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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Hey Chelsea
I can totally relate! I like you weighed around 185 or so and now I am 126. I am 5'5" and this is the lowest I've ever been. I usually am around 130-131. But I know that at work when someone brings in cookies, brownies or something that everyone is passing it around and I'm sitting there freaking out because I don't want to eat it. The thing is that most of my close work friends know I have an eating issue and that I really should gain weight and they try to make me eat it. But the amount of guilt that comes of it is ridiculous!
I made a major slip this week because I started a new job, as some people know because I've mentioned it before. Well my first day was today and all weekend I was so nervous that I have been nauseous and not eating anything, or barely anything. And before this hit I was already 128 and that's about the lowest I can go. My therapist freaks if I go lower and threatens me with day treatment and stuff like that. Well, I got on the scale this morning and I weighed 126. I freaked because I know that I need to weigh more. So I stuffed myself today/tonight. But now I feel disgusting for eating a bunch of junk and now my stomach hurts. It's just so hard. I see my therapist tomorrow. I just can't lie to her. I know she's going to ask, she always does. The weird thing is that I'm terrified to see her and tell her but I'm also so anxious I just want to see her so bad and poor all my anxiety out somewhere. I'm like a ticking time bomb of anxiety waiting to explode. And now I have this new job as a therapist. And the worst part was that my first individual client that I saw for therapy is a recovering anorexic and bulemic! I mean, go figure! If that's not a sign of some kind I don't know what is. God, I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that I really can relate, even the differences in weight are similar. I thought that was interesting. But the whole eating things that are not "safe" or in our "schedule" is really nerve racking. I can certainly hear that!


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