I hate it

im so angry i cant beleive i did that
im letting you completely control my life again and it has to stop i cant deal i need a change now and i need to help myself do it. i need to find the strength to overcome this and get it out of my life forever.
but i honestly dont know how to do it i want to stop it now
i hate it and i want to cry all the time and its so not even about eating its something else deeep down and i dont know what it is its eating away at me and killing me. my throat hurts and i feel delirious all the time and so not myself. i need a week to catch up to my life to not worry about anything to totaly focus on my problems and try to begin to fix them. i just want to curl into a ball and cry all the time.

why wont it come out in some other way?
my body cant handle this anymore my tummy hurts so bad and i feel so fat and bloated all the time and i dont think ive gone this long before im getting fat and gross i feel like **** about myself at all times.
i seriouosly hate myself right now for many reasons and im letting this take over my life and it needs to stop now think i need therapy or soemthing i cant seem to do it myself.

someone help please