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Pam:
Nah, it’s not all truly okay. You’re right. But I CAN convince myself that it is, and hence it wouldn’t be a problem anymore, right? :D

Actually, all along I’ve been telling you I was fat. I said I wasn’t [I]overweight[/I]—doesn’t mean I’m not fat, though. :D This, I truly, truly believe, as with my stupidity and uselessness, as well. Even if my dad doesn’t tell me that, I believe I would’ve been able to figure it out myself.

Re the paid internship thing—okay. I “might” consider calling tomorrow… maybe, but I’m still SOOOOOOOOO scared!! I am the least articulate when it comes to conversing with people directly! You don’t know—I totally lose it! At these boards, I have time to respond, to edit, to think, to sort out my thoughts—to revise, and to reread everything I type. But on the phone, or face-to-face, I have to respond RIGHT away, you know what I mean? Here, lemme give you an example. Remember that lady from Texas I talked about who knows how long ago? Well—when I chat with her through instant messaging, I can talk and talk and talk for HOURS straight. But when she called me on the phone—I didn’t have a darn thing to say!! I just kept listening to what she said, and when she asked a question or something, I’d be like, “huh? Can you repeat that please?…HUH? HUH? HUH????” LOL! (Yeah, she has my home address & phone number, but I trust her entirely. Only, I’m quite frustrated with her now, and we’ve lost touch). And then another time, someone asked for my age, and I was like “16… oh wait, no, 15!” I couldn’t even give him my AGE!!! :o

Nope, I’m not laughing. :D I thought you were serious. Or are you? I’m confused because first you say you were teasing, and then you say, “I REALLY need my "fix" more than ever.” So, is that good or bad? And also, ARE you using the banana/cone idea? Is it still working? Have you decreased your serving size yet? Because if it isn’t working, I have yet ANOTHER one of my “innovational schemes” you can try! Maybe you can alternate, even! You didn’t say you wish to hear it in your previous post, so I’m assuming you missed it or something. I’m just waiting to tell you, LOL, but I don’t want to if you don’t wish to hear it, you know???? :D

[INDENT]EDIT: Oh, I slept on this last night, LOL. Can you perhaps also tell me the number of calories in that ice cream you're eating per 1/2 cup? And then, tell me also how many cup(s) you "must" have in order to feel fulfilled, and have BEEN having after you started the banana thing, and prior as well...so that I can see the progress, if any. And if none, that's okay, too. Also, can you provide me with the length of the banana? (Whether it's small, medium, or large). And THEN, can you tell me your BMR, perhaps...if you want to that is? (You can google "BMR calculator.") In other words, the number of cals you need to consume to MAINTAIN your current weight, taking into account your body fat percentage and your metabolism rate? Then, provide an estimate at the number of calories you consume per day. THEN, may you give me permission to come up with a "diet" plan for you? LOL!!!!! :o (Am I asking for too much??? :D If so, I'm sorry, but I'm bored... and I'd like to make up a diet plan for you!!)

I was also thinking-- regarding you having no appetite in the morning, and then having it increase at night. Well, how does your body know when it's nighttime? Is it because you have been awake for so, and so hours? And what time do you:
1) wake up in the morning
2) eat your breakfast
3) eat your lunch
4) eat a snack, if any.
5a) go to work... do you work?
5b) return from work...?
5c) appetite finally "kicks in"
6) have your dinner with your husband
7) eat your ice cream
8) go to sleep
I know you've mentioned some of the above before, BUT I believe post is caput. So, can I ask again? LOL. [/INDENT]

Ohhhh, I get it now. I can see why you’ll be afraid to admit some things out of fear of other people’s comments. But anyway, hmm, would it be possible to just—uh, I don’t know… forget about what others think? :D Let it go through one ear, and then out the other? You know the old saying, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Which, by the way, is entirely untrue. BUT, nonetheless, can you somehow “force” yourself to believe that? (I’m being hypocritical, I know). It’ll be SO great if you can. :D

OR better yet… how about you post your thoughts HERE on this thread… and then I’ll head on over to another message board, and post your words under MY username—receive all the responses, and then pick/choose all the positive ones to let you read? Therefore, all the negative comments will be omitted, if there are ANY TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!!! And you'll be a happy little ducky. –How does that sound, hmm? I'm quite serious, by the way. ;)
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Nah, it’s not all truly okay. You’re right. But I CAN convince myself that it is, and hence it wouldn’t be a problem anymore, right?
Actually, all along I’ve been telling you I was fat. I said I wasn’t [I]overweight[/I]—doesn’t mean I’m not fat, though. This, I truly, truly believe, as with my stupidity and uselessness, as well. Even if my dad doesn’t tell me that, I believe I would’ve been able to figure it out myself.

Re the paid internship thing—okay. I “might” consider calling tomorrow… maybe, but I’m still SOOOOOOOOO scared!! I am the least articulate when it comes to conversing with people directly! You don’t know—I totally lose it! At these boards, I have time to respond, to edit, to think, to sort out my thoughts—to revise, and to reread everything I type. But on the phone, or face-to-face, I have to respond RIGHT away, you know what I mean? Here, lemme give you an example. Remember that lady from Texas I talked about who knows how long ago? Well—when I chat with her through instant messaging, I can talk and talk and talk for HOURS straight. But when she called me on the phone—I didn’t have a darn thing to say!! I just kept listening to what she said, and when she asked a question or something, I’d be like, “huh? Can you repeat that please?…HUH? HUH? HUH????” LOL! (Yeah, she has my home address & phone number, but I trust her entirely. Only, I’m quite frustrated with her now, and we’ve lost touch). And then another time, someone asked for my age, and I was like “16… oh wait, no, 15!” I couldn’t even give him my AGE!!!

Nope, I’m not laughing. :D I thought you were serious. Or are you? I’m confused because first you say you were teasing, and then you say, “I REALLY need my "fix" more than ever.” So, is that good or bad? And also, ARE you using the banana/cone idea? Is it still working? Have you decreased your serving size yet? Because if it isn’t working, I have yet ANOTHER one of my “innovational schemes” you can try! Maybe you can alternate, even! You didn’t say you wish to hear it in your previous post, so I’m assuming you missed it or something. I’m just waiting to tell you, LOL, but I don’t want to if you don’t wish to hear it, you know????

[INDENT]EDIT: Oh, I slept on this last night, LOL. Can you perhaps also tell me the number of calories in that ice cream you're eating per 1/2 cup? And then, tell me also how many cup(s) you "must" have in order to feel fulfilled, and have BEEN having after you started the banana thing, and prior as well...so that I can see the progress, if any. And if none, that's okay, too. Also, can you provide me with the length of the banana? (Whether it's small, medium, or large). And THEN, can you tell me your BMR, perhaps...if you want to that is? (You can google "BMR calculator.") In other words, the number of cals you need to consume to MAINTAIN your current weight, taking into account your body fat percentage and your metabolism rate? Then, provide an estimate at the number of calories you consume per day. THEN, may you give me permission to come up with a "diet" plan for you? LOL!!!!! :o (Am I asking for too much??? If so, I'm sorry, but I'm bored... and I'd like to make up a diet plan for you!!)

I was also thinking-- regarding you having no appetite in the morning, and then having it increase at night. Well, how does your body know when it's nighttime? Is it because you have been awake for so, and so hours? And what time do you:
1) wake up in the morning - anywhere between 7-9.
2) eat your breakfast - I just have a glass of milk soon after I wake.
3) eat your lunch - that's breakfast! And usually around 1:30.
4) eat a snack, if any. n/a
5a) go to work... do you work? n/a
5b) return from work...? n/a
5c) appetite finally "kicks in" - about 9-10pm
6) have your dinner with your husband - same time, when he's home. If he's working (swings) I eat at the same time.

7) eat your ice cream about - 1am
8) go to sleep - 2:30- 3:00 am
I know you've mentioned some of the above before, BUT I believe post is caput. So, can I ask again? LOL. [/INDENT]

Ohhhh, I get it now. I can see why you’ll be afraid to admit some things out of fear of other people’s comments. But anyway, hmm, would it be possible to just—uh, I don’t know… forget about what others think? :D Let it go through one ear, and then out the other? You know the old saying, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Which, by the way, is entirely untrue. BUT, nonetheless, can you somehow “force” yourself to believe that? (I’m being hypocritical, I know). It’ll be SO great if you can. :D

OR better yet… how about you post your thoughts HERE on this thread… and then I’ll head on over to another message board, and post your words under MY username—receive all the responses, and then pick/choose all the positive ones to let you read? Therefore, all the negative comments will be omitted, if there are ANY TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!!! And you'll be a happy little ducky. –How does that sound, hmm? I'm quite serious, by the way. ;)[/QUOTE]


Hiya Quenchertutti!!

I think I talked myself out on the other thread re all that you have to do to make the intolerable, tolerable...So, do whatcha gotta do, Quench....until you can fly, OK? But who knows - 2 years is a long time, and you may decide you've had enough of the suffering, you know?

So...are you overweight or not? You now have me thoroughly confused - can you tell?? :confused:

I hope you do make that call...I mean, it's just a call! Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? They don't see you, can't tell if you're nervous or fidgeting, and if you practice what I gave you as a sample conversation a few times before you call, I think you will do extremely welll!! Sometime you do remind me of my daughter. When she was your age, and even younger, she was just like you. She worried about this and that, as you do, didn't have much self-confidence, and shot so much down before even just trying. But at times when she finally did..whatever, took the risk, had a "what the heck" attitude, she would surprise herself! And then she'd be soooo proud that she accomplished....whatever it was. I suspect you will be the same way. But, like anything, it just takes practice! When you have made several of these types of calls, you'll think, "Now what was it I was so worried about???" I firmly believe this! Have some water sitting next to you in case your mouth gets a bit dry - that happens to me when I am very nervous about something. I soooo hope you will do this!!??

I gave up on cones - they just didn't do it for me. But I do have a medium banana most nights, and I do enjoy that. It helps! Oh, and I'm sorry I neglected to ask you what your other idea is - I do remember seeing it, but I got the impression you were just waiting to tell me for some reason. But by all means!!! I need all the help I can get! :D As for your questions, I don't know the calories of the ice cream - it comes in a plastic tub with a cardboard liner under the lid that gives all that info, and I always throw it out. Maybe I don't want to know??? LOL And I don't measure - I just fill a cereal bowl on top of the banana. I would bet it's...gulp....close to 2 cups?? Oh this is sooooo embarrassing! As for doing a BMR, I don't think it could possibly be accurate as there many more calories consumed at night than the day time. No fats at all during the day either...and don't forget, I have a TERRIBLE metabolism and get virtually no exercise. Calulating would be nearly impossible due to so many variables. And as for a diet, well, there's the problem Quench! I need to be on one, sure...but I just can't do it yet. As GG said, I may just not be ready. I feel like I'm on a diet during the day as it is, because I HAVE to eat like that. Why can I eat more at night - good question? No, it's not that my body knows it's night - it's just that it takes
so many hours to build an appetite. The little bit of food I eat during the day must be what kickstarts the metabolism a bit, I don't know. I'll answer your other questions above. I just answered all your questions so now I'm back!

No, Quench, that's OK - don't think it's a good idea to be messing with our user names and take the answers from another thread. But you have a very creative mind!! And I think you're sweet to even entertain the thought of going to all that trouble. I just need to be more thick-skinned, I guess. Thing is, ther's really not much more to tell. This is the way it is every day! My pattern never deviates, so what else is there to talk about? It's just something that would get repeated so much that I would simply be ignored. LOL Now, what we HAVEN'T talked about in a LONG time, is, how is your eating/bingeing going? About the same? Better? Worse??? YOU need to clue ME in now!!!!!!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Char :wave:
[QUOTE=girlygirl11]Hey Charrrrr,

I cant say I've ever had the baords go down on me or anything, but I've had some weirdness lol.

Dont worry when I dont really talk much about me...really, its more a case of there's nothing new to report, so I would just assume whatever was my most recent state is my current. I WILL tell ya if any new things come up. For example, right now, I'm trying to speed up my metabolism by eating more (not like overeating, just what i really should be- 2200-2400 rather than 1500-1700 Cals per day). This'll be better cuz if my metab is used to more, I'll be able to handle going out and things more (like when with friends etc)

As much as Im happy you understand, I have to kinda disagree. To me, and to basically everyone around me, eating normally, even at a slender weight, means NOT counting calories, being worried about losing/gaining and weighing myself. Thats what Im working towards...because as much as it kind of makes sense to others, really, the whole point of being "normal" is to not be worried AT ALL about weight, calories, food etc. And though I did eat well DURING my party, I still dont think that my ED was completely taken care of..in many ways it DID ruin my party...I had to prepare a menu with my mom, and order certain pizza, the cake HAD to be done a certain way, the cupcakes- well you know how those were just crazy, etc. If I was more normal, and my ED didnt ruin anything, then my mom couldve surprised me completely with all my fav foods and cakes and things..and my friends and I couldve gone OUT to dinner, etc. Its not ALL like it seems!!:D

Another thing (no no Im not mad about it all, just giving my 2 cents) - eating (even normally) doesnt always mean eating food for just energy. A LOT of ppl (that are at healthy weights) eat based on cravings, the presence of a particular food, even a "need" for it. Look at the stereotype for most women- chocolate...many women would say chocolate isnt a craving its a NEED. Like people NEED coffee...and people who are like that dont have EDs right??

Also, a while back you were saying that you felt stupid on this board b/c you were overweight and everyone else was thin, thus making it seem like everyone but you had a problem. There is a post, called "Anyone overweight and bulimic?" (WHICH YOU RESPONDED TO!!) that has a few people with your exact concerns (diff disorder, same principles). My favourite advice was given by a member named Charlyssa- ever hear of her? Well, you should look into the advice she gave on that thread- its so true, completely brilliant, and applies perfectly to you and your thoughts! :D

My weekends been pretty good, but pretty much uneventful! Hope your weekend is great! Happy 4th of July!

GG[/QUOTE]


Hiya GG!!

I hope you didn't misunderstand - I realize you still have issues with eating, food, counting, etc. I didn't mean to minimize any of that, sweetie, because I know that it's not completely normal to do all the counting you do, etc. But I guess that the things I tell you are based on 2 factors - #1, where you are currently at in all of this is much improved over how it used to be when you were very anorexic and sooooo thin. I think you are learning a lot and doing well CONSIDERING how it USED to be. I mean, an anorexic wouldn't have been able to eat any of the things you ate for your birthday, unless they were all purged. You didn't mention doing that, so I assumed everything was OK. So, this is my comparison and why I think you're doing pretty well! Hey, I'm trying to compliment you, already!!!! LOL And #2, the other factor is, that compared to ME, you are doing so much better, ed-wise. I have accomplished NOTHING, whereas, you are really working on yours to be better. Like now, trying to have more calories to kick your metabolism up. You are making conscious efforts to improve!! See?? That's why I say the things to you that I do, because you have come a long way (and even you consider yourself in recovery!!!) and also because I am both proud of you...and envious of you!!!!! :D

I had to go back and look at what I wrote to lynx2 because I had forgotten. First, tho, I know I do have a problem, it's just that I don't consider my gluttony on a par with someone who is anorexic or bulemic. Maybe it's just my mindset, and based on what I know most people think of TRUE "fat slobs", that I don't consider mine to be as serious?? or as REALLY bad?? as the "TRUE" eating disorder people. I really do believe that most people don't think we fatties have an eating disorder, that we're just pigs without self-control. THat's why I always say the things I do, because I mostly base it on OTHER "normal" weight people's perceptions of us. But lynx is different - first of all, she's not obese, and she didn't understand that you could be of normal weight and STILL have an eating disorder, just as you, Ashlee and I pointed out to her. I think you mentioned something about an ed, and "disordered eating", and I can't remember now what you said to her, but are they considered to be the same thing, or different? IMHO, I see them different, and this is why: When I look in the mirror, I KNOW what I see. I KNOW that I am quite obese, and the proof of that is based on both appearance, as well as the height/weight tables. An anorexic and/or bulemic (oh, and they do have an eating disorder, too) looks in the mirror and sees that they are fat, even when they aren't. Like lynx, who calls herself a "fat slob" at 150, which I why I said the things to her that I did, and I guess also why I didn't, and don't, see myself in the same category. So maybe I'm just delusional. LOL I don't see myself as being a true eating disorder person, because society doesn't see me that way. Am I making any sense?????????? LOL

Yes, it was a nice 4th - I always enjoy all the fireworks all over. And thank you for wishing your "neighbor" that!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam: CONTINUE... PART III. :D

RE “taking answers from another thread.” That’s not what I meant. I actually said another “messageboard.” ;) In which case, you’ll have NO way of reading any of the negatives, whatsoever. :D But anyway, if you don’t want to, that’s okay.

You asked my about my eating. Do you REALLY want to know? I think you’ll regret that you had asked. All I can say is that I’ve given in. I give up. This past week, I've gained 6 pounds. That's RIGHT, 6 pounds in 7 days!!! And don’t wish to try anymore. It’s gone WAY too out of hand, and there’s absolutely nothing I, myself, can do about it. I say this because even AS I’m bingeing, I tell myself not to, but I still do. Even when I KNOW I can’t “possibly” shove another cracker down my throat, I still do. I even analyze to myself before eating!!!
“Man, I’m STUFFED. I don’t think I can eat anymore!!” So...
“Do I NEED this?—no.”
“Do I WANT this?—no.”
“Is it worth it?—no.”
“Does it even TASTE good? –no.”
“Shouldn’t I be trying to beat this ED?—Yes.”
“Should I have it anyway?—Sure, why not?”
MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:!!!!!!!! WHY DO I DO THIS?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! WHY??????? I’m so mad at myself, I’m in tears right now!!!!!!!!! Pam, this ISN’T how I want to spend my summer!!!!!!! Summertime’s suppose to be FUN, stress-free!! I don’t want to spend EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of the day worrying over food, exercising (haha, I'm even too lazy for that now), and then bingeing, and then feeling guilty afterwards, and then crying my heart out in the end!!!!!!!! Don't I put up with enough ALREADY??? Why am I always being punished??? What did I do to have deserved all this?? Maybe I was naughty in a previous life? Or, maybe… I was born a little devil like my parents say!!!!! They MUST be right because it's SO obvious to me that SOMEBODY hates me out there!! And that a higher being, if any, despises me very very much-- definitely not on MY side. It’s not supposed to be this way!!! Wahhhhhh!!!

I want so much to stop, but I CAN’T!!! And let’s face it—if there’s going to be ANY progress, whatsoever, I’d need more assistance than I’m getting now—MUCH more. I’d need to be refined and under surveillance at all times, no kidding, LOL. I NEED discipline. And since beating MYSELF doesn’t work, I want someone else to. Heck, I wish that my dad would beat the crap out of me like he always does, and ORDER me to stop eating. I wish he’d tie me down on a chair and duct tape my mouth, and then wack me every time I want to eat. That’ll do the trick, for sure!! Too bad he doesn’t do favors...

Anyway, I’ll answer your other thread tomorrow because I need to wake up early tomorrow because I have to go back to my stupid school to sign up to retake a stupid test because I did so poorly on the stupid test the first time around, and therefore I have to take over the stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID TEST!!! Am I making sense? LOL! ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I weren’t so dumb, then I wouldn’t have to go back tomorrow in the FIRST PLACE????!!!!! But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I just haddddddddd to be so stupid!!!!!! ARGHHHHH. Don’t mind me. I’m a BIT on the nutty side tonight!!! So, so, SOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated!!!! ... and sleepy, too!![/QUOTE]


My poor little Quenchacutie, it is sooooooo not fair for you to have to suffer like this, and I wish there were some way I could help you. I feel so bad because you DON'T deserve this ed on top of everything else you suffer. No, you're not being punished for being bad in another life or anything else. This ed had just got a hold of you, the same it does to everyone else, and it doesn't let go easily. Could you talk to your mom? Maybe sometime when your dad isn't home? You DO need to tell someone so they can help you, like with just about anything else, until you're 18, at which time, I sooo hope you will explore ways of getting help on your own. Your ed, I really don't know what to say or how to help, because I don't have those thoughts or feeling...just as I've told Aur before, because I can't understand hers, either. I can't understand looking in the mirror and thinking you look "fat" when you are emaciated. Nor can I understand eating the way you have described and eating until I've made myself sick, and yet, continuing to eat. All I DO know is that they say re eating disorders, is that it's really not about the food - but something deeper, something psychological...and when you find out what that is, it's supposed to either help, or you can BE helped by therapy. WEEEEEEELL!!!!!! Not so with me, any of it! I have figured out where the problem comes from, and that didn't help. I went thru therapy and THAT didn't help. I don't yet know what the answer is for me......much less yours....but i wish I did!! Then neither of us would have to be so miserable and we would be happy and our cravings, binges, whatever...would be a non-issue!! I did mention a theory I have about yours, tho, and I can't help but wonder if that might be at least part of the problem. But honey, just know that you can'r "eat" away the problem. All the food in the world put in your mouth won't solve anything. And that's all I really know to tell you..that's all I know, period. Not much, aaay?? I wish I could take it all away for you, hug you and hold you and tell you "everything will be OK", just like you said in a previous post. If only it were that simple!! But at least know I'm here for you anytime you need to vent and "sob" in the post.

I know you don't want to spend your summer this way!! This is why I had been encouraging you to try to find a job, or go do ANYTHING that will keep you busy, so that you're not obsessed with food. That's actually what I think happened to Miss Emma Dilemma. I think she got away from all her stress with school, she's probably working and very busy, and her ed isn't much of a problem now, or maybe it's no problem at all! At least that's what I hope for her...it's what I have to believe, I guess, because I have been very worried about her. Anyhoo, so, this is why I have hoped that you would try to look for a job, and why I've been coaching you about how to talk to people on the phone. I KNOW you would be happier to be working and busy....so PLEASE, just TRY to call these places, OK? And keep walking around the neighborhood looking for signs in windows...or look in those cheep neighborhood flyers in the help wanted section. I just kow that something is out there for you!!! But you won't find it if you DON'T LOOK!!!!!!! :D

So, did you take the stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID (did I forget a stupid??) test?? I will pray that you did well!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:
Pam:
Of course I understand, silly! I know very well that you have a life outside of these Boards. Everyone does.

You did all those things for your kids—really????? No kidding? Wow, that’s amazing. They don’t even do that on TV, LOL! What a great mother you are. I’m sure both of your kids love you very much.

Re the meds, well, I'm sure at some point my parents fed me medicine, I can't remember it, though. They haven't done so in a long, long time obviously. The last I checked, whenever I had a fever, my dad would ask "So when are you gonna die?" And whenever I had a cough, "You brought this upon yourself, didn't you? You sick bast*rd??" Hence, I don't even bother telling them anymore.

At one point, I stopped the exercising ‘cause I didn’t “care” anymore, and I gained 6 pounds in 7 days. Because of this, I recommenced. I can’t seem to cut down on the exercising now. When I don’t binge, I take the opportunity to exercise in event OF a binge. And when I DO binge, my mindset is, “every calorie counts,” and I will exercise until I collapse to burn calories—whether it’s three, six, nine, or nine HUNDRED calories at a time. Plus, it’s like a punishment in a way. “THIS is what you get for bingeing, you fool!” It’s a cycle. I diet, binge, diet, binge, diet, and binge. And these exercise sessions are QUITE tiring, I might add.

Okay, now you’re confusing ME, LOL! In post #122 you said, “…you say you're not fat…” So, that would mean you thought I said I wasn’t fat.
Then in post #123, you said, “You say things about yourself that just aren't true...like, that you're fat!” This, on the other hand, suggests that you thought I said I WAS fat. You just contradicted yourself. :D But anyway, to clear things up, I never said I wasn’t fat. I said I WAS fat, but not overweight.

“I have been trying to diet for months and keep failing.” Well, the point system will help motivate you, and hopefully everyone else too!! It’ll be one of the many benefits. And a little competition can’t hurt. Think of it like this, “would you want a bunch of 16 year olds beating you in a game?? What a shame THAT would be!” So therefore, you would keep trying and trying—not JUST to diet, but to win also. Then again, a successful diet would mean you've won. That’s how I see it anyway. I just hope that you're not just saying you'll try it and then just forget about it afterwards.

“I DARE you to find ONE thing about myself that isn't true, in these threads!!”
Easy, the fact that you’re hopeless. That took exactly three seconds. Any other challenges? ;)

EDIT:
Oh, yeah, I'd like to add something RE "I don't know if it will get easier with time - it never did before...but then, while dieting, I always disallowed ice cream and desserts and chips, etc., etc., while on the diet. The cravings for "bad" foods never stopped, which is, obviously, the reason the weight piled back on."

I know you addressed it to Aury, but I'd like to comment on it also. Hope you don't mind?

You don't diet by disallowing yourself certain foods. You don't diet by separating good foods from bad foods. "Dieting" in this manner is called depriving yourself of the foods you love. And deprivation leads to overeating, and ultimately giving into cravings. Because the more you deprive yourself of something, the more you'd want it. So it's OKAY to have "bad foods" while dieting, as long as it's in moderation. It's...um... well... it's no wonder you were never able to keep the weight off!!!! When the diet fails, you don't blame the "diet," but you blame yourself instead!!!! Hating yourself and hating your body will not make you slimmer. If it did, well, everyone would be slimmer!!! You see, it's not so much WHAT you eat that causes weight gain, but rather when and how much. And although eating right IS a factor... it's not the main one. The main one is how your body PHYSICALLY feels after eating. The fact that you're not stuffed after eating, and the fact that you were hungry to begin with BEFORE you ate, lol. Which means, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ICECREAM! But you can only have your ice cream if, and only if, you are hungry... and your BODY is craving for it... and not your mind. You only "MUST" need your ice cream when you are hungry, and at no other time. So no more, "I MUST have my icecream," you hear? ;) Don't set a time in the day when you should have this or that. Wait till you're physically hungry before you have it, and STOP when you're physically satisfied-- NOT when you're emotionally. Does that make any sense?
Look at me talking as if I've just met you, LOL! :rolleyes: But sometimes I have to forget who I'm talking to in order to avoid beating around the bush because I know I tend to "go easy" on people who I have stronger and longer relationships with... due to fear of upsetting that persona and hence losing that relationship, and well, there's nothing I can tell you about apprehension that you don't already know, so I'll shut up now. :D

Aury:
Thanks for the translation. Although, I must admit I STILL don’t know what it means, haha! Reading comprehension problems. I feel so guilty for having made you go thru the trouble, though, ESPECIALLY since you’re so sick. :(

And you say you’re not that skinny???? At 5’6”, even 100 pounds would be considered skinny! Let alone something <85….

Julia:
Hello, and welcome! Why, no offense, but your friend Jessica sounds very conceited. I can sense that she’s trying to drag you down WITH her because she doesn’t want to suffer alone. And who is SHE to telling you when and what to eat and not eat??? That choice is up to you, and nobody else—ESPECIALLY if you are hungry!!!!!!! I believe she has brainwashed you into thinking that you are fat, when you are really not. I’d suggest you break your friendship right away because frankly, it’s not a friendship. Not one worth keeping. And while you’re at it, tell her to get some help, too. Meanwhile, try to look for someone you trust in your life—whether it’s a guardian or a counselor or what have you—and seek some insight/treatment. It’ll be too heavy of a load for someone to carry alone. Also, please stop the dieting—don’t want to make matters worse, now do you? :) I hope I didn’t scare you off with my critical suggestions, but it’s the truth. And I want to get right to the point because I'm too lazy to beat around the bush. Post again, soon!
[QUOTE=Quencher]Pam:
Of course I understand, silly! I know very well that you have a life outside of these Boards. Everyone does.

You did all those things for your kids—really????? No kidding? Wow, that’s amazing. They don’t even do that on TV, LOL! What a great mother you are. I’m sure both of your kids love you very much.

Re the meds, well, I'm sure at some point my parents fed me medicine, I can't remember it, though. They haven't done so in a long, long time obviously. The last I checked, whenever I had a fever, my dad would ask "So when are you gonna die?" And whenever I had a cough, "You brought this upon yourself, didn't you? You sick bast*rd??" Hence, I don't even bother telling them anymore.

At one point, I stopped the exercising ‘cause I didn’t “care” anymore, and I gained 6 pounds in 7 days. Because of this, I recommenced. I can’t seem to cut down on the exercising now. When I don’t binge, I take the opportunity to exercise in event OF a binge. And when I DO binge, my mindset is, “every calorie counts,” and I will exercise until I collapse to burn calories—whether it’s three, six, nine, or nine HUNDRED calories at a time. Plus, it’s like a punishment in a way. “THIS is what you get for bingeing, you fool!” It’s a cycle. I diet, binge, diet, binge, diet, and binge. And these exercise sessions are QUITE tiring, I might add.

Okay, now you’re confusing ME, LOL! In post #122 you said, “…you say you're not fat…” So, that would mean you thought I said I wasn’t fat.
Then in post #123, you said, “You say things about yourself that just aren't true...like, that you're fat!” This, on the other hand, suggests that you thought I said I WAS fat. You just contradicted yourself. :D But anyway, to clear things up, I never said I wasn’t fat. I said I WAS fat, but not overweight.

“I have been trying to diet for months and keep failing.” Well, the point system will help motivate you, and hopefully everyone else too!! It’ll be one of the many benefits. And a little competition can’t hurt. Think of it like this, “would you want a bunch of 16 year olds beating you in a game?? What a shame THAT would be!” So therefore, you would keep trying and trying—not JUST to diet, but to win also. Then again, a successful diet would mean you've won. That’s how I see it anyway. I just hope that you're not just saying you'll try it and then just forget about it afterwards.

“I DARE you to find ONE thing about myself that isn't true, in these threads!!”
Easy, the fact that you’re hopeless. That took exactly three seconds. Any other challenges? ;)

EDIT:
Oh, yeah, I'd like to add something RE "I don't know if it will get easier with time - it never did before...but then, while dieting, I always disallowed ice cream and desserts and chips, etc., etc., while on the diet. The cravings for "bad" foods never stopped, which is, obviously, the reason the weight piled back on."

I know you addressed it to Aury, but I'd like to comment on it also. Hope you don't mind?

You don't diet by disallowing yourself certain foods. You don't diet by separating good foods from bad foods. "Dieting" in this manner is called depriving yourself of the foods you love. And deprivation leads to overeating, and ultimately giving into cravings. Because the more you deprive yourself of something, the more you'd want it. So it's OKAY to have "bad foods" while dieting, as long as it's in moderation. It's...um... well... it's no wonder you were never able to keep the weight off!!!! When the diet fails, you don't blame the "diet," but you blame yourself instead!!!! Hating yourself and hating your body will not make you slimmer. If it did, well, everyone would be slimmer!!! You see, it's not so much WHAT you eat that causes weight gain, but rather when and how much. And although eating right IS a factor... it's not the main one. The main one is how your body PHYSICALLY feels after eating. The fact that you're not stuffed after eating, and the fact that you were hungry to begin with BEFORE you ate, lol. Which means, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR ICECREAM! But you can only have your ice cream if, and only if, you are hungry... and your BODY is craving for it... and not your mind. You only "MUST" need your ice cream when you are hungry, and at no other time. So no more, "I MUST have my icecream," you hear? ;) Don't set a time in the day when you should have this or that. Wait till you're physically hungry before you have it, and STOP when you're physically satisfied-- NOT when you're emotionally. Does that make any sense?
Look at me talking as if I've just met you, LOL! :rolleyes: But sometimes I have to forget who I'm talking to in order to avoid beating around the bush because I know I tend to "go easy" on people who I have stronger and longer relationships with... due to fear of upsetting that persona and hence losing that relationship, and well, there's nothing I can tell you about apprehension that you don't already know, so I'll shut up now. :D

Aury:
Thanks for the translation. Although, I must admit I STILL don’t know what it means, haha! Reading comprehension problems. I feel so guilty for having made you go thru the trouble, though, ESPECIALLY since you’re so sick. :(

And you say you’re not that skinny???? At 5’6”, even 100 pounds would be considered skinny! Let alone something <85….

Julia:
Hello, and welcome! Why, no offense, but your friend Jessica sounds very conceited. I can sense that she’s trying to drag you down WITH her because she doesn’t want to suffer alone. And who is SHE to telling you when and what to eat and not eat??? That choice is up to you, and nobody else—ESPECIALLY if you are hungry!!!!!!! I believe she has brainwashed you into thinking that you are fat, when you are really not. I’d suggest you break your friendship right away because frankly, it’s not a friendship. Not one worth keeping. And while you’re at it, tell her to get some help, too. Meanwhile, try to look for someone you trust in your life—whether it’s a guardian or a counselor or what have you—and seek some insight/treatment. It’ll be too heavy of a load for someone to carry alone. Also, please stop the dieting—don’t want to make matters worse, now do you? :) I hope I didn’t scare you off with my critical suggestions, but it’s the truth. And I want to get right to the point because I'm too lazy to beat around the bush. Post again, soon![/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Starry Charry]Hiya GG!!!

See, this is just the problem!! I want to give up my ice cream as bad as I want to be slim!!!! They are even Steven!! Neck in neck! Except...obviously...the ice cream always has a slight edge. But see, that's what makes this addiction so difficult...just like any other addiction. If I could give it up so easily, I wouldn't have an addiction.....huh??? Well, I think you know what I mean. LOL

Oh..no!! I don't eat dinner at 1am - that's when I have the icecream. Dinner is anytime between 9-10pm, generally. Sometimes later, but that's because it's gotten crazier with everything having to do with buying the house, the move, etc. My hub works second shift so he doesn't get home til about 12:30am, so this is why we're on a later schedule. Well, it may SEEM that when I say I'm hopeless it's an excuse, but it really isn't, to me, anyway. Because I really believe it's true...whether it is or isn't...if that makes sense?

What is porketta? Never heard of it. It sounds like you did very well at the party. I just knew you would! I'm curious about something that you said again in this post...why do you often ask your mom if you've eaten too much, was your eating OK, etc? I wonder because...she can't know how your tummy feels??? Also, I think by now, you have the hang of "visuals" of what you have had, and are, eating. I think it's time to trust your own instincts. Besides, being that you have had, and are in recovery from, anorexia...something tells me you'd never allow yourself to eat too much!! So I just wonder about these things, is all. Anyway, glad you had a great time, and I just know you will do well at the cottage. Trust yourself!! From what you have been saying these many weeks, I think it's time you did!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charly :wave:[/QUOTE]

I know what you mean about the addiction..and if you read aurora's post, I completely agree with her spin on things!

Even if you dont eat dinner at 1, 12 30 is still a SCARY time for me to eat..heck 9 pm is!

Porketta is basically pork, stuffed and tied with string in a big roll-like shape. It cooks up really moist and nice.

I ask my mom because I dont trust myself when it comes to eating. So if I cant follow a meal plan (like usually), or know the calories (again, like usual) then I rely on her (somewhat) to tell me what looks normal (on my plate). She's thin and has been pretty much all her life, and she doesnt diet or restrict or anything...so I figure if I have to ask someone, I'll ask her! I do know portion sizes and things, but at the same time, I still get nervous if I dont know calories or something...that's why I almost need reassurance that it's ok to eat what Im eating and how much Im eating! But it's hard relying on my mom too, because she's shorter and older than me, so she eats less naturally. So when I feel down on myself and feel like I'm eating a lot, I look at how much she's eaten and feel even more pig-ish! :( Most of the time I just try to ignore what she's doing, but that doesnt always work. Plus I feel REALLY guilty and mad at myself because I 'm supposed to eat like 2200 Cals per day, but i do NO excersise...I used to play soccer and stuff, but now I dont really like to be all athletic and stuff..I go on an occasional walk, and i DO walk around the house and things like that, but i dont do extra stuff like running, like my dad. And Im worried that I cant eat 2200 Cals wihtout gaining cuz I dont really burn much off!

I do trust myself sometimes, but not always....
[QUOTE=Quencher!]GG:
How DO you do it?? You never, ever cease to impress!!!! You're doing SOOOOOO well, you know that?? Just amazing!! And I noticed something. You ate when you were HUNGRY. Now, you can't tell me THAT'S not worth a standing ovation for, hmm?? [/QUOTE]
Thanks Quench! Its not THAT big of a deal to me for some reason...maybe because I know, deep down, that I could do it if I put my mind to it...It's jsut more comfy counting and being sure ya know? I have been trying to eat by hunger lately...seems to be working better :P...
How are you? I hopw you arent excersising SO much anymore :nono: it's not healthy to do it so much! And I hope that your eating is under control too!

xox
gg





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