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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Re: ...
Dec 3, 2004
You are not alone. My thoughts are that the quicker I get through life, the quicker I can be done with it. I just want to go to work, come home to my bed, eat everything in sight and fall asleep ...and then wake up and do the same thing the next day.....I dont want to think, talk, converse, communicate, go out, or love or be loved. I'm not doing this of course...i'm a full time college student and I have a full time job and I have lots of friends...but all that doesnt matter to me because of my depression and my addiction to food / eating disorder.

Sometimes I hate the fact that i'm 21 and i'm not 90 on my death bed.....I know that sounds so bad, but I really feel like I can't handle the simple things in life any longer.

These thoughts are not all the time, but only when I get stressed to the max...but still...I know I need treatment but I lack the motivation to go talk to anyone.

None of my friends know I feel this way...if you knew me outside of these thoughts, you'd think I would be the next president, or someone of great ambition and drive with success and happiness written all over her forehead. But sadly...its a wonderful front that i've created to seem as perfect as possible.

I dont think I would ever kill myself, but I do wish that my life were either easier or over....and I do have a problem with comparing it to others....and my distorted thinking puts a huge hinderance on how I view others.

Anyway, I just thought id drop in my two cents and let you know that you're not alone.

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