Just wanted to introduce myself...

hello, im new here. ive been reding the posts on this board for ages now but never really had the guts to post a thread myself. basically because i dont know what to write. ive had distorted eating pattens for about 3 1/2 yrs now. i guess i have anorexia but am afraid to admit it. i havent had a period in two years. i know the dangers of anorexia and sometimes i scare myself into picking up normal eating habits for a while, but i always relapse. i am not overly skinny/sickly looking though. which is why sometimes i think that its not very serious. does anyone here actually have long term affects from anorexia? not meaning to be rude, im just curious. i read the dangers all the time on those anorexia websites/books etc, but i just wondered had anyone actually suffered any lt effects. its different to actually hear a real person say it rather than a book. i think i am almost afraid of recovery because i know that means weight gain and people are always commenting on how nice my body is, and i have gained weight b4 wen ive "recovered" and i dont get the same complements. im not meaning to sound up myself at all. its just wen u have no self confidence u rely on the flattery from others. can anyone relate?
gosh i am rambling now, sorry. but i do feel a bit better to get all that of my chest. i dont have the guts to tell anyone else in my life. thanks for reading guys. xxxxx