It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Thanks to everyone who replyed...I actually just did the will be NINE years this winter since I started the bulimia. I was "recovered" for a year and half but I still count that time as my being bulimic because I still obsessed over it every day. I agree with the person (sorry, forgot your name!) who said she was so scared to think of herself dying of a heart attack and someone finding her slumped over the toliet...that goes through my mind every time I do it and I just cry and cry afterwards. Everytime I throw up, I make a bargain with God and say, "I promise this will be my last time if you just don't let me die tonight...", but I always renig on my promise and do it again, making the same bargain with God over and over again!! I half expect myself to die every night but I always wake up in the morning again, and I make myself forget all the fear I have of dying and I throw up again....I really do wonder how long I can go on like this.
I once asked myself, philosophically, "Would I just rather kill myself than live like this for the rest of my life?" and my answer was, sadly...."No, because I LIKE TO EAT TOO MUCH." Sad, Sad, Sad.
I do love life, however sad it is for me, and it sickens me to think that I could die because of food.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:56 AM.

© 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!