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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Questions..
May 19, 2005
I dont know if you guys remember me from a few months ago, but you guys thought that I might be developing an eating disorder... Well, heres my story..

Well, for the past like 3 years I've felt that I was fat, but it was only recently where it really really affected me. I'm 16, and 5'5". About 6 months ago I weighed 138 lbs, and now I weigh 122 lbs.. Just this past week and a half i've lost 6 lbs. But anyways, about 2 months ago I started watching what I was eating, you know, counting calories. And my diet was to eat 1800 calories a day. Then it eventually went down to 1500.. then 1300.. then 1200.. then 1000.. and now, when I get past 600 calories for the day I start freaking out. I count calories EVERY day, and I weigh myself at least 3 times a day.. Sometimes, from the lack of eating I guess I get really hungry and I don't know what comes over me and I'll come home and eat a lot (well I think its a lot, but my mom doesn't think so..) and then afterwards I'll feel terrible and I'll go exercise for over an hour to burn twice as many calories as I ate... sometimes my total calories after exercising is less than 0... sometimes around 100.. I just.. I feel so fat, and I hate the way that I am.. I would starve myself completely if it wasn't for my friends at school and for my family always questioning what I eat.. sometimes I get in these moods where I feel so fat and I hate myself, and.. sometimes after I eat I cut myself, or think about throwing up or something really bad.. like maybe laxatives or starving myself for a few days.. I used to eat breakfast, a complete lunch at school, a snack after school and then dinner, and my parents didn't think that was too much to eat, and I was around 135 lbs and I was a 'healthy weight' according to the doctors and my friends and family. But now.. I eat breakfast.. something small.. then for lunch i only get an order of fries from school, and I usually don't even eat 1/3 of them and then I throw them away, just so my frien doesnt' worry.. and sometimes I skip dinner.. or just eat a small amount of fruit, like a few pieces of canteloupe.. Could I have an eating disorder? i feel so guilty when I eat.. and i cry and i cut and i do terrible things.. i over exercise sometimes, i even have blisters all over my feet from where i've overexercised these past few days.. i'm not like deathly skinny.. people say i am skinny but i do'nt believe them.. they are probably just lying.. i am so scared of being fat.. another thing, when i was 135 lbs my goal was to weigh 130, then it went down to 125.. then 120.. and now my goal is 115.. it keeps going down and.. i just don't know.. my calories keep going down and my weight goals and my weight.. but i see no results.. i am still fat.. and i just hate myself.. what's wrong with me????? please help.......





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