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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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These past few days haven't been very good for me. I'm still counting cals, thinking about food all the time, and obsessing about my weight. I'm beginning to think though that I eat too much. I eat around 2000-2400 cals a day approx. Maybe sometimes a little less. BUT I'm only 5'1" and am now 108lbs. Yeah, I've gained 3 pounds in like 2 weeks and that had REALLY got me down. I held my weight at 105 for quite sometime and now all of the sudden the scale jumped 3 pounds. Most of my jeans are so tight I won't even wear them....I just feel terrible!!! And the thing is I really haven't changed the way I've eaten. Maybe I'm not quite as restrictive, but still isn't a 3 pound jump a bit much? I'm now worried of course that the scale will just keep going up and up and not stop until I'm grossly overweight. This is so hard for me because I don't want to be fat, but I also don't want to have an ED anymore. What do I do?? Is 108 at 5'1" really ok? Of course to me it seems like too much. Also something I still don't understand is why I still don't have periods. I know I have enough body fat and I weigh enough now, but still no periods. I'm kind of starting to wonder though if it really has anything to with my ED. My body has been messed up ever since I had my daughter 19 months ago. But my ED got bad right after she was born. I was 115 right after she was born. I weighed 125 at the end of my pregnancy. Then by the time she was 5 months old I was more like 95lbs. Then probably only about a month later I was down to 92lbs and I looked really really bad. So maybe it does have alot to do with my ED. I mean I did lose more than 20lbs in 6 months time and I wasn't even the least bit overweigh to begin with. I don't know what it wrong with me. I just want to be normal again. I don't want to have to worry about calories, my weight, food....but I don't know how to stop. Sometimes I wonder if I even can. And to top everything off, today is my 21st birthday. I have to be feeling like this on my birthday! Hopefully my day will get better. I doubt it though because I have to work all day and I absolutely hate my job. Anyway, thanks for listening. Any advice or reassurance is appreciated. :)
I know that I'm not overweight and I agree that I am still thin. I just don't like the way the scale has been climbing here lately, that's all. I should just throw the d*mn thing away!! I did go see a gyno here awhile back and she did blood tests on me to check my horomones and thyroid. Everything came back normal. At that time I think I was still around 100lbs or so and told her that I had been struggling with an ED. She told me when I gained some more weight my periods should come back and be normal. Well, I have gained more weight, 8 pounds since then and still nothing. I think I will make another appt with her. Because something isn't right. I know I weigh enough now and have enough body fat to have periods. Anyway, thanks for the reply! I am feeling a little better today. But today is a good day...that doesn't mean anything for tomorrow. I can't wait to be completely over not have my ED anymore and to just be normal. I WILL beat this!!

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