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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Hello. Before i start explaining what has been going on, i will give a little background info. about myself.i'm 16 years old,5'3'' and about 107 lbs. i've always been skinny my whole life.well, i was diagnosed w/ OCD over a year ago and i've had obsessive thoughts ever since i could remember. w/ OCD, my thoughts would repeat over and over again. i also would be a negaive thinker about myself, and i would get a distorted thought and image of myself too. i began to be a perfectionist when it came to school when i was younger,then i started obsessing about how i look when i was about body, makeup,hair,clothes,etc. I would always check the mirror. this is because the anxiety would built up because i kept wondering over and over if eveything was ok. After i look in the mirror, it was a releif, which is because the anxiety was gone. then, when i was about 14 or 15 i would get concerned about weight bcuz i didn't think i was skinny enough, and my thouhts would keep repeating about it. i would then always look in the mirror and be disapponted. so, i began 2 watch what i ate. then, i would look in the mirror over and over again 2 see if i looked fat, also probably because of the ocd. So, i used 2 feel very angry when i would eat too many calories. then 2 get rid of that feeling, i'd either not eat the next day, or i would eat very little. eventually, i'd get so hungry,i'd eat so much food (like 900 cals). then i'd not eat the next day... which is like a cycle. i'd also write down what i ate and how many calories there were in the, a while ago, i ate about 2 bowls of ice cream and about 3 pieces of cake,and i felt so disaponted in myself. then, i'd keep thinking of how many calories ate and i looked in the mirror a bunch of times,and i'd look fat. i told myself that being fat is horrible and i need 2 get rid of it and i'd binge once, and thats it, but i was so wrong. For a while now, i barely eat, and when i do, i will either not eat the next day, or if i ate more than 100 calories, i will purge. i just am afraid of becoming fat, and it doen't help when i think about it over and over again and when i see food. i think that maybe ocd has something to do with my disorder, but also that can't stand the thought of being fat. i was wondering what everyone thinks.

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