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[QUOTE=Charlyssa]Hi GG!!!

I answered your post yesterday but the Boards went down while I was trying to "post reply" - I saved it (by "cutting"), but couldn't ever get back. Gave up, and then forgot that when I sign off, I lose what I "cut"...which I found out later when I tried to "paste". It was such a long post, too!! Oh, well.....

Well, even if there isn't MUCH to tell, I still care about you and want to know how things are going. I am a worry wart, and if someone isn't talking much, I get concerned and wonder if everything is OK. And now Quench has been gone for a while, and I am REALLY worrying about her, as she has a very rough situation at home.

Actually, my having no appetite during the day goes beyond that, into...I DARE not eat anything that will make me sick. I can't even have boiled eggs, much less, anything else with fat in it, as it will llay in my stomach for hours undigested, then make me terribly nauseous. And if you have ever gone thru nausea, you know how awful it is. So, I don't dare eat more than I know I can tolerate. I know it's a very strange condition, and it has even puzzled Doctors. I have had sooooooo many tests, and all they can come up with is that it's because of the gall bladder surgery 30 years ago. They say we really do need every organ in our body, except maybe the appendix - back in the day when I had mine removed, they felt it was really a useless organ. But I have read in recent years - and maybe because of people like me!!! - that the gall bladder is there for a reason, and it DOES have something to do with the digestion of fats. Soooooo, there isn't much I can do, and I have basically been told what I already had figured out, that I need to stay away from anything that makes me sick. Being that I have my "breakfast" toward mid afternoon, I really feel quite full, and remain so until around 9pm, by which time I've developed an appetite, and can eat some things that I probably shouldn't, of course. As for my lat-night ice cream....hmmmm......I can honestly say it really isn't about hunger at all - it's a craving, a want, a need, a must-have, and all kinds of disgusting things like that. THAAT is the habit??? I really must break, but of which, so far, has been oh so painfully impossible to accomplish. I guess that IS what makes this an eating disorder, I suppose. Food should only be a NEED when one is hungry - it shouldn't be an addiction, which is certainly how I've come to think of it. See? And now you know why I hate discussing myself - I feel soooo many negatives about it.

I do so understand how you feel about counting calories and watching your weight. How could I possiblt blame you??????? If I did that I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I actually think you are doing pretty well! I think you handled your birthday weekend like most anyone would, and I'm glad you were able to enjoy what you ate, and not let it ruin the celebrations. I just know you will do wonderfully when you are having the 2 week stay with your friend!
Hope you've been having a terrific weekend!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:[/QUOTE]

Hey Charrrrr,

I cant say I've ever had the baords go down on me or anything, but I've had some weirdness lol.

Dont worry when I dont really talk much about me...really, its more a case of there's nothing new to report, so I would just assume whatever was my most recent state is my current. I WILL tell ya if any new things come up. For example, right now, I'm trying to speed up my metabolism by eating more (not like overeating, just what i really should be- 2200-2400 rather than 1500-1700 Cals per day). This'll be better cuz if my metab is used to more, I'll be able to handle going out and things more (like when with friends etc)

As much as Im happy you understand, I have to kinda disagree. To me, and to basically everyone around me, eating normally, even at a slender weight, means NOT counting calories, being worried about losing/gaining and weighing myself. Thats what Im working towards...because as much as it kind of makes sense to others, really, the whole point of being "normal" is to not be worried AT ALL about weight, calories, food etc. And though I did eat well DURING my party, I still dont think that my ED was completely taken care of..in many ways it DID ruin my party...I had to prepare a menu with my mom, and order certain pizza, the cake HAD to be done a certain way, the cupcakes- well you know how those were just crazy, etc. If I was more normal, and my ED didnt ruin anything, then my mom couldve surprised me completely with all my fav foods and cakes and things..and my friends and I couldve gone OUT to dinner, etc. Its not ALL like it seems!!:D

Another thing (no no Im not mad about it all, just giving my 2 cents) - eating (even normally) doesnt always mean eating food for just energy. A LOT of ppl (that are at healthy weights) eat based on cravings, the presence of a particular food, even a "need" for it. Look at the stereotype for most women- chocolate...many women would say chocolate isnt a craving its a NEED. Like people NEED coffee...and people who are like that dont have EDs right??

Also, a while back you were saying that you felt stupid on this board b/c you were overweight and everyone else was thin, thus making it seem like everyone but you had a problem. There is a post, called "Anyone overweight and bulimic?" (WHICH YOU RESPONDED TO!!) that has a few people with your exact concerns (diff disorder, same principles). My favourite advice was given by a member named Charlyssa- ever hear of her? Well, you should look into the advice she gave on that thread- its so true, completely brilliant, and applies perfectly to you and your thoughts! :D

My weekends been pretty good, but pretty much uneventful! Hope your weekend is great! Happy 4th of July!

GG





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