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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Re: I'm back..
Jul 25, 2005
Im so glad your back, i missed ya, lol!
It sounds like your camp went well, tho you lost 10lbs in 4 weeks, wooo, thats alot huni. I know ya think your proud of that - gosh I think I would be if I lost that- but I dunno, is there a part of you that thinks that really is alot to loose?
Temptation is a wierd thing - I understand - with all those things your friend was eating and the things your mum sent you, it must have been a nightmare for you to look at and make your self not want to eat them. Do ya find when you look at them, you'll say "one wont hurt, and ill exercise it off" But once you've eating one, there is no stopping you, you have to eat like the entire bag. Its like your not hungry until you eat something and then you just cant stop.
It sounds like to me, you really are looking skinner then you did when you left for camp, otherwise, your dad wouldn't be on your back the whole time saying you look very thin. - does it feel like you want him to notice your thin, because you want to be skinny, but in another way - you dont want him to notice becasue you know he'll try and make you eat!.
It's the same with me and my mum, I want her to notice im not eating becasue then she'll no there is still a problem and get me to the ED clinic, but then I dont want her to notice because i know she'll be by myside forcing me to eat.
Since you've been gone, ive been having a wierd time myself, one of my friends has talked to me about her ED and how she went through the same thing, and its been a great help to me and Im so glad that we have become really good close friends - but I just cant stop thinking about it, I went to a wedding on saturday and I thought - just for one day im not going to worry and ill just eat what im given, but then it came to the meal and I ate the salad starter - then we were given lamb and we could serve our own veg - I restricted my self to 2 carrots and 2 bits of Asparague, then a 1/2 of the vinilla flan for pud. and still I felt awful I couldnt stop thinking about it all night. - Ive had moments in these past 4 weeks where I just want to give up everything - my mum is forever on my case - saying how little ive eaten and is shouting and always bringing it up - I hear her talking behind my back about it and it brings me down - but ive attually just found out that she was really really ill before i was born and the illness made her loose weight - and so in a way I understand why she is worrid - but I wish I could just be a better daughter to her - but I cant stop this. She is now home for 6 weeks over the hol with me, and so it is going to be so hard not to eat, but I have to restrict I cant just stop now. Gaining weight would just make me more depressed.

Huni, I hope you feel better - how has today been for you? I hope I can help glad your back to post,
Lotsalv and hugs
X Hannie X

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