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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Hi everyone.
i dont know where to start really apart from i cant handle feeling like this any more, and dont know what to do. i dont actually know if i have the disorder or if it's a totally different problem.
I do know how i feel about myself, and i totally hate the way i feel, i feel fat, ugly and such a bad person. i am getting so depressed, well have been for a while i think. I am constantly thinking about my weight, from the moment i wake to the moment i put my head down to sleep. i look in the mirror always and just see fat. some days i might think a part of me might look ok. i am always grabbing at my fleash, wanting it to all be gone. i have even thought of self removal but to scared.i want to make myself trow up but im to profectic to even do that as i have a fobia. i am constanly watching what im eating, and always feel guitly when i do,i have taken laxatives to help remove weight. I also use to weigh myself nearly every day. but haven't had the guts to do it lately. the last time i weighed myself i was 7st 8lb, i am 5ft 2ins. I do try and exercise but really i just dont have the energy, and it dont seem to work.

I have tryed to talk to certain family members about my problem, but they just tell me to shut up and stop being stupid. this makes me feel worse. but lately it's starting to effect the way i feel towards my hubby to be,. i dont trust him, and i feeling totally insecure. i keep thinking he's going to find a slimmer prettier woman, one that dont keep on about her weight. I feel totally ugly and un sexy towards him. he dont even look at me anymore when i undress. the compliments have stopped. yet he says its cos i always laugh at him and am in denial when he tells me so.he tells me he loves me but i cant beleive him. I due to marry him next june. and i dont know if i go do it, not because i dont love him, i do so much, it hurts, but because i dont want to look fat in my wedding dress.

I feel like im being so stupid telling people my problem, but i no longer know what to do, and want to talk to people going through the same experience as me.

can anyone help? Tina.

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