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Thanks Purplecat :D
I have taken to heart what you have said. But I really do think I want my mum out of my life though. She has done nothing but hurt me all my life. I have tried to have a relationship with her... everytime I forgave her after she treated me badly this little voice inside me said "maybe this time will be different." But it never was. It was the same thing over & over. I think its great that you want to try to have a relationship with your parents and that you are aware of the boundaries you want... that you want to let them in slowly, and stay in control and not let them overpower you... thats great :) If are able to give them a little of you and are able to choose what, and not feel needy of them anymore, I think that would make a world of difference. I think that with your mum being understanding like she was, this may be possible for you. I sure hope so.

I dont think I can do that though. My mum doesnt listen to anything I say... she only hears the bad things in my life (example: she doesnt remember what I am taking in school, but remembers distinctly what I told her about a fight with my ex). She has no idea who I am, and I dont think she wants me to be happy. I last talked to my mum two weeks ago. I dont think there's any chance of us ever having a relationship. We havent my [U]entire life[/U], and I am not going to let her push me around anymore. I really dont care about having a relationship with her... she isnt someone I respect, love or care about... my problem is that my whole life I just wanted a caring family- the family that "everyone else had"- and tried to make that happen with my mum, but have realized over the years its not going to.

Purplecat... I think the difference is that you do love your parents and deep down you want to know them better, and for them to know you better. I dont. There is no way I can look at the good times my mum & I had, or the times she did take care of me, because there are none. That's why I dont think I can have her in my life.

My ed? Well, I've struggled with it for 10+ yrs but just this past 1.5 yrs I have actually had some control of it. The past 4 months, for the first time in my entire life, I havent felt the undying need to work out every single day. And just three weeks ago, I told my boyfreind that I was more interested in doing things like yoga, walking my dog in the park, etc. rather than the vigourous exercise I have put myself through for the past 10 yrs. (which I couldnt believe I was actually saying, and not just saying... it was true!) But then this last fall out with my mum sent me in a downhill spiral. I missed school this whole week, and have an assignment that was due yesterday that I havent even started. :nono: I ate 2 rolls of pillsbury cookie dough this morning, and made myself throw it up. I was supposed to go for lunch with my b/f and his brother today, but couldnt get out of bed. And I am supposed to go out to a goodbye party this weekend, but have that voice in my head again telling me that I need to work out hardcore for the next two days so that I can go and not be fat when I go. I thought that voice was gone. :mad:

Anyways, thats my problem right now. This whole thing has made me really hurt and I dont want to go back to the place I was 1.5 yrs ago with my ed. I thankyou sooooo much for reading this and taking the time to respond :angel: I feel not so alone knowing that someone can kinda understand and cares enough to take the time to respond. I just am going to have a hard time these next few weeks I think to deal with this huge loss in my life (even though I caused it, I'm sure its for the best). I think that coming to this board was a good idea for me...

Where are you with your ed? How is it with this recent dealings with your parents? Its good to hear your roomie has been so supportive. Thanks alot for your time Purplecat and good luck with your parents and in taking control of your ed.

Keep me posted :)
Becky





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