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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Wow, Joanna, I can't believe how hard it is for you to gain weight!!! But, as you said before, you have always been thin and have been able to eat whatever you want, so I'm sure your metabolism is naturally very high. AND, if it's in hypermetabolic mode then it is even higher right now!
I can't imagine feeling frustrated with not being able to gain weight, but now that you mention it, I can see how it would be hard to not be able to face that fear when you're ready to. It's almost like you just want to get it over with! Just know that you're lucky that you didn't damage your metabolism permanently (b/c it's definitely working) and that sooner or later everything will even out. You won't gain 10lbs all at once, either. What is your weight right now? If you got on the scale in 2 days and weighed 3 lbs more would you freak out? You can't let yourself b/c you never know how the weight is going to come on and sometimes it will fluctuate like crazy. Your body has been messed up for a long time and it is still trying to trust the fact that you are going to keep on feeding it!

So I'm seeing that nutritionist on monday. I'm really excited, actually. It's weird b/c on days when I do "good" (according to my ED), I don't want a meal plan at all (yeah right I'm eating a bar after a huge turkey avocado sandwich at lunch!!), but then days when I do "badly" (according to my ED - like today), I DO want a meal plan b/c I figure I would feel better to indulge within guidelines than to indulge on my own terms. Does that make any sense? Today when I woke up from a nap around 4pm I was totally craving chocolate (this is becoming a habit - but I AM supposed to get my period)...Anyway, I ate a chocolate covered pretzel stick and a Godiva chocolate chew - that's probably a total of at least 300 or 350 calories just in chocolate. I feel bad about it and would have rather "had" to eat a bar or something of that same caloric amount. My first instinct is to restric tonight for dinner or workout tomorrow morning or restrict tomorrow, but I know that I CANNOT do that. Or at least I SHOULD not do that. Is it ok to have treats like that chocolate on a daily basis - and I don't mean just while I'm trying to gain weight - I mean for a normal weight person. I just don't know what is NORMAL!!! When you see a thin, normal girl walking down the street, don't you sometimes wonder what she does? Does she even work out? Does she work out everyday? Does she eat breakfast? What does she eat for breakfast? Does she eat when she's not hungry sometimes? Does she eat chocolate after dinner? I WONDER these things...!

Anyway, sorry to go off on that tangent. Hope I helped you with my advice in the beginning. Talk to you sooN!

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