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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Hi everyone!
No, no, no...I do not feel ganged up on at all! I feel extremely supported by each and every one of you and it means so much to me that you all take so much time to post to me. You really think about what you are saying and I can tell how passionate you are about it.

So, I asked my therapist today about an outpatient program and I got a very different response than I expected. Basically, she told me she didn't think it was for me right now and the only good one around here that she would actually recommend is full of only adolescent girls right now and I would be very uncomfortable. It was almost as if she was convincing me not to try outpatient therapy! Since I am not 100% convinced that I need it right now, anyway, I guess I happily took her advice, but now I'm sort of second-guessing it. I think she's right in that I might be uncomfortable with a group of 14 year olds (I'm 23), but still - isn't there another option? She also said it's 9 hours a week which is "a lot" SHE said. I don't think that's too much, but she apparently thought it was a big commitment for me to make. Don't get me wrong, she is a WONDERFUL therapist and even specializes in EDs, but for some reason, she doesn't think outpatient is for me. What do you all think about this?

OK - another thing that is bothering me - Tell me if this has happened to you - but tonight I was picking up mexican food for my mom and I and the mexican guy taking my order said "you are so skinny. how do you do it" and I just kind of laughed it off (b/c I was actually very annoyed). Then after I ordered and he gave me my receipt he said "now, don't eat too much. you are perfect how you are - skinny" and that made me furious!!! I am NOT going to take his opinion to heart, and it is just like Dawg's experience with that mom at the soccer field, but I still can't stop thinking about his comment. If I am too skinny, then why would he say something like that!?!?! He is supposed to think I look bad...too skinny...gross...but no, he LIKES it. It's just not what I need to hear right now, you know?

So to keep going on my random tangents, I had a job interview today. For breakfast I had a latte and a luna bar and then I ate lunch only 2 hours later (which I felt bad about b/c I wasn't even THAT hungry) which consisted of a very large apple, 1/3lb turkey meat, and a string cheese. I got out of the interview at around 3:30 and was SO drained and had a terrible headache. I wasn't hungry, but then again, maybe I was. I couldn't tell, so I ate an orange and two crackers. I then had a burrito for dinner around 7:30 (by this time I was DEFINITELY hungry) and I am going to eat frozen yogurt for dessert. I feel like I can't even tell when I am hungry or not or just eating to eat. I hate the feeling of eating when I'm not actually hungry, so I think that's why I wait too long sometimes.

I am going to try and push myself this weekend with my eating b/c I know you guys are all right...I'll let you know how it goes.

AND JONI- Congratulations!! I am SOOOO happy about your pan-asian dinner the other night! That is so incredible! It must feel so great to have come so far. I can't wait. By the way, LOVE pan-asian food.

Thanks for all your input, everyone. It means a lot.

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