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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

I know that it would not be the end of the world if I gained 2lbs - I mean, that is my goal, right? But it is still such a scary thought.

I am in LA right now visiting a bunch of college friends and staying at their apartment. I got here yesterday and so far it has been SO great seeing them. The only thing is, I feel HUGE. Whenever I am out of control of what I am eating and having fun, I get this feeling that I am fat. It's so frustrating!
Last night for dinner I had a chicken breast and a cup or 2 of broccoli and corn for dinner. Then maybe a nibble of a cookie that was left out and some wine. Then we went out and I had a couple vodka sodas (big deal) and that was it. This morning I had some coffee (long story but I got 2 hours of sleep, slept on one of my guy friends' couch, and left at 6am) so we stopped and got starbucks on the way home, then I went to sleep again until 12 and now we are going to go out to lunch. Obviously I have not overeaten, but I FEEL like I have. And drinking last night doesn't make me feel any more in control. I wasn't even very drunk but I just feel like since I let loose and had a good time SOMETHING must be wrong, you know?

All I want to do is restrict. I feel like I do not need to gain weight and it really bothers me that I have to go to IOP on monday and eat dinner wtih them after this "excessive" weekend.

Last night my friend said she was hungry after the bar so we got these tacos from a little vendor near the bar. I got 2 and she got 2 and I PRETENDED to eat them. That is not normal!! I spit a bit out into a napkin b/c I wanted her to think I was eating them, too. I just shouldn't have even gotten them b/c I wasn't even hungry but I wanted to make her think I was. What am I doing?!?!

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