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Ironically enough, I will be working in the bakery section of a grocery store! When my brother heard he asked why everything I do relates to food- I didn't apply for that reason! lol I applied b.c the pay is great!!

While I am excited that it will be my bday, I'm actually getting really really stressed out about the parties (friends party and family party) and what I'm going to eat and how i've got so much to do in the next couple days. When my friends are over I always make an enormous effort to look "normal"- that is, eat what they eat, do what they do, etc. So I can't have a diet coke when they all have regular coke. We're having burgers, hot dogs and fries for dinner, and cupcakes instead of bday cake. The burgers I'm a-ok with, and I've had them before. I plan to not have fries or a drink, just the burger with dressings and maybe some pickles on the side. hopefully that'll be "normal" enough for them not to say anything...

Today I became super stressed about these cupcakes. I never do well making food for myself because I always try to find ways to minimize the cals or something. I used the applesauce, which seemed to work fine. But then when I tried filling the cups, I couldn't get 24 out of the batter (and the box says it'll make 24)!! And I knew that meant more calories per cupcake, so I scooped and refilled and moved around batter to make 23 cupcakes, at which point the batter was only about filled 1/4 of the cups. When I popped them in the oven, I was worried that they wouldn't rise to a good size and that my mom/dad/friends would comment on them and accuse me of something. So I tried my "muffin-rise trick"- When you first put them in the oven, turn the heat upfor a couple minutes, then turn it back down to regular temp- the initial blast of heat will make them rise quickly. After a couple minutes I began to smell burning. great. I look in the oven to find a couple tops burnt...I ended up salvaging the rest, and they actually turned out fine. When I was pouring jello over the cakes, I thought they might tast really weird b/c I've never heard of pouring jello over them (as the recipe says to). So then I got worried that again they would taste weird, on top on the burnt-ness of some.

In the end, I got my dad to try one and he liked them, so I frosted them with light coolwhip and decorated them carefully (well the first few I measured, the rest look better but aren't measured..guess which ones I'm eating..). On top of that mess, I promised my mom I would clean up the house a bit, cuz she couldnt last night. I'm just stressing baout my eating tomorrow (my friends party) and the morning after (its a sleepover). For breakfast we're having Eggo's, syrup/icecream/coolwhip and strawberries. I really want to have the coolwhip and strawberries, but I would prefer to measure my coolwhip and strawberries, and I cant so I'm going to have to approximate (which always kinda freaks me out).

Then my family party... I'm not having much during the day to eat so I;ll feel more comfy eating later. I've decided on 2-3 pieces of pizza (depending on how others eat...what do you think is more normal? 2 or 3?) and 1/14 of an angel food cake, iced with a whipped topping. My mom is making the cake (due to my cupcake fiasco) and she is going to put 14 sliced strawberries around the rim of the cake, so each strawberry is one slice of the cake.

I know its really bad, but lately I've been eating way less (1200-1500 Cals). I had to force myself to have lunch because I just wasnt hungry and didnt want to eat. I want to eat to hunger, so I can kind of re-develop the full and hungry signals that I previously ignored so well. But I find I'm not hungry at all after breakfast (even before it, sometimes). I don't know if I should force myself to have the food so the calories add up properly, or just eat small meals because I have to eat something? I know I've felt hunger, so I find it hard to believe that it's just a simple matter of not knowing what hunger feels like.

As much as I like my birthday, it's also a major stress period, because it's one meal after another that I can't do what I like (measure, count cals, etc). It's also very focused on ME, so I can't exactly just NOT have cake or something, like I could at my brother's party.

How are you doing!? Probably better than I am...how did yesterday night/tonight go? Hope you're doing great and are happy happy!!
Hugs
GG
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Ironically enough, I will be working in the bakery section of a grocery store! When my brother heard he asked why everything I do relates to food- I didn't apply for that reason! lol I applied b.c the pay is great!!

While I am excited that it will be my bday, I'm actually getting really really stressed out about the parties (friends party and family party) and what I'm going to eat and how i've got so much to do in the next couple days. When my friends are over I always make an enormous effort to look "normal"- that is, eat what they eat, do what they do, etc. So I can't have a diet coke when they all have regular coke. We're having burgers, hot dogs and fries for dinner, and cupcakes instead of bday cake. The burgers I'm a-ok with, and I've had them before. I plan to not have fries or a drink, just the burger with dressings and maybe some pickles on the side. hopefully that'll be "normal" enough for them not to say anything...

Today I became super stressed about these cupcakes. I never do well making food for myself because I always try to find ways to minimize the cals or something. I used the applesauce, which seemed to work fine. But then when I tried filling the cups, I couldn't get 24 out of the batter (and the box says it'll make 24)!! And I knew that meant more calories per cupcake, so I scooped and refilled and moved around batter to make 23 cupcakes, at which point the batter was only about filled 1/4 of the cups. When I popped them in the oven, I was worried that they wouldn't rise to a good size and that my mom/dad/friends would comment on them and accuse me of something. So I tried my "muffin-rise trick"- When you first put them in the oven, turn the heat upfor a couple minutes, then turn it back down to regular temp- the initial blast of heat will make them rise quickly. After a couple minutes I began to smell burning. great. I look in the oven to find a couple tops burnt...I ended up salvaging the rest, and they actually turned out fine. When I was pouring jello over the cakes, I thought they might tast really weird b/c I've never heard of pouring jello over them (as the recipe says to). So then I got worried that again they would taste weird, on top on the burnt-ness of some.

In the end, I got my dad to try one and he liked them, so I frosted them with light coolwhip and decorated them carefully (well the first few I measured, the rest look better but aren't measured..guess which ones I'm eating..). On top of that mess, I promised my mom I would clean up the house a bit, cuz she couldnt last night. I'm just stressing baout my eating tomorrow (my friends party) and the morning after (its a sleepover). For breakfast we're having Eggo's, syrup/icecream/coolwhip and strawberries. I really want to have the coolwhip and strawberries, but I would prefer to measure my coolwhip and strawberries, and I cant so I'm going to have to approximate (which always kinda freaks me out).

Then my family party... I'm not having much during the day to eat so I;ll feel more comfy eating later. I've decided on 2-3 pieces of pizza (depending on how others eat...what do you think is more normal? 2 or 3?) and 1/14 of an angel food cake, iced with a whipped topping. My mom is making the cake (due to my cupcake fiasco) and she is going to put 14 sliced strawberries around the rim of the cake, so each strawberry is one slice of the cake.

I know its really bad, but lately I've been eating way less (1200-1500 Cals). I had to force myself to have lunch because I just wasnt hungry and didnt want to eat. I want to eat to hunger, so I can kind of re-develop the full and hungry signals that I previously ignored so well. But I find I'm not hungry at all after breakfast (even before it, sometimes). I don't know if I should force myself to have the food so the calories add up properly, or just eat small meals because I have to eat something? I know I've felt hunger, so I find it hard to believe that it's just a simple matter of not knowing what hunger feels like.

As much as I like my birthday, it's also a major stress period, because it's one meal after another that I can't do what I like (measure, count cals, etc). It's also very focused on ME, so I can't exactly just NOT have cake or something, like I could at my brother's party.

How are you doing!? Probably better than I am...how did yesterday night/tonight go? Hope you're doing great and are happy happy!!
Hugs
GG[/QUOTE]


Hi gg!

Awww, sweetie, I soooo hate to see you so stressed!!! OK, remember what we talked about before, those 2 weeks you're going to be at your friend's cottage? To just try to enjoy it and deal with "the scale" LOL when you get home? Well, this is ony 3 days, right? It's your birthday!! PLEASE just enjoy it all!! OK, OK, I know that is easier said than done - but think of it as a 3 day test for your 2 week vacation. You know, think of it as an experiment!! LOL OK, let's get serious now :) I have another idea - who among your invited friends is the one closest to your height and weight? Ok, watch what she eats and take your cues from her. She took 2 pieces of pizza? YOU take 2 pieces. Ooops! I just reread your post and you said you more or less do that - but there's nothing wrong with that! As for the hamburger, how about mustard onion and pickle - all 3 have virtually no calories, so you can have a few fries if you want so you can look "normal". And you can have a regular coke - if it's in a can, they're not going to know how much you drank out of it, right? Or, if it's poured in glasses, pour your diet coke in a glass while they're not looking. LOL You probably know and have thought of more tricks than I have by now. :D As for the breakfast, lite Cool Whip and strawberries are hardly any calories. Did you say that you used the applesauce in the cupcakes instead of oil? So just think how many calories you saved there! If you did use applesauce, your dad didn't notice, right? You really can't tell the difference as I have done this sooooo many times.

Sweetie, I believe you will do just fine. I want you to just enjoy your birthday celebrations and deal with "the scale" Mon. Even if you gain one lb (and I would be amazed!) what is one lb?? Even 2?? You are NOT going to magically sprout a big sign that says "I GAINED 2 POUNDS!!!!!!" No one will notice, least of all you. I do understand why you are getting a bit frazzled about the things that need to be done by tomorrow - so just concentrate on the chores and forget about food. You will be so busy burning off calories doing chores that you can "afford" to splurge some on your birthday!!

No, I am not happy, because I'm too worried about YOU!!!! :D On Mon. I want to hear that you had a terrific weekend and just enjoyed every minute...because that's the way it should be!!! And again, happy birthday!!!

Hugs!!!!!
Char :wave: Oh, and I did chuckle a bit about working in a bakery!! ;)
[QUOTE=Charlyssa]Hi GG!!!

I answered your post yesterday but the Boards went down while I was trying to "post reply" - I saved it (by "cutting"), but couldn't ever get back. Gave up, and then forgot that when I sign off, I lose what I "cut"...which I found out later when I tried to "paste". It was such a long post, too!! Oh, well.....

Well, even if there isn't MUCH to tell, I still care about you and want to know how things are going. I am a worry wart, and if someone isn't talking much, I get concerned and wonder if everything is OK. And now Quench has been gone for a while, and I am REALLY worrying about her, as she has a very rough situation at home.

Actually, my having no appetite during the day goes beyond that, into...I DARE not eat anything that will make me sick. I can't even have boiled eggs, much less, anything else with fat in it, as it will llay in my stomach for hours undigested, then make me terribly nauseous. And if you have ever gone thru nausea, you know how awful it is. So, I don't dare eat more than I know I can tolerate. I know it's a very strange condition, and it has even puzzled Doctors. I have had sooooooo many tests, and all they can come up with is that it's because of the gall bladder surgery 30 years ago. They say we really do need every organ in our body, except maybe the appendix - back in the day when I had mine removed, they felt it was really a useless organ. But I have read in recent years - and maybe because of people like me!!! - that the gall bladder is there for a reason, and it DOES have something to do with the digestion of fats. Soooooo, there isn't much I can do, and I have basically been told what I already had figured out, that I need to stay away from anything that makes me sick. Being that I have my "breakfast" toward mid afternoon, I really feel quite full, and remain so until around 9pm, by which time I've developed an appetite, and can eat some things that I probably shouldn't, of course. As for my lat-night ice cream....hmmmm......I can honestly say it really isn't about hunger at all - it's a craving, a want, a need, a must-have, and all kinds of disgusting things like that. THAAT is the habit??? I really must break, but of which, so far, has been oh so painfully impossible to accomplish. I guess that IS what makes this an eating disorder, I suppose. Food should only be a NEED when one is hungry - it shouldn't be an addiction, which is certainly how I've come to think of it. See? And now you know why I hate discussing myself - I feel soooo many negatives about it.

I do so understand how you feel about counting calories and watching your weight. How could I possiblt blame you??????? If I did that I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I actually think you are doing pretty well! I think you handled your birthday weekend like most anyone would, and I'm glad you were able to enjoy what you ate, and not let it ruin the celebrations. I just know you will do wonderfully when you are having the 2 week stay with your friend!
Hope you've been having a terrific weekend!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:[/QUOTE]

Hey Charrrrr,

I cant say I've ever had the baords go down on me or anything, but I've had some weirdness lol.

Dont worry when I dont really talk much about me...really, its more a case of there's nothing new to report, so I would just assume whatever was my most recent state is my current. I WILL tell ya if any new things come up. For example, right now, I'm trying to speed up my metabolism by eating more (not like overeating, just what i really should be- 2200-2400 rather than 1500-1700 Cals per day). This'll be better cuz if my metab is used to more, I'll be able to handle going out and things more (like when with friends etc)

As much as Im happy you understand, I have to kinda disagree. To me, and to basically everyone around me, eating normally, even at a slender weight, means NOT counting calories, being worried about losing/gaining and weighing myself. Thats what Im working towards...because as much as it kind of makes sense to others, really, the whole point of being "normal" is to not be worried AT ALL about weight, calories, food etc. And though I did eat well DURING my party, I still dont think that my ED was completely taken care of..in many ways it DID ruin my party...I had to prepare a menu with my mom, and order certain pizza, the cake HAD to be done a certain way, the cupcakes- well you know how those were just crazy, etc. If I was more normal, and my ED didnt ruin anything, then my mom couldve surprised me completely with all my fav foods and cakes and things..and my friends and I couldve gone OUT to dinner, etc. Its not ALL like it seems!!:D

Another thing (no no Im not mad about it all, just giving my 2 cents) - eating (even normally) doesnt always mean eating food for just energy. A LOT of ppl (that are at healthy weights) eat based on cravings, the presence of a particular food, even a "need" for it. Look at the stereotype for most women- chocolate...many women would say chocolate isnt a craving its a NEED. Like people NEED coffee...and people who are like that dont have EDs right??

Also, a while back you were saying that you felt stupid on this board b/c you were overweight and everyone else was thin, thus making it seem like everyone but you had a problem. There is a post, called "Anyone overweight and bulimic?" (WHICH YOU RESPONDED TO!!) that has a few people with your exact concerns (diff disorder, same principles). My favourite advice was given by a member named Charlyssa- ever hear of her? Well, you should look into the advice she gave on that thread- its so true, completely brilliant, and applies perfectly to you and your thoughts! :D

My weekends been pretty good, but pretty much uneventful! Hope your weekend is great! Happy 4th of July!

GG





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