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Re: Fight Club!
Oct 12, 2005
[QUOTE=bkfree]and I know Snitter rationalizes "lesser evils" as being less destructive, however, an evil is still an evil. [/QUOTE]

okay, seriously? that's enough. stop patronizing me -- i don't talk down to YOU, and would appreciate it if you could afford me the same respect.

a few things: admittedly the nic gum analogy was a bad one. i guess that would be more comparable to replacing bulimia with cutting. or leanfire.

reducing the amount you throw up is NOT replacing one "evil" with another (and frankly, all this talk of "evil" is making this sound like some bizzare cult). it's a reduction, plain and simple. you can't tell me that throwing up a third of a supper every couple weeks or so isn't a decided improvement over gorging every night, then hugging the toilet for an hour until all that's coming up is little puddles of burning acid. that would be a ridiculous assertion.

am i justifying throwing up? no. i still hate it as much as i ever did, BUT there's a fine line between "being accountable" and "dwelling". dwelling is counterproductive. certainly after throwing up, a moment must be taken to realize what you are doing to yourself is not good, but then it's time to bring your posative additude back and MOVE ON. if you can't have a posative additude about yourself (and it's a bit hypocritical of me to say that because i DON'T, but i'm trying very hard), only then are you going to feel you're even WORTH saving from bulimia.

i'm doing everything i can to be HONEST with myself at this point. one of the main problems of quitting cold turkey (and i've seen you guys do this again and again), is that after a while, you break down, and then of course since you've "quit", when you DO break down, you treat the binge like it's going to be your last (which is diluded, but bear with me here), and eat everything in sight then throw it up 'till there's nothing left and you're reeling from the pain of forcing your little stomachs to push THAT much out. worse yet, once you've done the quit-then-breakdown cycle, your brain kinda goes "gee, well, i guess i'm NOT cured. may as well go out and buy that pizza i've been craving and throw that up too while i'm still in purge mode. that way i won't crave it anymore and be cured." and so on. one purge can easilly lead to many MANY more. i've "only" been bulimic for about a year and two months, but i've already been through that cycle PLENTY (and so has just about everyone here, from the sounds of it).

anyway, to reiterate, since neither of us is "cured" it would be self righteous to say one or the other is following the "correct" method here. all i know is that i'm obsessing less over binging and purging than i have been since i started this whole messy disorder and am finally feeling strong enough that the idea of beating this thing doesn't overwhelm me anymore. i will NOT be a bulimic for two years, and i don't think that's an unrealistic goal. i find your wanting me to dwell on the negatives of the occasional slip-up as opposed to the massive posatives of leading a happier life and those 13 out of 14 days where i don't throw up kinda damaging. i DO see where you're coming from, and agree with everything you've said about the physical drawbacks of ANY bulimia (in fact, i never denied them), but there's a bigger picture too. you seem to want this thing to be black-and-white (hence your desire for "confrontation"... it's like crying out "somebody tell me this is WRONG" -- meanwhile your husband probably just doesn't want to hurt you and confuse you further so he lets you deal with what is ultimately your problem alone, leaving you feeling betrayed because he's not seeing these absolute rights and wrongs the way you do), but i don't really know if it is as cut and dry as all that, BK. may just be a different point of view, but i truly think the psychology of bulimia is FAR too complex to break down into some Jedi vs. Sith version of "good vs. evil".

ergh. this is way too long. and i still have lots to say to the rest of you, but i gotta get going. i'll do it this evening though for sure.
Re: Fight Club!
Oct 12, 2005
[QUOTE=snitter]okay, seriously? that's enough. stop patronizing me -- i don't talk down to YOU, and would appreciate it if you could afford me the same respect.

a few things: admittedly the nic gum analogy was a bad one. i guess that would be more comparable to replacing bulimia with cutting. or leanfire.

reducing the amount you throw up is NOT replacing one "evil" with another (and frankly, all this talk of "evil" is making this sound like some bizzare cult). it's a reduction, plain and simple. you can't tell me that throwing up a third of a supper every couple weeks or so isn't a decided improvement over gorging every night, then hugging the toilet for an hour until all that's coming up is little puddles of burning acid. that would be a ridiculous assertion.

am i justifying throwing up? no. i still hate it as much as i ever did, BUT there's a fine line between "being accountable" and "dwelling". dwelling is counterproductive. certainly after throwing up, a moment must be taken to realize what you are doing to yourself is not good, but then it's time to bring your posative additude back and MOVE ON. if you can't have a posative additude about yourself (and it's a bit hypocritical of me to say that because i DON'T, but i'm trying very hard), only then are you going to feel you're even WORTH saving from bulimia.

i'm doing everything i can to be HONEST with myself at this point. one of the main problems of quitting cold turkey (and i've seen you guys do this again and again), is that after a while, you break down, and then of course since you've "quit", when you DO break down, you treat the binge like it's going to be your last (which is diluded, but bear with me here), and eat everything in sight then throw it up 'till there's nothing left and you're reeling from the pain of forcing your little stomachs to push THAT much out. worse yet, once you've done the quit-then-breakdown cycle, your brain kinda goes "gee, well, i guess i'm NOT cured. may as well go out and buy that pizza i've been craving and throw that up too while i'm still in purge mode. that way i won't crave it anymore and be cured." and so on. one purge can easilly lead to many MANY more. i've "only" been bulimic for about a year and two months, but i've already been through that cycle PLENTY (and so has just about everyone here, from the sounds of it).

anyway, to reiterate, since neither of us is "cured" it would be self righteous to say one or the other is following the "correct" method here. all i know is that i'm obsessing less over binging and purging than i have been since i started this whole messy disorder and am finally feeling strong enough that the idea of beating this thing doesn't overwhelm me anymore. i will NOT be a bulimic for two years, and i don't think that's an unrealistic goal. i find your wanting me to dwell on the negatives of the occasional slip-up as opposed to the massive posatives of leading a happier life and those 13 out of 14 days where i don't throw up kinda damaging. i DO see where you're coming from, and agree with everything you've said about the physical drawbacks of ANY bulimia (in fact, i never denied them), but there's a bigger picture too. you seem to want this thing to be black-and-white (hence your desire for "confrontation"... it's like crying out "somebody tell me this is WRONG" -- meanwhile your husband probably just doesn't want to hurt you and confuse you further so he lets you deal with what is ultimately your problem alone, leaving you feeling betrayed because he's not seeing these absolute rights and wrongs the way you do), but i don't really know if it is as cut and dry as all that, BK. may just be a different point of view, but i truly think the psychology of bulimia is FAR too complex to break down into some Jedi vs. Sith version of "good vs. evil".

ergh. this is way too long. and i still have lots to say to the rest of you, but i gotta get going. i'll do it this evening though for sure.[/QUOTE]


I haven't posted here in a while, so I thought I'd stop in and say Hey...this post caught my eye. I don't want to get in the middle of an arguement (or a small rift, or disagreement, whatever it shall be called) but there are a few things that I definitely agreee with, Snitter....

Throwing up less IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.I think so many of us think that if we are throwing up at all, we aren't making progress.....and I like what you said about the cold turkey. You could have been talking about me, if you weren't....when I try and stop the bulimia all at once and say "I will never do this again", then I always rationalize that when I do binge it will be my last time, to "get it out of my system", and then I do end up eating everything in sight to the point where I feel like my stomache is literally going to explode. On these binges which are supposed to be my last, I eat 5 X more than I would if It was just an "ordinary" binge.
Being bulimic is being bulimic but who can deny that you less damage throwing up once a week or once a month compared to every day, or twice a day?? There is nothing wrong with feeling good about throwing up occassionally when you used to throw up every day. That's where I am now. I am on day 4 no binge. I feel pretty happy about that. I found out today that I have a slight problem with my heart, and guess what? I was SO HAPPY because now I feel that I have a real reason to stop!!! Twisted? Yah. But it stopped me from craving a binge. Now I am getting serious about my health.

I hope that we can all be supportive of one another. I know deep down we all care. Tomorrow is my birthday and I want to scream aloud "MY 22nd YEAR IS THE YEAR I WILL FINALLY GET THE COURAGE TO FACE MY BULIMIA". I don't to be one of those statistics that stay bulimic for 15-20 years or longer. I can't imagine being bulimic into my thirties. It makes me shudder to think.





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