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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

hey ls! wow, you WERE on a rampage! ed's can really piss us off, can't they? (i get that way all the time, lol) anyway, you really REALLY shouldn't feel angry/disappointed with yourself for getting frustrated and pissy because you were hungry. that is COMPLETELY normal and it's what happens to everyone when they're hungry because your blood sugar drops really low. how to avoid it then? you got it: don't let yourself get hungry, ever!

what happened yesterday was pretty bad, hon, and it was bad on a couple levels. i'm sorry i keep coming on you and harping on this same old crap over and over, but i just want you to see WHY it's a problem and i want you to see that it's something that happens every day with your diet. so, on that note, here goes (i'll try not to get too wordy with it :) )

eating lunch at 1:30 and planning on eating dinner AFTER a meeting that begins at 6:30??? why? did you honestly THINK that that was a good idea? why didn't you plan on eating before? or at least bringing some VERY substansile snacks to make it through until dinner? i understand that you may not have known the length of the meeting exactly, but come on! you're an intelligent woman and you're letting Ed convince you to follow his moronic ideas! do you know ANYONE who can make it that long without food? it's very unhealthy and i'm not surprised you were starving and irritable when the meeting was over. you NEED to be eating something (even if its just something little) every 2 hours-ish. that's the healthy and normal way of nourishing your body. and since you're supposed to be gaining weight (which is NEVER gonna happen if you keep eating like this, by the way), you REALLY need to incorporate snacks every single day. and they can't just be 5 sugar-free gummy bears, you know? a couple of posts ago, you questioned whether you might not be registering your "hunger signals," remember? i wanted to let you know that that is most likely happening. in addition, you've trained your body to exist on very little food, so that's what it's used to right now. that's why you eat WAY too few calories everyday and "feel full." it's simply not acceptable. slowly, you need to be increasing your calories so your body gets used to consuming normal amounts of food and so it gets used to and WANTS the amount of food it needs to sustain itself and run properly. when i started out in therapy i was eating 1200 a day (probably very similar to what you're doing now) and i was "eating when i was hungry" and "full" at the end of the day. but that's cuz i had deprived my body for so long, that's what it was used to. anyway, NOW, i can't imagine feeling "full" and "eating when i'm hungry" on anything less than 2100 calories a day, in reality probably more like 2400. if i tried to eat 1200 again, i'd be STARVING all day. but that doesn't happen without forcing yourself to eat more over time, so your body remembers how to work. i don't know, i'm sick of writing this over and over, but THIS is why i feel like you need some friggin' guidance from that nutritionist. it's not easy to eat more when you're "not hungry," and that's the structure that a meal plan provides. anyway ...

one more thing about yesterday and i'll drop it. a lean cuisine for dinner??? and you're trying to tell me you think you eat "a lot" and "not diety" foods?? bullsh** and i'm sorry. you cannot eat that crap for a meal, ESPECIALLY dinner! those things are all under 300 calories and oh boy, you had some cottage cheese, so maybe your dinner was almost 400 calories tops. you honestly think this is gonna help you in ANY way? if you want lean cuisines, eat them for lunch, WITH other food, but for dinner they're absolutely unacceptable. if you need something quick, figure something else out, but if you want to recover, you need to stop allowing Ed to tell you that stuff is okay.

okay, now i'm done being "mean Joni." i'm sorry, i feel like i'm always being bi*chy to you, but i'm worried cuz nothing seems to be changing, you know? although i should talk. i still get all freaked out about food and stuff and i think my weight may've slipped this week (even though i haven't changed anything!) my "digestion" issues have subsided, i'm finally "going" normally once again, i don't feel sick and bloated all the time ... but that comfort and normalcy comes at the price of the weight i had gained? oh man, i am FRUSTRATED. this whole "i will gain weight" thing is just seeming more and more futile, you know?

anyway, in response to your question, no i don't really have any reservations about types of food as long as it's relatively easy to count the calories, you know? cuz that's what it's always been all about for me. so basically, if i can count it, i'll eat it. obviously certain foods (fried chicken, cheesecake) are more restricted (in the history of my ed, i mean) because they're higher calories and harder to fit into my daily "plan," but i've always been open to mostly all foods. in terms of lots of different ethnicities of foods, i haven't had a ton of different types, but i'm always open to trying stuff (unless it's too spicy or just weird looking/smelling!) my budget and Ed make going out to eat harder, but i do enjoy it, you know? i am a definite "meat & potatoes" girl though (good Irish/German family) so i'd often rather eat pork chops and mashed potatoes (even in a restaurant) than some exotic cuisine. i guess what i'm saying is, I'm rather dull! i'll have to look for some persian food in the city maybe -- what's it like? i need to start expanding myself past bar restaurants (i LOVE sandwiches/burgers), pizza, sushi and my meat/potatoes joints, you know?

anyway, have a good day and i'm sorry again for attacking you like that. i mean what i said, but i just hate that i'm ALWAYS saying it like some annoying broken record!

dawg lady, thinking of you today and can't wait to hear how it went!
Hey girls! Sorry I haven't been on here in a while, I've been really busy with extra stuff going on with my kids (parent/teacher conference week, ballgames, etc). Also I've been trying to get all of this stuff worked out with the outpatient clinic. For a while there I really didn't think I was going to get to go, but I've decided to do it no matter what. I'm going to start on Monday (it has taken that long to get all of the red tape finished with the insurance company). My husband is taking off from work for the first few days, and my kids are out for Spring Break next week, so they will be going to my inlaws' house for a few days. After that, I'm pretty much just going to swap the kids around between my parents, my husband, and my best friend next door. I really considered someone from my church, but I really didn't want my situation to be public knowledge. The only people I've told at my church are my pastor and his wife. Anyway, I'm just hoping this will all just work out. I'm so tired of this ED running my life, I just want to get better and get on with my life, and that's what I'm planning on doing!

Joni, I'm glad you're back, we missed you here! You know, I was reading about your schedule and how you said your whole life revolves around food, and it really made me think about when my kids were first born and I was pretty much breastfeeding "round the clock". Your "feeding schedule" sounds exactly like their's was! Every two hours (actually more like 1 1/2 hrs b/c they would nurse for at least 30 min) I had to stop to feed them. I know the situations were completely different, but my point in comparing the two is that I was completely depressed back then (none of my kids would even touch a bottle, so they were COMPLETELY dependent on me to feed them), it felt like I had NO life. I had to watch the clock constantly so I could hurry and get something done before it was time to feed them again. I thought I was going to go crazy, and it really felt like there was no end in sight, and you said that same thing. You don't feel like there's a way out, but guess what, you WILL begin to gain, gradually. I made it through that time in my life, and you will make it through this. I had to face the fact that that was the way my life was going to be for at least several months, and you are just going to have to do the same thing. Just realize this is going to take more time than you want it to, but you will reach your goal one day. I really liked the advice that girly gave you about eating stuff that is high calorie. How would you feel about doing that? That just seems like a much easier solution as to how to get all of those calories in in a much shorter amount of time. I don't mean all of your meals should be like that, but at least some here and there just to help you reach the 3500 each day until you gain some weight. Do you know yet if you've gained any this week? I really, really hope you have. I know you might have mixed emotions about that b/c I'm sure part of you is still afraid of gaining, even though you know you need to, but just try to keep in mind how much better everything is going to be once you get back to a healthier weight.

LS, I'm not sure about that burping issue. I think you should try to eat some tums or something like that whenever you eat (for as long as that keeps happening). It really sounds like a bad case of heartburn. I had that all the time when I was pregnant and it was horrible, but tums really helped, plus you get more calcium!! And I just want to tell you that you did soooo awesome with what you ate, who cares that it was 9:30pm? You did great and I was so proud of you. Heck, I ate a bowl of cereal the other night around midnight, and I felt bad at first, but I got over it. I was hungry, I wanted cereal, so I ate it. If you start feeling bad about your stomach again, just think about me when I go to this clinic and they make me eat and sit there afterwards without allowing me to exercise. By the time I'm finished with this program, I'll probably look like I'm 8 months pregnant!!--Yuck! But seriously LS, please keep eating as well as you did today, cuz like I said, it really helps motivate me to eat better when I read how well you (or Joni or anyone else here) are doing, okay?

I like that "buddha belly" idea, that's really funny! I'm just going to start thinking of that any time I feel that way (and I know I'm going to feel that way ALOT when I go to the clinic and they start making me really eat!) I am so scared about that, but maybe if I keep a mental picture of that funny little fat guy in my head, I won't be as afraid.

Anyway, I'll definitely try to post tomorrow since that will be the last time I'll have a chance for a while. I'll still try to keep up next week once I start the program, but I have no idea how much time I'll have then.

Hope ya'll are doing well!! XXXOOO

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