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Thanks to everyone who replyed...I actually just did the math....it will be NINE years this winter since I started the bulimia. I was "recovered" for a year and half but I still count that time as my being bulimic because I still obsessed over it every day. I agree with the person (sorry, forgot your name!) who said she was so scared to think of herself dying of a heart attack and someone finding her slumped over the toliet...that goes through my mind every time I do it and I just cry and cry afterwards. Everytime I throw up, I make a bargain with God and say, "I promise this will be my last time if you just don't let me die tonight...", but I always renig on my promise and do it again, making the same bargain with God over and over again!! I half expect myself to die every night but I always wake up in the morning again, and I make myself forget all the fear I have of dying and I throw up again....I really do wonder how long I can go on like this.
I once asked myself, philosophically, "Would I just rather kill myself than live like this for the rest of my life?" and my answer was, sadly...."No, because I LIKE TO EAT TOO MUCH." Sad, Sad, Sad.
I do love life, however sad it is for me, and it sickens me to think that I could die because of food.





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