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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

I posted my story already. I don't want to get any feathers ruffled but I stopped my eating disorder myself. My disorder was so bad that I did not have to make myself throw up I had made myslef throw up so many times that my body thought it was the natural thing to do. I could just lean over and it would all come up.
The end came when I had just finished binging.I was feeling depressed and just did not have the energy to lean over anymore. Even though I did not have to force myself anymore it still took alot out of me to vomit. I locked myself in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror. I made myself actually look into my eyes in the mirror and see what my real friends were saying about my weight loss.
The people I worked with saw me in form fitting clothes. I only allowed my parents to see me in over sized clothes even though I lived with them. I did not want to have that battle with them. I was having enough of it outside my home. My homw was my place of security. If I allowed them to find out I would never have any silence.

When I focused on me and kept replaying the remarkes of how I was to skinny and all those other remarks I am sure you all have heard I saw whatmy real friends saw.
I stopped that day. I have never binged since that day. It took me years to get myself back to good health. The only thing that I suffer from now is all the damage from the acid in my stomach did to my teeth and the only meat my body allows me to eat with getting ill is chicken. I hope one day you can all get to the point I did but sooner. It's going to cost me thousands to get my teeth done.
Those people that always made remarks about my weight took me down. I allowed them to control my life. Everytime they would say, You look better with weight on you now that you gained it back" ,or "you need to see a mental dr for your eating disorder" it triggered a change in the way I ate. Most of them I have not seen in 15 years. Why the heck did I allow them to control me? Why did I care about what they thought of me? I did not even like them. Where are they now to help me pay for my teeth since they were the fuel to the fire. HMPH Boy was a gullable! I allowed them to mess with my head.

For the statment that you somtimes love it I can relate. I loved it! I thought I was in control till I realized that I was just a puppet that people were playing with for their own sick entertainment.
Everyone has their own reasons for why they started their eating disorder but if they are like mine please do not allow someone else to contol your life. Most of them are jealous of you and want to bring you down so that they can pick on you. It's sad to say but for some people they can only feel better about themselves when the tear others down.


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