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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

dawg, thanks. it DID feel good to feel "normal" and assume "maybe i ate more, maybe not, but I DON'T CARE!" (even though i did care, or rather, Ed did care. but fake it till you make it, i guess!) i just figure the more you do it, the easier it becomes, you know? i happen to have this absolute FEAR of restaurants, but i figure the more i eat at them, the easier it'll get.

in terms of sticking to your meal plan, i have no other advice except DO IT. there really isn't any abstract science behind it, you know? and there's no way to have a holistic, "feel good" approach. you just do it. you plan your day so you eat "x" at 9am and "y" at 11:30am and "z" at 12:30pm, etc. and then you just barge ahead and do it. you probably WILL feel like sh** and be totally anxious and crabby, but i am living proof that those feeling pass. every single time we'd increase my meal plan, i'd be a nervous anxious wreck for about three days, but i'd just do it, and then lo and behold! i wouldn't even be thinking about it by day four. sure i'd still feel fat and all that but the new "habit" would be formed and i'd no longer second guess it. so my advice (and it really IS as simple as this): Turn off your emotions, turn off your mental nervousness voice and listen to ONE voice: the one that says pick up that fork and put that into your mouth. i didn't say that as clearly as i meant, but i hope you get it. you MUST force yourself to commit the physical act of eating at the appointed times regardless of what ALL those feelings and voices inside you say. that's really all it is. you just do it!

okay, so now for the important stuff. i'm VERY glad you called the clinic and have an appointment this thursday. now you've got a big challenge ahead of you and i can tell that Ed is already shakin' in his boots and trying to yank you away from your commitment to recovery. you may have to fight Ed more in these next four days than you've ever fought him before, but i KNOW you can win this battle. you know who wants you to wear heavy clothing? Ed. you know who's DESPERATE to gain as much as possible in the next four days? Ed. Why? cuz Ed doesn't want you to recover and leave him.

NO MATTER WHAT, do not A) wear heavy clothes for the weigh in or B) stuff yourself for the next four days so hopefully you're carrying enough water weight to get outpatient treatment. how on earth is any of that gonna help YOU get better??? please examine this deeply, as i'm worried you may miss your chance for recovery if you give in to Ed again. I KNOW that you have major obstacles to inpatient, but honey, if they recommend that, how can you refuse? you know what it means? it means that your body is SO close to giving up and not being able to LIVE anymore, that they NEED to get you in a hospital asap to make sure they can keep you living and healthy for your children to grow up. PLEASE try to see it this way. i know inpatient is gonna majorly shake up your life, but if doctors are telling you to do it, it means that NOT doing it is a serious risk to your health.

here's what i want you to do: for the next four days, stick to your meal plan as best you can. try not to skimp on it, but don't stress if you do. on the other side of that, DO NOT go hog wild on food for the next four days, k? when you go to the appointment, wear NORMAL clothes. this will be REALLY hard to do, but maybe have your husband or one of your kids pick out your outfit for that day. if you don't want to tell them why, say its "just for fun." they'll pick something weather-appropriate and "normal" and then all you gotta do is put it on. you don't even have to think about it. otherwise, FORCE yourself (just like i do everyday with my meal plan) to wear a normal outfit. if Ed is too loud and you still can't pick something, then re-wear what you wore on Wednesday. (i guarantee they won't care if it's dirty!) so two down, one to go, right? IF they tell you that you need inpatient, explain to them all the reasons that you feel you cannot go inpatient. then LISTEN to their reply, really listen. if they convince you, then just DO IT! i know you can. otherwise, try to find a compromise with them (maybe just one week inpatient, you could do that, right?), but DO NOT leave without some form of treatment set up, okay?

stay on here a lot this week. i am fully commited to helping you get better and i'll "chat" with you anytime to give you support if you need it. you've helped me so much and i will do anything i can to help you. relax today and have some fun. i'll talk to you soon.

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