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[B][I][COLOR=Indigo][FONT=Georgia]My situation is similar to yours as well in the husband area. He does seem to understand a bit more now than he did before after seeing me stay up late specifically to eat, or polishing off pounds of nuts or bags of bread, gaining and losing weight by the 10's, etc. But obviously, you don't want it to get that bad to get him to understand or believe you. Unfortunately, he may never understand because I think it is a misunderstood situation by many people in that there's sort of a "well, just have a little more self-control" or, "just dont eat it", mentality. But as you already probably know, its a bit of a compulsion. I always feel horribly ashamed in front of my husband when I am "caught" or he responds in surprise to my weight fluctuations, but it is simply not enough to keep the binges away. He does not scold or dismiss me anymore but I still hide it from him. Also, I am at a normal weight now but I have to say that my skin and breasts have suffered tremendously from accomodating the weight gain and shrinking with the losses (when I would get it under control for periods of time or over-exercise to take off some of the pounds, etc.) and our sex life has definitely changed since I no longer feel attractive when I am with him the way that I used to.

So, in terms of doing it on your own or needing to find some help, as I noted in my last post, it is in fact an eating disorder. Just the same as bulimia or anorexia, it is something that is out of control once it begins and has the power to consume you and all your actions and thoughts. If you have said before that you will not do it and "set your mind to it" and still have caved in, unfortunately it will probably take some help from a professional to recover completely.

I'm wondering though, can you think of any reason why the binges may have started? Aside from the connection you have found with the birth of your daughter, is there any other specific things you remember about the first few times you binged, etc?

One thing that may help (and really probably would have helped me back when I started binging) is to pay attention to the feelings and the thoughts that are going thru your head when you binge... this will many times clue you in to what's really behind them. Because the longer the eating disorder carries on , the more elements are engrained into it and the harder it gets to sort out. For me, what I believe originally induced the binges are not the same things that keep them thriving now because its become such a way of life for me. But since you are in the beginning stages, perhaps you can tune in to the actual emotions you are having, etc. (Instead of having to backtrack years down the road and deal with those issues and then also having to work to heal what holds the eating disorder in place in the present) Does that make sense? Also, if you have a clear enough head to remember this when you find yourself wanting to or are in the midst of a binge... drink a big glass of water. It has helped me tremendously to slow down or even stop a binge session. Obviously, when your stomach gets so full, it is harder to eat without discomfort and water will fill that space. Plus, many times people get cravings when they are dehydrated and just aren't aware of this.

Anyways, I hope I do not sound negative in my posts... I do not mean to. I just know that if someone would have been more honest with me in the beginning stages of mine, perhaps it would have helped to stop the forthcoming damage or would not have become so complex of a situation and taken so much strength, energy and time to heal. Let me know how you are doing... :wave: [/FONT][/COLOR][/I][/B]





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