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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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i was the opposite, i started off "just dieting" about 4-5 yrs ago which turned into anorexia. then about 1 year ago i developed bulimia because i would get so hungry and binge, then throw up. i dont really get gas when i eat, unless i eat alot of something which gives you gas. but ive taken laxitives and fibre supplements lots of times over the past year, which is pretty embarassing, but i just like the feeling that im empty and tierd, even though i no they dont really make u lose weight. im crazy, i know. i just want to rid my body of the food, and quickly. ive put my self though so much pain, phsically, from taking laxatives, they give u the worst cramps ever, and the make my heart race aswell, and feel like im gonna die. i dont have any left at the moment and i really dont want to go and buy more because i hate taking them, its like an addiction.
i also drink abnormal amounts of water, which i dont really see as so much of a problem because its only water. i do this because i think im flushing everything out, but im not really, i just get really bloated and have to pee alot.
it a vicious cycle, starving - binging - purging, and it just keeps going, i dont know how i managed to just starve for 3 years.
gosh i have never told anyone any of this, i feel so ashamed, and when i read what ive written i feel like such a fool because i know how stupid it all sounds. maybe thats why therapy helps ppl, because they feel so stupid after they have said things out loud? i always thought talking to a therapist would make it better, but i think it would just make me realise how crazy i am :(





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