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It is 14 days until my birthday.

The thing is with this guy is he is blunt and doesnt think things through. I know what he said he didnt believe. He told me that and I do believe it because he's done it before and I spent 3 days yelling at him asking him why he said it if he didnt mean it. I know that was kinda harsh but I am very sensitive about my weight. The thing is. I was really close to him. He knows I am super sensitive about my weight the same way I know he is a nice guy, I know i have made him sound like one but he really isnt a jerk, he can be really sweet. Thats why it hurts so much. If he was a jerk it would have made it a lot easier to disreguard.

I have spent most of today in tears and then I binged but even though I've binged I still havent eaten the recommended amount of caolries. I am planning fasts and restrictions all over the place and this bothers me because I was doing so well.

I even accidentally slipped to a friend that I was on a very strict diet and when she asked why I told her ecause I wanted to be thin enough for no one to call me fat again. That was stupid, I would never normally say stuff like that, poeple are then watching you, making sure you are at least eating something.

I was in tears today thinking about it and this guy logged on to msn and I was talking to him and I didnt say anything about how much he'd hurt me, I spoke to him normally and he didn't mention it. Yet I didnt say anything. Why am I so scared of hurting him after he hurt me so much without even thinking twice?

Thanks for being so sweet Jade :) and even though I sat and read what you said, it is so much easier to believe him. It is so true that bad things are so much easier to believe.

xoxoxox





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