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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Re: Fight Club!
Oct 9, 2005
Good morning Ladies,

[B]Natasha[/B], I am so sorry I forgot to include you yesterday. I hope you didn't feel like I was leaving you out on purpose, and I care so much about you and your progress, and I say kudos on your 3 days. Keep up the great work.

[B]Chrissy[/B] First of all, I am sorry that things are rough right now. You are going through a tough situation, but girl.....[B]Throw that darn scale away[/B] Anytime things are going to stress you out in your life, especially while in recovery, the firdt thing you are going to want to do is head towards the eating disorder. It is what you know and it is habit. However, you said that you were actually happy about the weight gain when you were feeling less stressed, but you felt out of control because your boyfriend is having troubles with his past amd your friend is very sick. I imagine if you were having a stress free day, and you hopped on that scale, you may not have freaked so much. What was freaking you out wasn't the weight, it was the CHAOS that you feel inside. Does this make sense to you? You can't control what is happening around you, so you want to control the eating and the weight. You took bad feelings and took them out on yourself when you need to find ways to direct those feelings where they belong.
In terms of your boyfriend having to go back to deal with his own past. Accept it. Just like we need to accept and deal with our pasts to move ahead to a brighter future, he must do the same thing. He ran away (as we do with our ed's), but he still has to face what he did and who he is in order to change. Only then will he truly be able to change.
I know it feels so crappy, because you want to walk the same path together, but you must stay on your path to recovery, and after he has resolved his issues, hopefully he will be able to meet up with you again on your path. If not, then you need to consider if you are really meant to be together. I learned this lesson yesterday, during Yoga. I hope it helps. You are beautiful and strong and I ams ending you extra support and cyberhugs today.

[B]Maggie[/B] So we are cool then right???????
I had a good day yesterday, another day with no B/Ps. After my Yoga class I had a holistic therapeutic massage at the studio. The therapist is convinced,and so am I that my back problems are being caused by the damage I have done to my abdominal muscles from purging for so long. Did I explain this yesterday? For those of you thinking that the purging won't harm you, read this please! There are trigger points all over the body that can cause pain in certain areas. A huge trigger area for the Thorasic back are Rectus Abdominus (upper abdominal muscles, under rib cage, around the liver and Gall baldder). The massage was done on my stomach, not my back and she said my abs were a mess, really tight, and when she pressed down in certain areas it sent referral pain to my back, where I have been hurting for so long. This opened up my eyes wider than ever. I mean all of my tests, the MRI, xrays, triple bone scan were normal, but the docs still diagnosed it as being a problem with my spine. When I do eat and don't purge, I have terrible stomach pain, heartburn etc. and the only reason I wasn't feeling it as much because was all the meds that I was on. Pain meds make you forget about pain, meds that cause mania do the same thing. I am off all pain meds, just down to Tylenol, and I am not even taking that today. I only seem to notice the burning back pain when I eat. I do however have pain form the procedure I had Aug. 12th that caused scar tissue to form on my spine and I am really wondering if all those injections and minimally invasive treatments were for nothing. I have to talk to the doc about this. He knows all about the bulemia but didn't think it was the cause. I am thinking it is. It makes me so afraid to purge. This is a huge turning point for me now, because I belived the back problem wasn't my fault, but now I do, and I have to accept what I have done to my body, and allow myself to heal both physically and mentally. I cannot purge anymore. My body can't take it.

I guess this just another example of how our eds really screw up our lives huh?

Love and strength to all of us today.
BKFREE :wave:

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