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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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I don't mean to lecture. Or sound condescending.

Three years ago, I was where many of you are right now. I was in the midst of an eating disorder. I was 20 years old. I was depressed. I couldn't focus on my college classes, I couldn't hold a full time job. I was told over and over again how smart and pretty I was, but I didn't believe it.

I only believed three things: I was fat. I was ugly. And I felt out of control.

The only way I felt I could gain control was through my eating. I had never been athletic in highschool. I was always more brainy- I opted out of taking gym classes to take more math classes instead. I always felt at odds with my body- I wasn't overweight, but close to it. I was an emotional over eater, a habit which I had picked up from my mom.

So I stopped eating. I did this for about six months. 40 lbs flew off, and I was soon down to 90 lbs- not good on my 5'2" frame. I looked like walking death. I couldn't function normally- I didn't have enough energy. Most of my friends freaked out and dropped me.

I then began a bout of bingeing, as that normally occurs when the body has gone for too long without proper nutrition. To counteract the bingeing, I began purging. I wasn't a "regular" purger- I did it mostly through laxatives and exercise. If I threw up, it was maybe once a week. If even that. Sometimes, I would go months without throwing up.

I finally began recovering from my ED about a year later. I was confronted by a close sibling of mine- she was afraid I was going to die. It took some time, but through proper eating and exercise (not over exercising!) I began to become healthier and view my body as no longer being the enemy.

Fast forward to now- almost three years after I have begun recovery. I still have my moments- everyone does. My moments where I feel fat, or I regret eating a slice of cake. But that's normal life, and I quickly snap out of it. I'm now 115 lbs at 5'2", and have worked hard to rebuild the muscle I have lost at the gym. I workout regularly- about 4 or 5 times a week. Things have changed [U][I]a lot [/I][/U] for me, and most people that meet me now have no idea what I went through just 3 years ago.

The hardest thing I've ever had to do was tell my fiance about it. i thought he would run away. But actually, I told him about it, he thanked me for telling him...and proposed a few days later. He's been wonderfully supportive about it.

However, this isn't exactly a fairy tale ending. There is one lasting repercussion. The one thing I thought would never EVER happen to me.

My teeth are now extremely messed up. Yes. I've read horror stories from girls who have had bulimia and have had dental issues since- I thought it couldn't happen to me. I have impeccable dental hygiene. I brush two (sometimes three!) times a day. I floss everyday. I get compliments on what a lovely smile I have. I used to have great teeth.

I didn't make myself throw up...that much. Right?

Wrong. It was enough.

I've had nearly $10,000 in dental work done (all in the form of root canals and crowns from decay) in the past year. Insurance only covered $1500 of it.

Guess who has to cover the rest?

And I will need some more work done in the future.

This is one of those things I never EVER thought would happen to me. NEVER. EVER. But it doesn't take much, you guys. The combination of having poor nutrition for a year, along with the few bouts of purging...ruined my teeth. This is something I will be paying for for a very long time. It's hard to realize that I've essentially paid a new car...for my teeth.

I hope all of you get the help you need, and realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My dental bills will get paid (there's loans for these types of things), and life will go on. But it's an expense I would have rather gone without. Here's just my warning to you...





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