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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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[QUOTE=bkfree]I too made food my only friend, and bulemia is no friend, an enemy actually. I too know all about nutrtion and what vitmins we need. The part you said about making up for what you lose after a binge with salt etc. Don't kid yourself, that really doesn't help your body.
In terms of the slip tonight, it doesn't mean that you failed at all. When I first started recovery and I went almost a month without purging and then purged I rebounded really well from it. But then I wasn't rebounding, one bite of an"unsafe" food triggered this ****it attitude and I allowed myself to go all out. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can pick yourself up at anytime and try again, whether it be one week later, one day later, one hour later or 10 minutes later. I am taking my recovery now in the tiniest of steps, and I think it is the only way to be succcessful. Keep trying okay?
Did you ever stop to wonder if your Bulemia causes and most certainly prolongs you CFS?
Did you ever think to stop taking supplements and use healthy food as your vitamins? You say you are afraid to die, then look at eating healthy as something you absolutely must do or you will die. Tell yourself that when you start to binge. Right it down all over the walls if you have too.
You have friends here, especially me, but you need to get out into the world and connect with someone. I would suggest Yoga. I am so in to it and it is amazing. Plus if you take a class, you will meet others who are trying to achieve and/or already have achived balnce in body and soul.
I actually think that you hate the lonliness that you have created for yourself, in fact is not being able to deal with that lonliness that makes you bp. I am only guessing because we are so much alike. I had told myself for years and years that I didn't need friends, that I prefer to be alone, but it is quite the opposite. What I desire the most is connection. It is just so much easier to connect to staying sick, becasue in our minds it is less risky then trying to make new friends. We can hurt ourselves with our illness before others can?????I have wasted so much of my life on this disorder and have felt that I have missed so many opportunities but I haven't given up and I know if I am healthy I can live a long life without regret. You don't want to die with regret in your heart, and this bulemia won't kill you as fast as yu think but your medical problems will get so much worse as you get older, and you get more responsibility. There is an enormous world out there for us. Take tiny little steps and just try to explore it, try to find the things that give you an identity. Your ed numbs you physically and mentally. What kinds of hobbies do you like or did you like? Try something totally new, and you may just discover a reason to be healthier. That is what happened with Yoga. I rented a dvd off Netflix, did the tape alone and the next thing you know I have found something so wonderful and after a couple of months I took my first class. The people and the energy was so great, and the best thing about Yoga, you cannot fail.[/QUOTE]

Despite my bad night last night...I feel OK today. The sun is shining. I didn't die.Yipee!!!
I actually DO eat healthy foods. Although I still throw up, I am much better than I was a year ago because a year ago I ONLY ate when I was going to throw up. Now I eat breakfast, and dinner, and healthy good foods too and also snacks. Fruits, proteins, stuff with lots of calcicum and potassium. So I have come far from where I was a year ago. It is getting to the point now where I binge at night when 70 % of the time I am not even hungry. I just need to "feed my feeling", ya know??? THAT is what I need help with. Dealing with being alone with myself and my thoughts without stuffing them down with food. I am not really afraid of food anymore. I can eat. I just am still obsessed with stuffing myself with cakes and cookies and candies and pizzas at night time. "A PARTY OF ONE" Since I am alone most the time. I mean my parents are home, but I still feel alone.
Ya, I am sure my CFS is worse because of the bulimia. I actually developed it long ago when I was bulimic but then got better,and got sick again about a year ago at the height of my bulimia, when I was also going through a terrible breakup with a man, and I am sure I was so physically and emotionally wrecked that my predisposition or tendancy towards CFS got triggered. It is hell and so many people have it worse than me, people who are otherwise healthy (i.e. not making themselves puke). Sometimes I feel like all odds are stacked against me, like taunting me to fail because it would be so much easier...however, I sense that if I don't fail, and come through and fight, maybe there is something bright and wonderful on the other side of the rainbow (Somewhere, over the rainbow, where birds......) :) :) :) :)

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