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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Re: Really sad
Apr 3, 2006
Sweetie, I am SO proud of you for dissembling your elliptical machine. That took some major courage and it does not, by any means, sound stupid that you are crying over it tonight. When you get so into a routine and so reliant on something (like your exercise and eating) you imagine that everything will DRASTICALLY change once you can't keep that routine any longer. But the truth is, you are NOT going to turn to flab if you stop working out. You have past the point where exercise is beneficial and it is now detrimental. You are not burning off extra calories or increasing endorphins, you are burning off lean muscle and fatiguing yourself.
You know what I've realized? When you do start gaining weight (which is absolutely imperative), you will gain it in perfect places and in perfect proportions! First your organs will be cushioned (internal fat), then your breasts might fill out, your butt might become more round and not flat anymore...things like that. It's not like your bones will continue to stick out and you'll get a huge pot belly or cellulite on your legs...that just wouldn't even be possible! I think at first it will be VERY hard to gain weight (please don't weigh yourself and pay NO attention to the number), but once you start feeling a little softer and more womanly, I think you'll actually feel more confident and healthier.
Whenever I go to the gym (which is not nearly as often as I used to and I'm happy about that), I find myself admiring voluptuous, strong, and healthy-looking women - not stick thin anorexic looking women. So why do I want to be that way? I can feel stares of people and I know it's because I am thin, but little do they know the anxiety that goes or has gone into it - they should not envy me. In fact, I'm sure a lot of them feel sorry for me and I HATE that. That's why I want to change.
Anyway, all I want you to know is that you ARE going to get through this and you are absolutely 100% doing the right thing for yourself. I will be here to support you the ENTIRE time - whether you feel fat, bloated, discouraged, whatever!! Because seriously, I've felt it all, and technically am still feeling it all as we speak since I am still in my own recovery. You DO NOT need to exercise so try and let the elliptical go...I know how hard it is, but you have to trust me when I say you DO need to eat that extra snack, you DO NOT need to exercise, and YES, you CAN have that chocolate dessert. It's so easy to question yourself, but really you are questioning ED and he gies you the very wrong answer. You have to put your health in the hands of others right now, so to speak, because you're not thinking with a clear mind.

I just feel like recently I've realized a lot that I'm EXCITED about with recovery. I feel more like myself lately - more social, less anxious, and I am excited to get a butt back, for g*dsake!! Haha.

I am so excited for you, too. We are here for you!! GOOD LUCK!

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