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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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i know that intellectually nobody can hurt me unless i let them, but it's so hard to really believe. i feel like if i hurt myself, then it wont really matter what anybody else throws at me because i have already done much worse to myself. its not that i intend to do this everytime i throw up or undereat or whatever, but i know its true.

i almost feel like i don't "deserve" to have an eating disorder. because i never really had anything traumatic happen. i wasnt abused-physically or emotionally. i didnt lose a parent or close friend. my mother was just diet obsessed and i fell into it too. i can remember feeling fat as early as 9 years old. since then i've always been aware of calories and dieting and exercising to lose weight. i started throwing up the same year that i started applying and preparing to be an exchange student. and last year i was an exchange student and my eating disorder was mainly overeating and undereating. and now i'm back home and it's been back to binging and purging and undereating. i've fluctuated between about 38 lbs...148-186. I feel almost like I haven't had enough traumatic experiences to "qualify" for an eating disorder.
[QUOTE=mandabear]i know that intellectually nobody can hurt me unless i let them, but it's so hard to really believe. i feel like if i hurt myself, then it wont really matter what anybody else throws at me because i have already done much worse to myself. its not that i intend to do this everytime i throw up or undereat or whatever, but i know its true.

i almost feel like i don't "deserve" to have an eating disorder. because i never really had anything traumatic happen. i wasnt abused-physically or emotionally. i didnt lose a parent or close friend. my mother was just diet obsessed and i fell into it too. i can remember feeling fat as early as 9 years old. since then i've always been aware of calories and dieting and exercising to lose weight. i started throwing up the same year that i started applying and preparing to be an exchange student. and last year i was an exchange student and my eating disorder was mainly overeating and undereating. and now i'm back home and it's been back to binging and purging and undereating. i've fluctuated between about 38 lbs...148-186. I feel almost like I haven't had enough traumatic experiences to "qualify" for an eating disorder.[/QUOTE]

Manda- I know exactly what you mean. I felt the same way. Nothing tramatic ever happened to me. I have the best parents in the world, have lived a very comfortable life, have been give most of everything I have ever wanted, have been loved and cared for. So why did I develope an ED? What right did I have to develope a disorder when I had been given all the advantages in life?
Because I just never liked myself. I never thought other people liked me. I did not feel worthy. I thought I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, ect...
Nothing tramatic or bad has to happen to you for you to develope and ED!
If had been a princess living in a castle somewhere (Like Princess Di, who had bulimia) I still would have developed bulimia because I did not know how to communicate my feelings. I ate and threw up because I was sad, lonely, angry, ect.
ED's don't disciminate, anyone can develope one.





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