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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index


Oh girl....I am right there with you.I have OCD as well and my name is rachel...what a coinkadink. I believe OCD and Eating Disorders are very closely linked. I too have thoughts that just repeat over and over....God I just wish there was something to do to make them stop! I go through different stages at different times to obesses about all kinds of things- but pretty much since the begining of highschool (Im 21 now) I have had obsessions about how I look. I use to get acne before I started Birth Control....and when Id see a tiny little bump Id pick at it then run to the bathroom every 10 minutes to see if it looked any different or if it was gone. I could spend hours a night in there just obsessing over my skin. I still have a few little scars from all the picking and the different meds I would try. Im only 5 ft. and Ive always been between about 95-105 pounds so Ive always been small and I never ever worried that I was fat....then all of a sudden for some strange reason, this summer I got it in my head that I needed to lose weight. I was 103 and I dropped to 91 in about 2 months. I am doing a little better now but i still count every calorie. I try to stop but I just can't. Counting is also a cumpulsion of OCD...so it sorta makes sense that we do this. I use to keep a journal everyday about what I ate ( I even included gum!) and how many calories were in it. Then I would set a calorie limit for the next day and If i went over I felt like a complete failure. My suggestion to you....is take the first step and stop writing them down. You may still count in your head or on a calculator ( like I use my phone calculator) but at least you arent writing them down. PLUS someone might find it. One day i took the step and tore all the pages out of my "food journal" and I swear the NEXT DAY my boyfreind found it and was like "what are all these ripped out pages?" So I told him but it still wasnt as bad as if he would have actually seen it. You gotta take little steps. Like you, I am terrified of getting fat. I think that the skinnier I am, the better I will look in clothes and the happier I will be- but none of this is close to being true. Happiness comes from within...and Im still lookin for it. Also, 100 calories is way way way too low to be eating in a day. I mean scary. Your metabolism is going to slow down so much.....what I have found helps is eating more ( I try to eat at least 1,000- 1,300 a day) but in little meals throughout the day. Itll help get your metabolism back up. And when I started eating more....I try to eat healthy foods and I excersise and Ive only gained about 2 pounds. I think its from muscle though. Try excersising, I promise it will make you feel so good- and if you eat healthy foods there is no reason to feel guilty. But then again.....I feel guilty all the time after I eat. Here I am giving advice and sometimes I cant even take it myself! Anyway...I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. And that OCD and Eating Disorders are a horrible combination. I havent been diagnosed with an eating disorder or anything but I know I have weird thought about food and I can relate to what a lot of people say on these boards. I have however been diagnosed with OCD and I went to therapy for a while but had to stop. I wouldnt mind going back.......Have you tried therapy or taking to a Dr. about everything?





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