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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

thanks, every post here really helps..

my history is this (ill make it short):
back in 8th grade i thought i was fat (i wasnt!!)so i lost a ton of weight. hair was fallin getting worried..took me to a specialist. when i got there they like examined me and everything and asked me all these question. but w/ the questions, i knew what they were looking for (a disorder) so everything they asked me like "do you think any part of your body is TOO fat" i just completley lied about. I figure skate and dance so they just figured, an active teen who's not eating enough..shes eating..but not enough and shes fine with herself so she doesnt have a disorder. i never purged before in my life and i definetly dont plan to and i cant remember a day in my life eating under 1100 calories. so ya know nothing to the EXTREME. and everytime i go, i walk in with this fun-spirited attitude and they think im so happy. i always walk out so confident but time tends to dwindle the feeling down to nothing.

The first time i went they took extensive blood tests and when the results came back it shouwed i had a malnourished liver. They told me i needed to fix eat my adding more fats (and i definetly have been!) but that day in the office, mom mom broke down and was crying. she said "i cant believe it, i go food shopping 2-3 times a week b/c my biggest fear is not being able to feed my children and your malnourished." i felt so guilty like, wow your mother works so hard to pay for food to keep you healthy and there you go throwing away half that sandwhich. but i just couldnt help it! like ed was telling me, its no big deal that your mother is so worried.

well back to that whole 8th grade thing when i thought i was i look at pictures from 8th grade and im like "wow whats wrong with me, i looked gorgous there was nothing wrong w/ me there. y did i think i was fat??" And i honestly want to get back to that so badly but its just so hard. i dont know why it doesnt make any sense. Why am i struggling to get back to someting i want when its totally possible. all i have to do is eat sufficently..but i cant..but i wanna get back to 8th grade weight..and i can but im struggling and so on and so forth.

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