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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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I cant control it
May 10, 2006
ok i have a real problem, ive been to the doctors and im going to see a specialist real soon but i feel like ive completly lost control and its ruining my life.

i havent been diagnosed with it or anything, and i dont want to jump to conclusions i always left diagnosing to the professionals, but i think i might have some sort of disorder but im not sure what.

at around 4 oclock in the afternoon, after eating the minimum i can sometimes only a small biscuit or something i do get hungry, and i dont know how to describe it but its like an avalanche, i eat the smallest thing, it could be a cracker, a fruit drink or absolutly anything no matter how small sets me off on this uncontrollable binge eating thing, I would safely bet i would easily eat a whole days worth of calories within the space of 20 - 30 minutes, even though my stomach is screaming at me to stop i cant, i keep going untill i can feel my stomach literally swollen up and like it is about to explode.

After this, i spend aslong as I can forcing myself to be sick, untill i get it all back out again and after i feel completly drained of energy, i never have any energy and im finding it much harder to get up in the mornings, my throat is sore from me forcing this on myself. The times when i know i havent been sick enough i am reduced to crying in the corner of my room feeling so depressed and helpless.

I recently got my weight down to 8 stone exactly or 112 pounds, I am trying so hard to keep my weight there but i can feel it slipping away and the thought of that is making me feel so depressed and worthless and a complete failure. I waste so much food i feel so guilty, im now stocking up on food that i bought myself so i wont be wasting my parents money.

I dont know what to do now.

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