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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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i am a recovering anorexic, and ill try to answer your question as best as i can. to be honest, now i eat normally and i can hardly understand myself how i used to be able to control myself so much and eat barely anything.
anyway i think that, for me, just the sight of the numbers on the scale dropping lower and lower and seeing how thin i was getting motivated me enough to have the strength to continue starving myself. obviously, the more you starve, the more weight you lose, and the more weight you lose, the more weight you WANT to lose because it's such a great feeling to lose weight and you wouldnt want to have that feeling ever go away.
in fact, now i find it nearly impossible to supress my appetite, whereas in the old days i found it the easiest thing in the world. anorexics grow to love that empty, hungry feeling. it makes them feel so great, strong, in control, powerful. now when im hungry, i eat and eat, but in the old days, even when i was extremely hungry, id rather do anything in the world but eat.
it's sort of hard to explain
Heya. Sounds like you are really struggling with your eating disorder. I never realized just how close BED was to bulimia. Actually, your behavior sounds very bulimic, but instead of vomiting or using laxitives, your method of purging is by restricting the next few days. I was a lot like that a few months back.. I'd restrict all week and then I'd visit with my boyfriend on the weekends. Because I didn't want him to be worrying about my eating habits, I'd start to eat normally on the weekends for him.. but because I was starving, I'd end up bingeing. I guess for me, I was able to make it through my restriction days because starving kind of dazed me out. I was really depressed, didn't know how to deal with it, and starving sort of separated me from it.. kind of like I was watching my life happen through a thick pane of glass. And I found it easy to ignore the big problems I had going on in my life because my entire day was reduced to the numbers on the scale, the calories in my soup, the minutes until I could eat again, the hours I slept at night. It's definitely a very bad coping mechanism. Just like binge eating is. That's the best I can explain it.

I don't know if you've tried.. but I have learned that the best way to avoid binge eating is to get regular proper nutrition in the first place. By dieting after a binge, you are setting yourself up for another binge because 400-500 calories is starving yourself and eventually your body will over-rule your mind. It sounds like what you're doing is not just "emotional eating", but it's also very physiological. And I know it's hard and you'll be terrified of gaining weight.. but next time after a binge you could try to not diet the next days. Just try to shake it off as a bad episode and don't let it ruin the rest of your week. Try to eat normally, healthfully, and with a few treats too (I love ice cream and try to make sure I get some of that every day as a treat). You might find that by doing this, you won't have binge eating episodes as often and maybe will be able to ignore the urge when it comes. Heh, it's a very rocky road.. I've stumbled more than I can say. But it's worth a try if it means you can find a way out of that vicious cycle.

Thanks for your replies guys. I really never considered myself bulimic, I do have some certain traits of it, but I literally have every trait of an emotional binge eater, so I definetly consider myself that. I did read that a lot of binge eaters aren't obese because they go back and fourth on strict diets and thats exactly what I do. And the thing is I am trying to lose weight fast, so even though I know eating "normally" will maybe help me stop bingeing...I just can't do it. I am either on an intense diet, and if I eat like a few calories over it I totally say "***** it" and binge on everything. Their is no in between. If I weren't in such a rush to once and for all lose weight, maybe I would be able to eat normally. Except I have tried to do the old lose 1-2 pounds a week, and I go NUTS. I have panic attacks and become so depressed and anxious because it takes too long to lose weight that way. And I honestly can't do it. I have gained probably 7 pounds this WEEK, but I know I will lose it again...and then gain it and then lose it. I am just hoping that this time I get to my goal weight. God this is so hard to deal with every day!

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