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Re: Fight Club!
Aug 18, 2005
Hey everyone!

Sorry I've been out of commission for the past few days. I've been super busy with work and rehearsal (my show opens next Friday!), and I haven't had time to write. I just caught up on all the posts and i've missed out on so much! Even though i want to respond to all of you with everything you've posted since i've last been here, i know that would make my message SUPER long, so i'll just do a little brief thing:

Anterrabrae -
Congratulations on eating more (like me!) I agree, it's SO much harder than I thought it would be! (even though i know this is what i want!) I feel like I'm always eating, I'm always full, I'm never hungry and therefore, I feel i'm eating too much and going to gain weight. It sucks, but I'm hoping it'll start feeling normal after a week or so. I just try to remind myself that *most* of the food I'm eating is healthy and nutritious, so it's okay that it seems like a lot to me, because it's good for my body.
p.s.- I know what you mean about the PopTarts! for me it's packaged hostess chocolate donuts! totally retarded, but i'm WAY more comfortable with those than going out and getting bakery donuts! congrats though on expanding the food choices . . . we've gotta start somewhere!

Music Note -
Sorry your having such a rough time with SI. I know it seems embarrasing to you, but remember that we will NEVER judge you. we just want you to be happy and healthy! congrats on eating more, and i'm sure the diarrhea will pass ("pass," lol!). i've been going #2 a lot more lately too! (i think it's because i'm eating more . . . at least i hope that's all it is!)

Bkfree -
girl, you've posted so much, i don't even know where to start! i want to respond to them all, but i'm forcing myself to be relatively brief: HUGE congrats on breakfast! i'm so proud of you, especially because you chose carbs. those really are the BEST thing to have before exercise, because they're what fuels your body. if you don't eat some carbs before AND after exercise, you can do some damage to your body, so nice work, girl! As far as the milk of magnesia, if you don't think it's purging (which i think you don't), then neither do i. as long as it doesn't become habit, it's fine once every few months or whatever, whenever you *need* it. to keep yourself regular, try to eat lots of fiber and small meals throughout the day . . . i know it's what they always say, but it really helps me go "#2." try fruits with skin, veggies, oats, whole grains, potatoes with skin, and also make sure you get enough fat. all the fiber foods help a ton, but i find that, when i don't have enough fat, i still have troubles! good luck!

Maggie -
In terms of your first meal, try to think of it as light nourishment because you haven't eaten in 8 hours and your body needs some fuel to wake up. (i feel like that sounds dopey, because i'm sure you've heard it a million times.) also, it WILL jump start your metabolism, which is great! I'd stick to healthy and light foods until you get used to it, and also consider breaking "breakfast" into two small meals throughout the morning. then maybe you won't dread the first "half" so much.

Snitter -
i never noticed you screwed up my name, so no biggie! glad you're back. i know it's hard to do ANYTHING when you're feeling down, but remember, we love you!

Anyway, i've gotta stop, this is too long! but i just wanted you all to know i've missed you and i've been thinking about you! have a good, ed-free day!
Re: Fight Club!
Sep 28, 2005
Good morning Ladies,
Wow I have so much to say to everybody , and not just about me, which means the Fight Club is strong again. When everybody kind of diappeared, [B](myself included, and oh by the way Snitter, you haven't posted much lately, and you are the team captain)[/B] I think we all felt a sense of not being worthy enough for the Fight Club because we were all backstepping. The whole point of this is that it is a FIGHT which means it is not easy. Even if everyone of us wasn't able to have a good day for a month, it would still be so important to come here and listen to eachother. We all know what we need to do, and if we try to help others like that then we help ourselves right? I finf when I offer advive or just give some support to you guys, I feel more encouraged, and especially less ashamed and alone which is exactly what the ED is based on and causes right?
Okay now to respond to each of you.
[B]Lauren[B] I think it is wonderful that you are a cat person. I have 3 cats too, 2 who are brothers are 10 years old and the third is 8 years old. The fact that I have been able to take care of them for so long is a pretty amazing thing. I think getting a new kitten is good because it brings out the nurturing side of you and studies have shown when you nurture someone, human or animal, you are more likely to nurture yourself. Two of my cats constantly get hairballs and it is such an issue for me because it upsets me. I tell them they are bullemic and when it happens I start to get really annoyed that I have to clean it up, and I nkow what really upsets me is that it just makes me think of my own "hairball" problem. Interestingly, when I do better with my eating the cats seem to get a lot less hairballs. especially the fat one who is my "baby", a real momma's cat. Do you think they feed off our energies???? I don't know.
Another issue you mentioned was the still being hungry after eating. Well that means that you are not eating enough, and you are totally setting yourself up for a binge. I am trying to practice Ayurvedic nutrition/Fitness amd I learned that if you eat the right carbs (ie; gluten wheat free, high fiber, low sugar, low glycemic), then you feel more full and especially satisfied. I see a major difference in the urge to binge if I actually eat the right amount and the right kinds of foods. Google Ayurveda, find out what your predominant dosha is and then you can learn which foods will actually make you feel better. I swear by this approach. Yestererday after my first Yoga class, I went to a health market and had a soy protein fruit smoothie and half a vegetarian spinach wrap. I felt full after and normally the fullness is totally what I can't tolerate, ut the type of food I ate did something to my mind and body (combined with the wonderful realxed peace of mind from Yoga) that satisfied me both physically and mentally. I absiloutely kept it down. Sorry this is so long to you, but I have a lot to say. Later after I finish answering others posts I will then talk about the bad parts of the day. I am trying to listen first, then talk. I tend to get to self absorbed most of the time and only think of me.
[/B]Jonistyle, Did you ask about Yoga yet? I reccomend [B]Hatha Yoga[/B] (the combo of posture, breathwork and meditation to relive stress and attain deeper levels of inner peace and mental clarity) or [B]Kundalini Yoga[/B], this one helps to develop a stronger sense of well being and emotional balance. I have been practicing on myown for 2 months and took my first class yesterday. It was the most awesome experience I have ever had. I even cried afterwards, and the instructor said it was because I had released stress and bad emotion from my body and mind. It was one of those good cries. In the morning though before the class, I was so nevous, most likey about looking stupid, failing, actually accomplishing something I wanted to do for so long, that I ended up bingeing in the morning. I have always been afraid of accomplishment and my mo is to sabotage myself and I am sure that is what happened. I am really trying hard this week to identify and really understand the triggers. After Yoga I did so much better with my eating.
[B]Chrissy[/B] As I just talked about with Jonistyle I absolutely relate to the "running" coping skill. I used to believe that every time I was hitting a rock bottom, or getting close that if my atmosphere or, my man, or my job, etc. changed, then I would cahne, so I would run. About 13 years ago i ahd tried out for this dance company and 200 people tried out and only 12 made it and I made it. After finding out, 2 days later I packed up all of what I could fit in to my car and drove to Colorado in 48 hours from New York (where I used to live). I think I learned to run from my Dad, who made me go to Junior college when I didn'r feel like I was ready. He said if I just left my town and got away from my mom, everything would change. It didn't. I kept running for so many years after that. But we pack our troubles with us when we run don't we? Do you fear accomplisment too? I know you love the feeling of performing and doing a great job and rececving that sense of accomplishment from the crowd. I love it too, but most of the times I am so afraid to fail, that I just sabotage myself, like I did before Yoga yesterday.
[B]Maggie[/B] Don't rue your life. Be grateful for today. Be grateful for each moment that you feel peace, no pain, have a good meal, smile. Try to take all that you do one moment at a time. Yesterday after my first Yoga class, I told the instructor I wished I had started this years ago, and she stopped me abruptly but calmy and told me those words. Be garteful for what you have found now, and the more grateful you become each moment, each day, the less you will rue the past. Wait a second, I have been trying to keep up with everything you guys have written and I think I messed up my notes and may have meant to say that to Jonistyle. It applies to all of us.
Also Maggie[B]"isn't awful when something that isn't terribly harmful gets taken away and then ED just has to step it up a notch, oh YUCK[/B] I know you guys think I am crazy for taking the Rhodiola again, but when I take it and I get what the doctors call "mania", I eat exceptionally well, I accomlpish so much that I want to do, my menory improves, my overall sense of well being improves, I post on the boards more, an I feel happy. Isn't that what we are all trying to achive, plus the "mania" makemy back feel better. When caffeine, Leanfire, Ultracet were all taken away, and I was pit on antipsychotics, antiepiletics, etc. my life felt worse then ever. I had the most awful side effects bith physically and mentally and that is when the ed got really bad again and I disappeared from the boards for a while. I stopped all that crappy medication, have limited myself to 1 cup of 50%less caffeinated coffee in the am, 1 Rhodiola pill and valium to sleep at night, which gived me no side effects. The downside is that the back pain has been so severe so I have to take Ultracet again, and that brings out the mania, but it gives me such control. I did read that one side effect of Ultracet is a "false sense of well being", so that did make me think. Belive me if I had no back pain, I wouldn't take it. I don't take drugs just to feel a high, at least not anymore (I used to. ) I don't even drink alcohol, I wen to the Neuro on Monday and said I needed my Valium refilled and he said he wanted me to stop it and try a different Benzo for nighttime. He gave me Klonopin and I tried it last night and I was feeling pretty good, had eaten a second really healthy meal, then it gave me a huge headache, took all the mania away and I ended up totally bingeing. This is a good med? I am really confused about the way the docs want to treat me, because what they want me to take makes my ed worse and when I am manic (as you guys can probably tell for how much I have been writing) my eating is perfect. In fact yesterday I got in to a fight w my husband and that didn't even cause me to binge, which is the biggest trigger of them all. But 3 hours later I take Klonopin and bingo, bullemia city? The neuro wants me to try Traleptal(sp?) He said it is good for Bipolar and nerve pain. Can you see my apprehension? Anybody know anything about it?
Okay thta's it for now, too much of me being a cyber hog bit I am trying really hard to delve into the "real issues" and not just the behaviors.
As we say in Yoga, "Namaste"
LOVE BKFREE :rolleyes: :confused: :wave:

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