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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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That's exactly how it was for me last week. I just got out of school last friday. But last week we had exams all week, so. I would like, eat breakfast (either special k cereal or a bagel) and then go to school and skip lunch cause of exams and stuff, and (i was on my period the end of last week) whenever I came home, I was like ready to eat everything in sight! It was crazy. And what drew my attention was ice cream, like you said for you too. Even though I wasn't really REALLY hungry or anything part of the time, I just wanted to eat, and whenever I saw the ice cream in teh freezer I would like have to have some. It was crazy. I ate so much at once right before my period that I felt so sick and terrible. I was talking to my mom about being more hungry on your period and she said that some people are, and that like when she's on hers she wants lots of chocolate and stuff. I guess its like from all of the "raging hormones" and stuff like that, that makes you so hungry and wanting everything that's fattening and stuff.

Since I've gotten off of mine, I think that I'm in more control than I was on my period. I'm not like running to the fridge every hour to eat icecream or something. lol. I just don't wanna gain wait or anything, i'm terrified of gaining weight.. ugh..

My mom took me shopping yesterday, because I'm going away to this camp for a month over the summer and I needed some dress clothes for when we go out certain places and stuff, and when I was trying them on, I'd come out and my mom would say I looked great, but i'd look in the mirror and always find something wrong with what I was wearing.. either the shirt was too tight and you could see my fat, or it made me look fat, and I just felt terrible. I felt so ugly and fat and.. It was just depressing. Shopping used to be like, my thing, but now.. its like I hate trying on clothes and shopping.

It seems like everytime I eat or drink or something I feel so fat afterwards, and like my stomach is just sticking out and that i'm soo.. ugh..I feel so fat all the time. Why? people keep telling me that i'm skinny, or that i'm not fat or whatever, but.. I see myself that way, and it feels like I am fat. So then I sit there thinking that everyone is lying to me and.. its just depressing.

I know how you feel. it feels like everyone is controlling my life too, or trying to control my life. I honestly don't know if that's what this is about for me, being in control. I'm really not sure.. I've always felt that I wasn't good enough for anyone, and i've always had very low self esteem. When I was late 14/early 15 I had really severe cystic acne, and it was really bad. I always felt bad about myself, like my face, never my weight or anything and..then I went on Accutaine in the middle of my freshman year, and my face cleared up a lot, but not completely. But, by the time I was 16 it was looking pretty good. So, I don't know if acne has just really affected the way I feel and see myself. It's also very hard to please my parents, cause I feel like they are never proud of me, or happy that i'm their daughter. I mean, I could always do better in like everything I do, and they are never proud of me. It just hurts sometimes, when I try so hard and they just don't care. Well, they might, but.. I dunno.

So, what are you going to do about your boyfriend? Are you going to try to commit more to him? It sounds normal and everything, cause that's what my friends boyfriends always say and stuff. I dunno though. I hope things work out with you guys though.

I think I feel the same way you do. I feel so good when I don't eat, or if I don't eat a lot of calories for one day. And.. like having this little secret about my eating problem, and knowing that i can control it.. and that no one else knows and can't stop me.. I don't know.. its a wierd and complicating feeling. Veeeery confusing...





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