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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Hi.
I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this, but for almost a year I had been totally obsessing about food and thinking about it all day, not being able to enjoy anything except for eating. It all started when i decided to try to lose some weight (back in December '03), as I was overweight (4'11" and 135 lbs.). I drastically cut calories (about 800 a day) and went down to 110 lbs. without excercise. This was all without any medical supervision at all, of course. No one knew from me telling them what I was doing.
In February '04, I basically broke down from all the obsessing, because food was ALL i could ever think about... I couldn't concentrate on anything at all except my thoughts of food and how much I wanted it. I was driving myself crazy. I then went to a phychologist, found out I had OCD, and was put on 187.5 mg of Effexor (By this time, I was also dealing with many other OCD thoughts which I won't get into).
I was doing pretty good, the food obsessions were gone, but then (stupidly) I decided that I still wasn't skinny enough at 110 lbs. and started cutting calories again. This time though, I was still eating 1200-1400 a day. The food obsession came back, though not as bad as before. Up until September I continued this, only dropping 5 more pounds. I then decided, because counting calories was driving me crazy again, that only 4 days a week I would count calories, and the other 3 I would eat whatever I wanted. That didn't really work... I didn't gain any weight, but on the 'free' days, I was eating about 3500 calories a day, eating whatever I could get my hands on even when I was not hungry.
At the beginning of December '04, I decided enough was enough and I was just going to eat like other people, about 2000 calories a day, give or take a few. I actually feel better a bit now (I am still doing this), and the food obsession isn't as strong at all. I still count calories and think about food most of the time but since I can actually eat it, it's not AS bad *still could be better though*.
But now I don't know what to do because since the beginning of December I have gained 4 lbs. so I am now 110 lbs again at 4'11". I DO NOT want to strictly count calories and drive myself crazy again, I can't. I do excercise now, I have a Gazelle Edge that I make sure I burn at least 300 calories a day on. I am only eating about 2000 calories a day now, I don't want to have to strictly make sure I am under that and feel like I am depriving myself again. Does anyone have any advice to give me?? Thank you so much.
Jamie K.





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