. This is ALWAYS what I eat, whether I'm on a diet or not, because of my digestive problem. So I'm finally hungry at about 9pm, 9:30 or so, and that's when I eat dinner. When I'm on a diet, I eat a dinner just like you said, but there's no ice cream at all. That's what I REALLY need to do is go back on a diet, and that's where I'm trying to be at now....it's the motivation I can't seem to manage. That's what makes the ed so awful...it just sucks you in and won't let you go. Do you know what I did yesterday - I actually looked on the net for residential treatment places, like where Aurora went, only in this case, it would be for bingers and compulsive overeaters. I started to cry, because all I kept thinking was...this is the only way I can be away from food and temptation, in lockdown :D so they can FORCE me to eat the way I should. And maybe knock some sense in me. LOL I should check with my med. ins. and see if something like that is covered, and if they have one somewhere near us.

I remember years ago eating low calorie ice cream and it was AWFUL! Maybe it's changed in recent years then? I guess I should give it a try but I despise yogurt. YUCK! Tastes like it should have been thrown out weeks before. :D Is yogurt ice cream better? Course, I suppose if I put Hershey's syrup all over it......LOL See?? Now don't you think I'm hopeless? I feel doomed, like I'm just supposed to be this way and it'll never change. Mayb I should just go for the stomach stapling, but it's so dangerous and it scares me. You must be getting sooooooo frustrated trying to help me and listen to how awful I am!! Are you OK? You can talk about you too, you know!! I would love to know your whole story about your ed.

Hugs!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Thanks for your kind words! Your questions arent too personal. To answer your first one- ok, many people in my position feel the need to keep dropping weight as they reach their target weight, which forces them to spiral downwards. I was different though- I never experienced that. What happened was, I lost (maybe?) 10 lbs, and liked myself there- I wanted to stop. My problem? HOW?? I assosiated "normal eating" (how I used to eat) with my old weight, at which I wasn't happy. And I assosiated my "problem eating" with the weight I was at. So I kept up the "problem eating". When I realized that I was still dropping, I knew I had to do something- but I didn't want to "eat normally" because I didn't want to be 125!! Thus the dilemma- in my eyes, dropping weight was better than gaining weight, so I settled for dropping because I didn't know how to maintain.

I'm going to my friend's cottage for possibly 2 weeks. She's kinda got an issue around food too, but hers isnt as extreme as mine (she's just kinda "dieting" all the time, but not really..ya know?) It'll be tricky because her parents don't really cook, so we'll probably be going out a lot- or (hopefully!) eating frozen foods (with calories!). But that's in august, so ive got all of july to work on the counting. I like your plan about not worrying about it till i get home- I tried that for a family trip in march and it failed, but 2nd time around, things may change!

I think you shoudl consider the next step (getting help i mean). It would do wonders for your health, both mental and physical. It scared me too, but looking back it was so worth it. Think carefully before you put your foot down![/QUOTE]


Hi Girl!!

So then if I understand you correctly, you do know how to maintain your weight now? I know there's some sort of formula to use to do this, but I'm sure you know that by heart now!! :) So, then, you know how many calories it takes to maintain your weight, or to lose weight, or to gain weight. Does this mean then...problem solved? because I know there are also books you can buy that give the calories for just about everything, even fast food places - like how many calories to a Big Mac, fries, etc., etc. I also think, if I understand you correctly, that staying on top of this...like, you must have control of it?? or it makes you very nervous and worried. So, I really do think a calorie counter book is a good idea. Then you won't have to worry and wonder...and you may be able to eat more than you think you can, you know? I think it's going to be very helpful to you that your friend is also watching her weight, as then you won't be self-conscious if you have to refer to the book. In fact, you could both sort of make a game of it, you know? Most all fast food places now offer weightwatchers meals...that is, not "WeightWatchers" LOL I just mean for people who are calorie-conscious. They have salads, for example. I SERIOUSLY doubt you'd gain if you ate a salad and a hamburger! But again, I just hope you'll enjoy this time with your friend and not worry about something you can deal with when you go home, you know? Make it your mantra: :D "I will deal with this when I get home - for now I will just have fun!" LOL Listen to me - always solving everyone else's problems when her own are out of control. Are you learning yet that I'm just a big hipocrite??? LOL Anyway, I think if you try very hard to have that mindset, it do believe it will help. It's only 2 weeks, right? If by chance you get home and find you've gained a couple of pounds, it's no reason to panic - just think, "hey, I took off this weight before, I can do it again - no problem!!" Besides, even if you found you gained 4 pounds (but highly unlikely!!) you would STILL weigh less than 125, right?? :D Sigh........if only I had these worries..........LOL I'm 5'7" and I weigh A LOT more than you...if I weighed 140!!!!!! I would be deleriously happy!!!!!!!! How's that for a bit of perspective for you??? LOL

Hugs!!!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Well I still say congrats are in order because youre trying, and you intend to keep going even if the ice cream takes over tonight (or any other night). Im pulling for you and DONT be embarrased to say if you have concerns or bad nights!!

As for me, well, I still am doing alright (I say that because I still count calories, so im not GREAT lol). Still maintaining and stuff. Concerns? My birthday is on Sunday, which means parties (2 of them- friends and family). Im having friends sleep over friday-saturday, which means dinner and breakfast will be eating with company (No problems really with that- I know what's for dinner and breakfast, and I've had both with no probs). With my family party, my mom has planned to make salmon and rice and salad for adults, plus order gourmet veggie pizza, and then the kids get a party sized pizza. I plan to have 3 slices veggie pizza- the pizza isnt from a chain, so I can't count the calories, I can only estimate. I started a thread in another forum asking for advice on how many, and some said WAY over what I thought, and my old dietician (we still keep in touch, just as friends) and another person said under what I thought. So bascially, I think I'll stick to what I originally thought. I've had the pizza before, but it's still hard everytime because I don't know the calories.

Cake is another thing- for my friends' party, I'm going to make cupcakes, so its portion sized and easy. For my family party, my mom said I can't make my own cake because "it's my birthday"..which makes sense, but I like it more if i make it!! lol...We might just buy a cake, or maybe I'll just watch her make it, and help a wee bit...but i might just not end up having it altogether! I have to prep myself and get into the right mindset for having cake and not caring (happens once in a blue moon).

Yup, so those arre the extent of my worries right now...nothing really important..kind of dumb really lol, but you asked, so I tell! :D Hope everything's grrrrrrrreat with you too!
ggggg[/QUOTE]


Hi gg!

Welp, I'm embarrassed and I just knew this would happen. I blew it, I'm upset, so.....I need just a bit of time to NOT be upset anymore...so for now I'm going to concentrate on YOU. Because YOU are not hopeless and I AM.

Early HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! :bouncing: I know you will do fine because you have been great all this time!! I sooo understand why you need to count calories. I've thought aboutit and I actually do think it's a good idea..that is, UNLESS you start getting too obssessed in the direction of allowing yourself FEWER calories, and you start losing weight...and then end up right back where you started, you know?? To maintain a weight is a good thing - it'll prevent you from getting panicky if you gain a pound or 2, because I know that will worry you, and if it does, then some of the old thought patterns will present themselves. As for the pizza, I think you can ,make a good guesstimate, in general. I know calorie counter books have something like "a 3 inch wedge", or something like that. So at least you will have a good idea. You know, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this info weren't on the net. So much is!!! "calories in pizza" I would try, but then, I think of the dumbest things to type in "search". :D Believe it or not, I only just learned the computer 18 months ago!!! LOL

Re the cake, just a thoought - I don't know if you or your mom use cake mixes? Like, here, we have 2 or 3 different brands and all different types of cakes. Well, they always call for I THINK it's half a cup of cooking oil...ohhhhh, so many calories!!! Do you know what I do instead? Instead of the oil, I use about 3/4 cup of applesauce!! Works no matter what flavor of cake, and you can't tell the difference!! No applesauce taste, and it moisturizes the cake the same way oil does. So, just a thought if you'd like to try it sometime! And no matter what you do, I see no reason why you need to forfeit cake altogether - how many times does your BD come around???? If you are really worried, all you have to do is eat a bit less of other things, as I'm sure you already know. All in all, I think you are doing wonderfully and I couldn't be prouder of you!!! By the way, speaking of pizza, veggie pizza is the only type we have - can't stand all that greasy sausage, pepperoni, etc. YUCK. So we always get black olives, grn. pepper, mushroom and tomatoes, on cheese of course. Yum! Oh, I need to STOP talking about food!!! My mortal enemy!!!! :-(

Anyway, I'm a bit down about my failures, soooo......take care!!

Hugs!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
GG:
Glad to hear that your bakery job is going so well! And that you don't have the urge to sample everything in the store, LOL! It’ll be a bit problematic if that were the case. What days do you work, and how many hours per week? Is the pay any good? Just wondering. Forgive me for my nosiness. :D

Pam:
You had me thinking. You brought up an interesting point of how repeating these things would only reinforce it more. What if… perhaps, I told you that I [I]wanted[/I] to reinforce them? And constantly remind myself of these things, because I don’t “want” to believe anything else? And that I “shouldn’t” and don’t deserve to believe anything else? That I’ve already accepted what I’ve been told, and hence, I’d “refuse” to believe anything else because I don’t “want” a new perception of myself? Because I am “happy” and “settled” with what I think of myself currently? Because it is “safe,” “nostalgic,” and so “familiar,” in a sense? That I’m already accustomed to it, and I don’t want to “change anything?”

“By now I should know that much of what they’ve said isn’t true?” Why—but are they. I [i]am[/i] stupid. I’ve got the grades to prove that. I [i]am[/i] fat, I’ve got the ED and the scale to prove that, and not to mention a mirror. My dad can prove that to me too, there's always something for him to pinch onto, LOL. And I [i]am[/i] useless, and not having a job—or even having the guts to go find one—proves that. So, haven’t I found the truth about myself, [I]already[/I]?

Plus, if I started believing you, that would mean I’d have to disagree with my parents, and I have no strength left in me for that. I’m not going to be their enemy. I’m going to side with them because it’s the least problematic and safest approach—it’s just more “peaceful.” It’s better to not deal with it…with them, anyway… and just accept it. I would rather hear them call me names and respond, “Yes, you are SO right,” and have it end at that— than having to say, “No, you are wrong. I am NOT a so and so!” And then have them say in return, “Yes you are!” And then call me even MORE names!! I’ve tried that before. It’s not worth my trouble because I will never get through them. They’re right, I’m wrong. That’s all there is to it, and that’s the way it is, right? Because they’re older and wiser and they’re my parents. And therefore, they are capable of seeing me for who I am. After all, they've known me for 16 years. You know how many times a day my dad reminds me that he's well... my dad? It's his excuse for everything. And boy, is it a good one, or what?! Always gets to me; what shame.

As for the psychological damage done to me etc—that makes me sound like a victim. So... cliche. My parents haven’t “done” anything to me psychologically. It’s just me. I’m not a victim. I’m an um… acceptor. And by accepting, I’m not miserable, and I’m not suffering, and I’m… not a victim! They can't take me down, because... I am WITH them. I'm on their side, and therefore, they can't destroy me! I’m…indomitable, invincible, unpenetrable, unyielding, indestructable... and every other synonym out there!! Horray!!!!!! (...And probably a little crazy too! LOL!)

Re the job, well, it says here, “Paid internships & training. Call blah blah blah to interview.” What KIND of internship? How do I go about asking them? Does that mean they’ll interview me through the phone? :o

“Oh, I’m OK?” Is that ALL??? You’ve gotta give me more than THAT!!! Don’t make me start asking questions! :D Oh, and by the way, are you sick of the cone yet? I’ve come up with another solution, which I think—is even BETTER than the cone idea! If you’re interested, just say so!! :D

As for not talking about yourself because you are obese and “nobody else” is. THAT makes sense…?!? Again, it’s not the weight that matters—it’s the enigma, the state of mind, the…eating disorder! Just because we’re not obese, doesn’t mean that we don’t know how you feel, or that we can’t relate in ANY way. And it certainly doesn’t mean we can’t help you out… or we can’t listen, or we can’t TRY to relate, you know? A 200-pounder could be anorexic, right? Likewise, an 80-pounder can be a compulsive overeater. It's sterotypically inaccurate, is it not? Yet nonetheless, they still “think” the same way, and have the same relationship with foods. Plus, didn’t you tell me not too long ago that that’s what these boards are for? To discuss your eating disorder? Hmmmmm? So, stop holding back! :D

Edited to add that there's an obesity boards on this site, did you know that? I just found out after browsing around a bit, LOL. :o Maybe you can post there, too? Or like GG suggested, head on over to the butterfly, they'll be more than happy to have you there!
[QUOTE=Quencher]GG:
Pam:
You had me thinking. You brought up an interesting point of how repeating these things would only reinforce it more. What if… perhaps, I told you that I [I]wanted[/I] to reinforce them? And constantly remind myself of these things, because I don’t “want” to believe anything else? And that I “shouldn’t” and don’t deserve to believe anything else? That I’ve already accepted what I’ve been told, and hence, I’d “refuse” to believe anything else because I don’t “want” a new perception of myself? Because I am “happy” and “settled” with what I think of myself currently? Because it is “safe,” “nostalgic,” and so “familiar,” in a sense? That I’m already accustomed to it, and I don’t want to “change anything?”

“By now I should know that much of what they’ve said isn’t true?” Why—but are they. I [i]am[/i] stupid. I’ve got the grades to prove that. I [i]am[/i] fat, I’ve got the ED and the scale to prove that, and not to mention a mirror. My dad can prove that to me too, there's always something for him to pinch onto, LOL. And I [i]am[/i] useless, and not having a job—or even having the guts to go find one—proves that. So, haven’t I found the truth about myself, [I]already[/I]?

Plus, if I started believing you, that would mean I’d have to disagree with my parents, and I have no strength left in me for that. I’m not going to be their enemy. I’m going to side with them because it’s the least problematic and safest approach—it’s just more “peaceful.” It’s better to not deal with it…with them, anyway… and just accept it. I would rather hear them call me names and respond, “Yes, you are SO right,” and have it end at that— than having to say, “No, you are wrong. I am NOT a so and so!” And then have them say in return, “Yes you are!” And then call me even MORE names!! I’ve tried that before. It’s not worth my trouble because I will never get through them. They’re right, I’m wrong. That’s all there is to it, and that’s the way it is, right? Because they’re older and wiser and they’re my parents. And therefore, they are capable of seeing me for who I am. After all, they've known me for 16 years. You know how many times a day my dad reminds me that he's well... my dad? It's his excuse for everything. And boy, is it a good one, or what?! Always gets to me; what shame.

As for the psychological damage done to me etc—that makes me sound like a victim. So... cliche. My parents haven’t “done” anything to me psychologically. It’s just me. I’m not a victim. I’m an um… acceptor. And by accepting, I’m not miserable, and I’m not suffering, and I’m… not a victim! They can't take me down, because... I am WITH them. I'm on their side, and therefore, they can't destroy me! I’m…indomitable, invincible, unpenetrable, unyielding, indestructable... and every other synonym out there!! Horray!!!!!! (...And probably a little crazy too! LOL!)

Re the job, well, it says here, “Paid internships & training. Call blah blah blah to interview.” What KIND of internship? How do I go about asking them? Does that mean they’ll interview me through the phone? :o

“Oh, I’m OK?” Is that ALL??? You’ve gotta give me more than THAT!!! Don’t make me start asking questions! :D Oh, and by the way, are you sick of the cone yet? I’ve come up with another solution, which I think—is even BETTER than the cone idea! If you’re interested, just say so!! :D

As for not talking about yourself because you are obese and “nobody else” is. THAT makes sense…?!? Again, it’s not the weight that matters—it’s the enigma, the state of mind, the…eating disorder! Just because we’re not obese, doesn’t mean that we don’t know how you feel, or that we can’t relate in ANY way. And it certainly doesn’t mean we can’t help you out… or we can’t listen, or we can’t TRY to relate, you know? A 200-pounder could be anorexic, right? Likewise, an 80-pounder can be a compulsive overeater. It's sterotypically inaccurate, is it not? Yet nonetheless, they still “think” the same way, and have the same relationship with foods. Plus, didn’t you tell me not too long ago that that’s what these boards are for? To discuss your eating disorder? Hmmmmm? So, stop holding back! :D

Edited to add that there's an obesity boards on this site, did you know that? I just found out after browsing around a bit, LOL. :o Maybe you can post there, too? Or like GG suggested, head on over to the butterfly, they'll be more than happy to have you there![/QUOTE]


Hiya Ms. Quench!

Welp....with regard to your 1st paragraph, you began it with "what if..." - so then, I assume you mean that you are resolved to all those things we've talked about before?? And you actually do have all those feelings you mentioned? Well, then, if that's the case, and you're fine with all of that, then I am, too. But something tells me you're not, and that none of it is truly OK, but, I do understand. And I respect your feelings, of course.

As for your 2nd paragraph - sorry, but you AREN't stupid, and you AREN'T fat, but your dad tells you that, anyway...even tho you, yourself, have told me you're not fat! And people who are slim, OR FAT, can be pinched, so that proves nothing, you see? And you aren't useless, and NO child should ever be told such a thing. If only you knew that!! So, sorry, I stand by what I say - you believe things that arent true because you are TOLD things that aren't true.

No, sweetie, I don't expect you to believe me, even tho I most certainly tell you the truth...but you can't really know that, and I do very much understand. That's why I mentioned checking things out on the night...like how it's NOT your fault HOW you were born, when you were born...or that you were born at all. I haven't forgotten the things you've told me, so, that's why i thought some net research might disprove MUCH of what you've been told. However, it is your right to also choose not to. As always, it is up to you. All old Char does is try to do is help you.

Re the the "paid internship" job, what I would do is call and say, "Hello, I am calling in reference to the position you advertised in the________paper, in which it mentions paid internship and training. To whom do I speak, please." That's all there is to it - you will be directed to the appropriate person and they will explain...or maybe even the person that answered - you just have to roll with that one. They will explain and ask if you're interested, and the rest then is up to you...unless you still have questions...in which case, ask! Prospective employers LOVE people who show a genuine interest. You are most articulate, and I just know you will do well!!

Oh, all RIGHT, Ms. Quench!! LOL How am I doing?? OK...HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!! I can't stop eating ice cream and yes it's in a bowl, and no I don't always do the banana thing. Happy????? OK OK, I am TOTALLY teasing you, and I hope you're laughing or I'll be upset. As I said previously, I need to have my mouth surgically removed. It's my only hope!!!! :D Aside from that, this entire hone-buying process is making me crazy - and when I'm "crazy", I REALLY need my "fix" more than ever. Now see?? How does that sound?? Awful, right?? Even a bit sick, hmmm? I just get embarrassed...and I know these are anonymous BOARDS, but even here, it would bother me a LOT if I thought someone thought I was disgusting. BECAUSE it's anonymous, and if you've seen some of the things people say to others, even tho they're not supposed to, you can then understand why I fear admitting certain things. I am VERY easily wounded, very sensitive...and even if it's coming from someone anonymous, it doesn't lessen the sting...if this is making any sense??? And probably not as I am sooooooooo tired. it's been a long busy day and so it will be again tomorrow. Sigh..... But I will try to still be on the Board at least once a day. When I'm gone for a bit, I miss it!!


HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=Charlyssa]Hi GG!!!

I answered your post yesterday but the Boards went down while I was trying to "post reply" - I saved it (by "cutting"), but couldn't ever get back. Gave up, and then forgot that when I sign off, I lose what I "cut"...which I found out later when I tried to "paste". It was such a long post, too!! Oh, well.....

Well, even if there isn't MUCH to tell, I still care about you and want to know how things are going. I am a worry wart, and if someone isn't talking much, I get concerned and wonder if everything is OK. And now Quench has been gone for a while, and I am REALLY worrying about her, as she has a very rough situation at home.

Actually, my having no appetite during the day goes beyond that, into...I DARE not eat anything that will make me sick. I can't even have boiled eggs, much less, anything else with fat in it, as it will llay in my stomach for hours undigested, then make me terribly nauseous. And if you have ever gone thru nausea, you know how awful it is. So, I don't dare eat more than I know I can tolerate. I know it's a very strange condition, and it has even puzzled Doctors. I have had sooooooo many tests, and all they can come up with is that it's because of the gall bladder surgery 30 years ago. They say we really do need every organ in our body, except maybe the appendix - back in the day when I had mine removed, they felt it was really a useless organ. But I have read in recent years - and maybe because of people like me!!! - that the gall bladder is there for a reason, and it DOES have something to do with the digestion of fats. Soooooo, there isn't much I can do, and I have basically been told what I already had figured out, that I need to stay away from anything that makes me sick. Being that I have my "breakfast" toward mid afternoon, I really feel quite full, and remain so until around 9pm, by which time I've developed an appetite, and can eat some things that I probably shouldn't, of course. As for my lat-night ice cream....hmmmm......I can honestly say it really isn't about hunger at all - it's a craving, a want, a need, a must-have, and all kinds of disgusting things like that. THAAT is the habit??? I really must break, but of which, so far, has been oh so painfully impossible to accomplish. I guess that IS what makes this an eating disorder, I suppose. Food should only be a NEED when one is hungry - it shouldn't be an addiction, which is certainly how I've come to think of it. See? And now you know why I hate discussing myself - I feel soooo many negatives about it.

I do so understand how you feel about counting calories and watching your weight. How could I possiblt blame you??????? If I did that I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I actually think you are doing pretty well! I think you handled your birthday weekend like most anyone would, and I'm glad you were able to enjoy what you ate, and not let it ruin the celebrations. I just know you will do wonderfully when you are having the 2 week stay with your friend!
Hope you've been having a terrific weekend!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:[/QUOTE]

Hey Charrrrr,

I cant say I've ever had the baords go down on me or anything, but I've had some weirdness lol.

Dont worry when I dont really talk much about me...really, its more a case of there's nothing new to report, so I would just assume whatever was my most recent state is my current. I WILL tell ya if any new things come up. For example, right now, I'm trying to speed up my metabolism by eating more (not like overeating, just what i really should be- 2200-2400 rather than 1500-1700 Cals per day). This'll be better cuz if my metab is used to more, I'll be able to handle going out and things more (like when with friends etc)

As much as Im happy you understand, I have to kinda disagree. To me, and to basically everyone around me, eating normally, even at a slender weight, means NOT counting calories, being worried about losing/gaining and weighing myself. Thats what Im working towards...because as much as it kind of makes sense to others, really, the whole point of being "normal" is to not be worried AT ALL about weight, calories, food etc. And though I did eat well DURING my party, I still dont think that my ED was completely taken care of..in many ways it DID ruin my party...I had to prepare a menu with my mom, and order certain pizza, the cake HAD to be done a certain way, the cupcakes- well you know how those were just crazy, etc. If I was more normal, and my ED didnt ruin anything, then my mom couldve surprised me completely with all my fav foods and cakes and things..and my friends and I couldve gone OUT to dinner, etc. Its not ALL like it seems!!:D

Another thing (no no Im not mad about it all, just giving my 2 cents) - eating (even normally) doesnt always mean eating food for just energy. A LOT of ppl (that are at healthy weights) eat based on cravings, the presence of a particular food, even a "need" for it. Look at the stereotype for most women- chocolate...many women would say chocolate isnt a craving its a NEED. Like people NEED coffee...and people who are like that dont have EDs right??

Also, a while back you were saying that you felt stupid on this board b/c you were overweight and everyone else was thin, thus making it seem like everyone but you had a problem. There is a post, called "Anyone overweight and bulimic?" (WHICH YOU RESPONDED TO!!) that has a few people with your exact concerns (diff disorder, same principles). My favourite advice was given by a member named Charlyssa- ever hear of her? Well, you should look into the advice she gave on that thread- its so true, completely brilliant, and applies perfectly to you and your thoughts! :D

My weekends been pretty good, but pretty much uneventful! Hope your weekend is great! Happy 4th of July!

GG
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hey Charrrrr,

I cant say I've ever had the baords go down on me or anything, but I've had some weirdness lol.

Dont worry when I dont really talk much about me...really, its more a case of there's nothing new to report, so I would just assume whatever was my most recent state is my current. I WILL tell ya if any new things come up. For example, right now, I'm trying to speed up my metabolism by eating more (not like overeating, just what i really should be- 2200-2400 rather than 1500-1700 Cals per day). This'll be better cuz if my metab is used to more, I'll be able to handle going out and things more (like when with friends etc)

As much as Im happy you understand, I have to kinda disagree. To me, and to basically everyone around me, eating normally, even at a slender weight, means NOT counting calories, being worried about losing/gaining and weighing myself. Thats what Im working towards...because as much as it kind of makes sense to others, really, the whole point of being "normal" is to not be worried AT ALL about weight, calories, food etc. And though I did eat well DURING my party, I still dont think that my ED was completely taken care of..in many ways it DID ruin my party...I had to prepare a menu with my mom, and order certain pizza, the cake HAD to be done a certain way, the cupcakes- well you know how those were just crazy, etc. If I was more normal, and my ED didnt ruin anything, then my mom couldve surprised me completely with all my fav foods and cakes and things..and my friends and I couldve gone OUT to dinner, etc. Its not ALL like it seems!!:D

Another thing (no no Im not mad about it all, just giving my 2 cents) - eating (even normally) doesnt always mean eating food for just energy. A LOT of ppl (that are at healthy weights) eat based on cravings, the presence of a particular food, even a "need" for it. Look at the stereotype for most women- chocolate...many women would say chocolate isnt a craving its a NEED. Like people NEED coffee...and people who are like that dont have EDs right??

Also, a while back you were saying that you felt stupid on this board b/c you were overweight and everyone else was thin, thus making it seem like everyone but you had a problem. There is a post, called "Anyone overweight and bulimic?" (WHICH YOU RESPONDED TO!!) that has a few people with your exact concerns (diff disorder, same principles). My favourite advice was given by a member named Charlyssa- ever hear of her? Well, you should look into the advice she gave on that thread- its so true, completely brilliant, and applies perfectly to you and your thoughts! :D

My weekends been pretty good, but pretty much uneventful! Hope your weekend is great! Happy 4th of July!

GG[/QUOTE]


Hiya GG!!

I hope you didn't misunderstand - I realize you still have issues with eating, food, counting, etc. I didn't mean to minimize any of that, sweetie, because I know that it's not completely normal to do all the counting you do, etc. But I guess that the things I tell you are based on 2 factors - #1, where you are currently at in all of this is much improved over how it used to be when you were very anorexic and sooooo thin. I think you are learning a lot and doing well CONSIDERING how it USED to be. I mean, an anorexic wouldn't have been able to eat any of the things you ate for your birthday, unless they were all purged. You didn't mention doing that, so I assumed everything was OK. So, this is my comparison and why I think you're doing pretty well! Hey, I'm trying to compliment you, already!!!! LOL And #2, the other factor is, that compared to ME, you are doing so much better, ed-wise. I have accomplished NOTHING, whereas, you are really working on yours to be better. Like now, trying to have more calories to kick your metabolism up. You are making conscious efforts to improve!! See?? That's why I say the things to you that I do, because you have come a long way (and even you consider yourself in recovery!!!) and also because I am both proud of you...and envious of you!!!!! :D

I had to go back and look at what I wrote to lynx2 because I had forgotten. First, tho, I know I do have a problem, it's just that I don't consider my gluttony on a par with someone who is anorexic or bulemic. Maybe it's just my mindset, and based on what I know most people think of TRUE "fat slobs", that I don't consider mine to be as serious?? or as REALLY bad?? as the "TRUE" eating disorder people. I really do believe that most people don't think we fatties have an eating disorder, that we're just pigs without self-control. THat's why I always say the things I do, because I mostly base it on OTHER "normal" weight people's perceptions of us. But lynx is different - first of all, she's not obese, and she didn't understand that you could be of normal weight and STILL have an eating disorder, just as you, Ashlee and I pointed out to her. I think you mentioned something about an ed, and "disordered eating", and I can't remember now what you said to her, but are they considered to be the same thing, or different? IMHO, I see them different, and this is why: When I look in the mirror, I KNOW what I see. I KNOW that I am quite obese, and the proof of that is based on both appearance, as well as the height/weight tables. An anorexic and/or bulemic (oh, and they do have an eating disorder, too) looks in the mirror and sees that they are fat, even when they aren't. Like lynx, who calls herself a "fat slob" at 150, which I why I said the things to her that I did, and I guess also why I didn't, and don't, see myself in the same category. So maybe I'm just delusional. LOL I don't see myself as being a true eating disorder person, because society doesn't see me that way. Am I making any sense?????????? LOL

Yes, it was a nice 4th - I always enjoy all the fireworks all over. And thank you for wishing your "neighbor" that!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
Hi Starry Charry :bouncing: -

I guess I did misunderstand, but now that youve cleared it up it makes sense, and thanks :D! BUT I wouldnt say that compared to you, Im doing SO much better. The fact of the matter is, had I not been admitted to a hospital, I would still be where I was last year this time. You getting help would mean you would have to find a "team" and hire them all to "treat" you, which is so much more difficult, costly and probably not as helpful as a hospital program would be! Besides, youre older, so you have complete control over your healthcare, whereas I dont because Im not 18 (or whatever age it is). Let me tell you- it is MUCH easier to gain weight than to lose weight- as both of us know- so my position is probably easier than yours too. Not only that, but I only have 5ish lbs to gain, whereas you have much more to lose (right?)! I wouldnt say that Im THAT much better off than you :D!

I understand what youre saying about the difference between seeing yourself as fat and actually being overweight, and about what you think people think about fat people. Except- WHO CARES WHAT PPL THINK? lol Easier said than done, I know, but think about it- the people that know and care for you- they dont care about your weight (and if they do, its about your health, not your appearance). The people in malls or restaurants that you dont know, and you believe are making these assumptions- who cares what they think?? When will you ever see them again? How do you know that their lives arent worse off then yours? By the way, from what I see, you've got it pretty good! And because you've never actually SAID youre height/weight, I have my suspisions that youre merely overweight, not obese- i have a feeling that that is just your head telling you so..:p

To just point something out- You said:
[QUOTE=Charlyssa]I don't see myself as being a true eating disorder person, because society doesn't see me that way.[/QUOTE]

based on this reasoning, i could say the same thing because society sees me at a normal weight, and they dont see my "behind the scenes" calorie counting, food weighing, etc! What society thinks, and what is a reality are two very very very very very different things! Dont think that because you weigh more than others you have no problem! An ED is an ED is an ED!!! ED beaviours are ED behaviours, regardless if youre 70 lbs, 130 lbs or 500 lbs. I know youre probably tired of all my badgering so Ill give it a rest...:p but keep it in mind, and dont be so quick to put yourself last (one of the first things I learned in the hosp!).

Happy Monday!
GGGG
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hi Starry Charry :bouncing: -

I guess I did misunderstand, but now that youve cleared it up it makes sense, and thanks :D! BUT I wouldnt say that compared to you, Im doing SO much better. The fact of the matter is, had I not been admitted to a hospital, I would still be where I was last year this time. You getting help would mean you would have to find a "team" and hire them all to "treat" you, which is so much more difficult, costly and probably not as helpful as a hospital program would be! Besides, youre older, so you have complete control over your healthcare, whereas I dont because Im not 18 (or whatever age it is). Let me tell you- it is MUCH easier to gain weight than to lose weight- as both of us know- so my position is probably easier than yours too. Not only that, but I only have 5ish lbs to gain, whereas you have much more to lose (right?)! I wouldnt say that Im THAT much better off than you :D!

I understand what youre saying about the difference between seeing yourself as fat and actually being overweight, and about what you think people think about fat people. Except- WHO CARES WHAT PPL THINK? lol Easier said than done, I know, but think about it- the people that know and care for you- they dont care about your weight (and if they do, its about your health, not your appearance). The people in malls or restaurants that you dont know, and you believe are making these assumptions- who cares what they think?? When will you ever see them again? How do you know that their lives arent worse off then yours? By the way, from what I see, you've got it pretty good! And because you've never actually SAID youre height/weight, I have my suspisions that youre merely overweight, not obese- i have a feeling that that is just your head telling you so..:p

To just point something out- You said:


based on this reasoning, i could say the same thing because society sees me at a normal weight, and they dont see my "behind the scenes" calorie counting, food weighing, etc! What society thinks, and what is a reality are two very very very very very different things! Dont think that because you weigh more than others you have no problem! An ED is an ED is an ED!!! ED beaviours are ED behaviours, regardless if youre 70 lbs, 130 lbs or 500 lbs. I know youre probably tired of all my badgering so Ill give it a rest...:p but keep it in mind, and dont be so quick to put yourself last (one of the first things I learned in the hosp!).

Happy Monday!
GGGG[/QUOTE]


Hiya GG!!

You always amaze me, you know? Can't believe you're the age you are - you write as tho were at least twice your age.

Your reasoning, as always, is right on. But it occurred to me as I was reading all you wrote, especially your answer to what I said, that "society sees me that way"....so what you said re yourself, you have quite valid points. So, I've decided that my views of eds are based more on people's perceptions - there are 2 kinds of eds - the "visible", such as mine and anorexics; and the "invisible", such as yours and bulemics/binge/purgers, who can be of normal weight. So, I will commence thinking of it in that way, so that I will STOP seeing myself the way I have...and realize that mine is an ed, too....but that it's just the OTHER "visible" kind. :)

And I also agree that I do need a "team" and I need to be in-patient somewhere, as that's the only way I can control myself....that is, to BE controlled! In that, Aur and I are the same - we can't seem to manage on our own, so, it takes intervention of sorts. I may HAVE to do this, I just don't know. But right now, it's an impossibilty with all this house headache stuff going on. And I don't know if I could BEAR to leave my hub. Sometimes these places aren't even in the state where you reside. And, of course, it would have to be covered by the HMO and/or Medicare, as I'm on S.S. disability because of all my other problems. :rolleyes:

You are sooo right, that it's much easier to gain weight than to lose weight, but for a while there, my sis-in-law pretty much had me convinced otherwise. She's always sooooo worried about her weight, and unnecessarily so. She'd be upset if she gained 2 lbs, and equally upset if she lost 2 lbs (no ed, and she's ideal weight) and she just LOVED to make an issue of it, knowing full well what I have suffered for decades. I am most definitely obese, no doubt about that...in fact, depending what one uses as an ideal weight for someone like me at 5'7", I am either obese, or morbidly obese, but right there on the edge, anyway. :) She knows this, and has repeatedly brought up her 2lb concerns, and she doesn't get it. She actually had me believing that her "problem" is as bad as mine. There has even been a part of me that had thought for a long time that she was just gloating...and she is the type who, unfortunately, would do that. She often said the exact opposite of what you did - that it was as hard for her to gain (2 lbs!) as it is for me to lose. Sigh........ I gave up talking to her about the whole subject as it just upsets and depresss me, and I got tired of being made to feel bad.

You are soooooo right that I shouldn't care what strangers think, but I have always been sooooo self-conscious. It's more about my very poor self-esteem than it is about actual weight, probably. I do try to tell myself that and I TRY not to care...but let's face it - fat isn't acceptable. Seems every day there's an article in the paper about obesity, and the "fattening of America", and on and on. So what does this do? It perpetuates how bad it is to be fat, how unhealthy, how this, how that, we're costing the taxpayers money because obesity drives up health ins. cost, because we have more diabetes, high blood pressure, strokes, heart attacks, etc. - so slim people look at us as slime - not to be pitied, but to be abhorred....we're pigs, gluttons and disgusting. After a while, this begins to sink in and you believe everyone who looks at you is thinking, "What a pig!!" Sigh........Sadly, I have come to believe they are right, because that's how I view myself, too.

Oh, and you say anything you want anytime you want - I don't consider that you are "badgering" me, ever. I am grateful that you care enough to spend the time to tell me what you think. I do admit to being quite sensitive, so as long as you are kind in what you say, tell me anything you want!! :D

Hope all is well with you and the job?

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Charry-

My job is all good, and everything is great with me here. I've been eating more (up to 2300 Cals) and have only gained a pound (which also could be only water, because I upped my water intake by a LOT). So im happy! (Not that my weight would truly depress me, but it's just a nice feeling! :D)

YAY!! I'm glad that you've come around! I agree with you about the 2 types, and will add that I believe that the "invisible" are just as serious and problematic and the "visible", and also need to be treated! If you feel you need inpatient, I would really really go for it. or at least research it to know your options, the costs and length of stay. I know you luv your hubby, but you also needa put your health first, just for a bit! If you dont, you could actually have something serious happen, like a heart attack, which could even kill you (sorry for the drama), and then you wont have a choice as to whether or not you spend time with your hub! Take a lil time apart now- lengthen your time together in the future.

My philosophy is to get rid of things that make u unhappy. Your sis-in-law seems to be a not-very-nice-person. I would absolutely positively try to not spend anytime with her, other than that that's needed. Try not to call her or invite her over when you dont have to (you dont have to be mean about it, just "apologetic" later on :D). Don't listen to anything she says, and dont take things she says personally (its hard i know, but its so worth it). At parties or whatever, say hi, and dont stay around long to chat. Just do your best to ignore her. Everyone has their reasons for saying/doing things, and hers prolly arent that valid. Ignore her!!

You say "fat isn't acceptable" and you base this on the fact that nowadays the media is constantly proclaiming that the obesity epidemic must be stopped. Think about this: the media wants to make money. There are 2 epidemics right now: obesity and eating disorders. One they know how to cure- obesity-with diets and pills and such. EDs arent cured so easily, and there arent "anti-binge" pills or "eat-more" diets. So which one are they going to promote more- the one that can be marketed or the one that cant? Which one will make more money- obesity!! THAT'S why you see obesity everywhere. Obviously they arent going to say "EDs are a rising trend nowadays and something must be done- buy your anorexic daughter this food and we promise, she'll eat!" because they know it wont work. Plus, people dont know ANYTHING about EDs- they know it involves throwing up and being really really skinny. People dont want to see that, because they dont understand it. They THINK they understand the cause of obesity, but they dont really (for example, your case). But it isnt as scary as an eating disorder. Everything in the media is based on money. You cannot cannot cannot believe what they say. Take this as an example; the newest US Weekly had a cover story about Mary Kate Olsen and her recovery from anorexia. On page 84, they had 6 shots of diff celebs in bikinis, and their "stay slim secrets". If the media was truly concerned about the people, they would not have put those articles in the same magazine, pages apart. Lets face it- people want to be like celebs and read about them- they'll buy the magazine, which will give the mag more money.They devour the Mary Kate article and them try to emulate other celebs to "stay slim"- Im sure even some get eating disorders. Don't fall into this trap Char! You are FAR too kind and loving of a person to think poorly of yourself and to be judged. Just smile smile smile and be happpppy!!

GG[/QUOTE]



Hiya GG!!!

Sorry it's taken me so long to answer your post. I've gotten behind being off a couple of days, and that may happen from time to time - especially currently! This house thing will be the death of me!!!

You've gained a pound and you're OK with it???? WOW!!!! :eek: Major breakthru!!!!!!! That's just terrific, GG!!!! I'm soooooooooo happy that you are doing well - you really are in recovery!

You do have excellent philosophies, and you are sooooo right that I should take the time now to tackle the ed, so we have more time together in the future - eloquently put!! After all this house stuff is settled and we've moved, settled in, etc., then I will have time to give it serious thought.

Actually, my sis-in-law lives In ILL., where we used to live, and we are now in the desert Southwest. Our only contact is by phone, and she always calls me because she has unlimited LD calling and I don't. So at least I can be grateful they are only phone calls, but some of the phonecalls........ :mad: !!!!!! She's very self-absorbed and makes it clear that only HER life is important. Oh, I could go on and on...but, I am trying very hard to not take it all personally - but, you're right - it is VERY hard, even if they're only phone calls!

I understand all you say re obesity and the media. But it's sooooo hurtful to constantly hear this, and constantly promote that "thin is in", and everything is so "beauty"-oriented. Obesity is being given more weight LOL than it deserves. What about AIDS??? Drugs and drug addiction? Alcoholism? It's ALL taken a back seat to obesity!! And do they think that ONLY obese people have heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc??? I think there are MORE people who have these that are of normal weight - is this ever mentioned? No, let's just pick on the fatties and make them feel worse than they already do. I get a bit disgusted, I guess you could say. :D Is it any wonder we have low self-esteems, poor body image and little feelings of self-worth, to say nothing of utter embarrassment. I wish it were that easy to smile and be happy!! But I will try to work on that! ;)

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hey Char!

I dont know why I downplay my successes...I guess because I dont really feel that I've accomplished anything HUGE until I'm fully recovered. At the same time,too, I dont really like being congratulated on something that I kinda knew I could do..like for example..I really feel I COULD eat normally if I absolutely had to...but I just dont want to...so when I finally do eat normally, I wont really feel like it warrants congrats because I kinda knew I could. I find that with a lot of things too...school being a main one...I always found it so easy, and got great marks...but that to me isnt anything amazing because it wasnt something I worked hard for and finally got...you kinda know what I mean? So if I DO downplay things, its more because I didnt surprise myself by doing it, not because im not happy that I did (lol thats a mouthful).

Wow the house sounds amazing!! WITH a pool! YAY that's so great! I hope you get it...Ive heard about the craziness of the market..and people can be so vicious sometimes! If you DONT get it, I'm sure you'll find another perfect house...maybe better! Im pulling for ya though!

I'm so proud of you for trying to ignroe the cravings! Even though you gave it, it's ok..you still tried really really hard, and that's all that counts! One day you'll surprise yourself and will be able to NOT have ice cream! :D

I understand what you mean about the media. And I agree with your philosophy about how people shouldnt follow fads and just should live heathfully. But let's face it- when people want to lose weight, they want to do it in a way where they can eat yummy (translation=fatty and not good for you) foods, unlimited portions, and they want results FAST and painlessly. So naturally, they'll follow a diet like Atkins because it's got all sorts of no-good-for-you foods and it isn't centered around excersise (which I for one do not enjoy..). People are just clueless when it comes to eating, excersise and losing weight. They dont know whats good for them, so they'll do what they're told ...and what theyre told is no good for them..but they dont hear about THAT lol! I think that when people put too much thought into eating, they get into trouble...years and years ago, the term "calories" didn't even exist, and people were fine then werent they?? Calories are such an..unknown...all scientists basically know is that they are used as energy in your body...but there are so many "BUT's" or "MAYBE's"..like the possibility that all calories aren't created equal...what does THAT mean? lol...But I too have gotten myself into the calorie counting mess and find it hard to climb out.. one day i will! and one day you'll pass on the ice cream!

Aw it's too bad that you dont see your grandkids..maybe they'll visit you when you get the house! Hope you too have a good wknd!
GG[/QUOTE]



Hiya GG!!

Ahhh, so that's it. OK, I do understand...to a point. :) But then, that would be like someone saying they don't know how to drive until they actually have their driver's license....or.....hmmmm, what would be another good analogy....OH!! The best one yet!!! That if I were to lose 60 pounds, that's not a success until I've lost all 80 lbs.!!! Hmmm, so I guess you'll perceive me as a failure until I lose all 80!! :D And you won't be REALLY happy for me along the way...not til I get to that full 80lb loss. Hmmmmm. LOL!! See?? So, now you'll DEFINITELY understand (I hope!!) why I celebrate you many successes! You are, right now, where I would be if I had lost, say....66lbs! OH GOSH!!!!!!!! And would I ever be happy at that point!!!!! And even that you say....that you feel you "could eat normally if you absolutely had to", is waaaaaaay more than I can say about myself right now!! You are soooo much better, sweetie, I just wish YOU knew it. To you, it's not yet perfect, and I guess you think that it must be...but maybe expecting perfection is a bit unrealistic. I mean, who IS perfect in how or what they think about food, diets, etc. Even my son, who is a perfect weight, is very muscular and he works out, of course...says no to desserts often. If he ate too much dinner, he doesn't want dessert - if he intends to have it, he makes a conscious effort to eat less dinner. I believe that is just plain sensible!! I mean, if everyone just ate what they wanted all the time...well, they'd look like me! Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful metabolism and can eat what they want without giving any thought to calories. No one in my family!!! And my daughter is heavy, both my parents had a tendency to gain and had to lose, and both my grandmothers were heavy. My brother had been struggling, too in the past 5 years or so. He's 47, and career Air Force, so he REALLY has to be careful!! They strictly adhere to height/weight ratios, and if you go one pound over the top weight, you are TOLD to reduce...in fact, when you are nearing it, you're warned. Anyway, so many people have to be very careful...and if you feel the need to watch your calories, I don't see that as a serious thing, certainly not the way you've been recently handling things. I admire you sooooo much!!! So will you just please allow me to??? :D

Yes, I miss my granddaughters very much - it is so hard not being around to watch them grow up. waaaah!!!

Hugs!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
I understand what you're saying Char, and you bring up some good points. Maybe we will always have EDs...but IMO I would say that once you're recovered, you're a "recovered anorexic" or a "recovered Comp Overeater". Like your stepmother- i would call her a "recovered alcoholic". Maybe she wouldn't say so, because she thinks that to be recovered you must be able to drink somewhat, just control yourself. I think there's a difference... I think that once you've gotten yourself into something, your whole life change..what is "normal" for you now is probably diff from everyone else's "normal". Which I think is ok.. with me.. i would say that once I've maintained my weight for several years, and have gotten my period back, and dont count cals obsessively, I'm not longer an anorexic..maybe a "recovered anorexic". And those feelings coming back..well..sometimes you just know they wont! Like I can honestly say I dont ever think i will lose 25 lbs again (and by that I mean eat at 800 Cals, go down to 100 lbs, etc). I'm informed, I'm prepared, I'm motivated I guess!

As for you- I can see your dilemma. The thing is, you have to ask yourself- where are you happiest? Are you happiest at 145lbs or at your current weight? Maybe in between (just b/c u lose weight doesnt have to mean its all the way to your ideal). Do what makes you HAPPY (and of course is healthy for you). Every weight has it's drawbacks- even thin people has risks. Did you know that people (esp. older women) who are slender are at a greater risk for osteoporosis? Of course, some have more risks, but overall, whatever amkes you happy, makes you happy. If you are happy now, eating ice cream and such, and you arent at immediate danger, then I see no problem. If you are at risk for many things, I would definately do something about it. Losing weight shouldnt mean unhappiness- it should be the opposite! You should feel good about yourself!!

I have a strong suspicion that the reason that you regained your weight all those times is because you slipped up once and you figured "i've failed..might as well give up". It's that thinking exactly that prevents you from keeping it off!! You CAN eat ice cream if youre thin- it shouldnt mean depriving yourself!! Life is short. You need to do what makes life better for you. If that means where you are at now- do it!- and dont feel guilty.

As for motivating yourself to keep it off? We'll cross that bridge when we get there. You havent even lost it yet- how can you possibly worry about your thoughts then when that's in the future? When you lose the weight, we'll talk about it then and try to fight the ice cream thoughts (not that ice cream is the devil..). You can't say youll gain it back when you arent there. Every time you repeat something (losing and regaining weight0 you learn something, sometimes subconciously. WHEN and IF you decide to lose the weight, what you think might happen in the future is not a good thing to base you desicions on!! I say go for it and we'll deal with it later (notice the WE!):D
Hope your saturday is as hot as mine here!! :D
GG
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]I understand what you're saying Char, and you bring up some good points. Maybe we will always have EDs...but IMO I would say that once you're recovered, you're a "recovered anorexic" or a "recovered Comp Overeater". Like your stepmother- i would call her a "recovered alcoholic". Maybe she wouldn't say so, because she thinks that to be recovered you must be able to drink somewhat, just control yourself. I think there's a difference... I think that once you've gotten yourself into something, your whole life change..what is "normal" for you now is probably diff from everyone else's "normal". Which I think is ok.. with me.. i would say that once I've maintained my weight for several years, and have gotten my period back, and dont count cals obsessively, I'm not longer an anorexic..maybe a "recovered anorexic". And those feelings coming back..well..sometimes you just know they wont! Like I can honestly say I dont ever think i will lose 25 lbs again (and by that I mean eat at 800 Cals, go down to 100 lbs, etc). I'm informed, I'm prepared, I'm motivated I guess!

As for you- I can see your dilemma. The thing is, you have to ask yourself- where are you happiest? Are you happiest at 145lbs or at your current weight? Maybe in between (just b/c u lose weight doesnt have to mean its all the way to your ideal). Do what makes you HAPPY (and of course is healthy for you). Every weight has it's drawbacks- even thin people has risks. Did you know that people (esp. older women) who are slender are at a greater risk for osteoporosis? Of course, some have more risks, but overall, whatever amkes you happy, makes you happy. If you are happy now, eating ice cream and such, and you arent at immediate danger, then I see no problem. If you are at risk for many things, I would definately do something about it. Losing weight shouldnt mean unhappiness- it should be the opposite! You should feel good about yourself!!

I have a strong suspicion that the reason that you regained your weight all those times is because you slipped up once and you figured "i've failed..might as well give up". It's that thinking exactly that prevents you from keeping it off!! You CAN eat ice cream if youre thin- it shouldnt mean depriving yourself!! Life is short. You need to do what makes life better for you. If that means where you are at now- do it!- and dont feel guilty.

As for motivating yourself to keep it off? We'll cross that bridge when we get there. You havent even lost it yet- how can you possibly worry about your thoughts then when that's in the future? When you lose the weight, we'll talk about it then and try to fight the ice cream thoughts (not that ice cream is the devil..). You can't say youll gain it back when you arent there. Every time you repeat something (losing and regaining weight0 you learn something, sometimes subconciously. WHEN and IF you decide to lose the weight, what you think might happen in the future is not a good thing to base you desicions on!! I say go for it and we'll deal with it later (notice the WE!):D
Hope your saturday is as hot as mine here!! :D
GG[/QUOTE]


Hiya GG!!!!!

You're right, I know you're right, and you have all the right ideas, thought processes, mindset, etc. You are just sooooooooooo right!!!!!!! :D But I am still in a muddle. I see Aur has leapt in!!!! Yea!!! So I will answer you both in one thing - I understand what you're both saying, i.e., don't put the cart before the horse, and let's cross that bridge when we get to it.....but the way I'm looking at it is.....why even start or stay on a diet, when I feel so certain I'll gain everything back anyway???? Losing weight is TORTURE!!!!!!!! Iwould rather have my fimgernails ripped off!! I would rather suffer daily beatings!! I would rather....well, you get the point! :D And even I got down to 170 I would be TICKLED PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Isn't that just AWFUL????????????) But what are my chances of attaining, and maintaining even THAT weight?????? Right now I'm 0 for about 130!! ( at least 130 diets in my lifetime!!!!) Not very good odds, hmmm? Any wonder I find it laughable to think I could ever do this???? Sigh........... And no, I am not happy now. I am miserable....and I will also be miserable on a diet....and if I gain it back I will be MORE miserable. Hmmmmmm....seems I'm doomed to be miserable know matter what I do!!!!! Oh, and it's not because I slipped up - it's because I went right back to old eating habits. STUPID!!!!

Do you know that I was diagnosed 3 years ago with Osteopenia?? (early-stage osteoporosis) What a hoot!!! I heard the same thing, that thin women get it, whereas heavy women typically don't, because the extra weight we carry is actually good for bones, in THAT way, anyway. It's like doing constant weight-bearing exercises. So, I find this hilarious.....being diagnosed with osteopenia at age 50, which is also quite early, too!

What I NEED is to be motivated to start a diet, and I can't seem to do it. If looking in the mirror, and weighing myself doesn't do it....what ever will??????
Sigh......................

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:

Arghhh, I'm mad. I just lost a post!!!!! :mad: But anyway, Dr. Quench, INDEED!!! Man, I just LOVE to steal your words, can you tell?? :p And mind if I yell for a bit? But 2-3 MONTHS???????? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! That's wayyyyyyyy too long ago!!! But I'm happy you made an appointment so I'll shut my trap now, LOL!

Okay, I feel the need to yell again. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (You know, I DO intend to damage your eardrums tonight!!! ;)) You have intentions to quit smoking, TOO???? Man, I can't WAIT until you're done moving!! I mean, REALLY!!! If everything works out the way you plan, which I hope they DO, then WOW!!!! We'd all be so very proud of our Starry Charry!!! :D[/QUOTE]


Hiya Ms Q!!

Ooooh, sorry about the lost post - I cut most everytime now that I write a long post, because my ISP LOVES to cut me off if I'm inactive too long. Sooooo annoying!!!

Awwwwww, thanks for your "cheers"!! Actually, it's funny - I feel better about myself since I have taken these steps...even if they are baby steps...to do what I know I've needed to do for a long time. At least I'm TRYING....and I haven't really done much of that in a while now. Just whined that I feel hopeless and annoyed most everyone here. :D I'm not saying that I feel a LOT of hope...I mean, I have been obese for sooooo long, that it's hard to imagine myself any other way. Funny that something ON my skin would spur me into action about all that's UNDERNEATH my skin. LOL I guess anyone can relate as to how it feels to keep putting off something you KNOW you need to do, so that when you FINALLY take the necessary steps to deal with it, it makes you feel so relieved. As if a massive weight LOL has been lifted from you.

Well, we shall see. All I did was make some calls, BUT, I do intend to follow this thru. Honestly, I think the hardest part was just making the calls...the next hard part will be facing my Dr. tomorrow. I just know I'm going to catch it good about my weight...but at least I'm there to try and DO something about it, right??? or, at least that's what I'm planning to tell her. :D

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:

P.S. I forgot to add that I have to agree with GG - you do have too much time on your hands, and boredom DEFINITELY can be a reason to turn more to food. I sure wish you'd do something this summer to occupy your time more. And I also think that when you DO do something, you'll feel better about yourself, and maybe you won't turn to food as much, you know?? :)
[B]Hey char! [/B]

I mean everything I said!! Don't feel that because you are heavier than some that your personality doesnt stand out! (because it does :D) Its great that me just saying that aloud (as opposed to just thinking it) make ya happy! :D

NO NO it's not that i get bored reading posts- thats not it at all!! It just happens when I read... I guess I just have a short attention span (but I dont because it only happens with reading! lol). See, when I read replies sometimes, I find that when they are all in one huge paragraph, as opposed to several smallish ones, people tend to go on and on (like Im probably doing right now!) I dont know what it is- but it has NOTHING to do with any of you's :D...I just skim things, get the general jist, and then reply (and now Ive taken to replying with quotes, so it gives me a chance to reread the post slower, and respond to everything properly! I think I just rush myself to reply fast....I tend to like to get things done NOW, as soon as the idea enters my mind! lol Hope that makes sense...!

Do you know what's funny? I already keep a log of what I eat!! :D I have a big binder that I keep nutritional pamphlets and my meal plans from the hospital, and i refer to that occasionally...but basically i know what to do, like you said....Its just DOING it is the problem! Just like you....I know I can, it's just doing it that needs the work. I feel comfortable where I am right now, but then again, not always :S... for example..when im at home, or with my family, I am a-ok to do my own thing, count cals, eat by portions, etc. When i out, with friends, vacationing, etc, those things are harder to do! I'm going to Europe (Italy, France) next march break, with my friend, and Im a tad worried about managing there! Little things worry me- like I've never gotten drunk, and Im hesitant to because of the CALORIES in the drinks!, and europe isnt going to be like America...so counting cals will be harder (not to mention it would be anyways with my friend there).

Lol...I often get worried about things REALLY far away, and until I reach that point and time, I wont get it out of my head :P

I can understand what youre saying about your weight overshadowing your life...sometimes it feels like that for me (except "weight" is replaced with "eating" lol). Hopefulyl one day me and you both will be free of these curses! I'm hoping the hypnotherapy works too!

xo gg

EDIT: I JUST found out that I am in fact going to my friend's cottage for 4 days (I leave next wednesday). I'm kind of freaking out....maybe thats a tad exaggerated, but i am worried...I mean, her parents dont cook, so I assume we're going to eat out at least once. I dont know whether to try to stick to my 500-600 Cal meals and 200 cal snack, or to copy what my friends do (ie/ tiny breakfast, moderate lunch/dinner, and snacking a lot). I'm worried that they'll wanna go and get drunk (not what I'd like to do), or that I'll feel really weird eating a huge breakfast when they dont, or that ill be just so worried about it all that I wont enjoy myself! ahhhhh!
[QUOTE=girlygirl11][B]Hey char! [/B]

I mean everything I said!! Don't feel that because you are heavier than some that your personality doesnt stand out! (because it does :D) Its great that me just saying that aloud (as opposed to just thinking it) make ya happy! :D

NO NO it's not that i get bored reading posts- thats not it at all!! It just happens when I read... I guess I just have a short attention span (but I dont because it only happens with reading! lol). See, when I read replies sometimes, I find that when they are all in one huge paragraph, as opposed to several smallish ones, people tend to go on and on (like Im probably doing right now!) I dont know what it is- but it has NOTHING to do with any of you's :D...I just skim things, get the general jist, and then reply (and now Ive taken to replying with quotes, so it gives me a chance to reread the post slower, and respond to everything properly! I think I just rush myself to reply fast....I tend to like to get things done NOW, as soon as the idea enters my mind! lol Hope that makes sense...!

Do you know what's funny? I already keep a log of what I eat!! :D I have a big binder that I keep nutritional pamphlets and my meal plans from the hospital, and i refer to that occasionally...but basically i know what to do, like you said....Its just DOING it is the problem! Just like you....I know I can, it's just doing it that needs the work. I feel comfortable where I am right now, but then again, not always :S... for example..when im at home, or with my family, I am a-ok to do my own thing, count cals, eat by portions, etc. When i out, with friends, vacationing, etc, those things are harder to do! I'm going to Europe (Italy, France) next march break, with my friend, and Im a tad worried about managing there! Little things worry me- like I've never gotten drunk, and Im hesitant to because of the CALORIES in the drinks!, and europe isnt going to be like America...so counting cals will be harder (not to mention it would be anyways with my friend there).

Lol...I often get worried about things REALLY far away, and until I reach that point and time, I wont get it out of my head :P

I can understand what youre saying about your weight overshadowing your life...sometimes it feels like that for me (except "weight" is replaced with "eating" lol). Hopefulyl one day me and you both will be free of these curses! I'm hoping the hypnotherapy works too!

xo gg

EDIT: I JUST found out that I am in fact going to my friend's cottage for 4 days (I leave next wednesday). I'm kind of freaking out....maybe thats a tad exaggerated, but i am worried...I mean, her parents dont cook, so I assume we're going to eat out at least once. I dont know whether to try to stick to my 500-600 Cal meals and 200 cal snack, or to copy what my friends do (ie/ tiny breakfast, moderate lunch/dinner, and snacking a lot). I'm worried that they'll wanna go and get drunk (not what I'd like to do), or that I'll feel really weird eating a huge breakfast when they dont, or that ill be just so worried about it all that I wont enjoy myself! ahhhhh![/QUOTE]



Hiya GG!!

One thing I have learned about you in the past many weeks that we have been getting to know each other, is that you tend to worry a LOT about things beforehand....and then after, you find that you did verrrrrry well, and you spent all that time worrying for nothing!!!!! LOL I don't think YOU know you're doing as well as I seem to!! You have managed many parties and get-togethers just about perfectly, and you sweated every one of them, right?? So, what has this revelation taught you????????? How about....to start trusting yourself!! Your instincts! Your knowledge!! Don't you know how terrific you're doing??? And, isn't the proof on the scale?? You haven't been saying, but I imagine that you haven't gained anything, and I sure hope you haven't LOST anything!!!??? So, I do believe that the scale, if nothing else, should be your assurance that you are doing superbly!!! Hey, take a bow!! And stop worrying so much...you'll get yourself an ulcer, and if you DO, you will be VERY displeased at what, and how often, you eat when you have one!! :D And you won't be allowed ANY alcohol at all!! LOL

Oh my goodness LOL I should have known that you keep tract of all food! :-) So, my dear, you REALLY do need to start trusting yourself, because everytime you're away (and lucky girl!! going to Italy and France!! I N V U!!!) all you'll do is fret, and when you do, you're ruining the moment! Moments! Hours! Days!!! See??

OK, I'm confused...is this ANOTHER friend's cottage you're going to? 'Cause, I thought it was for 2 weeks? Must be someone else, then, right? OK< think of this as your "warm-up" for the OTHER friend's cottage you'll be at!! Four days is nothing - you will not become blubberous (is that a word?? LOL) in 4 days. remember we talked about this sort of thing before, too? HAVE A GOOD TIME!!! Worry about the 6 ounces LOL you gained when you return!! Honestly, if you don't stop this worrying you will be grey-haired before you're 20!! Is drinking legal there at 18? Well, if you DO drink, be careful...I think I'm more worried about that for you than your diet! I hope they don't drink to get drunk - not real smart, you know?? But if you do drink, may I make a suggestion, since I'm gathering you're a bit new to this? Have a dry white wine with seltzer - no cals to the seltzer water, and it stretches out a drink!! LOL And a dry wine has fewer cals, too!! As for eating, please trust yourself, OK? You've eaten out before...get things you're used to and then just eat portions you're used to! See?? Simple!! :)

OK, and I understand about the long posts, too...so what did I do??? Make along post, too!!! LOL

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11][B]Hey char! [/B]

I mean everything I said!! Don't feel that because you are heavier than some that your personality doesnt stand out! (because it does :D) Its great that me just saying that aloud (as opposed to just thinking it) make ya happy! :D

NO NO it's not that i get bored reading posts- thats not it at all!! It just happens when I read... I guess I just have a short attention span (but I dont because it only happens with reading! lol). See, when I read replies sometimes, I find that when they are all in one huge paragraph, as opposed to several smallish ones, people tend to go on and on (like Im probably doing right now!) I dont know what it is- but it has NOTHING to do with any of you's :D...I just skim things, get the general jist, and then reply (and now Ive taken to replying with quotes, so it gives me a chance to reread the post slower, and respond to everything properly! I think I just rush myself to reply fast....I tend to like to get things done NOW, as soon as the idea enters my mind! lol Hope that makes sense...!

Do you know what's funny? I already keep a log of what I eat!! :D I have a big binder that I keep nutritional pamphlets and my meal plans from the hospital, and i refer to that occasionally...but basically i know what to do, like you said....Its just DOING it is the problem! Just like you....I know I can, it's just doing it that needs the work. I feel comfortable where I am right now, but then again, not always :S... for example..when im at home, or with my family, I am a-ok to do my own thing, count cals, eat by portions, etc. When i out, with friends, vacationing, etc, those things are harder to do! I'm going to Europe (Italy, France) next march break, with my friend, and Im a tad worried about managing there! Little things worry me- like I've never gotten drunk, and Im hesitant to because of the CALORIES in the drinks!, and europe isnt going to be like America...so counting cals will be harder (not to mention it would be anyways with my friend there).

Lol...I often get worried about things REALLY far away, and until I reach that point and time, I wont get it out of my head :P

I can understand what youre saying about your weight overshadowing your life...sometimes it feels like that for me (except "weight" is replaced with "eating" lol). Hopefulyl one day me and you both will be free of these curses! I'm hoping the hypnotherapy works too!

xo gg

EDIT: I JUST found out that I am in fact going to my friend's cottage for 4 days (I leave next wednesday). I'm kind of freaking out....maybe thats a tad exaggerated, but i am worried...I mean, her parents dont cook, so I assume we're going to eat out at least once. I dont know whether to try to stick to my 500-600 Cal meals and 200 cal snack, or to copy what my friends do (ie/ tiny breakfast, moderate lunch/dinner, and snacking a lot). I'm worried that they'll wanna go and get drunk (not what I'd like to do), or that I'll feel really weird eating a huge breakfast when they dont, or that ill be just so worried about it all that I wont enjoy myself! ahhhhh![/QUOTE]

Hiya GG!!

One thing I have learned about you in the past many weeks that we have been getting to know each other, is that you tend to worry a LOT about things beforehand....and then after, you find that you did verrrrrry well, and you spent all that time worrying for nothing!!!!! LOL I don't think YOU know you're doing as well as I seem to!! You have managed many parties and get-togethers just about perfectly, and you sweated every one of them, right?? So, what has this revelation taught you????????? How about....to start trusting yourself!! Your instincts! Your knowledge!! Don't you know how terrific you're doing??? And, isn't the proof on the scale?? You haven't been saying, but I imagine that you haven't gained anything, and I sure hope you haven't LOST anything!!!??? So, I do believe that the scale, if nothing else, should be your assurance that you are doing superbly!!! Hey, take a bow!! And stop worrying so much...you'll get yourself an ulcer, and if you DO, you will be VERY displeased at what, and how often, you eat when you have one!! :D And you won't be allowed ANY alcohol at all!! LOL

Oh my goodness LOL I should have known that you keep tract of all food! :-) So, my dear, you REALLY do need to start trusting yourself, because everytime you're away (and lucky girl!! going to Italy and France!! I N V U!!!) all you'll do is fret, and when you do, you're ruining the moment! Moments! Hours! Days!!! See??

OK, I'm confused...is this ANOTHER friend's cottage you're going to? 'Cause, I thought it was for 2 weeks? Must be someone else, then, right? OK< think of this as your "warm-up" for the OTHER friend's cottage you'll be at!! Four days is nothing - you will not become blubberous (is that a word?? LOL) in 4 days. remember we talked about this sort of thing before, too? HAVE A GOOD TIME!!! Worry about the 6 ounces LOL you gained when you return!! Honestly, if you don't stop this worrying you will be grey-haired before you're 20!! Is drinking legal there at 18? Well, if you DO drink, be careful...I think I'm more worried about that for you than your diet! I hope they don't drink to get drunk - not real smart, you know?? But if you do drink, may I make a suggestion, since I'm gathering you're a bit new to this? Have a dry white wine with seltzer - no cals to the seltzer water, and it stretches out a drink!! LOL And a dry wine has fewer cals, too!! As for eating, please trust yourself, OK? You've eaten out before...get things you're used to and then just eat portions you're used to! See?? Simple!! :)

OK, and I understand about the long posts, too...so what did I do??? Make along post, too!!! LOL

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
Charry Charry Charry, how does my garden grow? (or is it "your" garden?)

Heh, I figured you would catch on eventually that I am a bit of a worrywart (fyi: a characteristic of a person w/ an ED). After talking things over with my mom, I kinda realized that I shouldnt fret SO much. I can do it! (she said, which makes me believe it!). I'm going to bring up a bunch of foods, including ones that can be my fallback if they make something I dont like (ie/ pancakes for breakfast) or something like that. My mom pointed out that they arent going to make gourmet meals- prolly hot dogs, KD, etc....so its do-able!

Yup I do keep track of what I eat....which i guess isnt great because it promotes my calorie counting. But slowly (very slowly) I am getting comfortable with having certain meals (or foods) and not having to re-count the cals again. I'm also wondering if i should try to guesstimate my totals for when I'm up there...it'll be tricky probably...

Ok to clear things up- this is the "friend's cottage" that I have been talking about all along. Originally we loosely planned it to be around a 2 week stay, but that was just offhanded comments. Her mom called today and finalized the plan, and we are going for FOUR days (better for me anyways)-leaving next Wed, coming back Sunday. I know I shouldnt worry at all, but I cant help it- I know I will....Im a lil calmer now, after talking to my mom and stuff, and I think things will be ok! (or if not, I KNOW i really can lose the weight lol)

As for the drinking- yes, it is just to get drunk. and we're not 18 yet (lol) so technically it isnt even legal. Now that I think about it, we probably wont, because her parents will be there. But if so, I know cals of some drinks, and if worse comes to worse, I refuse! hehehe But thanks for your drinking advice! :D

Happy Tuesday!
gg
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Charry Charry Charry, how does my garden grow? (or is it "your" garden?)

Heh, I figured you would catch on eventually that I am a bit of a worrywart (fyi: a characteristic of a person w/ an ED). After talking things over with my mom, I kinda realized that I shouldnt fret SO much. I can do it! (she said, which makes me believe it!). I'm going to bring up a bunch of foods, including ones that can be my fallback if they make something I dont like (ie/ pancakes for breakfast) or something like that. My mom pointed out that they arent going to make gourmet meals- prolly hot dogs, KD, etc....so its do-able!

Yup I do keep track of what I eat....which i guess isnt great because it promotes my calorie counting. But slowly (very slowly) I am getting comfortable with having certain meals (or foods) and not having to re-count the cals again. I'm also wondering if i should try to guesstimate my totals for when I'm up there...it'll be tricky probably...

Ok to clear things up- this is the "friend's cottage" that I have been talking about all along. Originally we loosely planned it to be around a 2 week stay, but that was just offhanded comments. Her mom called today and finalized the plan, and we are going for FOUR days (better for me anyways)-leaving next Wed, coming back Sunday. I know I shouldnt worry at all, but I cant help it- I know I will....Im a lil calmer now, after talking to my mom and stuff, and I think things will be ok! (or if not, I KNOW i really can lose the weight lol)

As for the drinking- yes, it is just to get drunk. and we're not 18 yet (lol) so technically it isnt even legal. Now that I think about it, we probably wont, because her parents will be there. But if so, I know cals of some drinks, and if worse comes to worse, I refuse! hehehe But thanks for your drinking advice! :D

Happy Tuesday!
gg[/QUOTE]


Hiya GG!!

I like that.."Starry Charry", BTW. Really cute!! How does my garden grow?? Ask me in about 2 months as I will be planting some veggies. LOL

OK, OK, I get it - you won't listen to ME, just your Mom. LOL Awww, it's OK, and I'm just j/k!! But you really do have the hang of things more than you know, and I am soooooooo envious. You should have everything down to an exact science by now...heck, you could probably write a book from many to learn from! ;)

What I forgot to mention in my last post was that I. too, am a MAJOR worrywart - you have nothing on me!! If I have nothing to worry about, I will FIND something!! :) So, it was easy for me to spot this trait in you. Funny that I stress about so many things, but yet, look what I've done to myself?? But then...food is a DE-stressor, too. Funny how that works, you know?

OK, gotcha re friend and cottage. Awww, that's a shame, tho, that it got cut to 4 days. See, I really thought that this would be a TERRIFIC learning experience for you..that you would see, for sure, that you can handle this eating/calories/portions thing. OK, I getcha about bringing some food as "backup", but I soooooo hope you won't eat it. Try very hard not to, OK? Because this could be a very big "pop quiz" LOL for you, you know? A way for you to finally see just how extremely well you're doing. You can do this!!! I just know it!!!! And yes, I think definitely that you should guesstimate the cals...how else will you learn to trust your judgment?????

We'll keep talking about this, tho, in these next days before you leave. I will keep at you with positive reinforcement! :D I know you will be a success! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GG!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:





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