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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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hi i am back. thanks maggie, i do agree, its just when people start telling you, you are stupid, i think you start believing it. It is great talking to all you guys, i know you all understand, and you all give great advice. I am really trying to listen to you all. i went to the doctors today and nearly spoke to him about the way i feel, cos i thought my tonsilitus had came back. but he had a student in there, i also had my daughter with me, so i couldnt talk with her being there. but as i were even thinking of telling him, my heart started racing and i came over all nervous. but at least i was a step closer.

~~~~~hi selldom sick~~~~~~,thank you also for writing to me and sharing your illness me. I do give out my heart to all of you, i have been reading some of your boards and really feel for you all. but we are all in this together. and i do appreciate all of you veiws and concern.
i have made myself sick a couple of times in the past months, i was drinking, and felt i could easilly do, so i did, it gave me the guts to do it and not care. but i do have a fobia of being sick so normally i wouldnt dare, but the thought does cross my mind. but im not brave enough. i dont think you can call it brave really, can you? I am always thinking of food to, always, i hate it, i dont want to be thing of food. i hate food. i am bored of food, i only eat because if i dont i feel ill, and get the shakes and so i eat because i want my daughter to have a good attitude toward food, shes really fussy as it is, dont like this, dont like that. but i will take laxatives now and then but sometimes i have to, i also have IBS, i have had it for years, and i get really consitpated and servely bloated that i look like im 6 months pregnant, honestly! i have got my parnter to take a photo of my stomache when it bloats like that, dont ask me why... and when my tummy does this i cant handle looking like this, it gets me down.
I also have just changed my pill over to cos i have break through bleeding quit alot, and the pill im on now has made me gain abit of weight and i cant shift it. as i have mentioned i was 7st 4lbs at christmas,and i really want to drop my weight back down to this again. well i am going to be honest, if i had my way.i would like to be a size 6. but i think my body wont allow me because of my body frame.but i have changed my pill hoping i will loose some weight,but knowing my luck, ill put it on.

Im having a bad week this week, i really feeling fat!!!!!! im trying to ignore these feelings, but finding it very hard. i have been trying nearly every top that i have in my wardrobe and tooken it off because i just felt fat it in, and they make me look awful, am i the one one that has this problem or do you guys have this to????
I just wish i could have the perfect body that i want in my head. i wish i could be taller to, but that aint going to happen either.

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