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I'm SOOOOOO sorry that I haven't responded to you guys in the past two days. I have so many things to address now! I'm overwhelmed! Haha.

OK - first things first - Dawgfan, Cindy, Sweetheart, please, please, please follow through with this outpatient thing. I read your last post with my jaw open the whole time b/c I was so worried and scared for you. Like Joni said, I am not mad at all, just worried. Do you see how much control this disorder has over your life? It's so deceiving b/c you think you have it by the reins, and then all of the sudden you realize just how out of control it really is. The last thing I want you to do is decide monday morning that a) you are not "bad enough" to go to the outpatient clinic, b) you are feeling "fat" that day and don't need to go anymore or c) I don't know what C is, but some other excuse...haha. You need this, your children need this, your husband needs this...there is nothing to lose and absolutely EVERYTHING to gain (pun was not intended).

I'm so glad that you felt comfortable enough to tell us about your "slip up." Diet pills - in ANY size, shape, or form are BAD NEWS. Not only are they terrible and not even helpful to ppl who actually need to lose weight, they are even worse for people who are UNDERWEIGHT! Just out of curiosity, were you at all embarassed buying them at the store? Didn't you think for even just one minute that the cashier would think "um, why is this lady buying DIET pills??" That is a clear sign that you don't need them! Ok, I'll stop ranting and raving now. I just can't wait to hear about monday - I'm so happy you are going!

Joni - how are the "issues" going (meaning with your digestion)? Any new developments? Haha. I HATE that feeling so much and I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be. I'm sure it makes you feel bloated and fat, but you have to know that only ED thinks that makes you fat - Joni knows it's just pent up food. Try drinking caffeinated beverages - coffee? That usually helps make me go. You have not messed up your metabolism and digestive system forever, don't worry. Our bodies are incredibly resilient and can bounce back from ALMOST anything (although you did mistreat it pretty badly) so give it some time to get back to normal. It's not used to having to digest so much food and feel so nourished. It's happy!

About the bedroom problem - I don't know what to say! I'm single right now and I didn't really have that problem when I was dating someone (had other problems), but I can imagine why you feel the way that you do. Our body images have been really affected by this disorder and we are still very unsure about ourselves. I think that everything is sort of "up in the air" until we are more stable in our recovery. One day we think we are huge, the next we are healthy, the next we are too thin - we just really don't know. And I truly believe that you have to love yourself before other people can love you and you can love other people. You have to focus A LOT of energy on yourself right now and the last thing you have energy for is sex. That makes total sense! And dawgfan was also onto something with the hormones. We have restricted our bodies from food for so long that they have stopped making crucial hormones, stopped menstruating (most likely) and become like 12 year old girls again. It makes total physiological sense! Anyway, I don't think it's a permanent problem by any means. Just be patient and I think that things in BOTH departments (sex and bowel movements...haha...weird putting those two together) will get back to normal.

So glad I got to write back to you guys! Hope my advice helps. Talk to you, well, probably tomorrow! Haha. Ciao!





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