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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Re: Binge?
Mar 25, 2006
I just recently started have this b/p issue. I have always been an all or nothing person. I'm actually manic depressive and that may or may not play a role in why this whole thing started. I am really not sure. I have had a problem with binge eating for a couple of years, but I never threw up and no one ever saw it as a problem becuase I am not overweight. My life was really difficult and the binging was out of control. I ate really unhealthy anyways, so I was hungry all the time. Then I would binge and then deprive myself and then binge and so one. Its such a bad cycle. I straightened out the problems I was having (bad relationship) and now I am in a really good place. However, when any stressful situation comes up with my family (they are really screwed up) or when my fiance is not around (I have this totally unwarrented fear that when he leaves for a few hours he is really leaving me) then I have end up binging again and now I started throwing up too. I tried it one time 6 months ago and now it happens twice a month. I have a lot of anxiety so I try and read up on the bad things that could happen to me if I keep it up. I try to scare myself into stopping. I guess I just wonder, is anyone out there better and do they know why we do this to ourselves. Is it for control? Is it out of lonliness? I am happier now then I have ever been, yet I am hurting myself. I am too afraid to talk to my counsler about this. Though I have told my fiance about most of the times I have thrown up. I really want to stop. I dont want this to get worse. Maybe if I knew why, then I could work on the problem. I am in control of my manic depression and I want to be in control of this too. Sorry this is so long. I guess I really just needed to get this out.

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