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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Hello Everybody!

I was suffering from bulimia for 8 years and I've been recovering for 1,5 now. I am going through a relapse. I try not to purge any more because I think all the sides effects are very serious, but my eating habits are awful. I feel like I need sweets all the time, all kinds of sweets, I love cheescakes, brownies, chocolate, peanut butter and cookies. Does anybody feels the same? I know its not healthy, but every single hour I need to have something sweet - its driving me mad!!! I think its emotional eating, because I feel so very LONELY these days, I am far away from my country, family and fiends. And the worst think of this is that even if I try not to eat a lot, I am gaining weight. My meals are not regular and I am anxious all the time. I feel like I am lost again, but I know I have to be strong. Please tell me that one day it will go away completely. I hate the feeling of being fat and unattractive. And also I am scared to go back to my country because if my family and friends would see me one size bigger they would comment this. And when i was in Paris, I had very serious breakdown and called my mum and I've told her for the first time that i was struggling with this for such a long time, and now I am scared to talk to her, because I dont know what she thinks about me.

I try to do different things to forget about food but it doesnt seem to work now. I've noticed that it goes away when I am in love. But now I am not in love... Now I am sitting here in the internet cafe, but when I leave, I will go straight to the nearest supermarket to buy some sweets :((( All the time I feel the strong tense and emotional upset. I dont know what to do. I am a stewardess and I need to keep fit, but even aerobics classes and swimming dont help.

If any of you had similar experience, I woud be more than happy to hear about this.

Thank you and lots of Love, :angel:

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