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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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I'm so sorry I didn't come on here sooner to help you out. You know what, though, your attitude is AMAZING. You are absolutely right about your brain chemistry changing as you gain weight. We were actually just talking about that in my outpatient program today. When you are at a low weight (like with anorexia) the chemicals in your brain are completely out of whack and you "feel" fat even when you are still at a crucially low weight. I know that I feel gigantic right now (and I really believe it), but according to the scale (I don't weigh myself, but my therapist does) and I've probably gained 2lbs at most. So yeah, I'm heavier, but not enough to justify feeling THIS much larger. You've got to trust that it's all in your head. ED wants to keep hanging on, but just think about how miserable you are with him. He even translates compliments (like when your friend told you you look so much better!) and changes them into insults (making you think she said you look FATTER). For all you know, she could have been noticing how much happier and lighthearted you seem! And I'm sure your face just has more of a glow to it. Seriously.
You are doing so awesome. Don't give up now. I know you can do this and we will support you 100% with everything. Just think about how free you felt on your Hershey weekend!!

Joni- I'm so happy that you ordered that hamburger the other night at dinner! That is so awesome. Do you realize how much progress you have made in the past several months. I think sometimes we forget how far we've actually come. I am so proud of us. How did you feel after the hamburger? Didn't you feel more satisfied than you have in months? I'm sure your body loved it just as much as your mind did. I truly think that our bodies crave things that they need and when we are dying for chocolate, hamburgers, or cheese, we really NEED something in them - flavanoids, iron, or calcium...whatever! I want you to know also that if you do end up weighing yourself (which you shouldn't) and the 130lbs is true weight, DO NOT freak out. Think about how long you have been trying at this and how little that is compared to how much you have been eating!!! You honestly must be tired of having to force so much food down every single day. I really still don't know how you eat your entire meal plan every single day without flinching and you haven't even gained that much weight. I have a meal plan from IOP (like i told you before) and I don't think I've done the whole thing for an entire day in the 4 or 5 weeks that I've been there. It's so much food! And there is always a reason why I can't do it all. Do you SERIOUSLY follow yours to a T? I'm not saying you have been lying (not at all!) I just can't imagine you don't feel t he urge to restrict ever after a gigantic meal. Tell me how you do it! I need some inspiration!!

I am feeling really weird tonight - FAT. I am still really motivated to recover and I'm so happy that I am doing this program, but I just seriously don't feel like I am too thin. In fact, I know I'm not. Can I just tell you what I ate today and you can tell me wha you think? I already know you are going to have a problem with what I did about lunch, but here it goes:
Breakfast: 1 piece toast, 2 eggs scrambled with 1oz reduced fat cheddar cheese
Mid-morning: Coffee with nonfat milk
Lunchtime: large navel orange, fuji apple (definitely restricted b/c wasn't sure what was going to be for dinner at program - always do this)
Dinner (at IOP): Turkey sandwich on thick wheat bread with 1 slice cheese, small amount mayo, lettuce, tomato, avocado, 1 cup fruit salad
Dessert: Regular frozen yogurt and handful of chocolate chips that I ate mindlessly and am pi**ed about!!!

On days when I have IOP and I know I have to eat dinner there, I skimp on my lunch. It's become such a habit b/c a) we eat dinner at 5pm and that is SO early so I want to be hungry b) I'm never sure what it will be so I want to be "safe" and c) I hate eating when I'm not hungry and I'd feel so anxious if I went in and had to eat dinner on a full/not hungry stomach. What do you suggest I do?

I also need help/advice about this weekend b/c I'm going up to LA to see some of my college girlfriends and we are going out friday and saturday night (and probably all getting bfst and lunch on saturday and sunday). I don't want to have to stress about the food and gaining weight, but I always do in situations like that. And I'm already feeling bad tonight about the chocolate chips I ate so I don't want to skimp on breakfast tomorrow, or lunch, or anything.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!! I really don't know what I'm doing or what I'm even thinking right now. Really foggy headed....

Oh and Dawg, how are you doing? Tell me what's new. Natalie? How are you? Sunshine? Mandabear? Anyone else I forgot to mention...

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