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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

People are trying to help but it is really difficult to help you right now. It’s easy to see how critical you are - and difficult to understand how others you live with you can’t see that you are in trouble. It is frustrating and frightening to see your anguish and you asking for help but not really listening to the help. But then again that could be exactly where your ED wants you to be - all alone thinking you have no option but to keep starving yourself. You DO have options. You CAN pull yourself out of this. It will be hard. You will have to gain weight and that probably scares you. Remember that’s the disease - a morbid fear of gaining weight - not you.

A month ago you said “I used to think I could stop being Anorexic whenever I truly wanted to but now I see that it's not that easy, because it has so much more control over me than I thought” Yes, it is controlling you and making it difficult to recover. You have to find strength to beat this. If praying helps you, then pray for the strength to do what is necessary to get better.

You are starving yourself and scared and maybe you’re not really convinced that your life is at risk (back in August you said “I am young so I should be able to Recover without any major health complications.” ) You cant recover if your heart stops - and at your current weight that is what you are risking. You have no fat left on your body - you are probably losing heart muscle fibre and your brain is shrinking. Your heart rate has likely slowed. Your period has stopped. You may start growing “fur” to keep you warm. But maybe there’s nothing more scary to you than gaining weight - this disease is cruel. You have to try to think straight and be determined to get better. And, you will have to come to grips with your fear. Choose to live.

Others are right when they say you need help. You cannot survive on the amount that you are eating. When a person is addicted to drugs or alcohol - there is a de-tox period that is really hard to get through. After starving for so long, it will be hard for you to get through the first few days/weeks of eating. You should go to a hospital and let them help you. At your current weight, you would be admitted if you went to the emergency ward. You’ve said that your parents can’t afford help. Have you told your parents you need help? Arent there public clinics you can go to? Your church is poor - but have you talked to someone there? - maybe they have contacts that can help. Call the school and go to the guidance teacher. Your life is at stake. Don’t keep making excuses for why you cant ask for help. Ask anyone, use the email, phone a help line - if you really want to find help for yourself you can.

If you’re convinced that you are all alone and have to do it yourself - then you know what you have to do. Choose to live. You have to urgently start eating more and you’ll have to overcome physical discomfort and deal with your fears. Food is your medicine. Gaining weight means you are getting better. Don’t let the disease convince you otherwise.

Make up a meal plan then write it down and follow it. Even if you eat the same thing everyday. Eat 5-6 times a day - 3 meals and 2-3 snacks. Drink milk with your meals. You need to drink water too. Start with small meals and keep adding. What you experienced in your Aug 6 post was what you will have to deal with. Scary as it is, gaining weight is a good thing for you. You also may be bloated - your stomach will feel like a balloon. You may be constipated. Maybe stomach pains. You might feel full and not hungry. You’ll be miserable. Keep taking your “medicine”. Your body has to recover from a starvation state - this will be your “detox” period. You have to get past it to really start recovering.

It may help to buy some meal replacements products from your pharmacy, eg, Ensure, or Nutren (about 250 cals not 100). You can take these along with or to replace one of your meals ( as medicine). Set a goal - you should be eating around 2000 calories a day - obviously not this week - but that is where you want to get (in a month?). Your mind will make this goal really hard to keep - stay focussed. Don’t convince yourself that 700 cal a day is good - you cant live on that amount - that is good progress but you need to get to 1200 asap and move up from there. Yes recovery takes a long time but you are dangerously low in weight. All this said, refeeding can be dangerous and as everyone has said, it would be better to get help and do it under a doctor’s care.

You know it is worth the fight. This disease can be beaten. Don’t let yourself be a victim. You can do this. No one can help you unless you help yourself.

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