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[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hi Charlyssa,

I kind of had the opposite probs as you- Im a (recovering) anorexic. You asked for some suggestions to help stop these behaviours. I don't know the extent of what you've tried, etc, but what Ill tell you I kinda picked up from my treatment, tv (dr phil lol) etc. If you've identified the root of your problem, youve already solved half the problem. The other half is how to deal with it. I wouldn't go cold turkey on all your habits, that would be super hard to do and keep up.

Firstly, I would pick one or two things to try to work on. For example, your ice cream at night. The absolute easiest way to rid the ice cream problem is to get rid of the ice cream in your house. You might then turn to other foods, but the trick is to distract yourself somehow else. Why not take up an activity, maybe with your kids (i think i read in another post that you had kids?), If you take the "ice cream time" and substitute it with "playing with kids time" you may be more inclined to stick to it, because they'll be waiting. Remember, if you slip up a couple times it's ok! Don't punish yourself (esp. with more food!)

2. You could try taking up another activity to keep you occupied. For example, I took up knitting to keep me from focusing on food. You could try to learn to sew, then try to make something for yourself or a family member. It'll take a long time, and everytime that you have a "food craving" you can turn to the not-yet-done project. At first, you may only be able to do this a couple times. But after a while, it'll become easier as you control yourself more and more. But once you are able to do it, don't reward yourself with food! :) Instead, buy a new outfit/cd/go on a vacation/new makeup/etc. Even just getting a board with gold stars might be encouraging. Get your kids to help, if they can- that'll motivate you more if they support and encourage you.

Hope something I said helps, and remember- if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!!
GG[/QUOTE]


Hi GG -

And thank you for replying! Thing is, my hub loves ice cream, too, and he's so thin!!!! Getting rid of it wouldn't be fair to him when he works swings, isn't home til after midnight, I warm his dinner, and then he likes his ice cream, too. Maddening!! :D HE doesn't gain weight - and I do sooooo easily, due to a wrecked metabolism from decades of yo-yo dieting. I suffer chronic pain, and by that time of night I'm REALLY wiped, and the recliner is it for me....and the ice cream is soooo good, so....rewarding???? after a pain-racked day.
I'm not a snacker at all. But during the day I can't eat anything but carbs, tho I can manage milk, so that is what I have when I get up at 9am. "Breakfast" is at 2pm, when I have fruit and cereal and a piece of dry toast. I eat this way because I cannot digest fats during the day - I developed this problem about 8 years ago, and Drs. think it's because I had my gall bladder removed 25 years ago. But, by night, my sluggish digestion kicks in and I can eat more, and have some fats...and by night I'm also hungry and CAN eat. Of course, night eating is the worst - if I ate at night as I do during the day, I'd be thin! There's no doubt that this whole schedule, plus the digestive problems...well, it's a mess, isn't it? Oh, my kids are grown, BTW. :) I did chuckle, tho - I can just picture them coming over at 1am to distract their mother. LOL (Not laughing at you or your suggestion - just my warped sense of humor. :rolleyes:

It's like this HORRIBLE habit I cannot break. I have tried and tried and I just get more and more frustrated. I'm scared at where this will end if I keep gaining. I'm ashamed and embarrassed and I'm fast becoming someone who doesn't want to leave the house. Sigh........

Hugs!!!!!!!
Char
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Im back!- Ok so I understand how you need ice cream- but why not just work it into the day? For ex:
Breakfast- 2 fruit (200) + 1 slice dry toast (110..assuming its hearty multigrain- might be lower) = 310 Calories

Lunch= ............ (up to 300-400 Calories)

Dinner= fill up on VEGGIES (ill say 100Cals, but it depends which veggies and whats on them) and 2-3 oz of meat(if you can't have meat, have a small baked potato/cup of rice/beans- all are about 200 cals)/ or try frozen, entrees that are portion sized
= 300-400 Calories

So total for breakfast, lunch and dinner would be 1100 Calories (assuming the higher end options for L and D). Then, at 7 30-8, when you have an ice cream craving, have a scoop of two- it depends on the brand and flavour, but i'll guess per half cup is 150 Calories(this is usually the kind thats only found in stores..not haagen dasz or a rich flavour...check the label)- So have a cup (try to measure it out if you can...or just estimate 2 small scoops)= 300 Cals

Total Calories for the day= [B]1400[/B] Calories (HEY look at that...you could still have 500-600 Calories more to get you to 2000 if you wanted to..but at this number you'll be sure to lose weight...or you could have a snack at 1 am if you wanted ..its not really a great habit, but if you snack on healthy things then it'll be ok..also, if you get hungry, you could have celery, fill up on water, have jello light cups, or other low calorie foods/drinks)

I know it seems on the "light" side, but you'll be able to have your ice cream and eat it too! (without the guilt!) Hope it helps (somewhat)![/QUOTE]



Hi GG!

You put so much time and thought into your suggestions and I just can't believe how sweet you are! (You still haven't told me anything much about YOU tho!!) Are you average weight now? No more ed? If you're fine now, I am so happy for you!!!!

Your suggestions are basically what I do when I'm on a diet, with some adjustments due to my unfortunate daytime regimen. See, I couldn't care less about eating during the day - no appetite at all. I just eat something to keep my metabolism up a bit and so it doesn't get further wrecked. All I really want when I get up at 9 is a glass of milk (1%) and then I drink coffee w/artificial sweetener. "Lunch" is really my breakfast, at 2pm when I have half a grapefruit, 1 small orange, small serving of Raisin Bran cereal and 1 piece dry wheat toast. This is ALWAYS what I eat, whether I'm on a diet or not, because of my digestive problem. So I'm finally hungry at about 9pm, 9:30 or so, and that's when I eat dinner. When I'm on a diet, I eat a dinner just like you said, but there's no ice cream at all. That's what I REALLY need to do is go back on a diet, and that's where I'm trying to be at now....it's the motivation I can't seem to manage. That's what makes the ed so awful...it just sucks you in and won't let you go. Do you know what I did yesterday - I actually looked on the net for residential treatment places, like where Aurora went, only in this case, it would be for bingers and compulsive overeaters. I started to cry, because all I kept thinking was...this is the only way I can be away from food and temptation, in lockdown :D so they can FORCE me to eat the way I should. And maybe knock some sense in me. LOL I should check with my med. ins. and see if something like that is covered, and if they have one somewhere near us.

I remember years ago eating low calorie ice cream and it was AWFUL! Maybe it's changed in recent years then? I guess I should give it a try but I despise yogurt. YUCK! Tastes like it should have been thrown out weeks before. :D Is yogurt ice cream better? Course, I suppose if I put Hershey's syrup all over it......LOL See?? Now don't you think I'm hopeless? I feel doomed, like I'm just supposed to be this way and it'll never change. Mayb I should just go for the stomach stapling, but it's so dangerous and it scares me. You must be getting sooooooo frustrated trying to help me and listen to how awful I am!! Are you OK? You can talk about you too, you know!! I would love to know your whole story about your ed.

Hugs!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]You make me laugh char :)

Well, yes I'd say I do know how to maintain my weight I suppose. I still have troubles eating foods when they dont have a nutritional label. As for the calorie counter books- well- lets just say that I could write one. I could basically tell you the calories of everything that you'd want to know, and if I couldnt tell you, I could make a pretty good estimate.

However, given that Ive been maintaining, its not as clear cut as XX Calories=loss, XX Cals=maintain and XX Cals= gain. This is partly because my movements change from day to day and partly because not all calories are made equal. Referring to the 2nd one, what I know is that a calorie is a calorie, but not all calories are used the same way. Basically, a person eating 1000 Calories in Cake, versus 1000 calories in meat or fruit- the cake person would probably gain weight, because carbs and fat can be easily stored whereas meats take MUCH more energy to store as fat (Not that 1000 Cals is enough in one day, but as an example..).

I'm sure you're right about the cottage, and I've still got a month to prepare and things like that. Plus she understand my problem so she wont be pushing me to eat crappy foods and such.

Now back to you! At 5'7', what weight are you at (if you dont mind me asking!! you dont have to say if you dont want to!!)? And are you maintaining at this weight or are you just gaining and gaining?

As for the hypocrite part- I dont think so. I think people help themselves by helping others. It gives them a sort of...distraction almost..like they'll forget their problems by focusing on someone else's...But in my opinion i think you should get help for yourself FIRST, and then go help others!! :D[/QUOTE]


Hi girl -

You are so very wise!! I thought for a while that I might have to worry about you, but, turns out, I think you have your head on very straight. :) I can tell that you are well into recovery and that is just soooo great!! Anyway, now I know who to go to when I have questions about diets and calories!! I have been on sooooooo many in my life, and I've lost a lot of weight (so I guess I must have done something right!) but I've always eventually gained it back. I always think, "THIS time I will keep it off!!" but it hasn't happened yet.

I am at my heaviest I have ever been in my life and I just started gaining again after maintaining for a few months - some upsets and stresses....then I turn to food and eat more than I should. I would tell you my weight, but it's just soooooo embarrassing!! I am obese...more obese than usual. :rolleyes:

I do believe you are quite correct that I sort of helped myself by helping others on this board. It was, and is, a distraction, yes...but I also think that there have been others that need help more than I do, in some ways, anyway. I mostly came here to see if there were others like me and to see how they dealt/deal with food issues, and to learn from them, too. But I found that my problems, by and large, weren't as significant or important as others. I feel that I'm doomed in a way, so, if I can't be helped, might as well try to help everyone else. :D I know what I need to do, I do know HOW to lose....but I just can't seem to get motivated. The thought of suffering to lose all this weight just makes me want to throw in the towel before I even start. Yet, I know I MUST get going with this...but I'm becoming......??? I don't know the word to describe how I feel. I only know I'm furious with myself for allowing it to get to this point. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Ewww, this is really a downer of a post. Sorry!!! See? This is why I would rather try to help others, because this is what happens when I talk about me!

I'm curious at something you said...that you have a month to prepare before you go to the cottage. Prepare how? I suspect you meant about food, calories, etc., but how can you prepare for that? And as you are so very knowledgable about those things, well, I just wondered what could be prepared for during this month.

I hope you're having a great week end!!

Hugs!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Oh, your problems aren't any less important OR significant than anyone else's here! Your disorder too causes health, mental and relationship problems! You need help no less than anyone else!

I'm glad you know HOW to lose weight, and I understand the motivator part...I used my friends and getting back to school on time as mine! I know this is kind of really general, but why don't you do it for your kids. Don't you want to see your grandkids?? If your health continues to deteriorate, then you may not be around for them (if you already have them, do it for them anyways). Or, you could plan a vacation of some sort with your husband in a couple months time. Then, make it a goal to lose XXlbs before then- it'll be like a reward! It doesn't have to be somewhere you'll need to wear a bathing suit (if youll feel uncomfortable), but make it somewhere where you'll enjoy yourself. It can even incorporate excersise- for example, a skiing trip, scuba diving trip, hiking trip (those are fun!..you can even camp out and bring your own food).

Also, don't fall into the "dieter's mentality". This is basically the all-or-nothing mentality. Ill give you an example: Suzy has been on a diet for 2 weeks already, successfully losing 4 lbs. One night, she goes to a friend's house (she knows whats being served) and they surprise everyone with delicious butter pecan ice cream that they just picked up. Suzy has stuck to her diet so far, all through dinner and such, so she decides to have just a bite of ice cream. After the bite she feels so guilty that she's blown her diet, so why bother trying to fix it- she eats half the tub of ice cream, plus the cake she had previously said no to. Now she feels even worse, but since she's completely blown her diet, there's really no point in trying to fix it, so she's destined to be fat her whole life b/c she can't diet successfully EVER.

That's the mentality that messes ppl up- a little bite here or there WONT throw off the diet. You CAN diet and have a spoonful of ice cream once in a while, and it won't throw you off. Obviously you can't have a litre of ice cream, but one spoonful will not ruin your diet. I'd say tomorrow (if possible), or at least SOMETIME this week, you start a diet. You can even keep an online food journal (with times eaten, measurements, etc), here in this thread if you'd like, to help you to stick to your diet more be sure to post the spoonfuls here and there). Let your husband know about it, and your family/friends, so they can support you and try not to do/say the wrong things. Weigh yourself the day you start (in the morn is best, but anytime is good), and then exactly ONE WEEK later (same time of day, same clothes-though preferably none). It's just an idea, you don't necessarily have to if youre not ready, but tell me what you think! (ps. I don't know if where you live will have it, but Dr.Phil's weight loss book is fantastic..it'll help you lose weight and feel better about yourself..look into it..maybe you canget it online? He also has a cookbook.):D

As for the preparations I mentioned..well I guess what I mean is, currently, I'm still very much so counting calories and having exact portion sizes. During the month before the cottage, I could try to ease off that a little, so when I go, it wont be the first time I haven't calculated the calories of the day. So by "prepare" I guess I just need to "speed up my recovery" within that month. It's a long shot, but if I can do it JUST one time, for one meal, then I think it'll make it that much easier in the summer.

My weekend has been pretty uneventful so far. I went to a party yesterday for my friend's birthday..it was so cold outside!! The party was lots of fun anyways. Hope yours is great too!
GG[/QUOTE]



Hi girl -

I guess I just feel I'm hopeless. You have so much excellent advice, as have other people, so I feel guilty that there is so little I can manage to do of all the wonderful advice. Right now it is simply down to...JUST DOING IT!! But food keeps winning, and I get sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad at myself!! So mostly it's just easier not to try, then I don't have to feel so awful for trying AND failing, cause it just makes me feel 10X worse. I look at my slim son and my thin hubby, and THAT also makes me feel awful. ThaT I'm the only one that has a major problem with food...and that it has to SHOW so much. I really wish I could bring myself to purge. I know that sounds terrible, and anyone who purges would tell me NO, DON'T!!! But at least I wouldn't have gotten so fat.

As for my health problems, most, if not all, aren't related to obesity. I have degenerative disk disease, fibromyalgia, scoliosis, bi-lateral saroiliitis, arthritis in my neck and left knee (THAT one could be because of obesity- but I have also fallen on that knee several times as a kid, and twice as an adult, long before I weighed this much, so, I suspect it's injury-related, like football players always get) So, because I live with so much pain from all this stuff, it's kind of like food is sort of a......pain killer? in a way, too. I have use fppd for all the wrong reasons for soooooo long. That's why I think I've just got to get going with seeing a hypnotherapist, and stop procrastinating!! But I'm also a bit afraid, so that holds me back, too. I also have chronic anxiety and depresson and i take meds, and meds aren't helping my appetite, either. Oh, it's all just sich a mess isn't it?? So this is why I have all these feelings and why it's just easier for me to concentrate on everyones else's problems. Then I don't have to think about mine!! :D

Actually, we're in the process of looking for a house to buy and have to move by the end of Sept so that is keeping us very busy!! We just went thru all the loan approval stuff...and now we have to go thru it again, because as luck would have it, my husband just got a raise which throws everything off, so all the loan stuff has to be changed and we have to wait til that's done. So much anxiety!!!!! And that just makes my eating go crazy, too. I wish someone would just knock me out, I would sleep for a year, only IV fed 1,000 calories a day, and wake up slim. OHHHH, if only I could!!! I wouldn't even mind losing an entire year of my life - it would be worth it to not have to suffer thru dieting, temptaion, frustration, etc.

You have described "Suzy" well - she is me!!!! You're exactly right, especially about the blowing it with one bite. It's better if I don't have ANYTHING tempting at ALL, because one bite, and I'm a gonner. It's the same things alcoholics say - ne sip of a drink, and forget it. They can never drink again if they are to remain sober. But a person who is a food addict, they can't say "I'll never eat again!" - so, I've heard that it's the worst addiction out there. One is constantly surrounded by temptation, so, all they can do is to learn self-control. Ahhhhhh, and THAT is the hardest thing of all to do. What I NEED to do is become like you - be so afraid of food, and gaining, that I'm constantly aware of every morsel that goes into my mouth, to worry and think about calories. I wonder...if I ever did get slim (which, in all my diets I have NEVER done - I've just been less fat!!!) I wonder if I would be more like you?? Because I would actually HOPE SO!!!! As it's the only way to STAY slim and not gain it all back.

Whenever I do start the diet, I will definitely tell you...it's just getting to that point to START!! LOL Oh, and it will take at LEAST a month to drop the first pound - that is what I hate the most. All that work and deprivation and it won't show on the scales. This is what I have done to my metabolism with yoyoing for decades. My body hangs on to EVERY OUNCE with a death grip, this is no joke. Most people think I'm lying, that I MUST be eating things I shouldn't, but no, it's true - this is what happens. Maybe you know about this so you know I'm telling the truth. Also, because my metabolism is so wrecked, I can actually eat less than others and still gain, or, at least, not lose any weight at all. This is what I go thru, and why it's soooooooo hard to get motivated to diet, because I know what I'm in for. Ugh!!

I do understand what you mean now about the prep before you go to the cottage. I think by now you must know exactly what you can eat and know you won't gain, and how to keep from gaining, the calories of most everything, etc. I think you have done wonderfully and I envy you soooooooo much!! And I only wish some day I will have the same determination as you!!

I can't imagine where you live that it is so cold!! Where I live, it is about 100 every day (the U.S., in the desert Southwest)

It's heading on 10:30am so I think I better get at some things, wake my hub so he doesn't sleep thru Father's Day!! :) Take care!!! I so enjoy hearing from you!

Hugs!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Lol- go figure..I live in way north of you. It wasn't THAT cold, just not June or swimming weather.

You don't want to be like me- I know you THINK you do, so you could be slim, but you don't! It sucks to be aware of everything that goes in my mouth, whenever, whereever. It stops me from eating a lot of things (that i don't know the cals of, or watever reason) and is like a cloud hanging over me constantly. I envy you in a way- you know, to some extent, how to eat meals without measuring, counting calories, or worrying about anything. Except for the ice cream, you can subconciously just EAT, and not worry about gaining weight- that i don't know how to do.

Now that you lay it all out, I understand the trouble it is to go on a diet. But its a catch-22: You don't diet b/c it's too much trouble and youre THAT much further from being slim. It could be tricky to start now, because of the moving and such, but you can always come up with more excuses- its best to just DO IT. Easier said then done, I know. But really, think about how much better it is to be at a healthier weight, and ask yourself WHY youre waiting?!

And really, if you wanted to get rid of the ice cream, talk to your husband. Explain the situation, explain how your health is worsening, and explain why you want to get rid of "trigger foods" in the house. It's his call, but Im willing to bet he can get rid of ice cream for a couple months, at least in the house! It won't hurt to talk to him...

I know its hard to start anything new, I completely understand (although mine is the opposite problem, it has similarities). But really, life is short, and there will always be another "moving houses" or "husband who likes ice cream". The trick is to just jump into it, and don't plan it too much. I know this prolly sounds weird- what i mean is, dont think about dieting and what will happen in the future. It'll always be hard work, it wont get easier, even if youre 100 yrs old. Your husband will always like ice cream, even if you gain 100 more lbs. Your health will only get worse- not better. IMO, what have you got to lose (pun not intended)? I say, just do it!

When and if you decide to start your diet, do try to write down what you eat, whether online or in a notebook somewhere. Even if it takes a while, losing weight will happen (esp. if you add a lil excersise). Make sure you talk to people about it- nobody can do it alone. This doesnt necessarily mean you need to go get a therapist (but if you feel like itll help, go right ahead!), but this means talk to the people around you- friends, family and most importantly, your husband. He can help you through it!

I'm sorry if this post is very..pushy.., but I'm just worried that you're not seeing the right things here, and that, in effect, you're hurting yourself! I'll understand if you get a lil angry, and I'm sorry again, but maybe, just maybe, could you really think about some of the things I said?
hugs
gg[/QUOTE]


Hi girl -

Well, OK...then I would like to be MORE like you - just not exactly! :D But let's put it this way - it's much better and healthier to be like you, and I think that most people who are slim, would just about have to be!! I mean, is it possible to be slim and not give a hoot what goes into their mouth?? I would assume that they would have to be aware of calories, MAYBE have an occasional dessert, fewer carbs, more fruits and veggies, be very aware of calories...and make all of this a lifestyle. The difference is, I know the way I should eat, and know I'm having too many calories...but the URGE to eat what I want is much stronger than the need to lose weight and to be healthy. It's about a nearly impossible to attain self-control. There is one main way that you and I are alike, however, which is being a bit compulsive in our eating, but in the complete opposite way. But then, I guess that's what makes them eating disorders, right?? :D I really would love to be more like you, and I should be, if I am to ever GET on a diet and STAY there. Then once I have lost the weight, I would have to be like you to maintain that weight. And then leave it at that...and what I mean by that is that...I seriously doubt I would keep losing. If I could just get to a healthy weight and be able to maintain it in a healthy way...oh, MY....it would be a dream come true!!!!!!!!! But sweetie, I have sooooooooooooooooooooooo far to go to get to that point. Ummmm, I will say this, to give you an idea.....I have more than 60 lbs to lose. You know what you had to go thru to lose 25 lbs....just imagine MORE than double that. At this point, it feels like it would take longer than I have the stamina to manage. It's like...I can NEVER do this...so why try????? You know what I mean? So, to "just do it"....well, do you see why this seems so monumental to me? It's like someone telling me to pick up a ten ton boulder...in my screwed up way of thinking, they are equally impossible. I'm hopeless, aren't I? But!! I am starting my diet tomorrow. I decided this yesterday when I first read your post (just didn't have time to answer it then) It gives me time to prepare and get the mindset. So, I'm "psyching" myself into this, the way atheletes have to prepare themselves for an event. I am going to give it my all...so we'll see how this goes!!

As for the ice cream, I just can't do that. It feels just wrong to suck my husband into my problem. Besides, ther are other things I like that I can't/shouldn't have, too. I can't get rid of it all - I must learn to have self-control, because if I don't, I will go right back to gaining the weight. X amount of pounds lost from now, when the ice cream goes back into the freezer, I will have had to learn by then that this is something, like many other things, that I will only be able to have once in a while, and in moderation. And that will also apply to many other foods. I have to change the way I think and the way I eat, if I am to have ANY success at this. And THAT will be the hard part. Sigh........ I am sooooo praying I can do this!!!!

Hugs!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]YAY! Congrats to you char! I'm so proud of you to at least decide that you're gonna give it your best shot!! If you want me to help you in ANY way(as much as i can obviously) just let me know!! Keep referring to things that motivate you (ie, this thread, for example)! AND if you slip once,whether a little or even majorly, don't give up!!! Just keep going!!

I understand your concerns about the ice cream. It really IS best to face your probs straight on, with the ice cream in the fridge. It'll be hard, yes, but I have the utmost faith in you, and I know you have the will to do it- you just need to keep yourself motivated!! Don't worry about how long it takes, just that you get more confident as you see that you can do it!

About the want to be "more like me". I kind of understand what you're getting at, but you kind of have it a lil wrong. There are many many slim people that don't even know what calories ARE, let alone count them. For example, my mom..she just eats- anytime, any place, anything, and she maintains a slim weight! To be slim, you really dont have to count carbs or fat or never have ice cream or eat only veggies and fruits. It's not just my mom either...most people do it! :D In fact, while I count calories, it's more just a comfort thing than another reason...and I don't really not have anything (minus oils lol). I have an ice cream cone every other day! And cookies or another sweet after every meal. Maintaining a healthy weight is done differently by everyone, but you too can have carbs and ice cream and things like that without worrying about your weight. The trick is like you said- moderation! Obviously you can't have a tub of ice cream, but you can have a cone once in a while (even every day, if you really wanted to- you could work it in!!). In fact, look at your hubby or son- they dont count calories do they??

I AM really proud of you for motivating yourself to go for it. I hope you succeed as well!! Hugssss
gg[/QUOTE]


Hi gg!

Well, not sure congrats are in order yet...it's easy to get thru the daytime part - it's the nightime part that is my worst time!!! If only I had no appetite then, too - it would make everything sooooo much more simple. In fact, I wouldn't have a weight problem at all, if that were the case! I will be sooooo embarrassed if I fail...I'm wondering if I can even admit it! You are right with everything that you said - that even if I do fail, i should just keep going, and basically not to let a setback stop me. But when you keep failing, it just starts to feel so hopeless. And then I start feeling sooooo bad, and when I feel that bad, it just makes me want to eat to comfort myself!!! Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!! (Me, screaming. LOL)

See?? I can't even IMAGINE that people don't have to constantly watch what they eat to stay slim. Course, most people aren't like me to start with, and most people don't have a ruined metabolism, either, from probably at least 75 diets in my lifetime?? Isn't that awful??!! So, I would have to be very careful. All of my diets in the past, whenever I wiuld lose a lot of weight, i would say, "THIS time I will NOT gain it back!!!" but I always did. Any wonder why I think I'm hopeless? Even if I do take of...er...all the weight I want to, what are the chances that I will KEEP it off?? Slim to none (pardon the pun. LOL) I would need a padlock for my mouth!! :D I will have to learn how to do this, and I will also have to learn how to get over my need for a big bowl of ice cream at night. But I think I told you about my all or nothing attitude. if I can't have what I want, better not to have any at all. Isn't that a shame? But it's like an addiction. Grrrrrrrr!! Well, let's just hope I can manage the first part first - then I'll worry about maintaining my weight later. LOL I wish that's all I had to worry about now!!

You never talk about yourself!! How are you doing? Are you still maintaining? Anything you want to say and get off your chest? I feel that this is all about me and that makes me feel bad. You are important, too!! I have a big heart and I care about you, you know!!

Hugs!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]It was my Sweet Sixteenth yesterday!! (are we allowed to give out ages?)

And I start work tomorrow for the first time (its just a part time job). I'm very excited!

You're spoiling my delight by NOT telling me how you are silly :p! You can't just forget that you're on this board for a reason other than helping others!! Are you still dieting (or trying to?) How's that working out (I assume not well b/c you didnt want to tell me..but that OK!! Just keep trying!!)[/QUOTE]


Hiya GG!!

Thumbs up and good luck on the start of your job tomorrow!!! Being that you're 16, is this then you're first job...well, I mean, other than babysitting or something like that. Your 1st PAYCHECK-type, it what I meant. Ironically enough, other than babysitting, MY first job was also at a bakery when I was 16! Me!! El chubbo!!! Just what I needed...to be surrounded by temptation for 2 hours a night, Mon - Fri., and 5 hours on Sat. (Until you were 18, you could only work 15 hours a week - not sure if that's changed, the Child Labor Laws here.) Anyway, I was told I could eat whatever I wanted!!!! LOL!!!!!! So there you are, it's 4pm, you haven't eaten since noon, you walk 6 blocks to get to the job, and by the time you get there, you walk in, and all those WONDERFUL aromas...... :bouncing: LOL Talk about a kid in a candy store!! I always had a brownie, and I SWORE that was all I'd have.......well, then....OK, just ONE more confection - THAT'S IT!!!!!! Oh, my.....good thing I had a 6 block walk home. Dinner was at 6:30, and my mother couldn't understand why I had no appetite. Welp, didn't take long for the uniform to start getting a bit snug. :D So, that was the end of that - no more snacking. Instead, I brought a brownie home for after dinner. I had a bit more self-control in those days. Now, I have none..........

......And that, my dear, is why I don't like to talk about myself. It is entirely too embarrassing. If I told everything on these Boards of how I keep failing and failing and failing, everyone would think I'm disgusting and no one would talk to me anymore.

OK, I will tell you something else, as long as I'm talking for a bit about me, and then I won't talk about me again for a long time. If ever. I just get so embarrassed....and also, there's something else that I've never said before. And even now I'm afraid to say it because of not wanting to offend anyone. But I guess it's time I explain something about how I feel. Sigh..........OK. I guess I just don't really feel I have an eating disorder. I think that "compulsive overeater" is a very nice title...a way to include people like me into the mix of eds. But....well, you know Aurora.....and if you're reading this Aurora, and I hope you are, because then I won't feel lke I'm saying something about you behind you're back....but Aurora had an ed. Anorexics, it's soooooo serious. Or those who are bulemic and/or binge, and who purge...that's also serious. There are VERY serious health risks and problems with them. THEY have the true eds, and this includes you, too, GG. I just feel like a fraud, and like I shouldn't be here. I just can't stop eating what I KNOW I shouldn't. I don't consider that an ed. I just think that I have no self-control. And I think when most people think of fat people, they just see them as disgusting. They don't think of an ed...if you are rail thin, THEN you have an eating disorder. Or if you eat and then purge. THAT is an eating disorder. Do you see what I mean? Fat people are just disgusting and should just develop some willpower. So, when I talk about me, and food, and my issues, etc., I fear people are thinking all these things. So I get embarrassed, and feel I just shouldn't really talk about my so called "ed". I know you'll disagree, because you know all the things I've told you here, but even when I'm typing, I'm thinking....this is just silly. "Ed", right!! So, I just prefer to know about you and everyone else, and, it also keeps my mind off of me. I would sooooo much rather try to help everyone else...mainly because others here have it sooooo much worse than I do..but also because I feel hopeless. All of you have given me such good advice, and I just can't seem to mange it. And that embarrasses me, too. So, now you've had an earful!!! And now you see why I don't like to talk about me! :)

So, that is enough about me for a very long time! Except one more thing - My hubby and I just celebrated our anniversary on the 10th - we have been married "sweet 16" years!! Just thought you might get a kick out of that info....or not. LOL Have a terrific day tomorrow, and I'll be looking forward to hearing all about it!

Hugs!!!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
Pam:
Nah, it’s not all truly okay. You’re right. But I CAN convince myself that it is, and hence it wouldn’t be a problem anymore, right? :D

Actually, all along I’ve been telling you I was fat. I said I wasn’t [I]overweight[/I]—doesn’t mean I’m not fat, though. :D This, I truly, truly believe, as with my stupidity and uselessness, as well. Even if my dad doesn’t tell me that, I believe I would’ve been able to figure it out myself.

Re the paid internship thing—okay. I “might” consider calling tomorrow… maybe, but I’m still SOOOOOOOOO scared!! I am the least articulate when it comes to conversing with people directly! You don’t know—I totally lose it! At these boards, I have time to respond, to edit, to think, to sort out my thoughts—to revise, and to reread everything I type. But on the phone, or face-to-face, I have to respond RIGHT away, you know what I mean? Here, lemme give you an example. Remember that lady from Texas I talked about who knows how long ago? Well—when I chat with her through instant messaging, I can talk and talk and talk for HOURS straight. But when she called me on the phone—I didn’t have a darn thing to say!! I just kept listening to what she said, and when she asked a question or something, I’d be like, “huh? Can you repeat that please?…HUH? HUH? HUH????” LOL! (Yeah, she has my home address & phone number, but I trust her entirely. Only, I’m quite frustrated with her now, and we’ve lost touch). And then another time, someone asked for my age, and I was like “16… oh wait, no, 15!” I couldn’t even give him my AGE!!! :o

Nope, I’m not laughing. :D I thought you were serious. Or are you? I’m confused because first you say you were teasing, and then you say, “I REALLY need my "fix" more than ever.” So, is that good or bad? And also, ARE you using the banana/cone idea? Is it still working? Have you decreased your serving size yet? Because if it isn’t working, I have yet ANOTHER one of my “innovational schemes” you can try! Maybe you can alternate, even! You didn’t say you wish to hear it in your previous post, so I’m assuming you missed it or something. I’m just waiting to tell you, LOL, but I don’t want to if you don’t wish to hear it, you know???? :D

[INDENT]EDIT: Oh, I slept on this last night, LOL. Can you perhaps also tell me the number of calories in that ice cream you're eating per 1/2 cup? And then, tell me also how many cup(s) you "must" have in order to feel fulfilled, and have BEEN having after you started the banana thing, and prior as well...so that I can see the progress, if any. And if none, that's okay, too. Also, can you provide me with the length of the banana? (Whether it's small, medium, or large). And THEN, can you tell me your BMR, perhaps...if you want to that is? (You can google "BMR calculator.") In other words, the number of cals you need to consume to MAINTAIN your current weight, taking into account your body fat percentage and your metabolism rate? Then, provide an estimate at the number of calories you consume per day. THEN, may you give me permission to come up with a "diet" plan for you? LOL!!!!! :o (Am I asking for too much??? :D If so, I'm sorry, but I'm bored... and I'd like to make up a diet plan for you!!)

I was also thinking-- regarding you having no appetite in the morning, and then having it increase at night. Well, how does your body know when it's nighttime? Is it because you have been awake for so, and so hours? And what time do you:
1) wake up in the morning
2) eat your breakfast
3) eat your lunch
4) eat a snack, if any.
5a) go to work... do you work?
5b) return from work...?
5c) appetite finally "kicks in"
6) have your dinner with your husband
7) eat your ice cream
8) go to sleep
I know you've mentioned some of the above before, BUT I believe post is caput. So, can I ask again? LOL. [/INDENT]

Ohhhh, I get it now. I can see why you’ll be afraid to admit some things out of fear of other people’s comments. But anyway, hmm, would it be possible to just—uh, I don’t know… forget about what others think? :D Let it go through one ear, and then out the other? You know the old saying, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Which, by the way, is entirely untrue. BUT, nonetheless, can you somehow “force” yourself to believe that? (I’m being hypocritical, I know). It’ll be SO great if you can. :D

OR better yet… how about you post your thoughts HERE on this thread… and then I’ll head on over to another message board, and post your words under MY username—receive all the responses, and then pick/choose all the positive ones to let you read? Therefore, all the negative comments will be omitted, if there are ANY TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!!! And you'll be a happy little ducky. –How does that sound, hmm? I'm quite serious, by the way. ;)
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Nah, it’s not all truly okay. You’re right. But I CAN convince myself that it is, and hence it wouldn’t be a problem anymore, right?
Actually, all along I’ve been telling you I was fat. I said I wasn’t [I]overweight[/I]—doesn’t mean I’m not fat, though. This, I truly, truly believe, as with my stupidity and uselessness, as well. Even if my dad doesn’t tell me that, I believe I would’ve been able to figure it out myself.

Re the paid internship thing—okay. I “might” consider calling tomorrow… maybe, but I’m still SOOOOOOOOO scared!! I am the least articulate when it comes to conversing with people directly! You don’t know—I totally lose it! At these boards, I have time to respond, to edit, to think, to sort out my thoughts—to revise, and to reread everything I type. But on the phone, or face-to-face, I have to respond RIGHT away, you know what I mean? Here, lemme give you an example. Remember that lady from Texas I talked about who knows how long ago? Well—when I chat with her through instant messaging, I can talk and talk and talk for HOURS straight. But when she called me on the phone—I didn’t have a darn thing to say!! I just kept listening to what she said, and when she asked a question or something, I’d be like, “huh? Can you repeat that please?…HUH? HUH? HUH????” LOL! (Yeah, she has my home address & phone number, but I trust her entirely. Only, I’m quite frustrated with her now, and we’ve lost touch). And then another time, someone asked for my age, and I was like “16… oh wait, no, 15!” I couldn’t even give him my AGE!!!

Nope, I’m not laughing. :D I thought you were serious. Or are you? I’m confused because first you say you were teasing, and then you say, “I REALLY need my "fix" more than ever.” So, is that good or bad? And also, ARE you using the banana/cone idea? Is it still working? Have you decreased your serving size yet? Because if it isn’t working, I have yet ANOTHER one of my “innovational schemes” you can try! Maybe you can alternate, even! You didn’t say you wish to hear it in your previous post, so I’m assuming you missed it or something. I’m just waiting to tell you, LOL, but I don’t want to if you don’t wish to hear it, you know????

[INDENT]EDIT: Oh, I slept on this last night, LOL. Can you perhaps also tell me the number of calories in that ice cream you're eating per 1/2 cup? And then, tell me also how many cup(s) you "must" have in order to feel fulfilled, and have BEEN having after you started the banana thing, and prior as well...so that I can see the progress, if any. And if none, that's okay, too. Also, can you provide me with the length of the banana? (Whether it's small, medium, or large). And THEN, can you tell me your BMR, perhaps...if you want to that is? (You can google "BMR calculator.") In other words, the number of cals you need to consume to MAINTAIN your current weight, taking into account your body fat percentage and your metabolism rate? Then, provide an estimate at the number of calories you consume per day. THEN, may you give me permission to come up with a "diet" plan for you? LOL!!!!! :o (Am I asking for too much??? If so, I'm sorry, but I'm bored... and I'd like to make up a diet plan for you!!)

I was also thinking-- regarding you having no appetite in the morning, and then having it increase at night. Well, how does your body know when it's nighttime? Is it because you have been awake for so, and so hours? And what time do you:
1) wake up in the morning - anywhere between 7-9.
2) eat your breakfast - I just have a glass of milk soon after I wake.
3) eat your lunch - that's breakfast! And usually around 1:30.
4) eat a snack, if any. n/a
5a) go to work... do you work? n/a
5b) return from work...? n/a
5c) appetite finally "kicks in" - about 9-10pm
6) have your dinner with your husband - same time, when he's home. If he's working (swings) I eat at the same time.

7) eat your ice cream about - 1am
8) go to sleep - 2:30- 3:00 am
I know you've mentioned some of the above before, BUT I believe post is caput. So, can I ask again? LOL. [/INDENT]

Ohhhh, I get it now. I can see why you’ll be afraid to admit some things out of fear of other people’s comments. But anyway, hmm, would it be possible to just—uh, I don’t know… forget about what others think? :D Let it go through one ear, and then out the other? You know the old saying, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Which, by the way, is entirely untrue. BUT, nonetheless, can you somehow “force” yourself to believe that? (I’m being hypocritical, I know). It’ll be SO great if you can. :D

OR better yet… how about you post your thoughts HERE on this thread… and then I’ll head on over to another message board, and post your words under MY username—receive all the responses, and then pick/choose all the positive ones to let you read? Therefore, all the negative comments will be omitted, if there are ANY TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!!! And you'll be a happy little ducky. –How does that sound, hmm? I'm quite serious, by the way. ;)[/QUOTE]


Hiya Quenchertutti!!

I think I talked myself out on the other thread re all that you have to do to make the intolerable, tolerable...So, do whatcha gotta do, Quench....until you can fly, OK? But who knows - 2 years is a long time, and you may decide you've had enough of the suffering, you know?

So...are you overweight or not? You now have me thoroughly confused - can you tell?? :confused:

I hope you do make that call...I mean, it's just a call! Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? They don't see you, can't tell if you're nervous or fidgeting, and if you practice what I gave you as a sample conversation a few times before you call, I think you will do extremely welll!! Sometime you do remind me of my daughter. When she was your age, and even younger, she was just like you. She worried about this and that, as you do, didn't have much self-confidence, and shot so much down before even just trying. But at times when she finally did..whatever, took the risk, had a "what the heck" attitude, she would surprise herself! And then she'd be soooo proud that she accomplished....whatever it was. I suspect you will be the same way. But, like anything, it just takes practice! When you have made several of these types of calls, you'll think, "Now what was it I was so worried about???" I firmly believe this! Have some water sitting next to you in case your mouth gets a bit dry - that happens to me when I am very nervous about something. I soooo hope you will do this!!??

I gave up on cones - they just didn't do it for me. But I do have a medium banana most nights, and I do enjoy that. It helps! Oh, and I'm sorry I neglected to ask you what your other idea is - I do remember seeing it, but I got the impression you were just waiting to tell me for some reason. But by all means!!! I need all the help I can get! :D As for your questions, I don't know the calories of the ice cream - it comes in a plastic tub with a cardboard liner under the lid that gives all that info, and I always throw it out. Maybe I don't want to know??? LOL And I don't measure - I just fill a cereal bowl on top of the banana. I would bet it's...gulp....close to 2 cups?? Oh this is sooooo embarrassing! As for doing a BMR, I don't think it could possibly be accurate as there many more calories consumed at night than the day time. No fats at all during the day either...and don't forget, I have a TERRIBLE metabolism and get virtually no exercise. Calulating would be nearly impossible due to so many variables. And as for a diet, well, there's the problem Quench! I need to be on one, sure...but I just can't do it yet. As GG said, I may just not be ready. I feel like I'm on a diet during the day as it is, because I HAVE to eat like that. Why can I eat more at night - good question? No, it's not that my body knows it's night - it's just that it takes
so many hours to build an appetite. The little bit of food I eat during the day must be what kickstarts the metabolism a bit, I don't know. I'll answer your other questions above. I just answered all your questions so now I'm back!

No, Quench, that's OK - don't think it's a good idea to be messing with our user names and take the answers from another thread. But you have a very creative mind!! And I think you're sweet to even entertain the thought of going to all that trouble. I just need to be more thick-skinned, I guess. Thing is, ther's really not much more to tell. This is the way it is every day! My pattern never deviates, so what else is there to talk about? It's just something that would get repeated so much that I would simply be ignored. LOL Now, what we HAVEN'T talked about in a LONG time, is, how is your eating/bingeing going? About the same? Better? Worse??? YOU need to clue ME in now!!!!!!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hihihihihiiiiiiii

Sorry I havent been around much..I went up to my cottage for a bit.

The reason why I havent really mentioned myself is cuz there isnt really much to mention lol! I am still counting and worried about gaining weight...I think I may be able to manage going away but I will be stressed! Thats ok though..

Quencher to answer your question(s); At part time, at most I'll work is 24 hrs/wk. I get paid $7.15 an hour, and that raises after 500 hours. I do all sorts of things in the bakery..decorating cakes, serving customers, setting up displays, putting out buns and breads, etc.

Char I was thinking...when you say "you have no appetite" in the morning, what exactly do you mean? Is it jut a simple matter of being hungry? Or would you get physically sick if you were to eat more during the day? Because when I was being treated, I was forced into eating bigger meals (obviously..) and now I actually am hungry if they are smaller then usual. Maybe you should try (if you dont get physically sick) having more during the day. It could be that youre hungry when you crave ice cream, and that your body has been deprived of fats during the AM so it needs to get some QUICK- thus making you crave a fatty sugar fix. I would definately try having some fats and eating more during the day, so your AM and PM are just about equal. Do it slowly of course..try adding only one breakfast thing per day (if you can..if not..do it per week!). You dont have to start with the hardest (fats)..just start with little things, like extra fruit or something. Do it no matter what!! EVEN IF YOU HAVE AN ICE CREAM BINGE!! Just add things on to your morning..when your meals in the AM and PM are pretty close in size (or calories), with fats in the AM and PM, then you might not crave the ice cream so much...if you DO, then you might be able to now have more self control, because youve eaten all day as well. You may think "oh then ill gain 100 more lbs...probably not..you MAY gain a bit, but you may also be able to controlt he ice cream thing!

Also, 2 cups of ice cream and banana isnt THAT much...especially if its like a no name brand...I'd say thats about 150 Cals/ half cup (at MOST..probably less!!)..so a 2 cup serving plus one banana is 700 Calories max...which isnt like a million calories..not a HUGE binge. If you ate the whole tub, then id say thats a lot, but a 2 scoop serving from an ice cream shoppe will have roughly the same calories. Or having like 3 beers...or A Big Mac (yes, only one..plus its got WAY more fat). So there are much worse things you could have- so I wouldnt stress about it so much!

Talk to yas later[/QUOTE]


Hi GG!!!

I answered your post yesterday but the Boards went down while I was trying to "post reply" - I saved it (by "cutting"), but couldn't ever get back. Gave up, and then forgot that when I sign off, I lose what I "cut"...which I found out later when I tried to "paste". It was such a long post, too!! Oh, well.....

Well, even if there isn't MUCH to tell, I still care about you and want to know how things are going. I am a worry wart, and if someone isn't talking much, I get concerned and wonder if everything is OK. And now Quench has been gone for a while, and I am REALLY worrying about her, as she has a very rough situation at home.

Actually, my having no appetite during the day goes beyond that, into...I DARE not eat anything that will make me sick. I can't even have boiled eggs, much less, anything else with fat in it, as it will llay in my stomach for hours undigested, then make me terribly nauseous. And if you have ever gone thru nausea, you know how awful it is. So, I don't dare eat more than I know I can tolerate. I know it's a very strange condition, and it has even puzzled Doctors. I have had sooooooo many tests, and all they can come up with is that it's because of the gall bladder surgery 30 years ago. They say we really do need every organ in our body, except maybe the appendix - back in the day when I had mine removed, they felt it was really a useless organ. But I have read in recent years - and maybe because of people like me!!! - that the gall bladder is there for a reason, and it DOES have something to do with the digestion of fats. Soooooo, there isn't much I can do, and I have basically been told what I already had figured out, that I need to stay away from anything that makes me sick. Being that I have my "breakfast" toward mid afternoon, I really feel quite full, and remain so until around 9pm, by which time I've developed an appetite, and can eat some things that I probably shouldn't, of course. As for my lat-night ice cream....hmmmm......I can honestly say it really isn't about hunger at all - it's a craving, a want, a need, a must-have, and all kinds of disgusting things like that. THAAT is the habit??? I really must break, but of which, so far, has been oh so painfully impossible to accomplish. I guess that IS what makes this an eating disorder, I suppose. Food should only be a NEED when one is hungry - it shouldn't be an addiction, which is certainly how I've come to think of it. See? And now you know why I hate discussing myself - I feel soooo many negatives about it.

I do so understand how you feel about counting calories and watching your weight. How could I possiblt blame you??????? If I did that I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I actually think you are doing pretty well! I think you handled your birthday weekend like most anyone would, and I'm glad you were able to enjoy what you ate, and not let it ruin the celebrations. I just know you will do wonderfully when you are having the 2 week stay with your friend!
Hope you've been having a terrific weekend!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=Charlyssa]Hi GG!!!

I answered your post yesterday but the Boards went down while I was trying to "post reply" - I saved it (by "cutting"), but couldn't ever get back. Gave up, and then forgot that when I sign off, I lose what I "cut"...which I found out later when I tried to "paste". It was such a long post, too!! Oh, well.....

Well, even if there isn't MUCH to tell, I still care about you and want to know how things are going. I am a worry wart, and if someone isn't talking much, I get concerned and wonder if everything is OK. And now Quench has been gone for a while, and I am REALLY worrying about her, as she has a very rough situation at home.

Actually, my having no appetite during the day goes beyond that, into...I DARE not eat anything that will make me sick. I can't even have boiled eggs, much less, anything else with fat in it, as it will llay in my stomach for hours undigested, then make me terribly nauseous. And if you have ever gone thru nausea, you know how awful it is. So, I don't dare eat more than I know I can tolerate. I know it's a very strange condition, and it has even puzzled Doctors. I have had sooooooo many tests, and all they can come up with is that it's because of the gall bladder surgery 30 years ago. They say we really do need every organ in our body, except maybe the appendix - back in the day when I had mine removed, they felt it was really a useless organ. But I have read in recent years - and maybe because of people like me!!! - that the gall bladder is there for a reason, and it DOES have something to do with the digestion of fats. Soooooo, there isn't much I can do, and I have basically been told what I already had figured out, that I need to stay away from anything that makes me sick. Being that I have my "breakfast" toward mid afternoon, I really feel quite full, and remain so until around 9pm, by which time I've developed an appetite, and can eat some things that I probably shouldn't, of course. As for my lat-night ice cream....hmmmm......I can honestly say it really isn't about hunger at all - it's a craving, a want, a need, a must-have, and all kinds of disgusting things like that. THAAT is the habit??? I really must break, but of which, so far, has been oh so painfully impossible to accomplish. I guess that IS what makes this an eating disorder, I suppose. Food should only be a NEED when one is hungry - it shouldn't be an addiction, which is certainly how I've come to think of it. See? And now you know why I hate discussing myself - I feel soooo many negatives about it.

I do so understand how you feel about counting calories and watching your weight. How could I possiblt blame you??????? If I did that I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I actually think you are doing pretty well! I think you handled your birthday weekend like most anyone would, and I'm glad you were able to enjoy what you ate, and not let it ruin the celebrations. I just know you will do wonderfully when you are having the 2 week stay with your friend!
Hope you've been having a terrific weekend!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:[/QUOTE]

Hey Charrrrr,

I cant say I've ever had the baords go down on me or anything, but I've had some weirdness lol.

Dont worry when I dont really talk much about me...really, its more a case of there's nothing new to report, so I would just assume whatever was my most recent state is my current. I WILL tell ya if any new things come up. For example, right now, I'm trying to speed up my metabolism by eating more (not like overeating, just what i really should be- 2200-2400 rather than 1500-1700 Cals per day). This'll be better cuz if my metab is used to more, I'll be able to handle going out and things more (like when with friends etc)

As much as Im happy you understand, I have to kinda disagree. To me, and to basically everyone around me, eating normally, even at a slender weight, means NOT counting calories, being worried about losing/gaining and weighing myself. Thats what Im working towards...because as much as it kind of makes sense to others, really, the whole point of being "normal" is to not be worried AT ALL about weight, calories, food etc. And though I did eat well DURING my party, I still dont think that my ED was completely taken care of..in many ways it DID ruin my party...I had to prepare a menu with my mom, and order certain pizza, the cake HAD to be done a certain way, the cupcakes- well you know how those were just crazy, etc. If I was more normal, and my ED didnt ruin anything, then my mom couldve surprised me completely with all my fav foods and cakes and things..and my friends and I couldve gone OUT to dinner, etc. Its not ALL like it seems!!:D

Another thing (no no Im not mad about it all, just giving my 2 cents) - eating (even normally) doesnt always mean eating food for just energy. A LOT of ppl (that are at healthy weights) eat based on cravings, the presence of a particular food, even a "need" for it. Look at the stereotype for most women- chocolate...many women would say chocolate isnt a craving its a NEED. Like people NEED coffee...and people who are like that dont have EDs right??

Also, a while back you were saying that you felt stupid on this board b/c you were overweight and everyone else was thin, thus making it seem like everyone but you had a problem. There is a post, called "Anyone overweight and bulimic?" (WHICH YOU RESPONDED TO!!) that has a few people with your exact concerns (diff disorder, same principles). My favourite advice was given by a member named Charlyssa- ever hear of her? Well, you should look into the advice she gave on that thread- its so true, completely brilliant, and applies perfectly to you and your thoughts! :D

My weekends been pretty good, but pretty much uneventful! Hope your weekend is great! Happy 4th of July!

GG
Pam: CONTINUE... PART III. :D

RE “taking answers from another thread.” That’s not what I meant. I actually said another “messageboard.” ;) In which case, you’ll have NO way of reading any of the negatives, whatsoever. :D But anyway, if you don’t want to, that’s okay.

You asked my about my eating. Do you REALLY want to know? I think you’ll regret that you had asked. All I can say is that I’ve given in. I give up. This past week, I've gained 6 pounds. That's RIGHT, 6 pounds in 7 days!!! And don’t wish to try anymore. It’s gone WAY too out of hand, and there’s absolutely nothing I, myself, can do about it. I say this because even AS I’m bingeing, I tell myself not to, but I still do. Even when I KNOW I can’t “possibly” shove another cracker down my throat, I still do. I even analyze to myself before eating!!!
“Man, I’m STUFFED. I don’t think I can eat anymore!!” So...
Do I NEED this?—no.”
Do I WANT this?—no.”
“Is it worth it?—no.”
“Does it even TASTE good? –no.”
“Shouldn’t I be trying to beat this ED?—Yes.”
“Should I have it anyway?—Sure, why not?”
MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:!!!!!!!! WHY DO I DO THIS?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! WHY??????? I’m so mad at myself, I’m in tears right now!!!!!!!!! Pam, this ISN’T how I want to spend my summer!!!!!!! Summertime’s suppose to be FUN, stress-free!! I don’t want to spend EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of the day worrying over food, exercising (haha, I'm even too lazy for that now), and then bingeing, and then feeling guilty afterwards, and then crying my heart out in the end!!!!!!!! Don't I put up with enough ALREADY??? Why am I always being punished??? What did I do to have deserved all this?? Maybe I was naughty in a previous life? Or, maybe… I was born a little devil like my parents say!!!!! They MUST be right because it's SO obvious to me that SOMEBODY hates me out there!! And that a higher being, if any, despises me very very much-- definitely not on MY side. It’s not supposed to be this way!!! :( Wahhhhhh!!!

I want so much to stop, but I CAN’T!!! And let’s face it—if there’s going to be ANY progress, whatsoever, I’d need more assistance than I’m getting now—MUCH more. I’d need to be refined and under surveillance at all times, no kidding, LOL. I NEED discipline. And since beating MYSELF doesn’t work, I want someone else to. Heck, I wish that my dad would beat the crap out of me like he always does, and ORDER me to stop eating. I wish he’d tie me down on a chair and duct tape my mouth, and then wack me every time I want to eat. That’ll do the trick, for sure!! Too bad he doesn’t do favors... ;)

Anyway, I’ll answer your other thread tomorrow because I need to wake up early tomorrow because I have to go back to my stupid school to sign up to retake a stupid test because I did so poorly on the stupid test the first time around, and therefore I have to take over the stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID TEST!!! Am I making sense? LOL! ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I weren’t so dumb, then I wouldn’t have to go back tomorrow in the FIRST PLACE????!!!!! But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I just haddddddddd to be so stupid!!!!!! ARGHHHHH. Don’t mind me. I’m a BIT on the nutty side tonight!!! So, so, SOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated!!!! :mad: ... and sleepy, too!!
Charry-

My job is all good, and everything is great with me here. I've been eating more (up to 2300 Cals) and have only gained a pound (which also could be only water, because I upped my water intake by a LOT). So im happy! (Not that my weight would truly depress me, but it's just a nice feeling! :D)

YAY!! I'm glad that you've come around! I agree with you about the 2 types, and will add that I believe that the "invisible" are just as serious and problematic and the "visible", and also need to be treated! If you feel you need inpatient, I would really really go for it. or at least research it to know your options, the costs and length of stay. I know you luv your hubby, but you also needa put your health first, just for a bit! If you dont, you could actually have something serious happen, like a heart attack, which could even kill you (sorry for the drama), and then you wont have a choice as to whether or not you spend time with your hub! Take a lil time apart now- lengthen your time together in the future.

My philosophy is to get rid of things that make u unhappy. Your sis-in-law seems to be a not-very-nice-person. I would absolutely positively try to not spend anytime with her, other than that that's needed. Try not to call her or invite her over when you dont have to (you dont have to be mean about it, just "apologetic" later on :D). Don't listen to anything she says, and dont take things she says personally (its hard i know, but its so worth it). At parties or whatever, say hi, and dont stay around long to chat. Just do your best to ignore her. Everyone has their reasons for saying/doing things, and hers prolly arent that valid. Ignore her!!

You say "fat isn't acceptable" and you base this on the fact that nowadays the media is constantly proclaiming that the obesity epidemic must be stopped. Think about this: the media wants to make money. There are 2 epidemics right now: obesity and eating disorders. One they know how to cure- obesity-with diets and pills and such. EDs arent cured so easily, and there arent "anti-binge" pills or "eat-more" diets. So which one are they going to promote more- the one that can be marketed or the one that cant? Which one will make more money- obesity!! THAT'S why you see obesity everywhere. Obviously they arent going to say "EDs are a rising trend nowadays and something must be done- buy your anorexic daughter this food and we promise, she'll eat!" because they know it wont work. Plus, people dont know ANYTHING about EDs- they know it involves throwing up and being really really skinny. People dont want to see that, because they dont understand it. They THINK they understand the cause of obesity, but they dont really (for example, your case). But it isnt as scary as an eating disorder. Everything in the media is based on money. You cannot cannot cannot believe what they say. Take this as an example; the newest US Weekly had a cover story about Mary Kate Olsen and her recovery from anorexia. On page 84, they had 6 shots of diff celebs in bikinis, and their "stay slim secrets". If the media was truly concerned about the people, they would not have put those articles in the same magazine, pages apart. Lets face it- people want to be like celebs and read about them- they'll buy the magazine, which will give the mag more money.They devour the Mary Kate article and them try to emulate other celebs to "stay slim"- Im sure even some get eating disorders. Don't fall into this trap Char! You are FAR too kind and loving of a person to think poorly of yourself and to be judged. Just smile smile smile and be happpppy!!

GG
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam: CONTINUE... PART III. :D

RE “taking answers from another thread.” That’s not what I meant. I actually said another “messageboard.” ;) In which case, you’ll have NO way of reading any of the negatives, whatsoever. :D But anyway, if you don’t want to, that’s okay.

You asked my about my eating. Do you REALLY want to know? I think you’ll regret that you had asked. All I can say is that I’ve given in. I give up. This past week, I've gained 6 pounds. That's RIGHT, 6 pounds in 7 days!!! And don’t wish to try anymore. It’s gone WAY too out of hand, and there’s absolutely nothing I, myself, can do about it. I say this because even AS I’m bingeing, I tell myself not to, but I still do. Even when I KNOW I can’t “possibly” shove another cracker down my throat, I still do. I even analyze to myself before eating!!!
“Man, I’m STUFFED. I don’t think I can eat anymore!!” So...
Do I NEED this?—no.”
Do I WANT this?—no.”
“Is it worth it?—no.”
“Does it even TASTE good? –no.”
“Shouldn’t I be trying to beat this ED?—Yes.”
“Should I have it anyway?—Sure, why not?”
MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:!!!!!!!! WHY DO I DO THIS?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! WHY??????? I’m so mad at myself, I’m in tears right now!!!!!!!!! Pam, this ISN’T how I want to spend my summer!!!!!!! Summertime’s suppose to be FUN, stress-free!! I don’t want to spend EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of the day worrying over food, exercising (haha, I'm even too lazy for that now), and then bingeing, and then feeling guilty afterwards, and then crying my heart out in the end!!!!!!!! Don't I put up with enough ALREADY??? Why am I always being punished??? What did I do to have deserved all this?? Maybe I was naughty in a previous life? Or, maybe… I was born a little devil like my parents say!!!!! They MUST be right because it's SO obvious to me that SOMEBODY hates me out there!! And that a higher being, if any, despises me very very much-- definitely not on MY side. It’s not supposed to be this way!!! Wahhhhhh!!!

I want so much to stop, but I CAN’T!!! And let’s face it—if there’s going to be ANY progress, whatsoever, I’d need more assistance than I’m getting now—MUCH more. I’d need to be refined and under surveillance at all times, no kidding, LOL. I NEED discipline. And since beating MYSELF doesn’t work, I want someone else to. Heck, I wish that my dad would beat the crap out of me like he always does, and ORDER me to stop eating. I wish he’d tie me down on a chair and duct tape my mouth, and then wack me every time I want to eat. That’ll do the trick, for sure!! Too bad he doesn’t do favors...

Anyway, I’ll answer your other thread tomorrow because I need to wake up early tomorrow because I have to go back to my stupid school to sign up to retake a stupid test because I did so poorly on the stupid test the first time around, and therefore I have to take over the stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID TEST!!! Am I making sense? LOL! ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I weren’t so dumb, then I wouldn’t have to go back tomorrow in the FIRST PLACE????!!!!! But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I just haddddddddd to be so stupid!!!!!! ARGHHHHH. Don’t mind me. I’m a BIT on the nutty side tonight!!! So, so, SOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated!!!! ... and sleepy, too!![/QUOTE]


My poor little Quenchacutie, it is sooooooo not fair for you to have to suffer like this, and I wish there were some way I could help you. I feel so bad because you DON'T deserve this ed on top of everything else you suffer. No, you're not being punished for being bad in another life or anything else. This ed had just got a hold of you, the same it does to everyone else, and it doesn't let go easily. Could you talk to your mom? Maybe sometime when your dad isn't home? You DO need to tell someone so they can help you, like with just about anything else, until you're 18, at which time, I sooo hope you will explore ways of getting help on your own. Your ed, I really don't know what to say or how to help, because I don't have those thoughts or feeling...just as I've told Aur before, because I can't understand hers, either. I can't understand looking in the mirror and thinking you look "fat" when you are emaciated. Nor can I understand eating the way you have described and eating until I've made myself sick, and yet, continuing to eat. All I DO know is that they say re eating disorders, is that it's really not about the food - but something deeper, something psychological...and when you find out what that is, it's supposed to either help, or you can BE helped by therapy. WEEEEEEELL!!!!!! Not so with me, any of it! I have figured out where the problem comes from, and that didn't help. I went thru therapy and THAT didn't help. I don't yet know what the answer is for me......much less yours....but i wish I did!! Then neither of us would have to be so miserable and we would be happy and our cravings, binges, whatever...would be a non-issue!! I did mention a theory I have about yours, tho, and I can't help but wonder if that might be at least part of the problem. But honey, just know that you can'r "eat" away the problem. All the food in the world put in your mouth won't solve anything. And that's all I really know to tell you..that's all I know, period. Not much, aaay?? I wish I could take it all away for you, hug you and hold you and tell you "everything will be OK", just like you said in a previous post. If only it were that simple!! But at least know I'm here for you anytime you need to vent and "sob" in the post.

I know you don't want to spend your summer this way!! This is why I had been encouraging you to try to find a job, or go do ANYTHING that will keep you busy, so that you're not obsessed with food. That's actually what I think happened to Miss Emma Dilemma. I think she got away from all her stress with school, she's probably working and very busy, and her ed isn't much of a problem now, or maybe it's no problem at all! At least that's what I hope for her...it's what I have to believe, I guess, because I have been very worried about her. Anyhoo, so, this is why I have hoped that you would try to look for a job, and why I've been coaching you about how to talk to people on the phone. I KNOW you would be happier to be working and busy....so PLEASE, just TRY to call these places, OK? And keep walking around the neighborhood looking for signs in windows...or look in those cheep neighborhood flyers in the help wanted section. I just kow that something is out there for you!!! But you won't find it if you DON'T LOOK!!!!!!! :D

So, did you take the stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID (did I forget a stupid??) test?? I will pray that you did well!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Charry-

My job is all good, and everything is great with me here. I've been eating more (up to 2300 Cals) and have only gained a pound (which also could be only water, because I upped my water intake by a LOT). So im happy! (Not that my weight would truly depress me, but it's just a nice feeling! :D)

YAY!! I'm glad that you've come around! I agree with you about the 2 types, and will add that I believe that the "invisible" are just as serious and problematic and the "visible", and also need to be treated! If you feel you need inpatient, I would really really go for it. or at least research it to know your options, the costs and length of stay. I know you luv your hubby, but you also needa put your health first, just for a bit! If you dont, you could actually have something serious happen, like a heart attack, which could even kill you (sorry for the drama), and then you wont have a choice as to whether or not you spend time with your hub! Take a lil time apart now- lengthen your time together in the future.

My philosophy is to get rid of things that make u unhappy. Your sis-in-law seems to be a not-very-nice-person. I would absolutely positively try to not spend anytime with her, other than that that's needed. Try not to call her or invite her over when you dont have to (you dont have to be mean about it, just "apologetic" later on :D). Don't listen to anything she says, and dont take things she says personally (its hard i know, but its so worth it). At parties or whatever, say hi, and dont stay around long to chat. Just do your best to ignore her. Everyone has their reasons for saying/doing things, and hers prolly arent that valid. Ignore her!!

You say "fat isn't acceptable" and you base this on the fact that nowadays the media is constantly proclaiming that the obesity epidemic must be stopped. Think about this: the media wants to make money. There are 2 epidemics right now: obesity and eating disorders. One they know how to cure- obesity-with diets and pills and such. EDs arent cured so easily, and there arent "anti-binge" pills or "eat-more" diets. So which one are they going to promote more- the one that can be marketed or the one that cant? Which one will make more money- obesity!! THAT'S why you see obesity everywhere. Obviously they arent going to say "EDs are a rising trend nowadays and something must be done- buy your anorexic daughter this food and we promise, she'll eat!" because they know it wont work. Plus, people dont know ANYTHING about EDs- they know it involves throwing up and being really really skinny. People dont want to see that, because they dont understand it. They THINK they understand the cause of obesity, but they dont really (for example, your case). But it isnt as scary as an eating disorder. Everything in the media is based on money. You cannot cannot cannot believe what they say. Take this as an example; the newest US Weekly had a cover story about Mary Kate Olsen and her recovery from anorexia. On page 84, they had 6 shots of diff celebs in bikinis, and their "stay slim secrets". If the media was truly concerned about the people, they would not have put those articles in the same magazine, pages apart. Lets face it- people want to be like celebs and read about them- they'll buy the magazine, which will give the mag more money.They devour the Mary Kate article and them try to emulate other celebs to "stay slim"- Im sure even some get eating disorders. Don't fall into this trap Char! You are FAR too kind and loving of a person to think poorly of yourself and to be judged. Just smile smile smile and be happpppy!!

GG[/QUOTE]



Hiya GG!!!

Sorry it's taken me so long to answer your post. I've gotten behind being off a couple of days, and that may happen from time to time - especially currently! This house thing will be the death of me!!!

You've gained a pound and you're OK with it???? WOW!!!! :eek: Major breakthru!!!!!!! That's just terrific, GG!!!! I'm soooooooooo happy that you are doing well - you really are in recovery!

You do have excellent philosophies, and you are sooooo right that I should take the time now to tackle the ed, so we have more time together in the future - eloquently put!! After all this house stuff is settled and we've moved, settled in, etc., then I will have time to give it serious thought.

Actually, my sis-in-law lives In ILL., where we used to live, and we are now in the desert Southwest. Our only contact is by phone, and she always calls me because she has unlimited LD calling and I don't. So at least I can be grateful they are only phone calls, but some of the phonecalls........ :mad: !!!!!! She's very self-absorbed and makes it clear that only HER life is important. Oh, I could go on and on...but, I am trying very hard to not take it all personally - but, you're right - it is VERY hard, even if they're only phone calls!

I understand all you say re obesity and the media. But it's sooooo hurtful to constantly hear this, and constantly promote that "thin is in", and everything is so "beauty"-oriented. Obesity is being given more weight LOL than it deserves. What about AIDS??? Drugs and drug addiction? Alcoholism? It's ALL taken a back seat to obesity!! And do they think that ONLY obese people have heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc??? I think there are MORE people who have these that are of normal weight - is this ever mentioned? No, let's just pick on the fatties and make them feel worse than they already do. I get a bit disgusted, I guess you could say. :D Is it any wonder we have low self-esteems, poor body image and little feelings of self-worth, to say nothing of utter embarrassment. I wish it were that easy to smile and be happy!! But I will try to work on that! ;)

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
Hey Char!

I dont know why I downplay my successes...I guess because I dont really feel that I've accomplished anything HUGE until I'm fully recovered. At the same time,too, I dont really like being congratulated on something that I kinda knew I could do..like for example..I really feel I COULD eat normally if I absolutely had to...but I just dont want to...so when I finally do eat normally, I wont really feel like it warrants congrats because I kinda knew I could. I find that with a lot of things too...school being a main one...I always found it so easy, and got great marks...but that to me isnt anything amazing because it wasnt something I worked hard for and finally got...you kinda know what I mean? So if I DO downplay things, its more because I didnt surprise myself by doing it, not because im not happy that I did (lol thats a mouthful).

Wow the house sounds amazing!! WITH a pool! YAY that's so great! I hope you get it...Ive heard about the craziness of the market..and people can be so vicious sometimes! If you DONT get it, I'm sure you'll find another perfect house...maybe better! Im pulling for ya though!

I'm so proud of you for trying to ignroe the cravings! Even though you gave it, it's ok..you still tried really really hard, and that's all that counts! One day you'll surprise yourself and will be able to NOT have ice cream! :D

I understand what you mean about the media. And I agree with your philosophy about how people shouldnt follow fads and just should live heathfully. But let's face it- when people want to lose weight, they want to do it in a way where they can eat yummy (translation=fatty and not good for you) foods, unlimited portions, and they want results FAST and painlessly. So naturally, they'll follow a diet like Atkins because it's got all sorts of no-good-for-you foods and it isn't centered around excersise (which I for one do not enjoy..). People are just clueless when it comes to eating, excersise and losing weight. They dont know whats good for them, so they'll do what they're told ...and what theyre told is no good for them..but they dont hear about THAT lol! I think that when people put too much thought into eating, they get into trouble...years and years ago, the term "calories" didn't even exist, and people were fine then werent they?? Calories are such an..unknown...all scientists basically know is that they are used as energy in your body...but there are so many "BUT's" or "MAYBE's"..like the possibility that all calories aren't created equal...what does THAT mean? lol...But I too have gotten myself into the calorie counting mess and find it hard to climb out.. one day i will! and one day you'll pass on the ice cream!

Aw it's too bad that you dont see your grandkids..maybe they'll visit you when you get the house! Hope you too have a good wknd!
GG
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hey Char!

I dont know why I downplay my successes...I guess because I dont really feel that I've accomplished anything HUGE until I'm fully recovered. At the same time,too, I dont really like being congratulated on something that I kinda knew I could do..like for example..I really feel I COULD eat normally if I absolutely had to...but I just dont want to...so when I finally do eat normally, I wont really feel like it warrants congrats because I kinda knew I could. I find that with a lot of things too...school being a main one...I always found it so easy, and got great marks...but that to me isnt anything amazing because it wasnt something I worked hard for and finally got...you kinda know what I mean? So if I DO downplay things, its more because I didnt surprise myself by doing it, not because im not happy that I did (lol thats a mouthful).

Wow the house sounds amazing!! WITH a pool! YAY that's so great! I hope you get it...Ive heard about the craziness of the market..and people can be so vicious sometimes! If you DONT get it, I'm sure you'll find another perfect house...maybe better! Im pulling for ya though!

I'm so proud of you for trying to ignroe the cravings! Even though you gave it, it's ok..you still tried really really hard, and that's all that counts! One day you'll surprise yourself and will be able to NOT have ice cream! :D

I understand what you mean about the media. And I agree with your philosophy about how people shouldnt follow fads and just should live heathfully. But let's face it- when people want to lose weight, they want to do it in a way where they can eat yummy (translation=fatty and not good for you) foods, unlimited portions, and they want results FAST and painlessly. So naturally, they'll follow a diet like Atkins because it's got all sorts of no-good-for-you foods and it isn't centered around excersise (which I for one do not enjoy..). People are just clueless when it comes to eating, excersise and losing weight. They dont know whats good for them, so they'll do what they're told ...and what theyre told is no good for them..but they dont hear about THAT lol! I think that when people put too much thought into eating, they get into trouble...years and years ago, the term "calories" didn't even exist, and people were fine then werent they?? Calories are such an..unknown...all scientists basically know is that they are used as energy in your body...but there are so many "BUT's" or "MAYBE's"..like the possibility that all calories aren't created equal...what does THAT mean? lol...But I too have gotten myself into the calorie counting mess and find it hard to climb out.. one day i will! and one day you'll pass on the ice cream!

Aw it's too bad that you dont see your grandkids..maybe they'll visit you when you get the house! Hope you too have a good wknd!
GG[/QUOTE]



Hiya GG!!

Ahhh, so that's it. OK, I do understand...to a point. :) But then, that would be like someone saying they don't know how to drive until they actually have their driver's license....or.....hmmmm, what would be another good analogy....OH!! The best one yet!!! That if I were to lose 60 pounds, that's not a success until I've lost all 80 lbs.!!! Hmmm, so I guess you'll perceive me as a failure until I lose all 80!! :D And you won't be REALLY happy for me along the way...not til I get to that full 80lb loss. Hmmmmm. LOL!! See?? So, now you'll DEFINITELY understand (I hope!!) why I celebrate you many successes! You are, right now, where I would be if I had lost, say....66lbs! OH GOSH!!!!!!!! And would I ever be happy at that point!!!!! And even that you say....that you feel you "could eat normally if you absolutely had to", is waaaaaaay more than I can say about myself right now!! You are soooo much better, sweetie, I just wish YOU knew it. To you, it's not yet perfect, and I guess you think that it must be...but maybe expecting perfection is a bit unrealistic. I mean, who IS perfect in how or what they think about food, diets, etc. Even my son, who is a perfect weight, is very muscular and he works out, of course...says no to desserts often. If he ate too much dinner, he doesn't want dessert - if he intends to have it, he makes a conscious effort to eat less dinner. I believe that is just plain sensible!! I mean, if everyone just ate what they wanted all the time...well, they'd look like me! Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful metabolism and can eat what they want without giving any thought to calories. No one in my family!!! And my daughter is heavy, both my parents had a tendency to gain and had to lose, and both my grandmothers were heavy. My brother had been struggling, too in the past 5 years or so. He's 47, and career Air Force, so he REALLY has to be careful!! They strictly adhere to height/weight ratios, and if you go one pound over the top weight, you are TOLD to reduce...in fact, when you are nearing it, you're warned. Anyway, so many people have to be very careful...and if you feel the need to watch your calories, I don't see that as a serious thing, certainly not the way you've been recently handling things. I admire you sooooo much!!! So will you just please allow me to??? :D

Yes, I miss my granddaughters very much - it is so hard not being around to watch them grow up. waaaah!!!

Hugs!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Thanks Char- I guess I'm wrong to expect what I do, but that's just me! I always sort of expect either a complete success or a complete failure... I know its wrong to think that way, but I'm working on it! I undestand your point when you apply it to others though! :D And Im NOT so much better than you! I'm where I am because I got professional help- you're basically where I was LAST summer- before help came! So really, it's an unfair comparison :p!

Also, I get what you're saying abput how counting calories isn't ALL that bad..and I know that, I get that...but it's jsut that I know people who are fairly thin and just dont count calories...sure they dont eat like 20 meals per day, but they do eat to hunger and fullness, AND to cravings. So i'd like to get there some day...lol

That's so sad that you doont get to see your family all the time! You should definately make sure you see them after this house mess settles down!!!!! Hope youre having a grrrreat weekend!

I agree with Char- Quench where are you!?

GG[/QUOTE]

Hiya GG!

I know a couple people who don't count calories and could care less about portion size, too. They are both slim. I hate them. :D Let me ask you something...let's say both of us get where we want to be - I will weigh 145 (like that's gonna happen!!! But I can dream, right? :) ) and you will be the weight you are now (or do you need to be a few lbs. heavier?? I forget now. Sorry!) and you will never have to count calories again, OK? But, technically, won't we always have an eating disorder? I mean, at any time, either of us could slip into old thoughts, eating, etc. So, once you have an eating disorder, does it ever completely go away? Or is this something that we will always have to be mindful of for the rest of our lives? Like alcoholics who "get sober" and stay that way, who attend AA...but they STILL call themselves alcoholics. My step-mother is one. That is to say, she doesn't drink anymore - she quit about....hmmmm....20 years ago, and as far as I know, she hasn't had a drink since. She still goes to AA and STILL considers herself an alcoholic! As she says...just ONE DRINK could likely be her ruin. So, with all that in mind.....is there really any hope for us?? I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, but this is just something I was thinking about. That maybe we will never be 100% recovered...that at any moment we could go back to old ways. This scares me, quite frankly....because food is always there. I guess I think that I will never be recovered. I feel I will never get over my love for ice cream...that I can never think of it as something to have a NORMAL portion of, or have once in a while, like NORMAL people do! This depresses me know end...and the truth is, always in the back of my mind will be the fear that...let's say I get where I want to be in weight...but what will stop me from gaining it all back? Like I have EVERY SINGLE TIME I've gone on a diet?? Then I think.....so why bother going thru the torture of going on a diet and getting where I want to be, if all I'm going to do is gain it back, anyway??? Like...what's the point???? You will probably say not to think that way, but how can I help it? And how will I be able to STOP myself from gaining it all back? So, this is why I feel that I can NEVER be in recovery...it will never get to that point. Because always iside of me will be lurking the ice cream monster!! The monster who says, "No, THAT'S not enough ice cream!! Put MORE in the bowl!!! Go on!!! You KNOW you want to - you know you want MORE!! You KNOW you aren't going to be satisfied with THAT measly amount!!!!" I just want to give up. It's all just pointless. I really do feel doomed. I'm so stressed these days...ice cream is my panacea. Well, GG, there's no doubt I need professional help. Not therapy tho - it's just NOT for me. It didn't help me a bit. I think I just may have to first try hypnotherapy and see how that goes. I am so scared tho. Not only to have someone messing with my mind....but also, what if it fails? Even if I went into a residential treatment center, what will stop me from getting out and going right back to old patterns???? I have had all these thoughts, and I believe that this is what's holding me back from going on a diet. Sure, I CAN lose the weight - I've done it more times than I can count!!! But keeping it off.....ahh, there's the rub!!!

I'm sorry - this is just depressing, isn't it? Don't mean to depress you, but I just had this jumble of thoughts so I came here with them, and dumped them all on you!!! I'm sorry. Hope you have a nice weekend, sweetie.

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
Hey Aur! It's great that youre moving to the ED ward finally! You've been there before right? I found it SO intimidating..the hardest part was on bedrest for 3 wks..and knowing I;ll have to go eat with everyone..I was worried they wouldnt think I was THAT sick..that and I was just plain scared of associating with them lol! I know waht you mean about the empty feeling. I sometimes now even get the longing for it..I feel hungry, but I look at myself and dont see skin and bones..so I wonder why I should feed myself! The best thing for me to do, to get over these thoughts, is to just try my very best to ignore them. I stay away from mirrors (at one point, when I first came home from the hospital, I covered ALL my mirrors with paper so I didnt see myself!), and I dont look or prod at my tummy. I occupy myself with other things..lately it's been this board, but in the hospital my mom brought my knitting, friendship bracelts to make, books/magazines to read, stained glass window kits, hatching kits, etc. Get your hubby to bring you some art kits from an arts store...trust me it'll definately help pass the time! and please try not to think about the number they want you to eventually gain to. Do it by week...you know you look horrible at this weight right? You know you could really use some weight on your too-tiny frame...just keep telling yourself this, and do it by the pound. Make your goal to gain one pound by Thursday (or whatever day). When you do, reward yourself with a new magazine or book or a visit to your hub..anything. Then, make another goal for the next pound..and dont look back...when you DO look back, just remember how horrible you looked..and how much better you WILL look!!!!!! Don't think about the overall goal..just think about baby steps!!! Think about the gorgeous super expensive dress you'll buy yourself when you DO reach your target weight...and how gorgeous you'll look in it (Kids sizes dont have nice dresses..)!!!!!

You say youre 50-50 on recovering...how is that ratio compared to a month ago? Is this hospitalization taught you anything new? Made you think differently at all? I hope it has!!! i hope you realize that your life is so worth living, a vacation with your hub is so worth taking, and that you cant enjoy that if youre 85lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for your kind words! i hope you arent putting yourself down...anyting you say to me also applies to you!!! :p

The hospital is no fun, but just think about all the things in life youre missing out if you prolong this, and if you continue with your ED..What does it REALLY give you? Not happiness...and you know im right! No lying here! Ive done this all too !! :P

I hope everything goes well for you, and that that ratio keeps leaning on the "recovery" side. Tell me how it goes.. xoxoxo
gg
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam: PART II

Well, my mindset is certainly not to become heavier, unless it’s subconscious??? If I WERE trying to become heavy, then shouldn’t I be HAPPY that I’m gaining weight—and not so miserable!?!? Plus, the fatter I get, the more my dad bothers me. Just this week, I was sitting at the computer desk, and as he walked by, he grabbed hold of my waist, and he’s like, “Man, what the heck have you been eating lately, you fat bast*rd?” Then he continues onto the rest of my body. :rolleyes: That bum, LOL.

Re post 69, I’m sorry about that. Didn’t mean to make you spend all that time for nothing. I didn’t see that. Sorry. But anyway, I asked those questions because I was planning to create a diet for you. But since you’re not ready, I guess you DID spend all that time for nothing? That’s okay, though. ;)

Your history with jello cracked me up. I don’t mean any disrespect. I’m not laughing at the fact that you were hospitalized, or that you were being fed hard, rubbery jello for days, but I don’t know—the way you described it was amusing. :D But Pam, Pam Pammy, that was THIRTY years ago!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surely, another ¾ cup a week isn’t going to kill you, LOL!!!!! I can’t believe that because of that, you have given up on jello all together… and for THIRTY years now, too!!!! I guess that is what struck me as funny??? Again, no disrespect contemplated, so please don’t get mad. :D

I’m SOOOO glad that you’re gonna try the soda-deal. And nope, I’ve never tried chocolate ice cream with coke because I…don’t… I don’t… errrrr…like chocolate ice cream!!!!!!! :eek: Like chocolate milk, it’s diluted and it lacks the sweetness you would find in chocolate bars, brownies, cookies, and cake. In fact, I think it tastes sort of rubbery and bitter too.
I can SO picture the shock look on your face right now!!! Now, I can picture you laughing ‘cause I guessed right. :D

Talk to my mom??? TALK to my MOM? I’ve never had a real talk with my mom ever in my life for as long as I can remember, and to start now would be WAY too awkward! Plus, everything I tell my mother is reported straight to my father—everything! Moreover, I don’t have to tell her ANY thing. She’s not stupid, she very well knows what goes on between me and my dad. But like me, she will never report him. It’s not too serious anyway. Oh and by the way, SHE’S the one who tells me to keep things a secret—not my dad. Surprising, hmm? You see, my parents are in this together, I tell yah. Surely they are BOTH against me!! So basically, it’s down to no one. I can’t speak with or trust anyone in the physical life. I have no friends or close relatives either. :(

As for the eating— to tell you the truth, I can’t understand myself either. I can’t understand why I “would eat until I’ve made myself sick, and yet continue to eat” and as I begin to feel a little better, start eating some MORE. So, why should I expect anyone ELSE to????? That’ll just be too inconsiderate on my part. And speaking of inconsiderate, I am SOOOOO sorry that I’ve been so self-absorbed lately!!!! I have NO idea WHY, but lately I’ve just felt the need to talk about me, myself, and I all the time!!! And I feel so bad about that. Like with the other thread, I completely switched the focus to myself, and it was a thread to Aury, not me!!! Arghhhhhh!!!! It’s just that once I get start talking about myself, I can’t stop until I’ve typed out EVERY little single thing I want to say, LOL. So, so soo sorry.[/QUOTE]


Hiya Quench Part Dos!!

Now I'm confused - you say you're not fat, yet you just ssaid "the fatter you get the more your dad bothers you"?? :confused:

No prob, re post 69 - YOU are the one who put so much effort into it!!! I feel very bad about that, too, as it;s soooooooooooooo sweet and kind of you to try to help La Gorda.

Re jello, no prob, again. I suppose it does sound funny!! But it's not funny when you're forced to eat it 3X a day, sometimes for as long as 10 days. trust me, it'll cure you of that food for the rest of your life. but I know what you're thinking.....this would NOT happen with ice cream!! See, I never like jello to begin with! LOL And....what?????????????????????????? You don't like choc ice cream????????????????? You bet, "shocked"!!! Why, I think you are STILL quite ill...delerious, in fact!!!!!! LOL!!!!

What a shame you have no one to talk to, not even your Mom. I can't even conceive of this. But, you already know my thoughts on ALL of this.

Sweetie, you are SUPPOSED to talk about yourself here!! We do NOT consider you self-absorbed...AT ALL!! besides, who else DO you have to talk to?? You are expected to tell us all of what you go thru, else, how can any of us try to help you? Please, NEVER apologize again...and something else....you give waaaaaaaaaaaay more than you take, any ol' day!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
Pam:
Of course I understand, silly! I know very well that you have a life outside of these Boards. Everyone does.

You did all those things for your kids—really????? No kidding? Wow, that’s amazing. They don’t even do that on TV, LOL! What a great mother you are. I’m sure both of your kids love you very much.

Re the meds, well, I'm sure at some point my parents fed me medicine, I can't remember it, though. They haven't done so in a long, long time obviously. The last I checked, whenever I had a fever, my dad would ask "So when are you gonna die?" And whenever I had a cough, "You brought this upon yourself, didn't you? You sick bast*rd??" Hence, I don't even bother telling them anymore.

At one point, I stopped the exercising ‘cause I didn’t “care” anymore, and I gained 6 pounds in 7 days. Because of this, I recommenced. I can’t seem to cut down on the exercising now. When I don’t binge, I take the opportunity to exercise in event OF a binge. And when I DO binge, my mindset is, “every calorie counts,” and I will exercise until I collapse to burn calories—whether it’s three, six, nine, or nine HUNDRED calories at a time. Plus, it’s like a punishment in a way. “THIS is what you get for bingeing, you fool!” It’s a cycle. I diet, binge, diet, binge, diet, and binge. And these exercise sessions are QUITE tiring, I might add.

Okay, now you’re confusing ME, LOL! In post #122 you said, “…you say you're not fat…” So, that would mean you thought I said I wasn’t fat.
Then in post #123, you said, “You say things about yourself that just aren't true...like, that you're fat!” This, on the other hand, suggests that you thought I said I WAS fat. You just contradicted yourself. :D But anyway, to clear things up, I never said I wasn’t fat. I said I WAS fat, but not overweight.

I have been trying to diet for months and keep failing.” Well, the point system will help motivate you, and hopefully everyone else too!! It’ll be one of the many benefits. And a little competition can’t hurt. Think of it like this, “would you want a bunch of 16 year olds beating you in a game?? What a shame THAT would be!” So therefore, you would keep trying and trying—not JUST to diet, but to win also. Then again, a successful diet would mean you've won. That’s how I see it anyway. I just hope that you're not just saying you'll try it and then just forget about it afterwards.

I DARE you to find ONE thing about myself that isn't true, in these threads!!”
Easy, the fact that you’re hopeless. That took exactly three seconds. Any other challenges? ;)

EDIT:
Oh, yeah, I'd like to add something RE "I don't know if it will get easier with time - it never did before...but then, while dieting, I always disallowed ice cream and desserts and chips, etc., etc., while on the diet. The cravings for "bad" foods never stopped, which is, obviously, the reason the weight piled back on."

I know you addressed it to Aury, but I'd like to comment on it also. Hope you don't mind?

You don't diet by disallowing yourself certain foods. You don't diet by separating good foods from bad foods. "Dieting" in this manner is called depriving yourself of the foods you love. And deprivation leads to overeating, and ultimately giving into cravings. Because the more you deprive yourself of something, the more you'd want it. So it's OKAY to have "bad foods" while dieting, as long as it's in moderation. It's...um... well... it's no wonder you were never able to keep the weight off!!!! When the diet fails, you don't blame the "diet," but you blame yourself instead!!!! Hating yourself and hating your body will not make you slimmer. If it did, well, everyone would be slimmer!!! You see, it's not so much WHAT you eat that causes weight gain, but rather when and how much. And although eating right IS a factor... it's not the main one. The main one is how your body PHYSICALLY feels after eating. The fact that you're not stuffed after eating, and the fact that you were hungry to begin with BEFORE you ate, lol. Which means, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ICECREAM! But you can only have your ice cream if, and only if, you are hungry... and your BODY is craving for it... and not your mind. You only "MUST" need your ice cream when you are hungry, and at no other time. So no more, "I MUST have my icecream," you hear? ;) Don't set a time in the day when you should have this or that. Wait till you're physically hungry before you have it, and STOP when you're physically satisfied-- NOT when you're emotionally. Does that make any sense?
Look at me talking as if I've just met you, LOL! :rolleyes: But sometimes I have to forget who I'm talking to in order to avoid beating around the bush because I know I tend to "go easy" on people who I have stronger and longer relationships with... due to fear of upsetting that persona and hence losing that relationship, and well, there's nothing I can tell you about apprehension that you don't already know, so I'll shut up now. :D

Aury:
Thanks for the translation. Although, I must admit I STILL don’t know what it means, haha! Reading comprehension problems. I feel so guilty for having made you go thru the trouble, though, ESPECIALLY since you’re so sick. :(

And you say you’re not that skinny???? At 5’6”, even 100 pounds would be considered skinny! Let alone something <85….

Julia:
Hello, and welcome! Why, no offense, but your friend Jessica sounds very conceited. I can sense that she’s trying to drag you down WITH her because she doesn’t want to suffer alone. And who is SHE to telling you when and what to eat and not eat??? That choice is up to you, and nobody else—ESPECIALLY if you are hungry!!!!!!! I believe she has brainwashed you into thinking that you are fat, when you are really not. I’d suggest you break your friendship right away because frankly, it’s not a friendship. Not one worth keeping. And while you’re at it, tell her to get some help, too. Meanwhile, try to look for someone you trust in your life—whether it’s a guardian or a counselor or what have you—and seek some insight/treatment. It’ll be too heavy of a load for someone to carry alone. Also, please stop the dieting—don’t want to make matters worse, now do you? :) I hope I didn’t scare you off with my critical suggestions, but it’s the truth. And I want to get right to the point because I'm too lazy to beat around the bush. Post again, soon!
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Of course I understand, silly! I know very well that you have a life outside of these Boards. Everyone does.

You did all those things for your kids—really????? No kidding? Wow, that’s amazing. They don’t even do that on TV, LOL! What a great mother you are. I’m sure both of your kids love you very much.

Re the meds, well, I'm sure at some point my parents fed me medicine, I can't remember it, though. They haven't done so in a long, long time obviously. The last I checked, whenever I had a fever, my dad would ask "So when are you gonna die?" And whenever I had a cough, "You brought this upon yourself, didn't you? You sick bast*rd??" Hence, I don't even bother telling them anymore.

At one point, I stopped the exercising ‘cause I didn’t “care” anymore, and I gained 6 pounds in 7 days. Because of this, I recommenced. I can’t seem to cut down on the exercising now. When I don’t binge, I take the opportunity to exercise in event OF a binge. And when I DO binge, my mindset is, “every calorie counts,” and I will exercise until I collapse to burn calories—whether it’s three, six, nine, or nine HUNDRED calories at a time. Plus, it’s like a punishment in a way. “THIS is what you get for bingeing, you fool!” It’s a cycle. I diet, binge, diet, binge, diet, and binge. And these exercise sessions are QUITE tiring, I might add.

Okay, now you’re confusing ME, LOL! In post #122 you said, “…you say you're not fat…” So, that would mean you thought I said I wasn’t fat.
Then in post #123, you said, “You say things about yourself that just aren't true...like, that you're fat!” This, on the other hand, suggests that you thought I said I WAS fat. You just contradicted yourself. :D But anyway, to clear things up, I never said I wasn’t fat. I said I WAS fat, but not overweight.

I have been trying to diet for months and keep failing.” Well, the point system will help motivate you, and hopefully everyone else too!! It’ll be one of the many benefits. And a little competition can’t hurt. Think of it like this, “would you want a bunch of 16 year olds beating you in a game?? What a shame THAT would be!” So therefore, you would keep trying and trying—not JUST to diet, but to win also. Then again, a successful diet would mean you've won. That’s how I see it anyway. I just hope that you're not just saying you'll try it and then just forget about it afterwards.

I DARE you to find ONE thing about myself that isn't true, in these threads!!”
Easy, the fact that you’re hopeless. That took exactly three seconds. Any other challenges? ;)

EDIT:
Oh, yeah, I'd like to add something RE "I don't know if it will get easier with time - it never did before...but then, while dieting, I always disallowed ice cream and desserts and chips, etc., etc., while on the diet. The cravings for "bad" foods never stopped, which is, obviously, the reason the weight piled back on."

I know you addressed it to Aury, but I'd like to comment on it also. Hope you don't mind?

You don't diet by disallowing yourself certain foods. You don't diet by separating good foods from bad foods. "Dieting" in this manner is called depriving yourself of the foods you love. And deprivation leads to overeating, and ultimately giving into cravings. Because the more you deprive yourself of something, the more you'd want it. So it's OKAY to have "bad foods" while dieting, as long as it's in moderation. It's...um... well... it's no wonder you were never able to keep the weight off!!!! When the diet fails, you don't blame the "diet," but you blame yourself instead!!!! Hating yourself and hating your body will not make you slimmer. If it did, well, everyone would be slimmer!!! You see, it's not so much WHAT you eat that causes weight gain, but rather when and how much. And although eating right IS a factor... it's not the main one. The main one is how your body PHYSICALLY feels after eating. The fact that you're not stuffed after eating, and the fact that you were hungry to begin with BEFORE you ate, lol. Which means, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ICECREAM! But you can only have your ice cream if, and only if, you are hungry... and your BODY is craving for it... and not your mind. You only "MUST" need your ice cream when you are hungry, and at no other time. So no more, "I MUST have my icecream," you hear? ;) Don't set a time in the day when you should have this or that. Wait till you're physically hungry before you have it, and STOP when you're physically satisfied-- NOT when you're emotionally. Does that make any sense?
Look at me talking as if I've just met you, LOL! :rolleyes: But sometimes I have to forget who I'm talking to in order to avoid beating around the bush because I know I tend to "go easy" on people who I have stronger and longer relationships with... due to fear of upsetting that persona and hence losing that relationship, and well, there's nothing I can tell you about apprehension that you don't already know, so I'll shut up now. :D

Aury:
Thanks for the translation. Although, I must admit I STILL don’t know what it means, haha! Reading comprehension problems. I feel so guilty for having made you go thru the trouble, though, ESPECIALLY since you’re so sick. :(

And you say you’re not that skinny???? At 5’6”, even 100 pounds would be considered skinny! Let alone something <85….

Julia:
Hello, and welcome! Why, no offense, but your friend Jessica sounds very conceited. I can sense that she’s trying to drag you down WITH her because she doesn’t want to suffer alone. And who is SHE to telling you when and what to eat and not eat??? That choice is up to you, and nobody else—ESPECIALLY if you are hungry!!!!!!! I believe she has brainwashed you into thinking that you are fat, when you are really not. I’d suggest you break your friendship right away because frankly, it’s not a friendship. Not one worth keeping. And while you’re at it, tell her to get some help, too. Meanwhile, try to look for someone you trust in your life—whether it’s a guardian or a counselor or what have you—and seek some insight/treatment. It’ll be too heavy of a load for someone to carry alone. Also, please stop the dieting—don’t want to make matters worse, now do you? :) I hope I didn’t scare you off with my critical suggestions, but it’s the truth. And I want to get right to the point because I'm too lazy to beat around the bush. Post again, soon![/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Of course I understand, silly! I know very well that you have a life outside of these Boards. Everyone does.

You did all those things for your kids—really????? No kidding? Wow, that’s amazing. They don’t even do that on TV, LOL! What a great mother you are. I’m sure both of your kids love you very much.

Re the meds, well, I'm sure at some point my parents fed me medicine, I can't remember it, though. They haven't done so in a long, long time obviously. The last I checked, whenever I had a fever, my dad would ask "So when are you gonna die?" And whenever I had a cough, "You brought this upon yourself, didn't you? You sick bast*rd??" Hence, I don't even bother telling them anymore.

At one point, I stopped the exercising ‘cause I didn’t “care” anymore, and I gained 6 pounds in 7 days. Because of this, I recommenced. I can’t seem to cut down on the exercising now. When I don’t binge, I take the opportunity to exercise in event OF a binge. And when I DO binge, my mindset is, “every calorie counts,” and I will exercise until I collapse to burn calories—whether it’s three, six, nine, or nine HUNDRED calories at a time. Plus, it’s like a punishment in a way. “THIS is what you get for bingeing, you fool!” It’s a cycle. I diet, binge, diet, binge, diet, and binge. And these exercise sessions are QUITE tiring, I might add.

Okay, now you’re confusing ME, LOL! In post #122 you said, “…you say you're not fat…” So, that would mean you thought I said I wasn’t fat.
Then in post #123, you said, “You say things about yourself that just aren't true...like, that you're fat!” This, on the other hand, suggests that you thought I said I WAS fat. You just contradicted yourself. :D But anyway, to clear things up, I never said I wasn’t fat. I said I WAS fat, but not overweight.

I have been trying to diet for months and keep failing.” Well, the point system will help motivate you, and hopefully everyone else too!! It’ll be one of the many benefits. And a little competition can’t hurt. Think of it like this, “would you want a bunch of 16 year olds beating you in a game?? What a shame THAT would be!” So therefore, you would keep trying and trying—not JUST to diet, but to win also. Then again, a successful diet would mean you've won. That’s how I see it anyway. I just hope that you're not just saying you'll try it and then just forget about it afterwards.

I DARE you to find ONE thing about myself that isn't true, in these threads!!”
Easy, the fact that you’re hopeless. That took exactly three seconds. Any other challenges?

EDIT:
Oh, yeah, I'd like to add something RE "I don't know if it will get easier with time - it never did before...but then, while dieting, I always disallowed ice cream and desserts and chips, etc., etc., while on the diet. The cravings for "bad" foods never stopped, which is, obviously, the reason the weight piled back on."

I know you addressed it to Aury, but I'd like to comment on it also. Hope you don't mind?

You don't diet by disallowing yourself certain foods. You don't diet by separating good foods from bad foods. "Dieting" in this manner is called depriving yourself of the foods you love. And deprivation leads to overeating, and ultimately giving into cravings. Because the more you deprive yourself of something, the more you'd want it. So it's OKAY to have "bad foods" while dieting, as long as it's in moderation. It's...um... well... it's no wonder you were never able to keep the weight off!!!! When the diet fails, you don't blame the "diet," but you blame yourself instead!!!! Hating yourself and hating your body will not make you slimmer. If it did, well, everyone would be slimmer!!! You see, it's not so much WHAT you eat that causes weight gain, but rather when and how much. And although eating right IS a factor... it's not the main one. The main one is how your body PHYSICALLY feels after eating. The fact that you're not stuffed after eating, and the fact that you were hungry to begin with BEFORE you ate, lol. Which means, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ICECREAM! But you can only have your ice cream if, and only if, you are hungry... and your BODY is craving for it... and not your mind. You only "MUST" need your ice cream when you are hungry, and at no other time. So no more, "I MUST have my icecream," you hear? ;) Don't set a time in the day when you should have this or that. Wait till you're physically hungry before you have it, and STOP when you're physically satisfied-- NOT when you're emotionally. Does that make any sense?
Look at me talking as if I've just met you, LOL! : But sometimes I have to forget who I'm talking to in order to avoid beating around the bush because I know I tend to "go easy" on people who I have stronger and longer relationships with... due to fear of upsetting that persona and hence losing that relationship, and well, there's nothing I can tell you about apprehension that you don't already know, so I'll shut up now.



Hiya Quench!!

OK, sigh......looks like we have to argue again. :) Your 5th paragraph, I think you have this a bit wrong, sweetie - YOU are the one that is contradicting yourself. You have said you are not fat...but you most CERTAINLY have referred to yourself as fat previously. In fact, when I first "met" you, on my very first thread, I remember you saying you were were fat! Maybe that's just how you FEEL sometimes, I don't know. This is why I was confused as to whether you were/are actually fat or not. Okeydokey? :D And I completely give up re overweight isn't fat, fat isn't overweight, etc. :confused: I think I have too much on my mind these days!!

Sweetie, I HAVE been trying and trying for a LONG time to diet, and ther is absolutely nothing that has motivated me - not my weight, not my ugly fat, not what the scale says, not my embarrassment over my weight, not my embarrassment to even be seen in public....if none of this has done it, well, I don't know what will. The truth is, at least for now, the point system will do nothing more than constantly remind me of what a failure I am. I'm sorry. This is why I say, and truly believe, that I am "hopeless" - I have seen no evidence to the contrary, in YEARS now. So, you need to find something else! :D

Of course I don't mind, silly! You are free to comment on anything, anywhere! I will say that what you have said, re dieting and deprivation, is most definitely a newer way of looking at things. You must remember my age!! decades ago diets DID mean deprivation - you must stay away from all fattening things. Back then, no one thought of the future as far as dieting - just the here and now. No one ever said how to KEEP the weight off. No one talked about changing eating habits PERMANENTLY. Now, don't misunderstand - this is not an excuse. I am simply stating that for most of my life, up until the past...decade?? or so, this is the way it was, and what I got used to. You know what you said about exercising, that it's a way to punish yourself for bingeing?? Welp! That's exactly the way feel about a diet. I have gained so much weight that I DESERVE to suffer - and what better way than to not eat ANY of the foods I like?? OK, that is part of it, but not all - the other problem is that I just can't do portion control. If I can't have what I what, then I won't eat it at ALL!! It's not only maybe a bit of stubbornness LOL but also, well, I just CAN"T!!!!!!!!! I don't do MODERATION!!! Better to not have it at all! See??? Hopeless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will have this engraved on my tombstone - "Here lies Charlyssa. She was hopeless. And she's lying here as proof of that."!!!! Anyway, I can't fault a single thing you have said..IN THEORY...because I have heard this many times before in recent years. I have tried, OOHHHH how I have tried. Am I starving to death when I have my ice cream? NO! I WANT ice cream - I NEED my ice cream. I LOVE my ice cream!!!! The problem is...it's an addiction. If I COULD stop, I would. Yes, I well understand what I SHOULD do, but so far, I haven't been able to. Have you been able to stop bingeing? Have you tried this yourself? If it were so easy to do, would you even be here? Would I?? Would Dilemma have been here? I will again say that everything you have said is true, and the way it SHOULD be. It's the getting there.......and I'm just not there, quite apparently. So this is why I hate myself, because IT is stronger than ME.

You never have to fear what you tell me, nor feel our friendship is at risk. I appreciate that you, and any/everyone, takes the time to try to help me. It's just that...that...I'm...I'm.................HOPELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Besides, I certainly tell you off plenty!! LOL We all do that, I think, because we care about each other, and we all know each other's struggles, even tho they may be different...in many ways they are the same. Or so I think...but I could be wrong..... :D

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hiya charly!

I think I'll just take your advice today with the party. I DO know what to eat, and how much of it and etc. I just..feel more comfortable when I know the calories and I can measure it or weigh it or etc. Hard to understand, I know. I think I'll do my very best to have a normal lunch (breakfast was normal) and just portion size at the party...

Why would you have to delete the post b4 I saw it?? I'm not mad or disappointed or anything!! You dont have to hide anythign from me!!!! It makes sense to say that youre an indulger..because really, you CAN stop yourself...maybe at not a great limit, but there IS a limit! I get cravings for things sometimes too, and find that i eat it thruout the day! Like there's this danish-cake thing that is SO good, and when I have it, I could eat almost the whole cake in a day (and feel REALLY REALLY guilty, even though my cals arent over what I should be having!). I had a craving for oreos a while back...so I got some (I got reduced fat!)..but that craving faded lol. Dont worry about it. You should go and buy the new Oprah magazine (with her on the beach on the cover) ..the latest one has a bunch of amazing articles about eating and hunger and things like that. I found it interesting and they have a ton of good tips!! Go get it :D!

I have a ques- if you were to, say, have a HUGE HUGE dinner, and come home and feel SO full, like almost sickly so, would you still have the ice cream? (hypothetical situation)

It's great that youre getting closer to throwing all the junky foods out! Thats the first step! :D

That's awesome that you got your house! Hopefully everything will go smoothly!
Hope youre having a fab wknd!
gg[/QUOTE]


Hi GG !

Good girl! I knew you could do it that way. You have learned so much and I just know you do well at putting th aquired knowledge to good use! Have a great tim at the party!!

Well, I would have deleted the post before you saw it because......I guess I was a bit afraid of what you might say to me. You're so far along in recovery
that I sometimes think that because you're doing so well yourself....well, I just feel bad that I'm sooooo behind you, and I have so far to go still. I'm embarrassed, too....

Hmmmm, if I were to have a huge dinner to the point where I was sick, would I still have my ice cream....I would have to give you my best guess on this, because it's never happened before, but I would GUESS, no. I just never eat to the point where I'm stuffed...I have gotten TOO full sometimes, and because Idespise that feeling, I try to never let myself get to that point. So if you're wondering if I binge, I'm fairly certain that I don't fit into that category. Compulsive - I eat it because I want it and need it, not because I'm hungry...it's just a have-to-have. It's a mind thing more than anything. And my mind knows I LOVE my icecream. LOL And BTW, the cookies are gone. THEY will never come into this house again. My hub doesn't care what kind of cookie or dessert I give him for his lunch, so that one's easy. I just won't buy that again - besides, I still like my ice cream better. Sigh......I just thought - maybe those cookies were like a one-time binge. Or maybe binge isn't the right word...more like a spree? A special indulgance?

I'm not sure if I will not buy the foods I also like but shouldn't eat, because again, hub likes them (tortilla chips, potato chips, etc.) I have many temptations - some I can do w/o, some I want just once in a while. It really is more about the ice cream than anything!! Do you think that maybe I'm just nuts????????????

Hope you're having a great week-end, too. I have to pack. Woe is me!! LOL

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Char-

Don't think because I'm further along than u are that I wouldnt want to hear about you- failing or succeeding! I'm here to HELP you, and how am I gonna do that if you are afraid to share evrything! I'm really not miles ahead of you..I still have miles and miles to go! You'll catch up to me quickly, when youre ready!

The reason I asked was because I had a thought....what if you really fill up on dinner...have lots of water, lots of veggies (chinese food REALLY fills u up but isnt heavy on the cals)...you'll be less likely to want the ice cream right?

That's good that the cookies are gone. I know what you mean about them being a special splurge...those ARE allowed ya know...you dont have to feel ashamed! It's just the ice cream that needs to be changed a bit, but other than that you'll be ok! I dont think youre nuts either...I have strong craving for things once in a while. I usually tend to have a lot of what i crave..my mom on the other hand is good with just a taste of the food in her mouth...i dont know how she does it really lol! I dont go crazy with my sercvings, but they definately arent just a nibble. So dont be so hard on urself..everyone has these cravings! You just need to train urself to stop at a smaller amount... see if maybe you can get the snack size versions of some of your fav foods. Even the ice cream..I know that they do sell small cups of it. Ask your hub if maybe you can get popsicles or something for a change....dont keep looking for excuses to keep the reg ice cream around!! :D

Off to the party! byee[/QUOTE]


Hi GG!

Hope you have a nice time at the party, and I just know that you'll be fine. Just have fun!!

See, the problem is that you and so many here have given me such great advice, but when I can't do it, or fail completely, then I feel awful - I've let you down, and myself down, to, of course, but I just get embarrassed. I feel I should know better, that I should be able to do these things, but when I can't, I just sink into despair. Then I feel hopeless and thoroughly disgusted with myself. And when I see others making progress, I think...why can't I?????

Well, I hate filling up. I really don't like that feeling at all. And I eat about 9:30, I'm a night owl, and by 1-2am I'm ready, willing and able to have my ice cream. See, it's more about need and want. It's not that I'm starving by then, but it's like....I just WANT it. It's a comfort, too. It's soooo hard to explain!!! I know it's waaaaay more in my head than it is about actual hunger, or anything physical, I guess. It's....well, it's a compulsion! The day is not complete without it. Plus, I adore ice cream, period. This is an addiction, pure and simple. And I just don't know how to make it stop. Sigh.......

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=Quencher]Hmm, what am I going to do with you? LOL! But don't worry- I've come up with another one of my schemes, LOL. I'm surprised I didn't think of this before, actually, but how about eating your icecream a little earlier??? I say, consume your icecream during lunchtime, and split what you would normally have for lunch in half. (1/4 grapefruit, 1/2 orange, 1/2 serving of cereal, 1/2 piece of dry wheat toast, and [b]1.25-1.5[/b] cups of icecream). And then for dinner, have what you would normally have. And at 1am, head for BED (not the fridge). See that way, you're decreasing your intake for lunch, AND decreasing your intake of icecream, AND your total daily calorie intake!! But at the same time, you can still have your icecream!! WOW!!! :eek: Now, how does THAT sound?????[/QUOTE]


Hiya Ms Q!!

Well, ummm....err.....hmmmmmmm....YUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Sorry, Quench. Hate to shoot down your idea but...I think you may have forgotten that I have this very odd digestive problem during the day. I cannot digest fats...and the thought of ice cream at that time of day nearly makes me nauseous just thinking about it. No, my ice cream yen evolves by night time. I could actually have it anytime after I've eaten dinner, but I just don't WANT it until late. I'm comfortably full after dinner, anyway..but a few hours later is when the craving begins. You know....it's almost as if I'm "programmed" that this is just the way it is. There is a definite pattern in how I have my meals. The first 2 meals (if you can call one of them that - it's nothing but a glass of milk when I get up) I couldn't care less if I have. I eat because I know I should, but they're both basically diet meals. It's all I can tolerate...it's all I want. Then by night...so begins the freedom I have to eat most anything I want. Largely, I think my problem is that I feel starved or deprived during the day...and night time is my feast! :bouncing: It's really no different than if an average person were told that he he could ONLY have a glass of milk for breakfast, only could eat a small bowl of cereal, fruit, and a piece of dry wheat toast for lunch, what do you suppose he/she might do by night time, when he can have anything he wants?? Think about it just for yourself...can you even imagine being forced to eat this same thing every day for the rest of your life?? I've had to eat this way for 13-14 years now! I think it does something to the brain! LOL So, any wonder why I always say that.....I......am.......HOPELESS?????????????????????????????????????????

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=Charlyssa]Hiya Ms Q!!

Well, ummm....err.....hmmmmmmm....YUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Sorry, Quench. Hate to shoot down your idea but...I think you may have forgotten that I have this very odd digestive problem during the day. I cannot digest fats...and the thought of ice cream at that time of day nearly makes me nauseous just thinking about it. No, my ice cream yen evolves by night time. I could actually have it anytime after I've eaten dinner, but I just don't WANT it until late. I'm comfortably full after dinner, anyway..but a few hours later is when the craving begins. You know....it's almost as if I'm "programmed" that this is just the way it is. There is a definite pattern in how I have my meals. The first 2 meals (if you can call one of them that - it's nothing but a glass of milk when I get up) I couldn't care less if I have. I eat because I know I should, but they're both basically diet meals. It's all I can tolerate...it's all I want. Then by night...so begins the freedom I have to eat most anything I want. Largely, I think my problem is that I feel starved or deprived during the day...and night time is my feast! :bouncing: It's really no different than if an average person were told that he he could ONLY have a glass of milk for breakfast, only could eat a small bowl of cereal, fruit, and a piece of dry wheat toast for lunch, what do you suppose he/she might do by night time, when he can have anything he wants?? Think about it just for yourself...can you even imagine being forced to eat this same thing every day for the rest of your life?? I've had to eat this way for 13-14 years now! I think it does something to the brain! LOL So, any wonder why I always say that.....I......am.......HOPELESS?????????????????????????????????????????

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char :wave:[/QUOTE]Ohhh, so you have your lunch during the DAY??? I thought the "day" ended after your glass of milk??? But uhh.....ugh..... DARN! Arghhhh!!! I'm speechless and am out of ideas at the moment, LOL. Please hold. :p

I suspect that you treat your dinner and nighttime as a reward of some sort? Well, you don't HAVE to award yourself, do you?? Not EVERY night anyway. How about rewarding yourself with something else?? Heck, take a bubble bath!!! Buy yourself a new book!! I know how much you LOVE to read!! Draw a picture!! Break the rules and jump on the bed or something.

Okay, just keep holding... I'll think of something sooner or later, LOL!!! :dizzy:
Hiya char!
Yes, your ice cream is an addiction, but really, how badly do you WANT to give it up? Im positive that the more you want to give it up, the more ways you'll find you'll be able to! I understand about not wanting to fill up- I dont like being full at ALL, let alone overly so. I was surprised at the time at which you eat- Im scared to eat past 830 (for a snack!) let alone 1 am! But everyone likes their own thing...so why dont you push dinner back MORE...like to 12 30 ish..that way you wont be hungry for your ice cream (as much). OR why dont you go to bed at 12 00!!! That way you wont be able to eat ice cream (and dont let yourself get up to get it!! Lock the door!!) Remember you ARENT hopeless...that's just an excuse!

So I went to the party yesterday...it was fun. A little hard, because the food wasnt...regular food lol...they had tons of sides (like rice dishes, pasta salads, potato salads, caesar, etc), porketta, and mac and cheese. I took a reasonable, normal amount of pasta, potato, caesar salad, meat, nachos and veggies. I thought it was pretty good. An hour or so later, I was still hungry! So my mom and I split some more nachos (with lots of CHEESE..eee). Then they brought out cake and fruit and desserts (and the chocolate-raspberry cupcakes I had made for them!) I had a small square of cake (just plain white cake and icing) and some berries. Then an hour later, i was still a tad hungry (or a feeling that i mightve mistook as hunger) and I had a cupcake...I think overall I did well...when i asked my mom if I ate too much (as I believe i mightve) she said "NO - you could have MORE if you wanted to!" which made me feel better. But I still worry! Anyways that's over and done with...so no more worried for a while (at least till I hit the cottage again). Im proud that I could eat the dinner regularly, but I think I could skip dessert next time!!:D

Aur- Oreos ARE good! They're just like char described...2 chocolate wafers with a vanilla frosting inside..and just like chary said..had you found them, you might not be in this mess! :D But even so..how are you doing? Eating plenty i hope ;)! Hows the recovery ratio? Im hoping the recovery side is rising quickly!! Have you talked to the girls yet? I know the nurses are rele strict on those wards...hopefully you'll be able to read this soon! Keep up the great work!
xox
gg
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hiya char!
Yes, your ice cream is an addiction, but really, how badly do you WANT to give it up? Im positive that the more you want to give it up, the more ways you'll find you'll be able to! I understand about not wanting to fill up- I dont like being full at ALL, let alone overly so. I was surprised at the time at which you eat- Im scared to eat past 830 (for a snack!) let alone 1 am! But everyone likes their own thing...so why dont you push dinner back MORE...like to 12 30 ish..that way you wont be hungry for your ice cream (as much). OR why dont you go to bed at 12 00!!! That way you wont be able to eat ice cream (and dont let yourself get up to get it!! Lock the door!!) Remember you ARENT hopeless...that's just an excuse!

So I went to the party yesterday...it was fun. A little hard, because the food wasnt...regular food lol...they had tons of sides (like rice dishes, pasta salads, potato salads, caesar, etc), porketta, and mac and cheese. I took a reasonable, normal amount of pasta, potato, caesar salad, meat, nachos and veggies. I thought it was pretty good. An hour or so later, I was still hungry! So my mom and I split some more nachos (with lots of CHEESE..eee). Then they brought out cake and fruit and desserts (and the chocolate-raspberry cupcakes I had made for them!) I had a small square of cake (just plain white cake and icing) and some berries. Then an hour later, i was still a tad hungry (or a feeling that i mightve mistook as hunger) and I had a cupcake...I think overall I did well...when i asked my mom if I ate too much (as I believe i mightve) she said "NO - you could have MORE if you wanted to!" which made me feel better. But I still worry! Anyways that's over and done with...so no more worried for a while (at least till I hit the cottage again). Im proud that I could eat the dinner regularly, but I think I could skip dessert next time!!:D

Aur- Oreos ARE good! They're just like char described...2 chocolate wafers with a vanilla frosting inside..and just like chary said..had you found them, you might not be in this mess! :D But even so..how are you doing? Eating plenty i hope ;)! Hows the recovery ratio? Im hoping the recovery side is rising quickly!! Have you talked to the girls yet? I know the nurses are rele strict on those wards...hopefully you'll be able to read this soon! Keep up the great work!
xox
gg[/QUOTE]


Hiya GG!!!

See, this is just the problem!! I want to give up my ice cream as bad as I want to be slim!!!! They are even Steven!! Neck in neck! Except...obviously...the ice cream always has a slight edge. But see, that's what makes this addiction so difficult...just like any other addiction. If I could give it up so easily, I wouldn't have an addiction.....huh??? Well, I think you know what I mean. LOL

Oh..no!! I don't eat dinner at 1am - that's when I have the icecream. Dinner is anytime between 9-10pm, generally. Sometimes later, but that's because it's gotten crazier with everything having to do with buying the house, the move, etc. My hub works second shift so he doesn't get home til about 12:30am, so this is why we're on a later schedule. Well, it may SEEM that when I say I'm hopeless it's an excuse, but it really isn't, to me, anyway. Because I really believe it's true...whether it is or isn't...if that makes sense?

What is porketta? Never heard of it. It sounds like you did very well at the party. I just knew you would! I'm curious about something that you said again in this post...why do you often ask your mom if you've eaten too much, was your eating OK, etc? I wonder because...she can't know how your tummy feels??? Also, I think by now, you have the hang of "visuals" of what you have had, and are, eating. I think it's time to trust your own instincts. Besides, being that you have had, and are in recovery from, anorexia...something tells me you'd never allow yourself to eat too much!! So I just wonder about these things, is all. Anyway, glad you had a great time, and I just know you will do well at the cottage. Trust yourself!! From what you have been saying these many weeks, I think it's time you did!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=Starry Charry]Hiya GG!!!

See, this is just the problem!! I want to give up my ice cream as bad as I want to be slim!!!! They are even Steven!! Neck in neck! Except...obviously...the ice cream always has a slight edge. But see, that's what makes this addiction so difficult...just like any other addiction. If I could give it up so easily, I wouldn't have an addiction.....huh??? Well, I think you know what I mean. LOL

Oh..no!! I don't eat dinner at 1am - that's when I have the icecream. Dinner is anytime between 9-10pm, generally. Sometimes later, but that's because it's gotten crazier with everything having to do with buying the house, the move, etc. My hub works second shift so he doesn't get home til about 12:30am, so this is why we're on a later schedule. Well, it may SEEM that when I say I'm hopeless it's an excuse, but it really isn't, to me, anyway. Because I really believe it's true...whether it is or isn't...if that makes sense?

What is porketta? Never heard of it. It sounds like you did very well at the party. I just knew you would! I'm curious about something that you said again in this post...why do you often ask your mom if you've eaten too much, was your eating OK, etc? I wonder because...she can't know how your tummy feels??? Also, I think by now, you have the hang of "visuals" of what you have had, and are, eating. I think it's time to trust your own instincts. Besides, being that you have had, and are in recovery from, anorexia...something tells me you'd never allow yourself to eat too much!! So I just wonder about these things, is all. Anyway, glad you had a great time, and I just know you will do well at the cottage. Trust yourself!! From what you have been saying these many weeks, I think it's time you did!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:[/QUOTE]

I know what you mean about the addiction..and if you read aurora's post, I completely agree with her spin on things!

Even if you dont eat dinner at 1, 12 30 is still a SCARY time for me to eat..heck 9 pm is!

Porketta is basically pork, stuffed and tied with string in a big roll-like shape. It cooks up really moist and nice.

I ask my mom because I dont trust myself when it comes to eating. So if I cant follow a meal plan (like usually), or know the calories (again, like usual) then I rely on her (somewhat) to tell me what looks normal (on my plate). She's thin and has been pretty much all her life, and she doesnt diet or restrict or anything...so I figure if I have to ask someone, I'll ask her! I do know portion sizes and things, but at the same time, I still get nervous if I dont know calories or something...that's why I almost need reassurance that it's ok to eat what Im eating and how much Im eating! But it's hard relying on my mom too, because she's shorter and older than me, so she eats less naturally. So when I feel down on myself and feel like I'm eating a lot, I look at how much she's eaten and feel even more pig-ish! :( Most of the time I just try to ignore what she's doing, but that doesnt always work. Plus I feel REALLY guilty and mad at myself because I 'm supposed to eat like 2200 Cals per day, but i do NO excersise...I used to play soccer and stuff, but now I dont really like to be all athletic and stuff..I go on an occasional walk, and i DO walk around the house and things like that, but i dont do extra stuff like running, like my dad. And Im worried that I cant eat 2200 Cals wihtout gaining cuz I dont really burn much off!

I do trust myself sometimes, but not always....
[QUOTE=Quencher!]GG:
How DO you do it?? You never, ever cease to impress!!!! You're doing SOOOOOO well, you know that?? Just amazing!! And I noticed something. You ate when you were HUNGRY. Now, you can't tell me THAT'S not worth a standing ovation for, hmm?? [/QUOTE]
Thanks Quench! Its not THAT big of a deal to me for some reason...maybe because I know, deep down, that I could do it if I put my mind to it...It's jsut more comfy counting and being sure ya know? I have been trying to eat by hunger lately...seems to be working better :P...
How are you? I hopw you arent excersising SO much anymore :nono: it's not healthy to do it so much! And I hope that your eating is under control too!

xox
gg
[QUOTE=Quencheroonie]GG:
You should be very proud of yourself, GG. But if you're not, I understand why. And for the record, anyone can do ANYTHING if they put their minds to it. And it's WHEN they put their minds into something, that they should be EXTRA proud!! Because it's hard work, you know?? But you're doing it, nonetheless!! And I'm glad to hear that you've been trying to eat by hunger lately. It really IS the best solution. I mean, your body KNOWS when it needs food, you just have to listen to it. As for my eating, well that has gotten worse. I'm going sky-rocket with the bingeing and I CANNOT stop....!!!!!!![/QUOTE]

Quench your words are so kind and you are SO nice to me!! Thank you!!:D But you deserve all the same too!

About what you said- "[I]And for the record, anyone can do ANYTHING if they put their minds to it. And it's WHEN they put their minds into something, that they should be EXTRA proud[/I]"- I agree...so I guess I am kinda proud of myself...but not very very very much so lol! Im waiting for something BIG for me to be proud of :P! But furthermore, I agree with your point because I believe that you and Char both have the will in you. You BOTH can find your way out of your (respective) messes. But I know that you need, basically, a reason (or a motivator) to get your to want to put your mind to it. Everyone is different, so I cant give you one, but I wish I could give everyone here one! Hopefully you will (and everyone else will), one day. But when you do, always know that you are doing the RIGHT thing. (hopefully by now you know what the right thing to do is!!) :)

What do you mean your eating has gotten worse?? That's no good :(...but dont worry quench, like you always say it does, it'll pass! Please dont feel the need to compulsively excersise though!! You do not not not not not need to work out so much...NOBODY (except for Lance Armstrong and the like) need to work out like that!!! :D You spend so much time shelling out great advice and being so nice to others that you hardly talk about yourself!!! Dont say there's nothing to talk about..there ALWAYS is something to talk about! lol...share share share!!

Hows the job front? Any phone calls made? Hanging out with friends? Singing? ANYTHING??
oxoxgg





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