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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Obsession
Feb 17, 2005
Hey guys, I'm just feeling really frustrated with myself right now. I've been bulimic for over a year now. I don't make myself throw up, but I purge by fasting, starving myself, and over-exercise. I've done better since Christmas as far as eating. I'm making a conscious effort to eat 3 meals a day and sometimes I do well and some days I just cannot make myself eat. This past quarter at school I've been taking a Nutrition class. I thought it might help me make better food decisions and stuff like that. I've learned a lot, although I haven't really put too much of that knowledge into practice. So this quarter is ending, and when i realized that I only have a few more of these classes left, it made me feel really anxious and almost upset. So, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with my major (sociology), I registered for another Nutrition class next quarter. It's kind of freaking me out that I feel like I have to take these classes. It's like I have to get my fix of this stuff, even if it's just learning how unhealthy I really am. My advisor even asked me why I was taking these classes and he kept saying, You are doing this just to be more healthy, right? Then before I left his office, he asked me if these classes were like therapy for me. This crap just consumes my life, my thinking, my self-esteem. All I think about is whether I'm going to eat lunch or supper today (I am working on this though), whether I have the energy to workout for 90 minutes today, and whether its a fat day (most days are). There are so many days when I just stay home and won't go out because I feel like I look too fat. I'm so sick of it but how do we escape this obsession? People from the outside looking in just don't get that my way of thinking is so distorted, unhealthy, and screwed up and that I really hate the way I live my life. I don't really know the point of this post, except that I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.





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